Kitsune & Panda

By: Sheltie

I don't own Naruto at all

A/N: oh man, this chap was hard to write since I'm taking something from the Naruto verse, well, a movie from it. Had to figure out how to fit into the Kitsune & Panda verse I've made here. You wouldn't think that'd be hard, but it was . Oh, and only using the basic plot elements of the movie, not really going to go into detail with the movie. This is Kitsune & Panda, that's not needed here.

Chapter 18

"I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again. I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above, the sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love" Kitsune sang.

"Kitsune, why are you singing?" Temari asked.

"Why not, don't you ever feel like you've got a song in your heart that you must sing?" Kitsune asked.

"No" Temari said sternly.

"Pity, I bet you got a lovely voice" Kitsune said.

Temari flushed slightly at this.

"Kitsune, it's not nice to tease Temari" Tenten gently chided.

"But she blushes so nicely, like a ripe tomato" Kitsune pouted.

Samui just sighed. Somehow she had gotten used to her new lot in life. Tenten was a big help in this regard. The big thing was that she'd have to resign being a Kumo ninja. She wasn't happy about that, but Kitsune promised her she could still visit her friends through the door of Plot Convenience.

/Scene Break/

Tsunade stared at the mission before her and sighed. She hated to do this, but she had no choice.

"Shizune, get me a messenger bird, the fastest there is" she called.

"Yes Lady Tsunade" Shizune said.

Now, she just needed to find a team to get on board for the first part.

/Scene Break/

Yukie Fujikaze was sulking. She didn't want to be a part of this movie. She had tried to run away, but she was always caught in the end. Now they were moving closer to their true shooting destination, the Land of Snow. In actuality her real name is Koyuki Kazahana, the true heir of the Land of Snow. But shit happened and she's now an actress hiding from her past.

A ninja team had protected her and the film crew until they reached the ship and a new team was waiting there. What was funny was how nervous and scared the first ninja team was of the second, well, of one individual. A blond with a smile that she'd never seen before. It kind of gave her shivers and not the good kind at all.

/Scene Break/

Kin had suddenly realized something. Something she had neglected. She had no idea how to do a video review. Sure, she had seen them, but actually doing one was another thing. So she headed to Kitsune for some idea. Why not go to Tayuya or Guren? Who cares.

"Get them drunk" Kitsune replied after hearing Kin's dilemma.

"That's it" Kin said a bit stunned.

"Yup, get them drunk and steal their ideas. That's how I took over Microsoft and Apple and became Lord and Master of techy crap or something" Kitsune said as he was wearing a Steve Jobs black turtleneck with Bill Gates glasses.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just ask, not get them drunk?" Kin asked.

"Huh" Kitsune replied like Kin was asking him about the great secret of the universe. Which was Pi, it's always Pi.

"Never mind" Kin muttered.

"Oh, and get the good stuff" Kitsune said, "in fact here." He tossed Kin a key.

"What's this?" Kin asked.

"The key to a giant liquor cabinet. It's got all the best booze. Go nuts" Kitsune said then he went back to reading '10 Easy Steps on Becoming A New You While the Old You Becomes a Ewe'.

Kin couldn't help, but there was sense of déjà vu going on, like she had done this before.

/Scene Break/

In the Land of Snow filming began, but it didn't get far as they were attacked by Snow shinobi.

"Quick protect the cast and crew" Kurenai called, taking charge of the situation.

"Come on, crashing the set by being overzealous fans. Borrrrrinng" Kitsune said.

He snapped his fingers and all of the enemy nin froze in place.

"Wh-what just happened?" the director asked.

Kitsune said nothing as he rummaged through his rucksack and pulled out a lasso.

"Alright Wonder Woman, you're up" he called.

"What?" Kurenai asked.

Kitsune tossed the lasso and the genjutsu mistress caught it deftly. As soon as her hands were on it her outfit morphed from her usual attire to the worn by the greatest heroine ever, Wonder Woman. In all of its iconic glory.

