*Meanwhile aboard the Porta Belli*

Moxie gazed tentatively into the seemingly empty room of Isolde Jules, the twin sister of Pierre. Like her brother, Isolde was two quarters polymorph, capable of transforming into anything, for any given length of time. Unlike Pierre, Isolde had been plagued by post-tramatic-stress-disorder and mostly kept to herself. Normally, Moxie left her alone, but things weren't going normally for Moxie today. "Izzy...Sierra needs your help. Bovver's back, he's holding her hostage on the nearby mining ship and he's gotten ahold of an AJE...do you know what that is?" Moxie greeted, straight to the point.

Isolde who had been hiding as a book, on her bookshelf, materialized into her natural form. Her long black hair ebbed over her petite shoulders, her fair skin was largely hidden beneath a deep blue technician suit, her stoic green eyes regarded Moxie carefully. "An Anti-Janus Emitter...completely renders his teleportation and communication capabilities useless, as well as creates an automatic shutdown for his physical form..the AJE was created after the series 2 Quirinus vessels were outlawed." she replied.

"Do you know what it looks like?" Moxie pressed. Isolde nodded. "Good, because Janus had no smegging idea, which he was very upset about by the way. God forbid he isn't the smartest AI in the universe."

Janus's voice echoed throughout the ship. "I am having a difficult time maintaining the mutuality of my DPM, Madame. I recommend not patronizing me."

Isolde cracked a smile, much to Moxie's delight. "Izzy, Pierre and I need you to come aboard Red Dwarf with us to identify the device and dismantle it. Do you think you can do that?" Moxie asked gingerly.

"I shouldn't have a problem finding and destroying the AJE...it's just..." Isolde glanced around at the four corners of her room. "Leaving that's troubling me..." she said softly.

"I can guarantee there's no one aboard Red Dwarf you'll fall for, let alone walk down the aisle with and spontaneously combust upon on your wedding day." Moxie promised.

Isolde's eyes grew moist, but she giggled anyway. "What are they like?" she wondered.

Moxie opened her mouth, but Pierre, who unknown to Moxie, had been loitering outside Isolde's room almost as long as she had, stepped forward to console his sister. "Well you don't necessarily have to interact with them, but I can show you a vid." Pierre glanced over his shoulder at a confused Moxie. "See Mox, the minute you and Janus teleported onto Red Dwarf, Janus began to broadcast a live feed through his optics to our ship, in the event of an emergency."

"What for? He was with me, I wasn't in any danger!" Moxie exclaimed.

"Because I told him to." Pierre said smugly, resting his weight against Isolde's desk. Pierre, smirking openly now at Moxie's stunned stare added. "I needed some form of entertainment what with my porn output being nullified and all. Moxie, you did not disappoint. Janus play the feedback. Watch closely sis, all their names are spoken."

Glancing at the screen in Isolde's room, as it flicked to life, Moxie took one brief glance at herself interacting with Rimmer, before walking away in a huff. "I cannot believe I'm going to have that bugger in my mouth..." she rumbled to herself.

**Back aboard Red Dwarf**

When Bovver herded Lister, Sierra and Rimmer into Cat's room, there were two things that instantly caught their attention; it wasn't the multitude of clothes, the grotesque visages of Bovver's boys, or Cat's bright lime-green suit. It was the noose roped around Cat's throat, his hands tied behind his back, while he stood precariously upon Kryten's disembodied head. Cat's pitiful face, brightened immensely at the sight of Sierra. "Hey baby!" he grinned, then as if remembering his predicament, Cat casted a look at himself in the full-length mirror and grimaced in dismay. "Wait baby don't look at me..." he pled. "This rope clashes with my outfit. I begged them to use something black or grey instead, but these damn dogs..they wouldn't listen!"

"These aren't dogs Cat, they're pez-dispensers with teeth." Rimmer retorted, glancing glumly at the corner of the room where Kryten's headless body fought valiantly against the dog-men holding him down.

Bovver clapped Rimmer on the back. "Mighty funny words from a man who looks like the offspring of a steam whistle and a bristle brush. Aye 'Ra? Think maybe I oughta start the hurtin' with him?' he debated, his gaze eagerly sweeping from Rimmer to Sierra.

