Disclaimer: I do not in ANY WAY own South Park.

A/N: Hey, guys! Here's a new South Park fic I started after getting a random idea while on the bus listening to a song that has nothing to do with the themes of this story. That's how my brain works, and I think that's a good thing. I hope you guys enjoy this first chapter!

Also, please review!

Here it is:

Spoofed (Chapter 1)-The Phantom Texts

Fucking brutal…

…Is how I would describe that exam that I just had. What the hell, teacher? I get that it's an AP course and it is supposed to help prepare us for college, but it doesn't actually have to be a college course. This is high school; most of us are either sophomores, like me, or juniors. We don't need to be ass-fucked by tests this early on in our lives. AP Government…

…More like AP Makes-Me-Want-To-Commit-Suicide-But-Not-Really-Because-I-Like-Living….

Seriously, though.

Fuck. That. Test. So. Hard. That. It. Bleeds. Out.

Whatever. It's done, and I don't have to worry about it ever again. I just have to worry about getting my phone out of my locker. I leave it in my locker just in case it goes off, even though I leave it on silent. Because if it goes off, we would get, at the very minimum, ten percent knocked off the exam. I cannot have that happen. It feels like I barely earned ten percent to begin with…

I wish at least one of my friends was in that class with me. But, no such luck. They said I was crazy for even trying it, let alone staying in it rather than going to regular government with them.

Locker. Remember the combination. Uhh…yes. Two, thirty-two, eighteen. Geeze, that test really fucked with my mind. I grab my phone and press the button to look at the time and…

…What the hell?

Fourteen texts and seven missed calls?

I…don't have time to look at these right now. I wasted two minutes of the passing period finishing the text, and I have to hurry or I'll be late to my next class, which is Spanish 2.

I make it with about twenty seconds to spare, and the only open seats are on the other side of the room from where Stan is. Damn it! I want to be with my friend. He waves to me kind of…hesitantly…before I shrug it off and sit down.

"Guys, oh my. Well, uhh, just grab the worksheet packet off the front table and turn it in tomorrow. I woke up with an awful sore throat and back pain, and I don't feel like teaching today. Feel free to work together or just talk, I don't care. Just please try to keep it down or I'll make it due by the end of class. Sorry. I know you all were looking forward to starting reflexive verbs, but that'll have to wait. Go, or whatever." Our teacher says and I'm very happy. I love this class, and I love this teacher. She has an amazing sense of humor, and she needs a break sometimes too. And she's giving us an easy day!

I walk up to the front and grab a packet. I…do not want to do this right now because my brain is fucking dead. I get back to my seat and not a moment later, Stan sits down in the one next to me because it's pretty much free time.

"Dude. What the hell? You tell me over text? Who does that?" Stan immediately says. I guess that explains the odd hesitation when I walked into the classroom, but not why it was there in the first place.

"What? Over text? What did I do?" I ask. Did the test fuck my mind's asshole more than I realize? I don't remember texting anyone anything…

…Wait!

Does this have to do with all the texts and calls I have? Maybe I should look at those in a minute…

"You told me you were gay. Not that it's a problem, I just wished you told me in person. What kind of best friend just does it over a text, let alone waits this long to tell his best friend anyway?" Stan says, and I am just stupefied…

…Because I never told anyone that! WHAT THE FUCK?

"I did what now?" I say rather loudly, realizing my mistake because I have to keep my voice down. It is good that he has no problem with it, but I never told him or anyone else that secret.

"You…didn't come out to everyone in a mass text? Because all our friends are talking about it." Stan says, and I can feel my heart racing.

"I-I did not. I am, but I never told anyone…" I whisper the last part.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Stan asks, and I don't really know how to answer that.

"I just wasn't ready to, I guess. I'm still not ready. H-Holy shit, dude! Everyone knows! How?" I ask, scrambling to get my phone out of my pocket. I open up my conversation with Stan…

…and there's nothing there! I check the conversations I have with Butters and Kenny, too. There's no mention of my outing.

"What the shit? I have no sent message about this." I say, and Stan pulls out his own phone.

"Here. Just look." Stan shows me, and…

…There it is.

/I have something to tell you. I'm gay. I'm coming out./

That's what's written. Before that is the conversation with Stan that I have on my phone. I just…don't have this message. How is that even possible?

"What? I didn't send that." I say, and Stan looks like he's beginning to understand.

"Oh, shit, dude! You were just forcibly outed! Fuck! Are you okay? I'm so sorry I accused you of doing that. I didn't know!" Stan says, and he's right. Goddamn it…

"I think I'm alright, kind of. I just don't even know what to think anymore, dude. At least you don't mind. I think if you hated me or something I would be acting very differently right now. I think my mind us just numb from that ass-fucking my mind got from the AP Gov test that I just have a headache and want to take a nap. I have all these texts and these missed calls from my parents – Oh SHIT!" I say harshly but quietly.

