Creation began on 07-08-20

Creation ended on 07-09-20

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Hope from the Sky: My Regrets

A/N: What Eren Yeager must've thought as he was being thrown away from Paradis by Grausam. Inspired by reading information regarding the most recent chapter.

He was thrown away from Paradis by the Akuma Titan like a worthless pebble, heading across the air over the ocean. And as he felt the weightlessness of his body heading towards the unknown, Eren Yeager recalled more of why he was perceived as an enemy to the people of the island in the other lifetime where he still possessed the power of the Titans. His half-brother had a plan to sterilize all Subjects of Ymir…and he pretended to go along with it, then told Historia about it. And while she had told him that she would go with the most reliable plan to ensure that everyone on Paradis had a future, he still made the choice to bring ruin to the world; his version of ensuring peace and freedom by removing everyone else.

But we didn't have people like Shinji or Kaede with us when we had to make such decisions to ensure our future, he thought as he felt himself losing consciousness in the air; it was either because he couldn't breathe properly after being thrown with such speed or because he was so high in the air where oxygen was thin. We had to make hard choices. I had to make hard choices, to save everyone.

But as his vision faded, his perception of the sky and ocean was replaced by a vision of his mother, sitting on a grassy hill under a large tree.

"Eren," she spoke up, sounding disappointed. "Why, Eren?"

"Why, what?" He asked her, finding himself standing several feet away from her.

"Why couldn't you show restraint?"

"We were at war with an enemy that was out to kill us. There was no point in showing restraint."

"What enemy?"

"Everyone."

"Everyone?"

"Marley, people that saw us all as monsters, devils, less than human. We had very little time and very few options. I chose the best course of action to ensure everyone on Paradis had a future free of hatred."

"By taking the lives of everyone that didn't even know any of you?" She questioned. "That's not the best choice to make."

"You didn't have to deal with making such a choice," he countered her. "You were killed by a Titan! My decision to want them dead was made easy that day we lost everything in Shiganshina! I wanted vengeance against the Titans!"

"But now you switched from hating the Titans to hating everyone else in the world. And your willingness to kill people that don't even know who you are… Why do you think you live in a different future now? Why do you think there exist people that don't think as you or anyone else do? Why do you suppose that people like this couple, this Shinji Ikari and Kaede Sogen exist in the future where you don't make such decisions that affect the lives of others the way they did in another lifetime?"

"You…you know about those two?"

"A friend of mine once believed that in death…all of life's questions are answered, even the questions you don't have. So, yes, I know about those two. I know that the boy is from another place beyond Paradis, beyond this world. I know about Ms. Sogen, who saved you from having to live a short life when faced with the revelation that those with the power of the Titans would lose the power in thirteen-fifteen years after first acquiring it, left with severe fatigue for the rest of their lives. I know that if everyone feared what you would do if you reclaimed the power of the Titans and tried to destroy the world like before, Mikasa and Armin would've begged for mercy on your life."

"I… Even if we didn't have to fear the rest of the world, anymore, I can't just ignore the possibility that we'd be attacked again. I was thinking of everyone's safety."

"No, Eren Yeager," he heard another voice and saw another person standing beside the tree, seeing that it was Frieda Reiss. "You were too consumed with fear of there being no other alternative that you took matters into your own hands. Even if the future you live in has no need for the Rumbling that my ancestor, Karl Fritz, threatened to have unleashed upon anyone that dared to attack Paradis, the previous lifetime where you made the Rumbling a reality was a choice that you have to live with, no matter how long or short your current life is. You have to live with that choice…and the guilt that comes with it."

"But I do live with it!"

"You didn't have to, you know," Carla told him. "You could've just walked away, let go of the anger, the drive for vengeance, after you took back Wall Maria."

"You could've let go," Frieda agreed with her. "You could've search for another way. There is always another way. Fighting is just an excuse when you choose not to believe in other possibilities…and war is just an excuse when you prefer to disregard other possibilities that include peace."

"If I hadn't, the military on Paradis would've sacrificed Historia! They would've forced her to become a Titan and devour my brother and then bear children until she reached the end of her life! And she was going to accept that outcome!"

"The power of the Founding Titan is next to unlimited if you sought other solutions. You could've removed the power of the Beast Titan from your brother when you took control of it from Ymir Fritz, appealing to her to be free and decide for herself in that other lifetime. You could've taken the power of the Nine Titans from everyone that had possession of them and meld them back into the Founding Titan, saving your friends and removing the threat that your enemies posed. You could've turned Connie's mother back into her human form, Eren…but you chose not to. You didn't want to believe in there being another way…and that is why everyone in this lifetime is afraid of what you might do if you ever obtained the power again."

Eren turned away from them. Even if they were right, he couldn't risk in there being another choice. He had to use the Rumbling, to destroy their enemies, to free Paradis from the hate of the world so that they could be free.

"Was it worth what you did to everyone around you?" Carla asked him. "Was your decision worth pushing away Mikasa and Armin? Mikasa, who loved you for years?"

"Mikasa…loved me?" He questioned.

"Even after everything you did in the other lifetime, she was probably the only person in your whole existence that did…and still does," Frieda told him.

Then…Carla expressed something that contradicted what Eren had said about herself earlier.

"And why did you say I was killed by a Titan?" She asked him. "That was the other lifetime. Before I drew my final breath, I was surrounded by you, your father and Mikasa, succumbing to my injuries caused by a Titan that tried to crush me to death. I was saved by a dark-skinned Titan that put me down after breaking the other Titan's arms. Even you were in awe of the Titan when it started fighting against the other Titans, completely ignoring the people. You weren't thinking of wanting to kill Titans or anyone else, for that matter. Instead, you were hoping to one day see the Titan again."

And Eren did remember that time. That time around, because of the Dark Titan's actions, his mother hadn't died that day Wall Maria was breached; instead, it took her several days to succumb, which was rare because for most, it took only hours to die from internal bleeding, and his father didn't have all the necessary tools to operate on her safely, instead only delaying the inevitable by a few days. Even if it was only for a while, he was grateful that she hadn't been eaten by a Titan.

"Am I dead?" He asked them.

"No," Frieda answered him, "not yet. Whether you live or die now…pretty much depends on what happens after you wake up…assuming you even wake up at all."

"What do you mean?"

Frieda then approached where he stood, raised her right hand to his head…and flicked his nose.

-x-

"Gaah!" Eren gasped, his head bobbing in the water. "I…I'm still alive?"

He tried to move his arms and legs, but felt only pain each time.

"Aaaurgh! Aaauurgh!" He groaned; somehow, had survived being thrown away from Paradis by Grausam, but when he impacted into the ocean, his limbs were mangled.

It was a miracle he was barely floating in the water at all.

Hooooorn! He heard a ship's horn go, and turned his head to his left, seeing a large ship that looked like the secondary carrier that had been found on Paradis that had been worked on and repurposed for serving the Survey Corps and Garrison, currently tasked with establishing a new community on that island they had found a few months back after understanding how the first carrier they found functioned.

"Hey!" He heard someone on the carrier yell. "Hey, we got a man in the water!"

Eren suddenly felt his body start to sink into the water.

"Ah… Help!" He gasped, but his head sank under the next small wave that came nearby, forcing him to hold his breath.

FLASH! A bright light shone on his face, but was he alive…or had he moved on?

To be continued…

A/N: Maybe now I can eventually get started on the chapter When Bones Break, which actually should've been before this chapter, but I wanted people to be more stumped by what happened to Eren after Grausam threw him.