A JOB FOR…WHO NOW?

By Ryan Rinkerman

It was the first morning of 1986. Daylight had just begun to fill the streets, which were slowly filling with Snorks going about their business. Governor Wellington Wetworth looked out the window of his office, the city still decorated with streamers and signs from the New Year's celebration the day before. The Governor's wife walked up next to him, clearing her throat to get his attention. The Governor greeted her with a large grin.

"Ahh, good morning, Elaine!" The Governor noticed the upset look on his wife's face. "What's wrong? The start of a brand new year is upon us!"

"Yes…and if it's anything like the last two, we'll be bankrupt."

The Governor looked confused by that comment. "What do you mean? We're not having money problems!"

"Oh yes we are!" Elaine said emphatically. "The past two years have been financial disasters. Look at what we've had to deal with…the kelp flooding, the mind swapper incident, the swordfish attack…it feels like every week, we've had to fix at least two big problems!"

"Hmm…" The Governor rubbed his chin. "I suppose we do have to take some action. But what do you suggest?"

"I think we should improve the police force."

"But Elaine-y-fish, that would cost a lot of money!"

"So does fixing everything because we don't have a better police force! If we don't do something, we may not HAVE a Snork Land."

The Governor sighed. "All right, sweetie. Improving the police force it is. Now let's plan this out…can you get Galeo Seaworthy on the line?"

Two weeks later…

A meeting was being held in the school auditorium. The Governor said that an exciting change was coming to Snork Land, and the citizens were all excited to hear what it was. The place was packed; Snorks of all ages were filling the chairs.

"Hello, Allstar!" Jo-Jo took a seat next to his friend. "Do you have any idea why we were gathered here today?"

"Not really…all I know is that Uncle Galeo was commissioned to design something for it! Everything is supposed to be a secret, so I didn't ask him what it was…I'm not sure if he even knows all the details!"

Junior took the other seat next to Allstar, grumbling. "Change, change, change! There's been too much of it recently!"

"What do you mean?" Allstar asked.

"First we opened up relations with the freshwater Snorks in the Riverworld, then we changed our money from sand dollars to clams, now this! We don't need their help to survive, and there was no reason to change our money! Who thinks of these dumb ideas, anyway?"

"Your father!"

"Like I said, it's nice meeting Snorks from other cultures! And I never liked those sand dollars, anyway! They were too big for my pockets!"

"Ladies and Gentlesnorks!" The Governor stood in front of a large red curtain, holding a microphone in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other. "Just like the currents that rush through our fair city, progress is always moving forward. And today marks the beginning of a brand new chapter of Snork Land's history. Announcing…the formation of the Snork Patrol!" The curtain pulled back to reveal two items, the Snorks cheering as they were revealed. One was a brand-new, top-of-the-line submarine. The sub was huge, made from a mixture of shell and metal. In front of the sub was a mannequin, dressed in a fancy blue-and-red uniform accented in gold. White gloves completed the look.

"Yes, yes!" The Governor grinned as the applause died down. "By the end of the month, Snork Land will have an army—"

"Wellington!"

Elaine swam from backstage as fast as she could. She cupped her hand and whispered into the Governor's ear. "We spent most of the Snork Patrol budget on those things. We only have enough money to pay one Snork!"

"Hmmm…oh dear…"

Elaine took the microphone. "As my husband was saying, Snork Land will have an army of one, with the strength and cunning of ten Snorks! Only the best will be fit enough for that uniform, and we'll be holding interviews over the next few days."

"Yes yes, of course!" The Governor nodded eagerly. "If you think you're Snork enough for the job, come to city hall!"

That day…

"Nice cop outfit! How long have you been on the force, officer?"

"I'm not a Police Snork, I just think the uniform looks cool."

"NEXT!"

Later…

"So you say you have fighting experience?"

"Yeah! My high score in Kung Fu Snork is over 50,000!"

"NEXT!"

Still later…

"No, Junior, I can't hire you."

"But I'm your son!"

"Well first, Junior, you're too young for the age requirement. Second, we can't stop criminals if all we do is accept their bribes!"