"No way! You were outed to your parents? Oh, fuck, dude!" Stan says, and this situation just turned from somewhat-bad with the school knowing to incredibly kill-me-now-horrible with my parents knowing. I thought that test made me want to jokingly commit suicide…this makes me actually feel it for a second only, though…because I do still enjoy living even though my secret is out without any control of my own.

"Yeah. Just for a moment, forget the other people I got texts back from, you know how my parents are. They want me to continue the family bloodline because Ike is adopted and all that shit. Then there's the fact that I have no idea how they would react to me being...you know. Oh, fuck dude! How did this even happen?" I just bury my face into my arms on the desk. Stan knows I'm not crying; he just knows that this is pretty scary and stressful for me…and making my headache so much worse.

"I don't know, dude. But I'll try to help you find out any way I can." Stan says, putting an arm around my shoulders. My best friend is freaking awesome!

"Thanks, Stan. Just…what do I do right now?" I ask my best friend…who just found out that I'm gay and who had no reaction whatsoever to finding out that I'm gay.

"Hell if I know, dude. But, here's a thought. I start this packet, you go through the texts and see exactly who's cool about it and stuff, and copy what I get done so we kill two birds with one stone." Stan says, and that's classic Stan. Wanting get as much done in as little time and as little work as possible.

"Uhh, sure. Let's…do that, I guess. Fuck, dude!" I say and go to my messages list. The first one on the bottom, which I already read…is Stan's. I know he's cool with it, and his message was just saying how it's cool but how I should have told him in person. That's…all in the past now. Like, one minute ago!

The people from school who sent stuff like "Congratulations" or "Cool" or "Really? Nice" were from Butters, Kenny, Wendy, Craig, Timmy, and Clyde. The people who didn't react to well were Bebe (though she said she didn't care that I'm gay only that I 'led her on' these past few years, which is bullshit because I never once said anything to her about going out or anything), Token (he's always kind of hated me so it probably has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay itself), and…of course…Cartman.

From my family, my brother Ike is fine with it. Then, last but not least, are my parents. Their messages…

…Don't have a reaction. All they say is "Call us NOW!" exactly the same way. Though they didn't write a reaction, one can be deduced because that…has a very negative connotation and tone attached with the all capitals.

Fuck. My. Life. Harder. Than. That. Test. Fucked. My. Mind.

"Kyle, what's the preterite form of ser for Ustedes again?" Stan asks. He really is concentrating on that packet so I don't have to do it later…

"Fueron, Stan. It's also the same for ir, in case you forgot." I say, thinking about all these texts for a moment.

It's good that almost everyone I know at aschool accepts me! And the two that don't, not including the fatass, have other reasons besides it to not like me (which I don't like that they don't like me, but it can't be helped [it's not that me being gay can be helped, either!]).

"So, almost everyone's fine with it! That's really a huge relief. I just don't know how to read my parents. All they said was to call them now with 'now' all in capital letters." I tell Stan, and I hear him sigh while he still works on the packet.

"I think you should wait until you see them when we walk home. If you want, I'll be with you for moral support." Stan says, not stopping the packet. He…must have no problem if he really does want me to have less to worry about.

"Yeah, dude. That…would mean a lot. What if…you know…they kick me out or something?" I mean…they might. Who knows? Everyone knows about the horror stories LGBT youth face…I just hope I won't be another piece of data to add to those statistics…

"Then you would stay with me until it blows over. Seriously, dude. It'll be fine. Trust me." Stan says and drops his pencil after finishing the second page. "Here. My hand is tired. You can start copying while my hand rests." He pushed the packet over to me, and I start writing whatever he wrote without thinking about it.

"Should I lie to them? Say I didn't even send it?" I ask Stan. I don't want to…it feels great being out and not worrying about putting on a show or anything anymore.

"It's your choice dude. I'll support whatever you choose. If you choose to tell them, I'll be there. If you want to lie, I'll keep your lie from them and my parents." Stan tells me. He really is a true friend.

"How do you think this message got out? I did not send it. Who knew I was gay? I never told anyone! And how did they send it to all those people in my contacts? It just…doesn't make sense, dude!" I say while writing Stan's answers at the same time. It's good that we both have learned to multitask.

"I don't know, dude, but we'll find out. I'm with you." Stan says, and I start to feel good.

We will figure this out. As long as I have my friends, my brother, and especially my best friend, I'll get through this.

AN: How was this first chapter? Did you guys enjoy it? I do have a rough outline of the plot, so I am not playing by ear with this one. I hope you guys like this tory so far and will stick around! Also, don't forget to review!