"Goodbye, Illya."

A flash of light. A deafening sound that echoed across the ends of the world. A sharp, intense pain. Then blissful, blissful darkness.

Just as she gratefully accepted the embrace of nothingness, light returned to her eyes, filling her vision with the face of a very familiar man.

"Goodbye, Illya."

The callous man pulled the trigger, plunging her into darkness once more. But that reprieve, like the many deaths before, was short-lived; before she could recover from the pain under her chin, the huge, fancy room had returned, with its enormous sealed windows that overlooked a perpetual blizzard trapping her in.

And then there was him. The man who held her with one arm as her tiny hands clung onto him for warmth. The same man who, with his free hand, had pointed a gun to her chin.

"Goodbye, Illya."

Light. Sound. Pain. Darkness. And once again, she was back in the room, in his arms, facing the man who had already murdered her countless times. But the man was no stranger; in fact, she knew him quite well.

That man was her father, Emiya Kiritsugu.

"Stop… stop!" She heard herself gasp before the trigger was pulled, but the man ignored her pleas. Without remorse or expression, the man had ended his daughter's life as easily as breathing.

"Why're you doing this?! Who are you?!" She screamed to the shadows. But she knew there would be no reply; all that awaited her when the darkness recedes was the same scenery-

The pain of her bottom hitting the floor interrupted her thoughts, rendering her speechless for just a moment. For what felt like an hour, she just sat there, expecting this to be an error or a trick of some sort.

"Oww…" she whined, rubbing her butt as she got to her feet. If Ruby had been there, she would probably have said something along the lines of 'Falling on one's butt is a Magical Girl staple, therefore you must say something cute like 'ouchies', 'Illya-san'!'. And for once, Illya actually found herself wishing the Mystic Code would annoy her like that again.

But Ruby was not there. Even the murderous version of her father was absent; this time, she was alone in a long corridor of that same large castle – which, for some odd reason, did not feel like a stranger's home.

She recognized nothing within that space. Not the large windows, nor the marble pillars and expensive-looking vases, nor the patterns on the carpet. None of this was familiar in the slightest, and yet, at the same time, it felt like home.

"I see. You may look the same, but your exterior is different, so you won't break like she did."

Illya spun around so quickly she almost fell down again. Standing in the middle of the corridor just behind her was a woman with long, silver hair and scarlet irises. Her visage was an exact copy of her mother's, but there was something about her that felt… off.

"W-where did you come from?" Illya asked, retreating a few steps from whatever that thing was.

"You're resisting far more than she did," the thing said. "You lived her ideal life for much longer than she did, so you don't believe it as readily as she did, it would seem."

"Who are you?!" Illya asked.

"Now, now," the creature wearing Irisviel's face said in her voice, giving her a gentle smile. "Is that anyway to talk to your mother, Illya?"

"My mother can't just appear out of thin air," Illya countered. "Wait, no, maybe she can. B-but you're not my mom! My mom doesn't look like that!"

"I see," the figure replied. "It would appear that the 'Irisviel' you know is somewhat different from the one I assimilated."

"Assimilated…?"

"It can't be helped," the figure said. Its expression just then changed, warping into one of mild interest as she regarded the girl in front of it. "It's true, I am not the original 'Irisviel', but this appearance and personality that I've copied are undoubtedly hers. I cannot converse with others without borrowing a form like this, so I simply chose one that I thought you would be most familiar with."

"Then… what are you?" Illya asked, feeling her right hand tighten its grip around nothing; without Ruby around, there was no way for her to fight back.

"I am the will of the Holy Grail," the creature replied. "And this place, as I've said before, is the interior of the Grail itself."

"The interior?" Illya echoed, a thousand questions flooding into her brain. "How did I end up here?"

"I don't know," the thing appearing as Irisviel replied. "But it's not an impossible occurrence, since you're also a proper vessel."

Vessel… I think mom mentioned something about that before, Illya thought. And the 'me' of this world… she's a vessel as well.

"… How do I get out?" Illya asked.

"You will, when you wake up," 'Irisviel' answered easily. "It is too soon for the Grail to manifest, so there is no reason for you to be here just yet. But when the time comes, you – or one of you, I suppose – will return here."

"Why…?" Illya asked, unable to help herself. "Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to take 'her'- why do you have to take us just to appear? Aren't you the Holy Grail that's supposed to be capable of miracles?"

"Of course," the creature said. "I am able to take a person's wish and turn it into reality. I am able to achieve a person's desire by accomplishing their goals at a rate and scale impossible for any human."