"Well…what if we just took half of them?"

"NEXT!"

The next day…

Allstar, Junior, and Jo-Jo were walking down the street. "I'm delighted that you would invite me to the New Year's Cookout, Allstar!"

"No problem! You're going to love it!" Allstar rubbed his stomach in anticipation. "I know Casey, Tooter, and Daffney will be there. Dimmy's out of town with his parents, so he won't be."

"That's a shame. I was looking forward to him hogging all the kelp dogs again!" Junior snickered at his own comment.

Jo-Jo sighed and decided to change the topic. "So have you heard anything about the Snork Patrol?" Jo-Jo asked.

"They're still having trouble finding someone!" Allstar responded. "All the applicants have been turned down."

"It's such a stupid idea!" Junior crossed his arms. "So we're supposed to believe all our problems will be solved because of some guy with a fancy suit? Talk about putting all your caviar in one basket!"

"Are you just saying that because you failed the interview?" Jo-Jo asked.

"Like you could do better!" Junior snapped.

"Well, he could, actually!" Allstar retorted. "He is pretty strong, after all! I think he'd make a fine member!"

"Thank you!" Jo-Jo appreciated that comment. "It would take a while to get used to wearing something like that, though…I am not used to that much clothing."

The three walked past a garage, noticing a mechanic hard at work on a shiny sub. Allstar recognized the sub instantly; it was the one from the Snork Patrol! "Check it out, guys! There's the sub getting tuned up!"

"May I help you, young citizen?" The mechanic was an orange Snork, dressed in a gray tank top, blue jeans, and brown shoes.

Allstar waved to the mechanic as he entered the garage. "Oh no, we were just talking about the Snork Patrol."

"The Snork Patrol? What is that?"

"What is that?!" Junior looked at him incredulously. "It's been all over the news! Haven't you heard anything?"

"Not really, I've been busy fixing all these subs." The mechanic kept turning the wrench.

"But…how could you not know?" Jo-Jo looked at him, confused. "That sub you are fixing is for the Snork Patrol!"

"It is?" The mechanic looked the sub over. "Galeo and I were just commissioned to put the sub together. They didn't go into the specifics of this…Snork Patrol."

"The Snork Patrol is supposed to be this new super-cop that'll magically erase all our problems." Junior smirked.

"And they are still looking for someone to fulfill that position!" Jo-Jo added.

"Hmm…" The mechanic rubbed his cheek. "Well, I don't think I'd be the right Snork for the job! I've got enough subs to fix here. They'll keep me busy through the rest of December!"

"It's the middle of January." Junior remarked.

"Really? Hmm. I've been so busy I haven't noticed the month changed." He wiped his brow with his wrench. "I'm always busy around here!"

Allstar looked around at all the subs that were still in need of repair. "So I guess you're not going to the New Year's Cookout? It's gonna be a big event!"

"I know, but I still have so much to do!" He grunted as he tightened a bolt on the back of the sub. After a few breaths, he turned to the others. "I really wish I could, but I pride myself in prompt service!"

"I'm sure a break won't put you behind schedule too much!" Allstar suggested. "When do you get off work?"

"Actually…" The mechanic checked the clock. "I was supposed to get off two hours ago." The orange Snork sighed. "Well, I suppose I'll come. The boss doesn't like me working overtime too much. He says I exhaust myself…can you imagine? I was only caught sleeping in the mechanic's pit three times!"

Junior looked down at it. "Well gee, I can't blame you, it looks so inviting down there…"

"I'll lead the way!" Allstar motioned outside. "Come on!"

The park…

The New Year's Cookout was full of people. A big table with speakers was set up on one end, blaring the latest Snork Land hits. Lots of tables were set up, a wide assortment of food offered on them. The scent of fresh, hot, plank burgers and kelp dogs filled the park. The smell was very appetizing to everyone around…including someone who was most definitely not invited to the party.