"What am I wearing?" she asked as she noticed her costume change.

"Wonder Woman, duh" Kitsune said, "now get to doing your Lasso of Truth thing."

Kurenai, who had never lassoed before caught all of them and then she interrogated them. They spilled their guts due to them being held by the Lasso of Truth. Even secrets they didn't need to know. Like where they hid their dirty magazines, how old were they when they first masturbated, how old they were when they wetted their bed, had their first bisexual encounter. To revealing how some are big fans of The Hills, and other embarrassing things.

"Right, we got a clichéd bad guy who wants power, a princess who doesn't want to be here and a movie that needs to be filmed" Kitsune said, "sounds like a typical anime adventure movie based off a long running shounen series that's not wholly connected to the canon."

Everyone blinked, their minds trying to wrap around what they'd just witnessed. The only ones not fazed were Tenten and Hana. Samui and Temari were a bit since they haven't been there long enough to be immune to the insanity that is Kitsune though Samui seemed to take more in stride than the former Suna kunoichi.

/Scene Break/

"Right, now I'm thinking of a badass opening line or something" Hanabi said.

Inari nodded as he jotted down notes.

"What kind of opening line?" Udon asked.

"Something like; 'Once Upon a Time in a Remote Galaxy Somewhere in the Far Distant, Near Far Wherever you Are. I Believe That The Heart Will Go On…' Or something close to that" Hanabi said nodding her head.

"What's that got to do with the movie?" Konohamaru asked.

Hanabi let out a sigh, "do I have to explain everything Maggot #1? We need something to grab the audience by the gonads, never let go. We're filming an action blockbuster here."

"Um, I thought this was a drama. According to the script" Moegi said.

"Quiet Maggot #2" Inari said, "the director is speaking."

Moegi closed her mouth.

"Thank you Number One" Hanabi said.

"I thought he was Number Two?" Konohamaru whispered.

Udon shrugged.

"Now, this movie, this movie. It'll be big like Titanic, Avatar… Show Girls" Hanabi said, "yeah, that's it. Epic scope with Scope mouthwash" Hanabi nodded. "A breath of Wintergreen air."

Inari nodded his head.

"Do you guys have any idea what she's saying?" Moegi asked in a hushed tone, not wanting to be chided by Inari.

Konohamaru and Udon shrugged.

/Scene Break/

"Blah, blah, blah, blah" Kitsune said as he listened to Yukie's story.

"Excuse me" Yukie said not pleased that her story was not being taken seriously.

"Lady, no offense, but I've heard worse stuff. I mean have you read half of the crappy fanfics that get posted nowadays. Come on, learn to take a fifth grade English class. What ya gotta do is grow some steel balls and smack your tyrant uncle with them. Hell, I'll even help" Kitsune said as he began to rummage through his rucksack for his pair of steel balls hoping he didn't leave them at home. He hated when he left things behind. Like that time he left the kitchen sink when he really needed it.

"You don't know what you're talking about" Yukie said frowning.

"Wouldn't be the first time" Kitsune said optimistically.

Yukie just looked at Kitsune like he was some deranged creep.

/Scene Break/

Dotō Kazahana was laughing evilly as he had gotten his hands on the crystal his niece had been carrying. Now it was time to unleash the grand new super duper powerful mega awesome weapon his brother had hidden. He was going to rule the world and be super dope and fly about it too. Maybe he'd get some clothes with a popped collar. Yeah, he'd be pimpin'.

Well that was what Kitsune thought Dotō was thinking about.

"Nothing will stop me" Dotō declared.

Kitsune bored already of this mission. Nothing had really happened. Yeah, fight some evil ninja, huge blimp though the blimp was kind of cool maybe he should get a blimp too, runaway train never going back wrong way on a one way track, dramatic revelation, death of a character that motivates the protagonist some way. All very overused and clichéd in Kitsune's opinion. There should've been some kind of alien invasion or Disney-esque song and dance piece. Maybe for the villain. Villain song were always so good.