"He's the cowardly carbon copy of Ace, he's already hurting." Sierra scoffed nonchalantly. "What you ought to be doing is explaining why you're playing hangman, this isn't like you at all.."

"It was the best way to shut 'im up...both of 'em really." Bovver replied with an uncaring shrug. "Wasn't really plannin' on him dyin' but I figured it might inspire you to talk, if he does."

A ripe anger had rippled within Lister when he caught sight of Cat, but the initial shock had subdued Lister from taking immediate action. The shock had faded. "Sod this!" Lister grunted, tackling Bovver, his shoulder jamming Bovver straight in the ribcage. The combined form of Lister and Bovver lolled on the floor, each fighting for control of Bovver's weapon.

Sprinting forward Sierra grabbed Rimmer's arm, her claws cutting into the hook of his elbow as she hauled him alongside, her gaze locked on Cat. "C'mon gimme a boost we have to cut him down." she instructed.

Bovver's boys rose from their hunched positions to intercept them, but through his struggle with Bovver, Lister managed to throttle the shotgun. The sonic blast knocked Bovver's boys into Cat's wall of full-length mirrors. His vain heart breaking, Cat's mouth jutted open, as the pieces of shattered mirror rained onto the floor. "Oh good going!" Cat complained bitterly. Bovver, who had attempted to angle the shotgun at Cat, unleashed another jolt, this time striking Sierra who was flung forward against Cat's legs while Rimmer was cast sideways from the sonic feedback. Cat looked down at the motionless Sierra clinging to his thighs, and saw to his eternal joy, her unabridged cleavage. Cat glanced up at Lister who was still rough-housing Bovver. "I forgive you!" Cat called with a haughty grin.

Rimmer, who had recuperated quicker than Sierra, shook his head a bit at the sight of her pressed against Cat's groin. "You gals do move quickly don't you?" he summarized.

Sierra straightened, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling, as Bovver's boys slowly started to close in. "Boost-me." she hissed, her eyes never leaving the incoming hybrids.

"I would..but I'm hurting. Being a cowardly carbon copy of Ace, does that ya know." Rimmer retorted, his attention on the opposite direction of Bovver's boys.

A hiss-like scoff exhumed from Cat's lips. "I'd have thought you'd be used to that by now!"

"Arnie, I said that to spare you from Bovver's brutality." Sierra retorted.

"AH-He bit me arm!" Lister cried out informedly.

"See?" Sierra said, gesturing at Lister and Bovver without turning her head.

"I still want an apology." Rimmer persisted, as Bovver's lot drew closer behind him.

"You're joking."

"Nope."

A series of howls pierced the air as the mutts holding down Kryten's flailing body, were hit by the sonic shotgun, their hunched bodies strewn sideways into the broken glass. Kryten's body sprang up, wrangling itself toward the incoming hybrids who cautiously retreated, barking and growling. The sound of their mutated voices startled Rimmer, amusing Sierra who then decided to speak against her very nature. "I'm sorry Arnie, that you're not Ace, and that I called you Not-Ace, even though you are in fact, not Ace. Satisfied?" she rambled. Still glancing nervously at Bovver's boys who were trying to get around Kryten's jerking body, Rimer nodded. "Then stop standing there all un-Ace-like and boost me!" Sierra demanded, stomping her foot.

"So much for an apology." Rimmer huffed, cupping his hands together and bucking down to allow Sierra to use him as a partial climbing post.

"Actually that was pretty good for a cat apology." Cat piped. "Usually we just rub our cheeks against whoever it is we offended - impossible to stay mad at."

"I wasn't about to do that." Sierra said, one hand resting on Cat's shoulder, the other carefully cutting the sturdy noose around his neck into strands of frayed rope.

"Good, because if GoalPostHead had indented that flawless face of yours, I'd have to use his locker as a latrine again." Cat responded.

