Nothing will be the same

Hey guys! Wasn't supposed to write anything new, but I got this super idea and couldn't not do it. However, this story will be a short one. Maybe 10 chapters maximum. I still have some other projects to do on my own. (Like a book in French) Anyway. Takes place in the season five. Sam been shot, the bombing too. Some things had changed. So read this, and I will explain before the next chapters !

A wonderful thank you to Ireland76 for reading and correcting my mistakes. :)

Thanks.

"Shit" was the first thing that came in her mind. Double shit when she saw how late she was. Fucking late actually. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when her life had found a little peace after all this chaos with Ford and the bombing. She couldn't believe it. She. Was. Late. And she never been late. Never. It's hasbeen one hour since she's in her bathroom. Feeling dizzy, she let herself slid along the wall and sit on the floor, head in her hands. She couldn't believe it even if she knew it was real. Real because she remembers the night perfectly. Real because she could already see the change in her body, in her mood. Real because since her first period at age of twelve, she never ever missed one.

Pregnant. She was freaking pregnant. The plus sign on that stupid stick, and the first and the second one, told her. How could she have been so stupid? Who forgets to use protection? She doesn't have to try hard to find who's the father. There never been anybody else since him. This tall, dark haired man. How come her life had came to this? In one moment of madness and weakness, her life changed. One stupid decision based on pure lust. How can she tell a former lover – who's in a relationship – that you're pregnant with his child? This child that you would have love to give him if you were still a thing. But now, she can't bear the fact that she will destroy his happiness with her news. "I'm screwed…" she told herself, her head still in her hands.

After two hours of thinking, she finally gets up and goes straight to her bed. One thing never left her mind. She was pregnant. Pregnant and alone. How her entourage will take the news? She made love to a taken man. What does that say about herself? She can't tell anyone. How would her friends take the news? And mainly because HE deserved to hear from her. Not someone else. Unable to face anyone and in needing to clear her head she takes two sick days. She does what she does best: she runs from things.

On the first one, she goes to her doctor appointment. In the waiting room, as she waits for her appointment she sees lots of women with big bellies, a smile on their face with the men they love. She puts her hand on her barely visible baby bump, wondering how in the hell she can do it all alone. When she gets in the room, and talk with the doctor, she can't find the strength to bring a smile to her face. The doctor makes sure that everything is all right and that she can go on with this pregnancy without any issue. She didn't need the confirmation of the doctor to know she had something in the oven. She already knew it, was just to stubborn to see it. She never thought she would be a single mother, without anyone to her side. However she did think about having babies with him, once upon a time when everything was simple, with him. In a way, she's happy, happy to have something to share with him, but the situation is so fucked up. He's with someone, and it isn't her. She would be alone in it. A single mother. How could she ever be a good mother after all, she never had a good example. Can she? With a heavy heart she goes straight home, wanting to sleep forever.

The next day she was still trying to wrap her head around it. Searching for a way to make the situation less complicated. Dealing with morning sickness and thinking about 1,000 ways to tell him. At 5pm, she decides to call a friend, maybe she will be able to help her. Turns out, the result is the same: tell him sooner than later. «arggh» she can't deal with it. Not now, not ever. Why her again? Does she regret it? Nop. Not a single second, but she wished the situation was different, she wished this surprise pregnancy have happened sooner. When they were still together.

Avoid was the word of the day. She will try to avoid him like she always does. Like she did for the past couple of months with lack of success. Working like nothing had changed, she was exhausted at the end of the day. The thing she doesn't count on is on Dov seeing the sonogram she left on her desk a couple of hours ago. Better Dov than Sam. Again, it's her own fault, she could have put the damn thing in a safer place. Dov is right. The father deserves to know, and this secret is eating her . She never been a good liar anyway, and if she doesn't tell him, there's a chance Dov will do it. And boy would he be mad if someone else delivers the news to him. She's in the locker room for an hour, unable to move. Is she ready to turn his life upside down ?

She knows exactly where to find him. It wasn't really hard. The Penny, he was there every night and she hoped he will tonight too. In the parking she see his big gray truck. That's a good sign. Now, she just hopes that he will be alone. She won't be able to tell him if she's here. She doesn't have the strength to break two life at the same time. " Come one…you can do it. You have to do it".

