Author's notes:

Thank you to great writer and friend make-mine-a-kiaora for the beta read. Be sure to read make-mine-a-kiaora's stories. I've favorited make-mine-a-kiaora on my profile page for easy access.

This one-shot retains the light tone of most of the Mentalist's series finale, 7x13, "White Orchids" (The best TV show finale ever!) Believe it or not, this story was inspired by the series finale of another television show, Frasier, where the brothers of one of the main characters visited and ran amok. Sound familiar? Because of the length of this one-shot, I've divided it into sections, each one headed by a song title.

In this story, Patrick and Teresa have a pet dog named Tripod. For those interested, a previous one-shot story of mine, "Lovely Day," tells how Tripod came to live with them.

Tommy Lisbon appeared in episode 4x06, "Where In the World Is Carmine O'Brien." Jimmy Lisbon, Stan Lisbon, and Karen Lisbon appeared in episodes 7x07, "Little Yellow House, and 7x13, "White Orchids." Lucy, the fiancée of Jimmy Lisbon, appeared in episode 7x13, "White Orchids."

I do not own the TV show The Mentalist and get no compensation from it. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes only.

*****Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me*****

"Jane, we need to talk."

Teresa Lisbon switched off her phone, heaved out a sigh, and looked at her husband Patrick Jane. Tension from the phone call seized her. She tried the latest mental relaxation technique that Jane had taught her. Thus far in her pregnancy it had worked like a charm every time. Now it failed.

A strange mix of fear and anger bubbled up in Teresa. What a contrast to ten minutes ago. Before the phone call, the couple held hands as they rocked back-and-forth in their matching chairs on the front porch. Coming back to their cabin from the obstetrician's office with a good report, they decided to wile away the rest of the early evening in their rocking chairs. Birds chirped on tree limbs above them, rabbits rustled the grass as they hopped across the yard, and a bullfrog croaked amid the tall grass beside the pond. Their dog Tripod was curled up at Teresa's feet, lost to the world in contented slumber. Watching the sun sink behind the hills in the distance had become a shared treasure for the newlyweds. In the weeks since their marriage, Teresa had never known such bliss. Okay, bliss and nausea. But the bliss far outweighed the nausea, and the nausea was a small price to pay for the joy that she carried inside her.

Now Teresa felt nauseous for another reason, one that held no joy whatsoever.

Jane looked in her eyes as he stroked her arm.

"It's alright, Teresa. Your brothers can come for a visit. We'll manage."

"How did you know that…"

Jane cut her off.

"I thought we agreed that after we got married you wouldn't ask me that question any more."

"You don't mind?"

Jane took Teresa's hands in his and squeezed them.

"Don't worry. We'll get through this. We survived having them at our wedding, didn't we?"

Jane's smile beguiled Teresa as it always did. She felt his good cheer willing her into a better mood. Still, she needed reassurance.

"But it's my brothers. All three. I don't have enough energy to play hostess all the time. Sometimes it feels like I barely have enough 'umph' to stand."

"We'll work through this together. They're all grown men. I'm sure they understand that their sister needs to rest and relax."

"But they're my brothers, Jane."

"They're my family now too, Teresa. Sure they want to spend time with their sister, but maybe we can work in some brother-in-law bonding while they're here."

"You'd do that for me?" Her confidence rebounded hearing his words.

"Of course."

"But they're my bro…" She couldn't finish her sentence.

Jane leaned over to bring their lips together.

Teresa Lisbon had come to be an expert on Patrick Jane's kisses, enough to know the different types. She had sampled them all, starting with his kisses of love. She thrilled to them, the ones that confirmed all that she had ever wanted and more. These were the kisses of two soulmates, like the one they exchanged at the end of their wedding vows.

Then of course were the kisses of passion. Teresa smiled on the inside when she thought of these. In particular, she reflected on one kiss of passion because of what it produced. Beyond any doubt, she knew that kiss on that night led to the new life she carried within her.

This kiss differed from those of love and passion. What they shared now was Jane's kiss of comfort. When they kissed like this, her husband conveyed the strength of his support to her. His message? Somehow, some way, we'll get through this together. We'll face whatever the Lisbon brothers bring our way and triumph. Teresa draped her arms around Jane's neck to hold him in their smooch an extra moment before she released him.

"Thank you, Patrick."

Unwilling to end their clinch just yet, her husband returned his lips to hers for a quick buss.

"You must really be thankful. You called me 'Patrick'."

*****The Boys Are Back In Town*****

The afternoon the Lisbon family would arrive, more dreaded than hoped for, came at last.

Teresa and Jane had spent all day sweeping the floor, dusting the furniture, and cleaning the cabin for the family. Well, all except for Jimmy Lisbon. Oddly, Jimmy had said he was bringing along a tent and would camp outside during their stay. Teresa welcomed that, although the big sister in her surfaced as a tinge of worry bubbled up. Jimmy had never been an outdoors person other than fishing, at least when they were growing up. She didn't dwell on that though. There was too much to do to get ready.

After a whirlwind of work, Teresa sat on the couch in the living room with Jane, their hands clasping. She inhaled a deep breath, and the scent of Jane's cologne - a reminder that he was there beside her - calmed her nerves. Turning to look at her husband, she saw the reassurance of his smile.

"Just remember. We promised each other on our wedding day that from here on we'd look on the bright side of things," he said.

"I remember, and I will," Teresa replied.

"Let's sit here and enjoy the silence until they get here."

Teresa closed her eyes and leaned her head over on Jane's shoulder. His scent, his steady breathing, his hands around hers, all conspired to put her at ease. Moving her arm so that she clung to her husband, she began to drift off to sleep.

Knock-knock-knock.

The loud rapping on the door made Teresa jump. She looked over at Jane. Nodding, he leaned in to kiss her one last time before the onslaught began. With a deep breath, she rose from the couch and walked with confidence to open the front door.

"Bang, bang, FBI." An all-too-familiar blond with her index fingers pointed together to mimic a gun grinned at Teresa like a demented jack-o-lantern. "Hi, there, Sister!" The woman squealed as she enveloped her in a hug.

"Lucy. You came," said Teresa as she patted Jimmy Lisbon's fiancée on the shoulder with a stiff tap.

Peeking out from behind Lucy was Jimmy. He made eye contact with his big sister.