The precise second the noose went limp around his neck, Cat did a barrel jump to spring his arms free from the niche of his back. Though an impressive feat, Cat's sudden movement, did cause Sierra and Rimmer, who were still joined together like a lopsided totem-pole, to stagger. Everyone would've likely remained on their feet, if Bovver hadn't fired his sonic shotgun into their midst. The blowback resulted in Sierra landing head first on Rimmer's chest, and Cat, partially strung across Sierra's back. Bovver and his boys, began to immediately howl in laughter at Sierra's compromising position, uncaring that Kryten's body had finally found his head. Sierra slinked sideways, effectively freeing herself, as she crawled toward an unconscious Lister. It appeared that after their scuffle, Bovver had hand-cuffed Lister's good hand, to his ankle.

"Naw look at that lads, 'Ra really does care for the curry-lovin' human." Bovver simpered, watching her intently. "You shoulda heard her on the way here, pretending to be indifferent to the lot of 'em...but what've we witnessed her doin' boys? Rescuing, apologizing and now nursing...I barely recognize 'er." Bovver chortled, as Sierra licked at Lister's bleeding forearm.

Awakening, Lister winced. "Ah...what're you doing Sie?"

"Sterilizing your arm...we may be here awhile..." Sierra explained, with a final lick.

"That must be why Lister, sure it had nothing to do with Sierra dying to put her mouth on you." Rimmer jeered, cooperating with Bovver's boys as they lashed ropes around him, Kryten and Cat, despite Cat's pleas for a black nylon rope this time.

"Mister Rimmer sir you can't possibly be suggesting...egh..." Kryten stammered. "Inconceivable! Literally and metaphorically! Intercourse between a cat and a human would not produce offspring, and therefore would be a futile endeavor."

"No one's producin' nothin'! Smeg it all..." Lister rambled, cradling his wounded arm with his face slightly flushed. "She's yours Cat, I want nothin' to do with her."

"She don't belong to me when I look like this - I don't wanna belong to me when I look like this!" Cat responded, woefully peeking at his reflection in the full-length mirror that hadn't been smashed. His once perfectly quaffed hair was muddled, and it was eating him up inside.

Sierra, stubbed by Lister's complete write off, grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket. "I don't belong to anyone, Lister. How dare you objectify me...Is it because I'm a cat or because I'm a woman? Hm?" she demanded.

"Yes Listy, which is it?" Rimmer simpered.

"Neither! Alri-egh! You scratched me." Lister stuttered, as Sierra withdrew with a stern look on her face. Lister gingerly touched the gash beneath his chin. "It's not bad enough I may've rabies from your barking loon of an ex-boyfriend, you have to open me up too? Bollocks."

"Shut up!" Sierra snapped.

Bovver, who had been sitting in a hunched position, resting his elbow on Kryten's head, rose with a smirk. "There's the 'Ra I know, good to see 'er return, I was becomin' worried, truly I was. Thinkin' to myself, how could an l-cat so fickle become a wet-nurse overnight?"

Sierra scowled as Bovver's boys began to chuckle, a haunting sound that was a hybrid in of itself. "I don't care what you say, or what you do, I'm not giving you Jade back." she stated plainly.

An alarm rang out, and Cat's inactive screen flashed the words 'SECURITY BREACH'. Bovver's boys stood, awaiting Bovver's command. Bovver nodded at them, and they scurried off to investigate, a few of them running on four legs. "The inevitable arrival of Moxie Barrie-Craigles, at last. You don't wanna share where my bone is 'Ra, maybe Poxy-Moxie will." Bovver mused.

Sierra laughed. "Moxie hates you. She's gotten sick of me running back to you, that's why we're here."

Bovver opened his mouth to laugh, then jammed his jaw shut again, his shotgun rattling out of his hands as his palms clamped down on his ears. A sound, only audible to him, wracked Bovver's skull, his face contorting in pain, his booted foot resting on the shotgun for safekeeping. "A dog-whistle...that trollop has a...ugh! Where'd she get...ugf...?" he stammered, his shoulders wrenched in agony. Sierra took a deliberate step forward, and a growl rumbled in Bovver's chest. "Do it 'Ra and..eff...I'll tear you a new one.." Bovver threatened, barring his teeth to the best of his ability, the whistle still searing through his eardrums.