"Do what?" His voice startled her. She's a wreck, she didn't have time to prepare. He's standing in front of her, a hand in his pocket and his tong poking his cheek. Finding funny to see her here. He doesn't lost his charm at all. Who is she kidding? She see him everyday and nothing change. He still put butterfly in her stomach…and a baby now. She's playing with her bottom lip and he refrain the urge to put his thumb on it and stop her from doing it, it always had an effect on him, no matter what time have passed. But he can see in her eyes that something isn't right.

She can see his intense gaze over her and she feels the words slip " Can we talk?". He's about to laugh, she's the one who can't stop talking normally and doesn't really let him have a say. When she talks. She talks. So he kind of find it ironic. He simply nod. She doesn't look in his eyes afraid to loose the little control on herself she still got. He's unsure of where it's going. Been a while since he saw her like that. She takes her courage in both hands, lift up her head and look right at him. She can't back down now.

"Sam, I'm pregnant" There. She said it. It's up in the air now.

Three words who changed her life and will change his too. She sees the emotions in his face. From utterly shock, to happiness, to anger. Sam tries to understand. His mind goes crazy, she can't be pregnant right? They aren't been together since a long time…He's calculating the days with his hand…and it completely makes sense. She can see Sam's eyes going crazy, his mouth closing and opening and her heart break for a second time today. She loves this man so much that she can't tolerate to she him like this. " There…never been anyone else since you" she whispered, trying to chased away her tears.

He's still trying to put is mind around it. Pregnant. The woman in front of him his pregnant and he's the father. She can't stand it and start to feel sick. So she does what she does well, she ramble. "I'm sorry, I…I don't want anything from you…I.. I just thought you should know."

In front of his silence, she doesn't know what to think. If telling him was a good thing.

"We..can talk about it tomorrow…or never. Never would be good", she adds as she leaves.

She doesn't walk, she runs and she doesn't stop even if she can hear him call her name. She can't stop.

Where is the rain when you need it? Her tears are now in full action. "Sam, I'm pregnant" and his face at this words goes on and on in her head and she starts feeling Dizzy. So she stops not so far away from the penny and throw up in the street, a hand on a street light pole. Stupid. How come she could have been so stupid? Was she waiting for a déclaration here? To find Sam over the tops about that news? She faintly hears a car stopping and she jerked away when a hand touch her back. Takes one second to knows that it's only Sam. She knows his touch. Too much.

She sees concern in his eyes and can't stop herself to ask what is he doing here. "What I'm supposed to do ", his answer is not a question but a firm affirmation. Like she doesn't need to ask. And she doesn't know what to say to that. She's exhausted and when she's about to finally say something, she throw up again.

"Get in the truck." he says. Wasn't a question either. " No." she doesn't want to talk about it, not now not ever, she doesn't want him to say that he loves someone else, that he will at least take his responsibilities. She doesn't want to be a burden. "

"Get. In. the. truck." She doesn't answer this time and start to walk in direction of her condo. He can be so stubborn who the hell does he think he is. His hand put a hold on her arms and she stops, loosing her balance. A few second later, when she regains it, she try to break herself free from Sam hand's. She refuses five others times and she sees anger in his eyes but also pleading. She always had a unique talent to challenge him. She knows it, but she didn't thought he would be back to his T.O voice.

"McNally, get in the truck. NOW!"

And she sees the pleading in his eyes again even if his voice is firm and makes no place for discussion. She feels like an 5 years old who've been caught. It takes two more minutes before she caves in. She doesn't have the strength to argue with him anymore. Instead of running when things get hard, she will try to confront them, for a change. Andy get in the truck without looking at him or saying anything to him. Sam takes a minute outside the vehicle after he closed Andy's door, he will all his control and strength for what's coming in the next few hours. Inside, he can see how she's fragile, how she didn't really get any sleep in the last few days. It isn't good for either, neither for the baby, he's sure of that. Finally he starts the truck and drive off. He's not sure where life will take them after that but he's sure of one thing: Nothing will be the same.