"It's a long story, T," said Jimmy.

"Heeeeeeeeeey, Teresa! How's our favorite sister?" Stan Lisbon bellowed out his greeting as he strode through the door.

"Only sister, Stan. I'm your only sister." Teresa managed a weak smile.

"So what? You're still our favorite."

Glancing beyond Lucy, Teresa saw Tommy Lisbon.

"Hi there, Reese." Tommy's greeting produced a scowl from Jimmy.

"You're still a dumbass, you know that? It's 'T', not 'Reese.' 'Reese' is some kind of candy."

"Shut up."

"No, you shut up."

Teresa was already doing a mental inventory of the stress control techniques that Jane had taught her.

"Knock it off, boys. You both know I have a real first name. It's 'Teresa.'"

That got Jimmy's attention as he crossed his arms and switched his attention back and forth between Teresa and her husband.

"About that, Sis. I've been meaning to ask. Patrick calls you 'Teresa' but you still call him 'Jane.' What's up with that?"

"Jane is Jane to me, at least most of the time," she replied.

Stan grabbed Jane around the neck and wrestled him into a head lock.

"Well, he's Patrick to us. And a damn good one too." With his free hand, Stan mussed up Jane's hair.

"Stan, let go of your brother-in-law. You're choking him," said Karen Lisbon, Stan's wife, as she walked inside. The sternness of her voice made her husband release Jane at once.

"Ah, Karen, Patrick's okay, aren't you, buddy?" Stan looked at Jane as he slapped him on the back with a whack that vibrated off the walls of the cabin.

"Never better," said Jane in a gasp as he tried to regain the breath that Stan had knocked out of him.

Tripod the dog beat a retreat behind the couch. From the safety of his perch, he peered out to look at the spectacle. Teresa wished she could do the same.

Karen smiled at her, and that prompted Teresa to return one of her own. Teresa had long ago decided that her sister-in-law was an island of calm amid a hurricane of Lisbons. How did she survive being around the Lisbon clan full-time? Teresa shook her head.

"I still don't know how you put up with our family."

Karen walked over to her and patted her arm.

"There's an art to it." Karen shrugged her shoulders. "Actually, I was looking forward to coming down here. My parents are baby-sitting the kids this week, so the only children I have to deal with are Stan and his brothers." Karen's smirk told Teresa everything she needed to know.

After a round of "how-'ya-doings," everyone settled down in the living room. Teresa couldn't help but notice that Jimmy had a packed tent slung over his shoulder and Lucy dragged in a pair of sleeping bags behind her. Teresa's staring got the attention of the couple.

"So you two are going to pitch your tent in the front yard?" she asked.

Jimmy glanced at Lucy before he replied.

"Yeah, we figured the house would be crowded enough with the rest of family in here with you."

"And besides, Jimmy knows I'm all about the natural world of nature. I've dedicated myself to being one with it," said Lucy.

"The natural world of nature?" asked Jane.

"Yes. I'm committed," said Lucy.

"So it would appear."

"My commitment is so deep, I'm a vegetarian. I won't even eat eggs or dairy products."

Jane smiled.

"You're a vegan?"

Lucy's smile flipped to a scowl.

"Mr. Jane, that's a very personal question. I know you're family. Or at least you're gonna be family. But I think the question that you just asked is inappropriate. And rude too. Even in the closest families, there's some things that people just don't talk about in polite company. And what Jimmy and I do in our tent - or anywhere else - is no one's business but our own."

Teresa knew that Jane's bewildered expression matched her own.

"You don't understand what I meant. A vegan is someone who…" Jane's voice trailed off as Lucy crossed her arms, scrunched her eyes down to thin slits, and tapped her right foot loudly on the floor. "Ah, never mind. Enjoy your rendezvous with the great outdoors, Lucy."

Jane shot a quick glance over to Teresa when no one else was looking and rolled his eyes.

*****Touch Me In the Morning*****

The next morning at the cabin, Jane rose early. Oddly, he was going into the FBI office while Teresa took some time off. Before leaving, he bent over their bed to kiss his wife.

"Umm. That feels good," said Teresa as she reached out to pull Jane to her. "Do you have to go in so early?" She ran her fingers through his hair.

"Cho texted me. Things are coming to a head on that money laundering case."

"You mean the one with that Drew Weidner guy?" Before taking time off, Teresa herself had been doing desk-based research on the case. Weidner had murdered one of his henchmen who tried to inform on him. Everyone at the office was on edge and more determined than ever to bring Weidner to justice.

"He's meeting with his clients this week. Cho got court approval for audio surveillance. Now all we've got to do is sneak Wylie's equipment into Weidner's meeting room."

"It'll be at that bar he owns, won't it?"

Jane nodded.

"Cho and I have looked over the layout of the bar and where Weidner stations his minions So far I haven't been able to come up with a good enough plan to distract them so Wylie can plant the bugs."

Teresa sat up in bed.

"So the great Patrick Jane can't come up with a gag that will work?" She grinned when she used the Jane-word 'gag.'

"Yet. I haven't come up with a gag yet." Jane ran his finger around Teresa's lips. "I've been distracted lately."

"But you'll come up with something for Cho, won't you?"

"Never doubt that, Teresa."

Saying goodbye after a few more kisses, Teresa pulled the bed covers back over her. After running through another of her husband's relaxation techniques, she felt her eyelids droop. Her last thoughts before nodding off to sleep again were that maybe, just maybe, this visit from the Lisbon clan would go well.

Fifteen minutes later, Lucy's shrieks woke her up.

*****Natural Woman*****

Patrick Jane called Teresa several times a day when they were apart to check on her. Today he welcomed any break from scheming with Cho and Wylie about how they'd get in to bug Weidner's meeting room. His frustration brimmed over. Why couldn't he come up with a gag that would work? Rubbing the back of his neck, Jane dialed Teresa's number.

The high-pitched screaming in the background when his wife answered made him jump up out of his chair.

"What's happening, Teresa?" A bolt of fear stabbed his heart.

"I'm at the emergency room."

"Wh-what? What's wrong? Are you and the baby alright?"

"We're fine. The problem is Lucy. Jimmy and I brought her here."