Sierra paused. Not because Bovver frightened her, but because Janus had materialized before her eyes. Without wasting a second, Janus grabbed Bovver by the base of his hair, yanking his head backward so that Janus could make eye contact. "I did warn you what would happen the next time I saw you around Milady Sierra..." he greeted stoically.

"Ya can't neuter me, you don't have the right!" Bovver whimpered, his husky voice evaporating into thin air.

The latex edges of Janus's mouth pulled tautly into a smile. "Miss Barrie-Craigles believes otherwise. Hold still."

What the Dwarfers saw next, made them wince whole-heartedly and subconsciously cradle their manhood. Except for Kryten, who merely turned his head and tutted about how the Janus on his television program had done the same thing to a Gelf.

**Elsewhere on Red Dwarf**

Moxie lowered the whistle from her lips, and glanced at it pessimistically. "I hoped you enjoyed that, because it won't be happening again..." she told it, tossing it aside.

Before the whistle hit the ground, it transformed into Pierre. "You say that now, but it gets lonely in deep space. Why else would Sie keep crawling back to Bovver?" Pierre replied, peeking out the corridor window at Bovver's boys who were slowly regaining their composure.

Though Bovver's howl was faint to their ears, the terror and pain it consisted of, was quite loud. Something Pierre and Moxie could hear fine, was the horrified barks of Bovver's boys beyond the barricaded corridor door, followed by a series of rushed footfalls. Moxie smiled wickedly. "Lonely or not, Sierra won't have a use for Bovver now."

Pierre glanced at Moxie with horror-stricken eyes. "You weren't serious when you gave Janus that order to neuter Bov the next time we encountered him...?"

Moxie shrugged. "Janus never did have an ear for sarcasm..." she retorted slyly.

Isolde's voice crackled over Moxie's communication watch. "Bovver's boys are leaving the ship with their tails between their legs...I didn't even know they had tails! What's Janus done?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with Izzy. Everything's on the up and up...except Bovver..." Moxie snickered.

**Thirty Minutes Later - The Porta Belli Docking Bay**

Bovver had been reduced to a shuddering mess of an alpha dog. His rustic red hair was lain flat, his grey stumble gleaming with sweat. "Poxy-Moxie, I'm beggin' ya, don't leave me planet-side by my lonesome. Ain't I sufferin' enough?" he pled, his eyes gleaming with self-pity.

Moxie leaned down, hovering over Bovver who was slumped beside the teleportation pods. "Short answer - no. You disassembled a mechanoid who's largest threat to you was improving your hygiene, then used his head as an improvised gallows to string up Cat." Moxie began.

"String, where?" Cat looked around briefly, before glaring at the dog again. "Hey don't you go thinking the string game will make up anything, because it won't."

"He barely noticed!" Bovver growled at Moxie, with a sideways leer at the Cat.

"Yeah well I noticed when you took a chunk out of me arm the size of an overgrown potato." Lister spoke up, raising at his bandaged forearm.

"That'll heal! What's been done to me, can never be undone." Bovver insisted.

"Yes, it was a grave insult that should never be inflicted upon any man." Rimmer agreed, earning the attention of the room, as he strolled up beside Moxie, with his gaze gyrating between her and Bovver. "That being said, you're a mutt, a mutt that brought this on yourself. Swinging your gun around half-cocked, blasting anyone that got in your path, and the way you handled that sonic weaponry was equally appalling."

Bovver's nostrils flared, his head tilting in recognition. "You...I thought you smelled strangely familiar."

Rimmer scoffed and glanced at the silhouette of Janus represented on the wall monitor. "When you neutered him d'you think it's possible you fried a few of his braincells?" he asked, then without waiting for a response, Rimmer looked back at Bovver and added. "Holograms don't produce odors, you twonk."

"Naw they don't..." Bovver agreed. "Unless you're a dog, then you might be able to pick up the ionic scent of two Holograms that've been bumping each other." he haughtily explained with a sneer on his lips and a devious glint to his eyes.