"Then-"

"However, it is impossible to achieve this without any form of sacrifice," the creature said. "I may grant wishes by doing things on a level beyond any human, but the methods I employ are ultimately human by nature. And that means sacrifices are necessary regardless of what the wish is."

The cold from the endless blizzard beyond the window began to invade the corridors, as a thin layer of frost started to spread across the walls.

"Humanity cannot conceive of accomplishments that are attainable without sacrifice," the creature went on in the voice of Irisviel. "The very fact that the Holy Grail War is a ritual that requires the spirits of celebrated heroes to be obliterated to activate is proof of that. Even you, despite what you might claim, understand that, don't you?"

"W-what're you-"

"You asked me why I had to take 'you' to appear," the creature said. "But you've never once mentioned all the Servants who would surely have to die as well. That's because deep down, you understand that sacrifices are inevitable."

The frost invaded the hallway, clawing its way across the floor and towards Illya. Behind the creature, the corridor extended endlessly into the distance, disappearing into a shadow that swallowed everything.

And amidst it all, undaunted by the cold and with unwavering confidence, stood a monster with the face of her gentle mother.

"And yet, you talk as if you believe otherwise," it said, giggling in the way that Irisviel would but without a shred of mirth. "Even that man, for all his foolishness, understood and accepted reality while clinging to the impossible. But you… you are truly a child, even though you look exactly like her."

"Don't… don't talk as if you understand her!"

On the other side of the corridor stood a tiny girl. The distance between them was merely a few meters, yet it was a distance that could never be crossed.

"I know… I already know what she saw," Illya said, her voice trembling with emotion. "I got Ruby to show me… I know what you showed her that made her this way. That's why I can't accept it. I won't forgive you for doing that to her! Even if you're the Holy Grail, I won't let you have your way!"

Silence followed in the wake of her words, as the snowstorm outside slowly started to fade into the darkness of night. But it was not a natural transition; the canvas of bright white had been swallowed by something darker than night, by something colder than the winter.

"… I understand," the figure said, as the frost and shadows began to encroach on its form. "That stubbornness comes from an ignorance I cannot erase with just words. But when reality crushes you and your fragile illusions, you'll come to understand the truth of what I've said… of what you've already accepted deep inside your soul. I can't wait to see what you sacrifice then."

"I… I won't give up on anything!" Illya managed through the fear that was constricting her throat. "I won't sacrifice anyone! We'll create a miracle on our own!"

"A miracle cannot be created without a sacrifice. That's the undeniable truth that she has accepted."

Illya turned around. This time, the face that greeted her was that of a child, one that was much younger than she was. It was the face of Illyasviel von Einzbern, but she was much younger than the Master of Berserker; it was, Illya suspected, her face from ten years ago.

It was a form small enough for Kiritsugu to lift onto his shoulders, and a form fragile enough to be destroyed by a handgun. It was a form that brimmed with an innocence on the verge of collapse.

"After all, you mean to save her when she doesn't wish to be saved," she said, as the frost around her climbed onto her feet and began to spread to the rest of her body. "Your only 'miracle'… is the solution that you're holding in your hands."

A sudden weight tugged at her hand. Illya looked down, and clutched in her right hand was a pistol too big to fit it. Regardless, her fingers clung onto its wooden handle, with her index finger resting on the trigger. She had seen the same gun before several times, in the vision the Grail had shown her.

It was the gun that had 'killed' her over and over again.

"That's right," the young Illyasviel said, smiling as the gun lifted itself and Illya's hand to point its long barrel at the younger girl's head, which the frost had covered entirely except for her lips. "To save her means to destroy everything that she is up till this point. If you want to go through with your stubborn ideals, you'll have to break her to move forward.

"Go on. If you wish to persist with your current way of doing things, break 'her'. Destroy everything she stands for, because what you're denying… is what gives her very existence meaning."

Her index fingers twitched as it struggled to pull the trigger, but Illya refused to allow it. There was a force moving it against her will, but she resisted, causing the gun to tremble in her hand.

"I… won't let you have your way!" she said, forcing her own fingers loose and letting the gun to drop to the floor. "I won't let you… I won't let her… I won't let anyone take her away!"

"… Is that the stubbornness of someone who has never known reality?" the tiny Illyasviel asked, her entire body now an ice statue. "It matters not. No matter how much you scream, your inability to come up with a concrete plan means you're doing nothing more than throwing a tantrum."