Jane sighed as he pinched his nose with his fingers. It dawned on him that he now emulated a gesture his wife had used ever since he'd known her.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's complicated. I don't have time to explain. They're releasing her right now to go home. I'll fill you in tonight."

Click. Teresa ended the call and left Jane uneasy for the rest of the day.

*****Spirits In the Material World*****

When Jane got back to the cabin that night, he took a deep breath while he stood on the front porch. Slowly he turned the key in the front door lock, dreading what he would find. The scene he beheld inside surpassed his fears.

Teresa and Karen Lisbon sat on each end of the couch, both gazing downward and avoiding eye contact with Lucy who sat between them wailing. Her right hand in a bandage, Lucy's left hand grabbed a hunk of tissues out of a box to dab at her eyes. Once she tossed the spent tissues on the floor, she convulsed in sobs again.

"Hi." Jane's greeting caused all three women to look up at him. Teresa stood up and opened her arms to beckon him. When he pulled her to him, his wife gripped him with a strength that would have surprised him even if she weren't pregnant.

"I'm so glad you're home." Teresa's whisper prompted Jane to tug her even closer to him.

"Tell me what happened."

Before his wife could speak, Lucy screeched out amid her sobs.

"It's awful. Just awful. Natures hates me."

Grabbing another wad of tissues, Lucy blew her nose with a noise not unlike the honks of the geese that landed in the pond on occasion. Seeing that Lucy's nose-blowing required all of her attention, Jane seized the opportunity. He turned back to Teresa.

"So nature hates her. How did that happen?" He hoped Lucy didn't see the eye roll he shared with his wife.

Another goose-honk interrupted Teresa before she could speak.

"I'll tell you how it happened, Mr. Jane," said Lucy. "I'd just gotten up this morning, and I wanted to see the wildlife on your property. So I started walking around your pond. Then I got bitten."

"Bitten? What bit you?"

"A snake."

"Are you alright?" Jane asked.

"She's fine, other than the bite itself," said Teresa. Lucy took the opportunity to indulge in blowing her nose again. "It turns out the snake was non-poisonous. The doctor in the ER was familiar with the species."

"Tell your husband the rest, Teresa." Lucy erupted in sobs yet again.

"The doctor said that species never bites humans. He'd never seen an instance like it before."

Jane couldn't help his next words.

"So that snake must really have not liked her."

"That not the worst of it, Mr. Jane. Tell your husband what happened to it, Teresa." Lucy blurted out her words as she fought her emotions.

"The snake died."

Jane looked at Teresa and saw an expression on her face he'd never seen in all the years he'd known her. It was exasperation mixed with a smirk.

A fresh shriek drew the attention of both Jane and Teresa.

"Nature can't stand me!" Lucy dissolved in a fresh batch of tears.

Jane pulled a clean handkerchief out of his pocket and gave it to Lucy. Taking it, she wiped her eyes then blew her nose into the handkerchief with another goose honk. Folding it into a small rectangle, she handed it back to Jane.

"No, please keep it. You need it more than I do."

"Mr. Jane, the family says you're a psychic. Can you help me? Is there anything I can do about what's happened?"

Jane froze. Of all the possible situations to be in with Teresa's family, this had to be the worst. He was just about to explain to Lucy that there was no such thing as a psychic when he looked over at his wife. Her face etched with fatigue, her whole body sagged. Looking up, her empty gaze met his. Jane had to do something to save his wife from this ordeal. He took a deep breath.

"Lucy, I used to be in the psychic business full-time. I retired from that. Teresa's been the more active psychic in the family of late."

That got a rise from his wife. Teresa reached out her hand to smack his arm. In response, Jane grinned.

"Since she became pregnant, my wife has gone out of the business as well. You understand that psychic readings take a toll on someone, and Teresa hasn't had enough energy to devote to her own powers of late."

"What am I going to do, Mr. Jane?"

Jane knew what he had to do, and he had to make it look good.

"Lucy, since you're family or almost-family, I'm willing to come out of retirement to help you. But you must tell no one about this."

"I won't, I promise."

Out of the corner of his eye, Jane saw his sister-in-law Karen's bemused expression.

"Good. This will just be between you, me, Teresa, and Karen."

"What do I need to do?"

"Extend your hand for me to hold it," he said.

Lucy held out her hand with the bandage.

"The other one, Lucy. The one that's not bitten."

"Oh. Of course."

Jane took her other hand.

"Now we must close our eyes and cleanse our minds of all thoughts and cares." Once Lucy had closed her eyes, Jane peeked around at Teresa and Karen. As expected, both were trying to stifle laughs. "All of us must close our eyes and participate. Including Lucy's two future sisters-in-law."

Somehow Teresa and Karen got themselves under control. When the room became silent, Jane spoke again.

"Lucy, how are you doing?"

"My mind is blank, Mr. Jane."

"I can tell." In a moment, Jane hummed. "I'm feeling something. There's spirits in the room with us. Right now!"

Teresa leaned over to whisper in Jane's ear.

"That would be the bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey that Tommy stashed behind the bookcase."

"Hush, Teresa," he whispered back. "But show me where it is when I'm done here. I'm gonna need a shot of it."

"Are the spirits communicating with you, sir?"

Lucy's question refocused Jane.

"They are, Lucy. Give me a moment to concentrate on what they're trying to say to you."

Teresa leaned over to whisper to her husband again.

"I'm feeling something too. The baby just kicked!"

Jane broke character to grin at his wife.

"Really? Really!" For a moment, he could care less about Lucy, Lucy's snake bite, or any of Teresa's relatives. All of his own thoughts focused on his wife and baby. A tug on his hand from Lucy brought his attention back to her.

"Are you getting a message, Mr. Jane? Are you? Please tell me."

When Jane peeked at Lucy, he saw her eyes still shut but a look on her face that brimmed with hope. Even after a moment's reflection on what he was doing, he knew he must carry through with his plan for the sake of Teresa. He took a deep breath.

"Yes, the spirits have communicated a message for me to relay to you."

"What is it? Please tell me. Please, please. I'm mature enough to handle it."

"Nature does indeed hate you, Lucy."

Jane saw Teresa and Karen as their eyes opened wide and the mouths dropped.

"I knew it. This is terrible." Lucy dissolved into tears once again and blew her nose into Jane's handkerchief.