Moxie's eyes fluttered closed in embarrassment. "That was an accident." she told him.

"Don't smell like an accident to me." Bovver chortled, his mouth widening in a silent snicker.

"Quiet." Moxie mumbled crossly.

Bovver shifted his gaze onto Rimmer. "If I had known you were Moxie's beau, I'd have..."

"I said - QUIET!" Moxie snapped, smacking Bovver's nose with the crevice of her palm.

A doglike whimper whistled from Bovver's mouth, then he gave himself a shake and glowered. "Oh the next time I see you I'mma dig out your holo-beam outta your hard-light ass and...whouf..." Bovver trailed off in another whimper as Moxie swatted him again.

"Next time, Janus might not be as generous." Moxie whispered warningly.

"Yeah? Me neither." Bovver responded, his gaze searing into Cat, before darting to Sierra. "I will fetch my damnable bone someday 'Ra. And when I do, I just might seek revenge for my neuterin'." He glared openly at Moxie. "You destroyed my spuds Mox-Pox, think I oughta go about destroying yours too." He threatened, his glare sliding sideways onto Rimmer.

"Go ahead." Moxie encouraged with a smirk and a shrug.

Rimmer was instantly alarmed by Moxie's response. "..Hold on..." he stammered aloud, with no real verbal direction in mind, a worried hand swaying in the aimlessly in the air.

"Don't worry Rimmer, he'll have a hard time finding us without his space-bike..." Lister spoke up, both sets of his fingers clenching at the throttles.

"You even think of keepin' my bike, I swear to the canine cabana in the sky, I'll..." Bovver growled.

"You'll what? Bite me some more? Have at it then!" Lister taunted, straddling the bike's seat with his arms raised. Bovver lurched forward, but Sierra swung her claws into Bovver's chest, pinning him in place. "The way I see it Bovver, this here bike is compensation for this macho regime of yours, past, present and future." Lister finished with a bold smirk.

"And on that rousing note..." Sierra simpered, her free hand buffing the teleportation input pad she was standing beside. "Bon Voyage!" Sierra pushed Bovver backward, his head thumping against the teleportation entryway before the beam activated, whisking him away to the nearest habitable planet.

Pierre yawned, laying the back of his head against a corridor window. "That took long enough, never realized how much Bovver liked to blab his bravado..." he grunted.

Isolde leaned her arm against the windowpane, staring downward at the silver and brown planet. "Wonder what he'll do without his dog pack.." she murmured. "Or his bike.." Isolde glanced over at Lister. "Bovver will be back, he may be a simple breed, but he's plenty determined." Isolde told Lister.

"Well in that case, I'm going to need your help." Lister said, swaggering up to her. "Think you could blind him with your beauty while I plop 'im on the nose like Moxie did?"

Isolde giggled, Lister smiled and Pierre, straightening from his sleepy demeanor, scowled. Janus silently observed Moxie and Cat sharing Lister's smile, while Sierra and Rimmer mirrored Pierre's scowl. The most animate of the bunch however, was Kryten, blistering with animosity at the clear attraction between Lister and Isolde. Assessing the mutuality of his DPM beginning to wane, Janus piped. "Miss Barrie-Craigles? The desensitization of Bovver's groin and de-characterization of Bovver himself has proven entertaining, but perhaps it is time to plot the next destination course. As you know, calibrating DNA markers into comprehensive star coordinates, requires..."

"We won't be looking for another feline sapient, Janus." Moxie interrupted.

"But the mission parameters have not been met - we have not located a cat capable of traveling aboard with us." Janus argued.

"Sure we have. I'm issuing a DBL." Moxie responded with a cheeky grin.

Kryten gasped. "A Docking Bay Lock ma'am? Without even asking us first?"

Lister shrugged, glancing briefly at Moxie before returning his focus to Isolde. "It's alright by me."

"Mister Lister sir!" Kryten protested.

"Safety in numbers Kryten...ain't that right Commanding Officer Rimsey?" Lister responded, approaching Rimmer.

"Forget Alphabet Head, don't I get a say in this?" Cat asked, following in Lister's footfalls.