Hiding in a thick patch of seaweed was a Snorkeater, ready to strike. He had been there all night, waiting for the right time to strike…and that time was fast approaching. As good as the kelp burritos smelled, that wasn't his idea of a main course. He licked his lips at the sight of all the delicious looking Snorks, wondering which one he was going to take.

Allstar, Junior, Jo-Jo, and the mechanic were all at one of the food tables. "Junior, how come we are celebrating the new year on the sixteenth?" Jo-Jo asked, curious. "Should we not have had this party earlier?"

"We usually do, but Dad's putting all his energy into that stupid Snork Patrol." Junior grabbed a kelp dog from the table. "I didn't think he'd get to throw this party at all!"

"Good thing he did…this is a great opportunity to meet our new friend!" Allstar remarked as he put a plankburger on his plate. He turned to the mechanic. "I'm Allstar! What's yours?"

"Corky! It's a pleasure to meet you!" He shook the young Snork's hand.

"How long have you been working at that job?" Jo-Jo asked.

"About three months, give or take!" Corky took a bite of his burger. "And every day, we've had a sub come in!"

"Do you really enjoy a job like that?" Junior looked Corky over. "It can't pay all that well!"

"I just feel good that I can give something back to the community," Corky responded. "It warms my snork to know I can help the good people of this town!"

"Are you sure you do not want to try out for the Snork Patrol?" Jo-Jo asked. "With that kind of work ethic, you might be who they're looking for!"

"You really think so?" Corky looked pensive. "Well, maybe I'll try out for it once I get through the list of subs to fix."

Which would take him about three decades, Junior thought to himself.

Meanwhile, at another table, Elaine and the Governor were having another heated discussion. "Are you sure we can afford this cookout?" Elaine looked around. "This is a lot of food, you know!"

"Oh, I'm very sure!" His voice had a confident tone. "Sharky gave me a good deal on the food!"

"We can't survive on deals alone, you know!"

"We can when I'm so convincing!" The Governor chuckled. "I'm a very, errr…slick talker? Slippery talker?"

"Smooth?" Elaine offered.

"Yes! That's the word! I'm a very smooth talker! As long as I'm running this town, everything will be OK!"

Just then, the Snorkeater swam out from the bushes, letting out a loud roar. The sets of teeth on its stomach gnashed and hissed.

"Speaking of running…" The Governer pointed at the monstrous creature. "RUN!"

The Snorks screamed and scattered in all directions. The Snorkeater took off after Elaine and the Governor, licking his lips. With all his strength, the Snorkeater lunged forward, left arm outstretched, grabbing the Governor's cape. The Governor jerked forward, his cape almost tearing off. The shock of the sudden stop made the Governor lose his bearings, his head moving about woozily. The Snorkeater took the opportunity and grabbed the Governor in his powerful hand.

"Hey! Don't you know who I am?!"

"Yeah!" The Snorkeater sneered. "You're dinner!" He started to swim back to his cave.

"Oh no!" Allstar covered his mouth with his hand. "He got someone!"

"Holy mackerel! It's Dad!" Junior's expression was one of pure terror. "We have to save him!"

Allstar, Junior, and Jo-Jo took off after the Snorkeater. They swam as fast as they could, trying their best to keep up. They could hear the Governor shouting for help as they chased the Snorkeater through the park. The Snorkeater swam into a large cave, the mouth slightly larger than he was. The three Snorks stopped just short of it, looking inside.

"Oh no, look at those steam jets!" Allstar pointed at the bursts of steam coming from all directions inside the cave. "I don't think we can get in there!"

"Says you!" Junior swam inside, but immediately got blown by one of the jets, which blew him onto another jet. The hot steam currents bounced Junior around the cave before blowing him back out, knocking him to the ground. "Ugh! Now I know how a pinball feels!" He said as he rubbed his forehead.

"Let me try!" Jo-Jo swam in, but came back out almost immediately, fanning himself. "The heat is unbearable. I usually like it hot, but not THAT hot."

"This is really bad, guys." Allstar shook his head. "What do we do from here?"

"Maybe the Snorks in the park will think of something!" Jo-Jo said thoughtfully. "We should get back to the park, we may not have much time!"