Teresa scowled at Jane, but he waved her off and smiled.

"But all is not lost, Lucy. You can be one with nature again."

That got her attention.

"How, Mr. Jane?"

"You must apologize to nature to gain its forgiveness."

"What do I need to do?"

"For the rest of your visit, every moment that you're not eating or sleeping you must spend making amends."

"What should I do?"

"You need to traverse our property. Stop every few steps to apologize to nature for your offense against it."

"What is my offense, Mr. Jane?"

"The spirits will tell you when you begin your journey around the property."

"So I should start walking around and maybe stop every five steps or so to apologize?"

"I would stop every three steps just to be on the safe side. One can never be too careful with nature." After saying that, Jane grasped his temples with both hands and lowered his head. "What? What's that? I'm still listening. Yes. I'll relay the message."

"Is there anything else the spirits are telling you?"

Jane furrowed his brow.

"Yes, Lucy. The spirits are most concerned about Teresa's pregnancy. You must curtail any crying, shrieking, or harsh noises around her."

"I will, Mr. Jane." Lucy released his hand to envelope Jane and Teresa in a hug.

"Thank you for all you've done for me. I feel better already."

"I'm glad I was able to help. Like I said, Teresa's normally the psychic nowadays, but anything for family. Or soon-to-be-family. Or whatever you are."

"I'll get started on my task right now." Lucy headed for the door of the cabin.

"Just remember. Except for eating and sleeping, you need to be apologizing," said Jane.

As soon as the door shut, Teresa slapped Jane on the shoulder again.

"Ouch. That hurt."

"Shame on you, Patrick Jane. You made that poor girl believe that you and me were psychics, you deceived her with a message that any third grader would see is bogus, and you just sent her outside to spend the rest of her time here talking to trees and squirrels."

Jane put his hands on his hips in defiance.

"Yes, I did."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

"I did it for you, Teresa, for your well-being and sanity. For the rest of the trip, she'll be out there." Jane waved his hand through the air, pointing outside. "Away from you. That's one less headache. Aren't you glad I did that?"

Jane saw his wife open her mouth, an objection poised on her lips. Then she closed her mouth as conflicting emotions raged across her face. Her brow furrowed, and at last she perked up with a smile.

"Yes. Heaven forgive me but I am glad. Thank you, Patrick."

*****Something Stupid*****

The next day at the FBI office yielded nothing but frustration again for Jane. His creativity deserted him now. Not so long ago he told Abbott that if he ever left working for the FBI, he'd miss the chase. But what if he couldn't muster enough smarts for the chase anymore?

Why was he bereft of those talents that served him so well? He knew the answer. Love and devotion. Marriage and pregnancy. Teresa and their baby.

But it was more than that. Now he saw the distress his wife endured due to her family. That morning when he awoke, a painful thought flitted through his mind: Now I know why she left Chicago.

He promised himself again to look on the bright side. That promise lasted an hour. Then he called to check on Teresa.

"I'm back in the emergency room. This time it's Jimmy." The weariness in her voice seeped through the phone.

"Do I dare ask what happened?"

"One of the boys saw a TV show where a bunch of men catch fish bare-handed," said Teresa.

Jane cringed when he asked his next question.

"Did your brothers wade into our pond?"

"All three of them. Up to their chests. After splitting a six-pack of beer."

"And Jimmy caught a fish, or should I say a fish caught Jimmy?"

"Neither. Jimmy grabbed for what he thought was a catfish along the bottom of the pond, but it turned out to be the remnants of an old barbed-wire fence."

"Ouch."

"Nothing a few stitches and a tetanus shot won't take care of."

*****The Fightin' Side Of Me*****

If Cho hadn't reached out to Jane, he would have skipped out of work himself for the rest of the time that the Lisbons were staying. But Weidner had murdered yet another person, this time an innocent bystander who over-heard him in a fast food restaurant. A man ruthless enough to kill someone that far removed from the crime itself put anyone he came into contact with in danger. Jane had to come up with a plan to take him off the street.

The next day brought more frustration. After a fruitless morning of brainstorming with Cho and Wylie, Jane took a break. Taking a deep breath, he called Teresa. He expected to hear sirens or screams or someone in an emergency room barking out orders about sutures and sedatives. Instead he heard birds chirping in the background. Could things be better today?

Teresa's voice dispelled any notion of that.

"Jane, I'm gonna kill my brothers. I'll start with Stan." Her voice quavered with rage. "I don't care what happens to me, even if I go to prison for life. They deserve it."

"Where are you, Teresa?"

"I'm at our log."

"Our log?"

"The one where you proposed to me. Our log. I come sit here sometimes when we're apart. It reminds me of you and our ring and us."

"What happened?"

"I came out here this morning, and I found Stan standing over it with an axe in his hands. It was the one from your tool shed."

"Why was he gonna chop up the log?"

"The boys wanted to build a bonfire tonight, and Stan decided our log would work nicely for that. We started to argue. He laughed at me."

"Is he still there with you?"

"No. After I got your shovel out of the tool shed and swung it at Stan, he ran back into the cabin."

Jane rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"So why are you still out there?"

"Stan had that evil look in his eyes, just like when he was eight years old and set my favorite doll on fire. Karen told me she would round up all the boys and take them off somewhere to eat lunch. Until I see 'em driving away in the minivan, I'm not moving."

"It must be kind of lonely out there by yourself."

"It's not that bad. Tripod's here with me. And Lucy's made her way around to this part of the property so we talk some in between when she's apologizing to the dandelions."

*****Brother Jukebox*****

Teresa noted that all her brothers gave her a wide berth for the rest of the day. And why not? She was in full "big sister" mode, and she dared any of the three to cross her path. Only when she heard Jane drive up did she let any hint of a smile form on her face. Running out to meet her husband, she grabbed him into a tight hug.

"My dear, you need relief. I may be drawing a blank on how to bring down Weidner, but I will bring you peace and quiet this evening," said Jane.

"What are you going to do?"

The Lisbon brothers were all stretched out on the front porch of the cabin. With his arm around Teresa, Jane called out to them.

"Fellas, I haven't spent much time with you since you've been here. Forget the bonfire. Let's have a boys-night-out." Teresa's brothers perked up. "I'm buying all the food and drink."