"What'd you say?" Lister inquired, looking over his shoulder, acutely aware that Moxie and Sierra had banded together on the opposite side of the corridor to converse with their crewmates.

"I say they stay! Sierra is smoking. And for a Hologram, Moxie's a bombshell." Cat replied.

"Aye, Isolde's a babe too." Lister murmured.

"Sirs aren't you forgetting something?" Kryten inquired.

"Absolutely Kryters, they're forgetting something monumentally vital." Rimmer agreed. "Moxie's spoken for." he added with a watchful glower, pointing at Lister and Cat.

"Actually Mister Rimmer, I was referring to the six-foot android whom we witnessed neutering a fully grown canine sapient." Kryten replied.

"Easily avoided, we aren't cheaters." Rimmer said.

"Yeah. Especially when there's no one around to cheat with!" Cat piped.

Sensing he was losing his argument, Kryten became more disgruntled by the second. "Neither Janus nor Bovver would've ever found their way aboard Red Dwarf if it weren't for those..hussies." Kryten whispered the venom-filled word. "Don't you see Sirs? This is only the beginning, think of the trouble to come if we remained docked together."

"That's women for ya Kryters." Lister responded, his gaze traveling across the room.

Across the room, Moxie's crew were also having a counterproductive discussion.

"This is a horrible idea." Pierre said flatly.

Sierra scoffed, tossing her hair. "You'd be singing a different tune if they had a woman aboard." she accused, hands on her hips.

"You're right." Pierre replied. "Which is precisely my point. Those four have been traveling in deep space for who knows how long with only themselves as company? I bet they've become deviants, intent on turning you three into sex slaves."

"Brother, isn't that a little absurd?" Isolde asked.

"It's very absurd." Sierra answered. "Bots are sexually inapt, look at Janus! Smoother than a surfboard."

"Insult perceived, analyzing ego damage." Janus mumbled from the monitor.

Moxie sighed. "Janus, ignore Sierra's remark and for argument's sake, compose a psychological profile for the Dwarfers. Assess if anyone is a threat, sexual or otherwise."

"Permission to take immediate action if threat is found?" Janus marveled.

Pierre opened his mouth, but Sierra stomped on his foot, allowing Moxie to answer uninterrupted. "Permission denied. And don't slow the process thinking I'll change my mind, I won't."

"I don't care what the results say," Sierra spoke up, as Moxie casually maneuvered to the monitor to accept the typed paper jutting out from the control panel beside it. "If anyone should be perceived as 'sexual deviants' it should be us. I mean we did come aboard demanding their Mancandy Cat sail away with us for my benefit."

"'Mancandy'?" Moxie repeated, briefly reverting her attention from Janus's report. "So you're attracted to him.."

"Sure. He's got a pronounced chin, looks like he could play rough...if he weren't obsessed with ruffles, waistcoats and whatnot..." Sierra responded, glancing at the Dwarfers thoughtfully. "Lister on the other hand, gave Bovver quite the shiner..." she continued ruefully.

"Sierra." Moxie scolded.

"Just an innocent observation Mox." Sierra insisted.

"Mm-hmm." Moxie hummed unconvinced, swiftly folding up the report before Pierre could read it. "Let me make one thing abundantly clear to you all. We aren't here to play cupid, we're here for interactive experience, which we all direly need, Janus no less than the rest of us. Besides, it'll be good for Izzy's condition." Moxie announced, with a prudent glance at Pierre.

An outburst from Kryten about 'innie-and-outy parts', caused Moxie's lot to turn their gawking attention onto the mechanoid, as he stomped away into the innards of Red Dwarf. A sheepish Lister, stepped forward. "Uh he's just gone to do a bit of cleaning..." he explained.

"Kryten doesn't like us does he?" Moxie marveled, reflecting on the report.

"Oh no he does, he just likes cleaning more." Lister said in a half truth.

"Is the Docking Bay Lock still a go?" Rimmer asked, attempting to sound uninterested.

"It is." Moxie answered, much to Pierre's chagrin.

"Then the first thing I propose is a tour of each other's vessel." Rimmer stated.