Back at the park…

The Snorks were understandably upset. Their happy occasion had been tainted by the sudden snatching of their ruler. A batch of Snorks, many of whom Allstar and his friends knew, were there to greet him.

"Are you OK?" Tooter's mother asked between honks. "Where's the Governor?"

"The Snorkeater took him inside a cave!" Allstar shouted out, getting gasps and fearful looks from the crowd. "We can't get in, the steam is too strong and hot!"

"Then what can we do?" Casey asked.

"Keep partying?" Another Snork called out, snickering.

"That's my Dad you're talkin about, oyster brain!" Junior shook his fist.

"We'll need something to get through the steam blasts." Allstar explained. "They're too strong and hot for a Snork to handle!"

"Maybe some kind of armor?" Casey asked.

"Or a robot?" Another Snork suggested.

"What about that Snork Patrol sub?" Corky volunteered. "Galeo and I made it really strong!"

"Do we even have anyone who could drive it?" Casey asked. "I imagine it would handle a lot differently from a regular sub!"

"That's an easy one! This is a job for…the mechanic!" Corky exclaimed as he pointed at himself. "I already know how the sub works…I even helped Galeo put some parts of it together!"

"That's a great idea!" Allstar nodded. "Quick, let's get back to the garage!"

"You sure you want to come?" Corky asked. "This is going to be very dangerous!"

"There's nothing wrong with some extra help!" Jo-Jo responded.

"You couldn't force me to stay! My Dad's in danger!" Junior frantically nodded.

"Very well then!" Corky started to swim back to the garage. "Follow me, young citizens!"

Inside the cave…

The heart of the cave was large, with one steam jet shooting upwards. The room was lit up in a sickly shade of green by a number of small, glowing fish, swimming around in a circle near the cave's ceiling. "Hold still!" The Snorkeater snarled as he tied the Governor to a stalactite. "I can't have you escape before the seaweed's properly cooked, can I?" He motioned to the seaweed suspended over a hot steam jet, slowly darkening as the steam cooked it.

"You don't really want to eat me, do you?" The Governor looked at the Snorkeater nervously. "I'm a very old Snork!"

"Yeah! Aged to perfection!" The sets of jaws on the Snorkeater's stomach chattered, as if laughing at the comment.

The Governor struggled against his bonds. "I can get you anything you want! Subs! Money! Gold! Name your price!"

"I don't have any use for that! All I want's a good meal!"

The Governor gulped. "I never thought I'd go out like this. Done in by a Snorkeater…a political rival, maybe, but not a Snorkeater…"

The garage…

The four Snorks swam back into the garage. There was the sub, looking majestic as ever. Corky hurriedly opened the canopy, and they all swam inside.

"This is going to be quite the test run!" Jo-Jo remarked as Corky closed the canopy.

Corky took his place at the controls. "I certainly didn't expect to be doing all this today! Well…here goes nothing!" Corky started up the sub, hearing the engines roar. He pushed a lever forward, and the sub begun its journey. It sailed out of the garage, briefly stopping traffic. Corky then turned it to the right, heading in the direction of the park. It sped through the park with ease, the Snorks looking up in awe at the submarine flying over their heads.

"Wow!" Allstar watched in amazement. "This thing can really go!"

Corky nodded, then pulled the yoke back, causing the sub to descend to the level of the cave's mouth. "This is it…hang on to your snorks!"

The sub went inside the cave, the steam blowing against it. The sub held up well; the steam jets were gently rocking the sub, a far cry from Junior's headache-inducing steam ride.

"Much better!" Allstar remarked. "We can get through this easily!"

"Even so, we must remain diligent!" Corky turned on the headlights and maneuvered through carefully, taking note of the locations of the stalactites and stalagmites. "Everyone, be on alert!"

The heart of the cave…

"You do know what's going to happen if I'm eaten, right?" The Governor continued to struggle. "The town will be furious! They'll do everything in their power to get revenge!"