"Wooooooo-hoooooo." Stan chortled as all three brothers leapt off the porch, grabbed Jane out of Teresa's embrace, and hustled him off to the minivan.

That was the last she saw of her husband for the next seven hours.

*****When You're Hot, You're Hot*****

A little after one in the morning, Teresa awoke to hear four loud male voices whooping, hollering, and jabbering outside as car doors slammed shut. Worried about how her husband and her brothers were getting along, she sat up in bed. Soon enough, she smiled at the tone of the conversation. Just guys being guys she thought as she walked into the living room to greet the men when they came in. For the moment they had stopped on the steps of the front porch as Jane twisted his key in the door lock.

"Okay, what's the best worst song ever?"

"'You Are So Beautiful' by Joe Cocker."

"Ooooo. That's bad, but what about 'Sometimes When We Touch'? You gotta admit that'll make your skin crawl."

"Sorry. You're both wrong. The best of the worst songs is 'Feelings.'"

"Yeah, you're right. I don't know why I forgot that one. Teresa listened to that one when we were growing up."

"That's good information to know. Did you know that your sister listens to the Spice Girls now?"

"T? Really? Well, I guess if she listened to 'Feelings' she'd listen to just about anything, wouldn't you say?"

"I've got one. What was the greatest Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movie?"

"You mean the least-bad one."

"Yeah. That's the right way to put it."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. You've Got Mail?"

"Nope."

"How 'bout Sleepless In Seattle?

"Not that one either."

"If it's not them, which one is it?"

"Boys, I've gotta admit. That was a trick question. The greatest Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movie was the one that Tom Hanks wasn't in. It was When Harry Met Sally. You know, the one where Billy Crystal played the Tom Hanks role instead of Tom Hanks."

"You're right."

"I never would have thought of that. But it sure makes sense now."

"Boys, we've been talking about movies and music all night. Here's a question that puts the two together. What's the greatest performance by a rock star in a movie?"

"Oh, I know. Elvis Presley in Viva Las Vegas."

"Naw. How about Prince in Purple Rain?"

"Meat Loaf in Fight Club."

"You're all wrong. The right answer is Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome."

A hush fell over the men. Teresa strained to hear even a peep from them. Then a chorus of voices piped up.

"Ohhhhhh yeeeeeaaaaah…"

"She was wearing that metallic dress. The one that showed a lot of…"

"I remember that. Lots of good memories. Hottest. Woman. Ever."

"Well, Tina Turner did look good in that movie, but I think your sister is the hottest woman in the world."

The door opened as the four men ambled inside.

"You know what, Pads? You're alright. T's a lucky woman to have you." Stan grabbed Jane into another headlock.

"It's the other way around, Stan. I'm the fortunate one." A rasp escaped Jane's mouth as Stan squeezed his neck tighter.

Teresa saw Jane was in distress.

"Hey. Let go of my husband. His face is turning red."

Teresa's firm tone struck fear into her brother. Stan released Jane and got a sheepish look on his face.

"Ah, T, don't worry. Pads is alright. He can take it."

"It's time you boys called it a night. Jane's got to get up in the morning and go into the office. Say goodnight."

The boys excused themselves and Teresa took Jane's hand to tug him into their bedroom.

"So, do I take it that things went alright?"

"I'd like to think so. Things got even better when I told the boys that I'd serve as the designated driver."

Teresa laughed.

"That figures. By the way, I heard what you said outside."

Jane smiled.

"Well, you are the hottest woman in the world."

Jane's words made her feel tingly all over.

"Am not. But thank you."

"Are too." Jane kissed her.

"One thing I'm curious about. Why did Stan call you 'Pads'?"

"It evolved. Your brothers don't think it's right to call me 'Jane.' So they started out with 'Patrick'."

"But 'Pads'?"

"As the evening wore on and more beer flowed, the boys latched on to 'Paddy.' Eventually, two syllables were too much to say so they shortened it. Hence, 'Pads'."

"Pads and T. We're quite a pair, aren't we?" Teresa kissed her husband again and they went to bed. Much too early, Jane woke up and trudged off to work. Teresa rolled over and went back to sleep, thankful that her brothers were too exhausted - or more likely too hungover - to get up before mid-day.

*****Somethin' 'Bout a Truck*****

Teresa sensed the weariness in Jane's voice when she talked to him on the phone at lunch time.

"…of course I'm fine, Teresa. I enjoyed the night out with the boys. We're doing it again tonight. Tommy called earlier and said he'd planned out our agenda for the evening."

"And you accepted?"

"Yes. It'll keep 'em out of your hair. You and Karen can have a quiet dinner somewhere, maybe you can swap notes with her on dealing with kids."

"And by kids do you mean her brood or my brothers?"

Jane laughed.

"I'll let you decide what I meant by that. Give Tripod a dog biscuit for me and I'll see you later, my dear."

When Jane arrived home that evening, Teresa spent all of thirty seconds with him. While they were still in the front yard, Jimmy grabbed one arm, Stan the other, and Tommy opened the door to stuff her husband inside the minivan. That was the last she heard from him until his leaden footsteps traipsed across the wooden floor of their bedroom at two in the morning.

Groaning, Jane collapsed sideways across the bed. Roused from slumber on the rug beside the bed, Tripod swished his tail and whimpered in sympathy. Reaching out, Teresa rubbed her hand through Jane's hair. He raised his head in response.

"You smell bad," she said.

"What did you say?" Jane cupped a hand around one ear. "Can't hear very well right now."

Teresa raised her voice.

"I said that you smell like you've sat next to a diesel exhaust pipe."

In a much-too-loud voice, her husband replied.

"Precisely."

"What?"

"Your brothers and I spent three hours in box seats at a monster truck rally. We sat right beside the floor of the arena."

"Three hours? No wonder you're deaf. Wait a minute. It's two in the morning. Why did it take you so long to get home?"

"Because it was in Houston."

"Houston?"

"Yeah. Remind me to never let Tommy Lisbon serve as an event planner. Ever again."

With that, Jane dropped his head back down. Rather than drag him into the normal position on the bed, Teresa sighed, picked up his pillow, and stuffed it under his head. He didn't move until 6am when the alarm sounded. Despite Teresa's protest to stay and rest, Jane waved her off and drug himself out the door.