"I don't see the need for formalities. You're all welcome to come and go as you see fit.." Moxie replied.

"Madame!" Janus protested.

"Except." Moxie continued, raising her voice at Janus's interruption. "When Janus is charging his physical platform, such as now. He gets very finicky when he isn't able to move around freely. It'd be best to keep yourselves on Red Dwarf during those junctures."

"Sounds fair enough." Lister said.

Taking a deep breath, Isolde mentally leapt from her comfort zone. "I'd like to see a tour of your ship." she requested.

"I'd be more than happy to show ya." Lister smiled, offering her the niche of his arm.

Pierre grunted and moved to intercept his sister, when Moxie clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you Dave. As for the rest of us, it's been a long day..perhaps we should get some shut-eye.." Moxie responded pointedly.

"Not tired." Sierra replied, walking up to Cat. "How about we go on a tour of our own?" she purred.

"In these clothes?" Cat screeched, gesturing at his wrinkled clothes. "I don't think so honey."

Casting a glance at the retreating forms of Isolde and Lister arm-in-arm, Sierra impatiently sighed. "Alright then how about we skip straight to the part where you show me the bathtub?"

"The bathtu.." Cat paused as Sierra seductively traced one of his fangs with her finger and brushed down his bottom lip. His dumbstruck face melted into bliss. "Yeaaaaooouuuuuaaaaah! Let's go." Cat said, hooking an arm around Sierra's waist and leading her onward.

Rimmer who had been distracted by Cat's silently jeering face, didn't immediately notice that Moxie and Pierre had disappeared within the Porta Belli. When he did, Rimmer took an automatic step forward and was forced backward by a gust of compressed air as Janus dutifully sealed the docking door. "I am still charging my physical shell, you are not permitted aboard until my charging is complete." Janus reminded.

"Which will be when? Rimmer asked.

"Unknown."

"Bollocks, you know, you just won't tell me."

"True. Signing off." Janus dismissed.

"Mister Jules? You instructed I wake you after a hour with a shipe-wide status report on the crew." Janus remarked. "With whom should I begin?"

Pierre shifted in his hammock, tiredly opening his eyes. "Start with the Dwarfers." he instructed.

"The Dwarfers are not part of our crew Mister Jules." Janus replied.

"Look I don't like it anymore than you," Pierre yawned. "but they're an extension of our crew for the foreseeable future, according to Captaincy Barrie-Craigles. There's no use sniveling, once Moxie makes up her mind..So lemme hear it.."

"Kryten has finished cleaning the broken glass out of Cat's room. Cat and Sierra have remained in the bathing quarters. Lister, is having a candid conversation with Isolde about whether keeping Bovver's space-bike as compensation, is any better or worse than Sierra stealing Bovver's bone. Rimmer correctly predicted when my charge time would end and is now standing on the threshold of your room." Janus informed.

Pierre opened his eyes, and gazed at his doorway where sure enough Rimmer was reluctantly standing. Rimmer forced a smile. "Hello Pierre. Grand ship, the adverts didn't exaggerate one bit..." he greeted awkwardly. Pierre gave a nod of acknowledgement. Rimmer cleared his throat. "Have you seen Moxie by chance?"

"Not since her docking orders. Janus, where is she?" Pierre asked.

"Confidentially protocols active." Janus answered plaintively.

"That means she's in her quarters, and she doesn't want to be disturbed." Pierre explained.

"Ah. I'll just.." Rimmer began to back away.

"Take the lift up a floor, Moxie's room is the third door on the left." Pierre told him.

Janus waited until Rimmer had thanked him and left, before remarking. "Miss Barrie-Craigles wished to minimize contact with Rimmer, Mister Jules."

"I know." Pierre smirked, shutting his eyes again. "Which is why I'm commanding you not to interfere with the lift or warn her."

"Mister Jules..." Janus protested.

"I don't think Moxie's fully realized what this joint venture will be like. Some one-on-one time with Ace's charmless doppelganger ought to do the trick." Pierre insisted.