"Let 'em come! I'll just think of it as a food delivery!" The Snorkeater examined the seaweed as the green lights danced around the cave. "Cooked! Finally! Now, to make myself a nice Snorky snack…"

The Snorkeater paused when he heard a noise. Then the room started to light up, causing the green fish to scatter. The sub appeared in the middle of the room's entrance, surprising both the Snorkeater and his potential dinner.

"What in the whirlpool is that?!" The Snorkeater shielded his eyes.

"My word, is that…" The Governor looked at the sub, transfixed.

Corky opened the sub cockpit, and the other three swam out. Allstar pointed at the Snorkeater angrily. "You mess with one of us…"

"Then you mess with all of us!" Jo-Jo flexed his arms.

The Snorkeater chuckled as he looked the Snorks over. "Please…all you runts are doin' is makin' me hungry!" The Snorkeater tried to grab them, but they all swam in different directions, away from his meaty grip. Allstar and Junior then swam over to the Governor.

"Oh, thank Neptune you're here!" The Governor was clearly thrilled to see them. "And just in time!"

"You'll be fine, Dad, but hold still!"

Allstar worked on the ropes around the Governor's chest, Junior undid the ones on his legs. Meanwhile, Jo-Jo darted around the Snorkeater's face. "You can try and catch me, but you will not like it!"

"Hah!" The Snorkeater laughed. "Like someone as small as you can hurt a big fella like me!" He swam forward and bit, catching Jo-Jo in his mouth. The Snorkeater turned and grinned at the other Snorks…but almost immediately, his grin became a grimace. The Snorks could hear the sounds of Jo-Jo furiously hitting inside. One tooth started to crack…at that point, the Snorkeater spit Jo-Jo out.

"Yowch!" The Snorkeater rubbed his face. "I don't like it when my food has a kick to it!"

Jo-Jo swam toward the ceiling. The Snorkeater was just about to grab for the brown Snork again, but felt something knock into his back. He turned to see Corky in the sub, waving at him. Corky then turned sharply to the right, stopping in front of the stalactite. Allstar and Junior had just finished freeing the Governor, who was moving his arms and legs.

The Governor moved his arms and legs, grateful to be free. "Goodness, those ropes chafed…"

Corky popped open the canopy. "Hurry, get in!"

The Snorks swam into the sub, and Corky closed the door. He turned the sub around and started to drive, but the Snorkeater grabbed the sub with both hands.

"All right! Canned Snork!"

"Come on guys!" Corky motioned for the Snorks to come closer to him. "We need to get out of his grip!" Corky pushed a lever forward, trying to make the sub go, but the Snorkeater had a tight grip.

"What do we do now?" Junior was frantic. "We've got to break free!"

"I got it!" Corky started tilting the yoke left and right, making the sub wriggle in the Snorkeaters hands. He then pulled the lever back all the way, the engines stopping. The Snorkeater was still pulling, and didn't expect the sudden loss of power; the sub knocked into his chest. He let go in shock, giving Corky time to drive the sub upwards. The orange Snork kept close to the ceiling as he piloted the sub through the caves. The Snorkeater swam after it, throwing punches at the sub, just missing it each time.

"What are we doing up here?" Junior asked, bewildered.

Corky looked over at Junior. "Don't worry, it will all make sense soon!" Corky stopped the sub, allowing the Snorkeater to catch up. He swam underneath the sub, pulling his fist back for a big hit. As he threw the punch, Corky pushed the lever forward as fast as he could. The sub shot forward, and the Snorkeater punched the ceiling.

Corky kept the sub close to the ceiling of the cave, the Snorkeater behind him and gaining fast. The Snork spotted two large stalactites poking downward in the distance. He maneuvered his sub and zoomed between the two stalactites. The magenta monster couldn't slow down, and hit them both in full force. One of the stalactites fell to the ground; the Snorkeater swam around the one that was still standing. He swam toward the sub with all his might, catching up with the sub once more. The Snorkeater threw another punch, missing the sub and once again hitting the ceiling. With that last smack, a low rumbling noise could be heard.