*****Coffee In the Morning, Kisses In the Night*****

Four hours later, Teresa's phone rang. Looking at the screen, she saw that Cho was calling. Was it about some case she'd been working on? She clicked to answer.

"Hey, Cho."

"What the hell is wrong with Jane?"

Worry seized her.

"What do you mean?"

"I've never seen him like this. He's asleep on the couch right now."

Teresa was glad to hear he was relaxing.

"You know him. He does that a lot."

"No, Lisbon, it's not normal. He's out like a light one moment. The next he's awake. And when he's awake, he's like a grizzly bear. That's not all."

Teresa sucked in a deep breath.

"What else?"

"When did he quit drinking tea?"

"What?"

"He ordered Wylie to make coffee for him. The second day in a row. Then he demanded that Wylie remake the coffee. He said it wasn't strong enough."

"He's been helping entertain my brothers this week."

"Your husband is in bad shape, Teresa. And we still don't have a plan for bugging Weidner's meeting tonight. Can you help him?"

*****It's All Too Much*****

Patrick Jane lay on his couch in the FBI office. His eyes closed, he sensed a familiar presence even before he heard the voice.

"Here's a fresh batch."

"Still not good enough."

"But you haven't tried it yet," said Wylie. "You haven't even opened your eyes."

"Don't have to. My sense of smell tells me it isn't strong enough yet. Pour it out. Try again."

"I'm running out of coffee."

Jane refused to open his eyes as he snapped at Wylie.

"Good. Take every bit that's left and make a fresh pot. I won't taste it until it can peel paint from the walls. Now scram."

He heard Wylie's rapid footsteps as the young man retreated to the kitchenette. Why was he snapping at Wylie like that? He was a good kid, one who'd helped Teresa and himself out many times in the past. And he was only trying to help now. Wylie didn't deserve the tongue-lashing that Jane had given him.

Jane felt as if he'd lost his self-control. Hell, I don't just feel, I know it he thought. The combination of frustration on the Weidner case and the all-hours babysitting of the Lisbon brothers had taken a toll. Where did this leave him? Barking for coffee and yearning for a nap that came and went.

While ruing his lot, Jane sensed another familiar presence. Two presences to be precise. Slowly he opened his eyes to see Cho and Teresa standing over him, both with their arms crossed staring down on him. Looking back-and-forth between them, Jane saw frustration on Cho's face and worry on his wife's.

"Teresa, what pleasant surprise. You came to the office."

"I hadn't planned to. Stan threatened to build a bonfire again, and he was looking for the axe. Good thing I hid it under the porch."

"So why are you here?"

"Cho says you've been an ass to Wylie all morning."

"Meh." Jane waved his hand in the air to dismiss the charge. "I just asked him for a decent cup of coffee. You'd think that in all his FBI training that someone would teach him how to make some java with a kick to it."

Teresa glanced at Cho.

"Yep. Looks like full-blown horse's ass mode."

"Can you do anything with him? We're getting desperate, Lisbon. Weidner's meeting is in just a few hours," said Cho as he glanced at his watch.

Teresa looked back at Jane and her mouth fell open.

"When did you get that twitch above your left eye?" she asked.

"What? I do not have a twitch above my eye."

"Yes, you do. There it goes again." Teresa pointed at his face.

"I see it too. Your brothers must be running him ragged," said Cho.

Jane got up from the couch to face his wife and his friend. Hands on his hips, he glowered at them, or at least as much was his twitching left eye would let him. He was just about to cut loose with a retort when he froze. The two people who stood before him had problems, one professional and the other familial. A thought flitted through his mind. In an instant, the whisper of an idea took root and flowered. He smiled, leaned over to kiss Teresa, and squeezed Cho's arm.

"Problems solved! I gotta go make a call," said Jane. Pulling out his phone, he called a now-familiar number. "Tommy. This is Pads. Whatever plans you and the boys conjured up for this evening, scrap 'em. We're…"

*****Knock Me a Kiss*****

Teresa went home, leaving Jane and Cho scanning layouts of Weidner's bar. That evening at the cabin, Teresa again only saw Jane for about 30 seconds. The fatigue had fallen away from his face though. In its place he sported that bad-boy look she knew so well over the years - the look of the jaunty schemer at the top of his game. She wouldn't get mad at him, whatever he had cooked up. Of course it didn't hurt that 25 of the 30 seconds he spent with her were devoted to his kissing her senseless. And this wasn't his kiss of comfort either. It was one of his full-blown kisses of passion. With it came a promise of more to come. Just another reason to look forward to my brothers leaving town thought Teresa. The leer on his face left no doubt in her mind what they'd be doing the minute they were by themselves again. She felt her knees weaken in anticipation.

Tonight her husband was the one to hustle her brothers into the minivan. Of course it didn't take much to prompt the boys to ride off with Jane. The six-pack of Coors they'd split before he arrived set the mood. With Jimmy whooping out the open window in back, Jane piloted the minivan down the gravel driveway leaving a cloud of dust in its wake.

"So, now that the boys are gone, you wanna go out to get a bite to eat?" Karen Lisbon had sidled over beside Teresa.

"Sure. Should we ask Lucy if she wants to come along?" asked Teresa.

Karen waved over to Lucy to get her attention.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

Hunched over, Lucy broke off her conversation with a tree stump and stood up.

"Thanks, but I'll stay here and eat with some chipmunks I just apologized to. I think I'm making a real breakthrough."

"Good going, girl." Karen turned to Teresa. "At least we don't have to eat vegan tonight. I'm dying for a cheeseburger. How 'bout you?"

"You know I'm good for that. And ice cream sundaes after?" asked Teresa.

"Only if they're drenched in chocolate syrup."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day. Hey, when you were pregnant, did you ever crave pickles?"

"Who hasn't? For my last pregnancy I kept three kinds in the refrigerator," said Karen.

"But did you wake up with a craving at 2am?"

"Oh, honey, let me tell you about the time when I…"

*****Act Naturally*****

Worry lingered in Teresa's mind after she and Karen got back from dinner. Were Patrick and the boys okay? Fatigue got the best of her after awhile though and she drifted off to sleep.