As it said those words, the statue broke into pieces.

Struggle to your heart's content, Illyasviel von Einzbern, the disembodied voice said. And show me just how long you can flail about before drowning. Whether you stand atop the corpses or join them at the end of it all, you'll come to know the futility of your endeavours.

And when that happens, you will know the true weight of a miracle.

"Senpai? It's morning."

Shirou opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a few moments before realizing he was staring at the roof of the storage shed. He could not remember when he had fallen asleep the night before, so he must have just dozed off while tinkering again.

"Senpai?"

"Oh, sorry, Sakura," he said, sitting up and looking at his junior. Matou Sakura was no stranger to finding him in the shed in the mornings, so it was no surprise to him that she had managed to find him there. Regardless, to have her waking him up when he was supposed to be the older and therefore more reliable one was embarrassing, to say the least. "Must've overslept again. Do we still have time for breakfast before school?"

"As expected, Senpai doesn't know," Sakura said with a smile on her face. "We don't have lessons today, Senpai. In fact, School's out for an entire week."

"Huh? Why's that?" Shirou asked. It was then that he realised Sakura was, for once, not in her school uniform but rather casual clothes.

"I'm not too sure on the exact reason either," Sakura replied. "But it's probably because of that explosion over Ryuudou Temple, I think. Apparently the shockwaves knocked over several power lines and damaged several buildings, even the ones located far from the temple, so they're likely keeping us in our homes until they figure out exactly what happened."

"I-I see," Shirou muttered. So whatever happened there affected such a wide area… Wait, does that mean Illya protected us from something like that-

"Senpai? Is something the matter?"

"Huh? N-no, of course not," Shirou replied. He wasn't the best of liars on a good day, and last night's conversation with Irisviel had made it even harder for him to think. What with everything that had been happening lately, he was at last finding it difficult to cope with it all.

I need to stop thinking about what she said, he thought. I can't let that get to me, but still…

"Hey, Shirou? Are you in here- Oh?"

Speak of the devil.

"Oh ho," Irisviel said, a smug look plastered on her face. "Was I interrupting something, perhaps?"

"Senpai, who might this be?" Sakura asked, hardly taken aback by the appearance of another stranger at the Emiya residence. At this point, it would be weirder if a stranger didn't appear every other day.

"Ah, um…" Shirou scratched his head, trying to figure out what an acceptable answer would be. "Well, it's… complicated. S-she's Illya's mother, and-"

"I'm Shirou's mom!" Irisiviel declared cheerfully. "To be precise, I'm Emiya Kiritsugu's wife, so that makes me Shirou's adoptive mother!"

"… There you have it."

"O-oh! Pardon my manners!" Sakura said hastily, giving Iri a polite bow. "I-I'm Matou Sakura, and I'm Senpai's underclassman at school! Your son has always been helping me out and taking care of me!"

It was, in all likelihood, just a polite thing to say; if anything, Shirou was the one indebted to Sakura for all her help. But that did not stop Iri's smug grin from getting (if possible) even wider.

Despite that, there was a split second where Shirou was sure her eyelids twitched at the mention of Sakura's name.

"In any case, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Emiya!" Sakura said.

Instead of replying, Iri went silent. For a few minutes, the scene simply froze there, as though Sakura had paused time with her words. No one had any idea what was going on except Iri, from whom a heavy aura emanated.

"… Say that again."

"E-eh?" Sakura muttered.

"That title," Iri said, grabbing the poor girl by the shoulders. "Say it again!"

"M-Mirs. Emiya?!" Sakura exclaimed, half as a question and half as a frightened statement.

As though she had been pierced through the chest with a sword, Iri backed away from Sakura and clutched at her dress, seemingly in pain.

"I-I've… never been called that… before…" Iri muttered under her breath.

"Mrs. Emiya?! Are you okay?" Sakura asked, as Iri was struck by her words again.

"Shirou!" Iri said suddenly, turning sharply to Shirou without warning. "I approve of this girl!"

"Haah?" Shirou could not help but wonder if he had heard her right.

After all those things she said last night… what on earth is she talking about now? How is she even still so happy?

Bewildered, he turned to Sakura for support, expecting her to be just as lost as he was. The girl in question, however, seemed to have understood what Iri meant, as she looked down with a faint blush on her cheeks.

"I'll support you!" Iri said enthusiastically, making Sakura's blush deepen. "Our Shirou may be extremely dense around women, but I'm sure it'll be okay! Since it means he's dense to other girls as well!"