Moxie hadn't thought to lock her door, a decision she regretted the moment Rimmer walked into her room. "For smeg's sake! Janus!" Moxie cried, leaving the comfort of her bedside. "I thought I made myself clear...Janus...?" Moxie pressed, glaring at the ceiling.

"What's the matter Mox? Incapable of holding a conversation without an android beside you, ready to blast anyone who hurls an insult?" Rimmer inquired cockily.

Moxie exhaled her annoyance into a long sigh and sank back onto her bed. "How can I help you Rimmer?" she greeted with a practiced smile.

"Since we're going to be traveling together, it's important we talk about strawberries."

"Strawberries?"

"How would you like it if a box of strawberries showed up on your doorstep, and when you took a bite, its juicy deliciousness washed over your tongue, then some braggart popped up, took the strawberry out of your mouth, smacked you and said 'Whoops wrong house'." Rimmer responded coyly.

Moxie clung tightly onto her spite, hoping to subdue the embarrassment threatening to engulf her. "If I wasn't expecting strawberries, I wouldn't have indulged myself." she said firmly.

"What if the strawberries were addressed to you, what then?" Rimmer challenged. "Maybe they came as a surprise, a gift from an admirer in your past you never knew about. The point is, you fell in love with the taste of the strawberry and grew upset at the knowledge that something so...desirable was meant for someone else. You'd be riled, wouldn't know what to do with yourself..and being blasted straight on your arse, certainly wouldn't help." Rimmer finished.

Moxie was silent a moment, studying Rimmer. "...This is about Janus isn't it?" she said at last.

"What?" Rimmer replied, his brow furrowing.

"You saw what he did to Bovver, and you realized you might've gotten off easy, that's why you're here." Moxie mused. "Nothing to do with 'strawberries'..."

"It has everything to do with 'strawberries'." Rimmer persisted seriously.

"No way." Moxie giggled dubiously.

"Why not?" Rimmer asked, irately.

"Because it goes completely against your psychological profile. Saving your hide, or in this case your spuds, sure - confessing anything lovey-dovey, surely not." Moxie replied.

"What were you doing reading my psychological profile? That's highly privileged private information."

"Did you think I'd travel alongside Red Dwarf without first knowing the psychological make-up of its crew? We're in deep space, had to make sure you weren't a bunch of budding sociopaths."

"The only 'budding sociopath' is that droid of yours who attacks first and assesses sarcasm later."

"We've never had problems with his DPM malfunctioning, but if it's any consolation I'm sorry I let Janus attack you, okay? It won't happen again." Moxie promised, standing. "With enough time in your presence, he'll eventually comprehend you're a smeghead and I won't even need to active his Passive inhibitors."

"Is that really what you think of me Moxie?" Rimmer pressed.

"I've just met you Rimmer, course I think you're a smeghead!" Moxie replied exasperatedly. She turned away from Rimmer's crestfallen face, choosing to stare at the floor, like a guilty child.

"Well that's perfectly fine, I still think you're a slag." Rimmer retorted, though his words didn't quite uphold the ferocity he had intended.

Moxie gave him a sharp glare. "You got what you wanted..." she murmured.

"Did I?" Rimmer retorted brazenly.

"Yes, I apologized and accepted your rather long-winded, metaphorically ridden apology as well. Although, piece of advise," Moxie glanced up Rimmer again, hoping her voice would remain convincingly level. "You did lay it on a bit thick with that 'love at first snog' part. Only a fool would believe in that."

"A fool?" Rimmer repeated, his tone riddled with vexation. Moxie gave an unhelpful nod and Rimmer summoned his composure. "Yes, of course. We're all squared away then are we?"

"You called me a slag."

"You called me a smeghead!"

There was an annoying twitch within Moxie's mind that enjoyed the banter, which caused a smirk to surface on her lips. "We're squared."

"Good. Excellent. No need for any lingering tension, bad for morale." Rimmer rambled, ignoring the insufferable urge to feel her mouth against his again.

An awkward silence thrived within the room, during which neither Rimmer nor Moxie were looking at each other. Eventually Moxie cleared her throat, then Rimmer gave his infamous salute and exited with a polite grimace.