Teresa awoke with a start. Through bleary eyes she spied the time on the clock - 3am. And there was no sign of Jane or her brothers. Panic seized Teresa, and she grabbed her phone to call her husband. Each ring on the line lasted an eternity in her mind. Her free hand tapped so loudly on the bedside table that she roused Tripod. With a whimper he looked at her as if to share her concern.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Teresa feared her call would go to voice mail. But at the last instant before switching, she heard a click and the voice she yearned for. The background noise set her on edge though. It was a mix of sirens, screams, and objects slamming against each other. People called out orders in the background, and she heard muffled announcements from an intercom.

"Hello, my dear. Sorry I didn't call. We've had a hectic evening."

"Are you alright? How about the boys?"

"We're all fine. Except Tommy had to come to the emergency room to get checked out. We've almost finished here. The good news is your brother only has some bruised ribs. Save a kiss for me, and I'll see you soon, my love. Gotta go."

Teresa determined to stay awake this time. After an hour passed, the low hum of the minivan's engine sounded as it pulled up outside. Once the engine shut off, car doors slammed yet she heard no conversation among the men. As soon as Jane opened the front door, the men bid each other goodnight. Her husband entered their bedroom and latched the door. When Teresa raced across the room to him, Jane reached his hand around her neck to draw her lips to his. She recognized that kiss at once.

"So all of you guys are alright?" she asked.

Jane busied himself shedding his clothes.

"We are. Your brothers are fine, Cho and Wylie are fine, I'm fine. The only people who are not fine are Weidner and his minions. They're in jail and going to rot there for a long time." Now naked, Jane crawled under the blankets.

"So, are you gonna tell me what happened?" Teresa crossed her arms as she stood beside the bed.

Jane looked up at her as his mouth curled into a wicked grin.

"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"And I suppose you'd like for me to gift-wrap the story for you."

Teresa recognized a conversation of theirs from long ago.

"You usually do, Paddy." Now she sported the same grin her husband had.

"The story I will tell you in the morning." He made a theatrical gesture of fluffing his pillow before he leered at her.

Teresa shed her nightgown and wiggled under the covers. As she snuggled next to him, Jane enveloped her in his arms.

"Huh. There is room for both of us," she said.

When Teresa awoke later, she reached out for Jane only to find his side of the bed empty. Inhaling a deep breath, she caught a whiff of bacon wafting in from the kitchen. At the same time, she heard a morning sound she had come to know well. Her husband was raking a spatula across a pan to dish out scrambled eggs for their breakfast. Throwing on her dressing gown, she scurried to the kitchen to find a scene that always warmed her heart. Jane stood by the stove dressed in his suit pants, dress shirt, and vest - wrapped in an orange apron adorned with the words, "Kiss the cook." As was her morning custom, Teresa did what the apron said. The two of them took their breakfast outside to their chairs on the front porch. Something gladdened Teresa's heart. Jane's cup once again had freshly brewed tea instead of coffee in it.

"Now that you've had a whole…" Teresa looked at her watch, "…two-and-a-half hours to sleep, are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"A classic misdirection, my dear. My only regret is that you weren't there to see your brothers in action."

"What did you have them do?"

"Act naturally. None of Cho's team had any undercover talent. By the way, what are they teaching new recruits at Quantico?" Jane brought his index finger up to tap on his lips. "Maybe I should teach there. Anyway, Wylie needed five minutes to sneak into the backroom of Weidner's bar to plant his bugs. I asked the boys to provide five minutes worth of distraction."

"How did they distract Weidner and his people?"

"Your brothers started that time-honored American leisure activity, the barroom brawl. It was a sight to behold. Mugs and curses flying through the air, beer flowing across the tile floor, 'yeee-haaas' vibrating off the walls. The boys were having the time of their lives."

"Where were you during the brawl?"

"Right in the middle of it."

"So Patrick Jane was throwing punches?"

"Of course not. You know me better than that. But I was in the middle of the brawl - sitting at our table eating an order of nachos."

"My brothers were fighting while you were eating?" Teresa snorted which prompted Jane to paste on his most angelic visage.

"I was ready to lend a hand, but the boys did such a fine job they didn't need help. Besides, it would have been a shame for the food to go to waste. Weidner may be a criminal, but his nachos are heaven with a jalapeño."

"So Tommy bruised his ribs fighting with his brothers. Humph. Just like when we were kids."

"No, the boys had planned out their fight ahead of time. Quite a piece of performance art. They knew how to handle themselves so they wouldn't get injured."

"Then how did Tommy hurt himself?"

"You would have been proud of him. He used those bounty hunter skills he's so good at. When Cho's team moved in for the arrest, Weidner slipped between two agents and headed for the back door."

"Let me guess. Tommy tackled him."

"He flew across the room, slammed into Weidner, and crashed both of them through a plasterboard wall," said Jane.

Teresa's heart swelled with pride.

"Good for Tommy."

"It gets better. They ended up in a stall in the women's bathroom. When Weidner continued to resist, Tommy gave him a swirly."

*****With A Little Help From My Friends*****

When the Lisbon clan finally roused themselves mid-morning, Jane whipped up another round of breakfast for them. While he did that, Teresa's brothers kept up a steady chatter with her about their exploits from the night before. It reminded her of when they were kids. Each one wanted to outdo the other in the tale he told his big sister.

Just as Tommy piled the last dirty dish atop all the other ones in the sink, Jimmy yelled out, "Someone's coming." Teresa glanced out the window, saw a black SUV rumble to a stop in the driveway, and joined the rest of the family spilling out of the cabin onto the front lawn.

The car doors opened, and two familiar men wearing suits popped out. All three Lisbon boys broke into smiles, and Stan yelled out at the top of his lungs. "Jase-Man! K-Cho! Greatest cop-bros ever!"

Jimmy and Tommy went over to slap Jason Wylie on the back while Stan moved to grab Kimball Cho in a headlock. Just as Stan was putting his arm around Cho's neck, Teresa saw Cho give her brother the death stare. Stan froze in mid-motion then lowered his arm back to his side. Once the round of welcoming finished, Cho cleared his throat. It was only then that Teresa noticed that he carried some wooden plaques under his arm.

"Boys, Wylie and I wanted to stop by before you left town. On behalf of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, I want to present you with these. They're tokens of appreciation from the Bureau for your help in bringing down Drew Weidner."