"Uh oh...it sounds like a cave-in!" Allstar looked up at the ceiling worriedly.

Corky turned to the other Snorks. "This is it, hang on!"

Corky pushed hard on the lever, taking the sub to its limits. The Snorkeater started to follow, but the ceiling collapsed, pinning the wretched creature underneath a mass of rocks. He watched the sub zoom far away from him.

"Drat! And I just moved into this cave, too…"

Corky dipped the sub down to the cave floor; now that the ceiling was coming down, it helped to be as far from it as possible. Corky kept the sub going at the same rapid pace, swerving around the stalagmites, moving the yoke around like a mad Snork. He sped up to avoid getting hit by a falling rock, knocking everyone else to the back of the sub.

"Oh my!" The Governor held on to the wall nervously. "Now I know how a…needleball feels? Nailball? Oh, what's that thing called?"

"Pinball, Dad, pinball!"

The sub shot out of the cave just in time; one large boulder grazed the side, causing the sub to shake a little. Corky stopped the sub, then slowly turned it around to face the entrance to the cave. The cave's mouth was now full of dirt and boulders. The once-powerful steam jets were now slight fizzles. The glowing green fish were swimming out of the cave through the gaps in the large boulders. Once the Snorks in the sub were sure that they were in the clear, they celebrated.

"We did it!" Allstar jumped up.

"That was a close one!" Jo-Jo wiped his brow.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Junior gave Corky a huge hug. Allstar was surprised; this was the first time in ages that he saw Junior express genuine gratitude for something.

"It was nothing! All in a day's work!" Corky blushed as Junior let go.

"What you did was nothing short of extraordinary!" The Governor walked over and shook Corky's hand. "Thank you, um…aren't you one of the Snorks we hired to build this sub?"

"Yes I am!" Corky nodded.

"Well, I owe you a lot…and if you come to the park tomorrow, I think I know exactly how to repay you!"

The next day…

A large crowd had gathered in the park. The atmosphere was once again festive; Snorks were cheering and whistling. Corky waved to the crowd, taking his place next to the Governor. Allstar, Junior, and Jo-Jo were right behind the Governor.

"Corky, you have proven yourself to be a model Snork Land citizen!" The Governor gestured to Corky. "Were it not for your bravery and skill, I might still be in those caves…or worse!"

"It was nothing, really!" Corky blushed at the compliments. "I was just doing what any good citizen would've!"

The Governor nodded, then continued onward. "Normally, we'd give you a medal for your actions…but not this time."

"Huh?" Corky looked bewildered. "Why not?"

The Governor smiled at him. "Elaine and I talked it over, and we thought this might look better on you!" With that, Elaine walked over to Corky, the Snork Patrol uniform neatly folded in her arms. The hat rested on top.

Corky's eyes widened once he realized what the Governor meant. "Wait…you mean I…"

"We talked to your boss at the garage, and he's fine with it," Elaine explained. "If you want the job, Corky, it's all yours."

Corky was flustered, trying to process the moment. "I…I'm honored you think this highly of me! But…Jo-Jo and Allstar helped too…are you sure you two don't want the job?"

Allstar shook his head. "I'd love to, but I'm a little too young for it. Plus, being in school is already a full-time job!"

Jo-Jo patted Corky's shoulder. "I must decline as well…I do not want to wear the outfit. But I told the Governor that I will always help you in any way." Jo-Jo flexed his muscles. "Come to my house whenever you want, you are always welcome there!"

"Very well then! I accept!" Corky took the hat and put it on his head, the crowd loudly cheering as he did so.

"Yes, this is a new start for you!" The Governor put his arm around Corky. "You are no longer Corky the Mechanic. From this day forward, you are Corky…the Snork Patrol!"

FIN

LEGAL STUFF: Snorks was created by Freddy Monnickendam, while the rights to the Snorks are owned by Hanna-Barbera. All characters copyright Hanna-Barbera and SEPP, 1984-1989. I am in no way connected to any of them…although if they ever try to reboot of the series, you'd better believe I'd try to get connected. ;)