"What on Earth are you saying?" Shirou interjected. "Sakura, you don't have to listen to her, alright-"

"Ah… Right," Sakura mumbled. "Senpai is a little dense when it comes to some things…"

The unexpected (and bewildering) comment aside, Sakura's sudden betrayal certainly shut him up for good.

"I wasn't expecting you to join in her antics as well…" Shirou sighed, cracking an egg over the pain absentmindedly.

"I'm sorry," Sakura said, giggling as she did so. Shirou had a faint suspicion that she was, in fact, not actually sorry. "But Senpai's mother was a funny person, so I got pulled along…"

If only she was really like that, Shirou thought. Is this what they call a 'wolf in sheep's clothing'…?

The words she had left him with still echoed in his ears. The things she had said – and above all, the things she had denied – weighed heavily on his mind.

If he could have it his way, he would have wanted to wipe it all from his memory. If he could, he would have wanted to reject her words. But no matter how hard he tried that very thing, her voice still returned to haunt him.

No matter how hard he tried, there was a part of him that knew she was telling the truth. Even if he didn't understand what that 'truth' was just yet.

"Senpai? Are you listening?"

"Huh? O-oh, sorry," Shirou replied, snapping out of his stupor yet again. "I guess I'm still a little tired after that all-nighter. What were you saying?"

"Geez, Senpai," Sakura put on a mock angry expression as she turned away from him, pretending to sulk. "I'll have you know it's not every day that I talk to a boy like this, so please be more mindful of how lucky you are!"

"R-right," Shirou said, pausing in his cooking to stare at his underclassman.

"What's the matter, senpai?" Sakura asked, when she realized he had been looking at her intently.

"It's… it's nothing," Shirou shook his head. "I just thought it's rare for you to express yourself like that, Sakura. I've never actually heard you talk about yourself in that way."

Sakura was surprised. Then she was confused. Then her eyes were wide in disbelief. Then she was outright flushed with embarrassment.

"I-I'm sorry! I don't know what got into me for a moment!" she said as she tried to bury her embarrassment in the dish in front of her. "I didn't mean to say something like that, so please forget it!"

"Ah, no, I don't really mind it," Shirou said. "I don't often hear you praise yourself like that, so I was just surprised, that's all."

"If we're talking about that, then aren't you the same…?"

"Hmm? Did you say something, Sakura?" Shirou asked.

"It's nothing!" Sakura replied with her usual smile. "I'm done on my end, so I'll go let Iri-san and the others know!"

"Oh, um, about that," Shirou said. "Illya, she… she had a really rough day yesterday, so we're letting her sleep in today. Could you just let Miyu and Ku- let Miyu know? K-Kuro's away at a friend's house."

"I understand," Sakura replied as she exited the room. Which was fortunate, since Shirou had just about reached the limit of feigning the smile on his face.

That's right, Kuro's gone as well, he thought, piling the scrambled eggs onto a plate. She's gone to Tohsaka's place to join Archer, but why? Was it because of what happened at Ryuudou Temple?

His mind wandered back to the training sessions they had. Even back then, Kuro was evidently holding back – not because she wanted to go easy on him, but because she was, for the lack of a better word, distracted. There was something else (or perhaps someone else) occupying her attention, and that had made it more difficult for her to fight properly.

Just what's going on? Shirou lamented. But what he really wanted to know wasn't just that; it was something that had been raised and unanswered since their battle at Ryuudou Temple. It was a question that had surfaced when he had been forced to acknowledge his own lack of ability, in the face of insurmountable power.

Can I really… do nothing?

"Miyu-chan? Breakfast is ready!"

"… I understand. Thank you, Sakura-san."

Sakura had seen the girl called Miyu a few times, and she had been with Illya during those times. In her eyes, Miyu was a quiet child, but she was a friendly person at the same time.

Now, with Illya absent from the room she was in, she seemed like a different person altogether; her gaze was lifeless and her demeanour dispirited – an image certainly not helped by the circles under her eyes. The child had not slept a wink, and the fatigue was starting to show on her face.

"What's wrong, Miyu-chan?" Sakura asked, walking over to the girl and kneeling down next to her.

"It's nothing," Miyu denied in the same way Sakura had seen Illya do. Despite their different personalities, the two of them had more in common than one would expect. "I'm just… I don't know."

"If you don't mind, I can hear you out," Sakura offered. "What happened? If it's something you can't tell Senpai or Iri-san, you can let me know."