The brothers regarded their plaques as if they were bars of gold from Fort Knox. Teresa noticed Jimmy blow a little dust off the face of his, while Tommy ran his fingers across the inscription of his as if he needed to confirm that it was real. At long last, Stan looked up and spoke for the boys.

"We gotta get our pictures made with K-Cho and Jase-Man. No one back home will believe us otherwise." Stan twisted his head around to look at Teresa. "Hey, Sis. You and Pads get in the picture too."

After the round of picture-taking, Jimmy sidled up beside Cho.

"K-Cho, do you have any jobs I could apply for?"

For an instant, Teresa saw Cho's answer catch in his throat. Then he spoke.

"Uhhh, no." Cho shot a glance over to Wylie before he continued. "The Jase-Man and I have to get back to the office. We still have three of Weidner's people to interrogate. I hope you guys have a safe trip home."

Wylie was having an animated discussion with Tommy about voice recognition software, but Cho tugged his sleeve to go. Teresa wondered if tugged or jerked was a better term. Regardless, the two agents hurried to the SUV and drove off.

*****Leaving On a Jet Plane*****

After lunch, the whole family congregated on the front porch. Soon the visiting Lisbons would bid goodbye and drive to the airport. Until then, Teresa and Jane relaxed in their rocking chairs. With one hand Teresa squeezed her husband's, and with the other she reached down to scratch Tripod behind the ears.

The Lisbon family had draped themselves all across the porch. On one end, a catnapping Karen lay scrunched across the wooden swing with a pillow under her head. Stan lay flat on his back next to the swing looking up at his wife. At the other end of the porch Jimmy and Tommy stretched out across the wooden planks. Resting on his side that hadn't gotten bruised, Tommy snored like a buzz saw. In contrast, Teresa noticed that Jimmy was awake and focused on Lucy.

Having finished her circuit around the entire property, Lucy walked over to join the rest of the family. Kissing Jimmy on the top of his head, Lucy stepped over to the middle of the porch. Kneeling in front of the rocking chairs, Lucy hugged Teresa and shook Jane's hand.

"I want to thank the two of you. You've helped me understand more about myself. And my place in the universe. And all that from spending just a few days with you. You guys are amazing."

"No, Lucy. You're the amazing one. That's what I've told Teresa every day that you've been here," Jane said.

"My boss Marvin told me that you made a bigger impression on him than anyone he's ever come in contact with on the job."

What is Lucy talking about Teresa wondered.

"Your boss?" asked Jane.

"I'm a TSA agent at O'Hare Airport in Chicago. I told Marvin that Jimmy and I were coming to Austin to visit family, and your name came up. He said he met you when he was stationed in Florida. Marvin just transferred to O'Hare last month."

Jane glanced at Teresa.

"Your boss worked in Florida?"

"Yeah. He never told me the circumstances of meeting you but he said he'll never forget you. He told me to let him know if you were ever coming through O'Hare. He says he wants to greet you in person and spend some time with you."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Lucy. When Teresa and I come to Chicago, we fly into Midway."

Teresa leaned over to whisper in her husband's ear.

"We do?"

"We do now," Jane whispered back.

"That's a shame. My boss wants to see you so badly," said Lucy.

"Well, we can't have everything, can we?"

*****Can't Get Away From a Good Time*****

If Teresa had thought that the boys would stay calm before they left, she was mistaken. Peace did reign among her brothers until they decided to a few more family photos. Then a familiar argument bubbled up.

"Pads. You and Reese get over here on the left." Tommy motioned for Teresa and Jane to move beside him. On his other side were his two brothers. "We'll all squeeze in close for the picture."

"Quit calling Sis 'Reese,' dumbass. It's 'T.' Get with it," said Jimmy as he poked Tommy's sore ribs.

"Owwww. That hurt."

"Yeah, well if you think that hurt, then…"

Jane put one arm each around Tommy and Jimmy then tugged on their shoulders.

"Boys, boys, boys. Relax. 'Reese' and 'T' are both fine nicknames, but you wanna know my pet name for her?"

Teresa tensed. Where was he going with this?

"What?" asked Stan.

"I call my dear wife the 'Pocket Rocket.' It fits, don't you think?"

Her three brothers fell silent and looked amongst themselves. Then as if on cue, they all burst into grins.

"Yeah!" said Jimmy.

"Perfect," said Tommy.

"Pads and the Rocket. Best bro-in-law and sister ever," Stan said. "Snap the picture quick before Tommy and Jimmy go at it again."

After that, the family piled their bags into the minivan. Teresa noticed the gusto that Jane displayed as he helped her brothers load the luggage. Every chance he could, Jane snatched a glimpse at Teresa and waggled his eyes. I'd be helping them leave too if I wasn't pregnant she thought. As Teresa stood in the middle of the front yard, Tripod sat beside her keeping vigil on scene before them. When Teresa looked down at their dog, Tripod looked up at her with a hopeful, they're-leaving-now-aren't-they? expression smeared across his face.

Once the family had weighed down the rear end of the minivan with every bag that made the trip from Chicago plus a few new trinkets like Jimmy's shot glass collection, a round of hugs ensued. Then one-by-one the Lisbons crammed themselves into the car. Karen Lisbon, before she took the wheel, made sure that Lucy sat between Jimmy and Tommy. Once she buckled herself into the driver's seat, Karen lowered her window to yell at her husband.

"Come on, Stan. If we don't get going, we'll miss our flight."

"Karen's right, Stan. You need to shake a leg," said Jane as he shot a lascivious look Teresa's way.

"Teresa, it's been great having the whole family together again," said Stan.

"It's something I won't forget as long as I live," said Teresa.

"And don't you worry, Sis, we'll be here to support you."

Something about the way Stan said that put her on edge.

"You'll be here?"

"Of course. You didn't think we'd abandon our sister, our only sister, when she needs her family the most. Or our brother-in-law. Jimmy, Tommy, and I have arranged our schedules. The week of your due date we'll all be back. We'll help you, and we'll keep Pads here occupied so he won't have those expectant father jitters." Stan glanced over at Jane and pointed. "Look at that. He's already got the jitters. See that twitch that started above his left eye. Don't worry. We'll take care of it."

Teresa twisted her head around to see the now ashen, twitching face of her husband.

"Jane, we need to talk."

*****The End*****

Author's notes:

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