"I don't want to trouble you, Sakura-san," Miyu mumbled, her voice losing energy as well. "I can't do anything, so I don't want to anyone else to waste their time on me."

I wish for a world where you can find happiness.

Unbeknownst to Sakura, those were the words that resounded in Miyu's mind. Those were the words that had once brought her much joy, and now they were the words that brought her the greatest grief.

She was supposed to have found the friends she always wanted. She was supposed to have found the happiness her brother wanted so desperately for her to find. Now all of it was taken from her, and those very friends were gone or hurt because she had been unable to do anything.

From the very beginning, she had been unable to change anything. There was no way anyone, let alone Sakura, could understand the turmoil she was facing. There was no way anyone could understand just how much pain had been behind the words: I don't want anyone else to waste their time on me.

"… I can tell it's something really important to you," Sakura said gently. "But I can't just leave you alone like this. Tell you what, how about you come with me to do some shopping later?"

"I appreciate the offer, but-" Miyu began.

"Come now," Sakura cut her off. "Don't be like that."

Eh? She thought as her mouth continued to speak words she had had no intention of speaking. What am I saying? Why did I cut her off like that?

"Don't worry about it, I'll get Senpai to agree," Sakura continued with the same gentle smile on her face. "In fact, why don't you sleep over at my place for a few days? We could have a nice talk between us, girl-to-girl."

No, no, no, Sakura's mind thought, but her mouth refused to obey. She's mentally exhausted, so it's easy for her to give in to pressure. Whatever her guilt is, I just need to push- no, what am I thinking? I wouldn't mind if she suggested coming over, but why did I-

I need to keep it around. My possessions are mine alone. I won't allow it to wander around out of my reach-

What on earth am I thinking? What's with these weird thoughts in my head?

Unaware of the inner struggle behind the smile, Miyu weakly contemplated her options. She knew Sakura was a nice person and was definitely trustworthy, but there was really no need for her to spend a few nights over at her place.

Also, the way she's speaking… it sort of reminds me of Kuro those times she lost control over the Archer card… but it can't be. I must be overthinking it.

She opened her mouth to refuse yet again, as her eyes settled on the divider that separated their room with the one where Illya lay sleeping. It had been her fault that Illya now lay unconscious there. It had been her fault that Kuro was gone. How could she possibly stay here and face Irisviel after all that?

She had told Irisviel and Shirou last night about Kuro's decision, and they had spent a good few hours in vain searching for her. As they returned to the Emiya residence, Irisviel had told her that it wasn't her fault, and that there was no need to blame herself. But how could she not?

Her half daughter had ran away, and her actual daughter was comatose while this unrelated girl was perfectly fine. How could she not blame Miyu for something like that?

"Come on now. Whatever it is, surely it will do you some good to take a breather and leave this place for a few days, right?"

"… You're right," Miyu said, against her better judgement. "I'll be in your care, Sakura-san."

"No problem," Sakura said, the smile tugging at her lips feeling foreign even to herself. "It's no trouble at all."

"Coming, coming," Shirou said as he jogged over to the door. "Who could it be at this hour…? Did Fuji-nee forget her keys again?"

"Took you long enough. Five seconds slower and I would have blasted the front door down."

Shirou, upon seeing the unexpected visitor, fought the strong urge to slam the door right then and there. But considering the threat Tohsaka Rin had given, he decided it was in his best interest to at least not run for his life.

"W-what do you want, Tohsaka?" he asked, mentally preparing himself for an assault from Archer or the magus herself. "I thought Masters weren't supposed to fight in the day."

"You would be right," Rin said, holding up her right hand and showing the back of it to Shirou. There, where her Command Seals had once been, was nothing but fair skin. "I'm here for this."

Silence. Shirou had a strong suspicion this was what Irisviel had meant by "he's a little slow around girls".

"… You got a manicure?" he managed after a lengthy pause.

"Why would I come here just to show you my nails?!" Rin yelled. "It's my command seals, you dimwit! My command seals are gone!"

"Your command- Wait, does that mean…?"

"Yes, obviously," Rin sighed. "We're not done with the witch from Ryuudou Temple yet. And now I want you to listen to what I have to say."

Before you ask, no I am not planning to introduce Miyu to the worm pit. I'm not that evil.

Also I'm sorry this one took so long; my computer broke so I had to rewrite all of this from scratch on a phone. I might make some edits to it later, but not too much even if I do.

In any case, here's a belated happy new year!