But no, no.

To end things Kitsune just slugged Dotō with a homerun bat and sent him flying away Team Rocket style.

Koyuki took her place on the throne and she was going to be an actress. Blah, blah, blah.

/Scene Break/

"Man, glad that movie is over" Kitsune commented as they were back on their way for his grand tour.

"Movie, what movie?" Kiba asked.

"That movie we were in though you all weren't in it" Kitsune said, "maybe some cameo stuff."

Kiba looked at Kitsune oddly then turned to Shino who was reading a book; "How To Be Less Creepy And Score With The Chicks". He had gotten the book from Kitsune.

/Scene Break/

Sasuke was sulking in prison as he wondered what the hell had just happened. He was free like a bird, ready to kill that girl that was with the loser then bam he was back in prison before he knew what really hit him. The only visitor he got was Sakura who seemed more than eager to get into his pants on what she kept calling conjugal visits. He wasn't even sure why she'd want to do that. What was the fun of conjugating verbs. It was boring doing it by yourself, why'd you want to have another person doing it with you? How was that even fun? And why did their clothes need to be removed? I mean, what's the point of naked verb conjugating?

/Scene Break/

(Wild Pokémon encounter theme music plays)

"Finally, a Chansey. You cannot believe the rarity of these suckers" Kitsune said gleefully.

"I've yet to find out" Shino said depressed.

"Why ya want one. I thought you were a bug catcher?" Kitsune asked.

"I may use and catch mostly bug types, but it doesn't mean I only catch bug types" Shino said as he pushed his sunglasses up.

"Whatever ya say dude" Kitsune said.

"Man, whatever. You guys are all wrong. What'cha gotta do is get da dog pound" Kiba said.

Kitsune and Shino looked at Kiba.

"You're all dog line-up is disturbing Kiba, on many levels" Shino said.

"Yeah, Lord of the Fly is right. You got a dog fetish or something" Kitsune said.

"I do not have a dog fetish" Kiba vehemently denied.

Shino and Kitsune looked at Kiba with an expression of disbelief on their faces. Well on Kitsune's it was clear. Shino was wearing his shades so you just had to assume it.

"Ya'll cold man, just plain cold" Kiba grumbled.

"Whatever ya say. So you got a dog costume stashed in your stuff?" Kitsune asked.

"What the hell, I haven't gone to that level yet" Kiba cried then instantly backtracked, "I mean, I have no idea what ya talking about."

"Uh-huh" Kitsune said.

Kiba turned to Shino for some kind of assistance, but found the bug user was in the middle of trying to evolve his Larvesta into a Volcarona.

"Hey, do any of you have a Scizor?" Tenten asked.

"I got one" Shino said.

"Great, wanna trade?" Tenten asked.

"For what?" Shino asked.

"Well I got a Genesect. Want that?" Tenten asked.

"YES!" Shino said expressing more emotion in that moment than any time in his life.

"Why ya giving up such a legendary Pokémon for a Scizor?" Kiba asked.

"Why not. Besides I got two" Tenten said as she and Shino began the trade. Shino trembling with anticipation.

"How the hell you got two?" Kiba asked astonished.

"Kitsune" Tenten answered.

Temari looked over that way and rolled her eyes. She was in the middle of boosting her deck up. Kitsune had given her five booster boxes and three Duelist Packs.

Samui was reading the latest crime thriller. She liked to read those kinds of books. It was kind of cool and relaxing for her. She had a big collection of them and she was worried about them since she didn't know if she could take them with her when she left Kumo. Kitsune turned out to be a life-saver as he pulled out a portable, expandable library. It held all of her books with so much room to spare.

Hinata had other hobbies aside from her stalking of Naruto. And now that hobby gone she had more time to do the other. That other so happened to be being a heavy metal head. She loved heavy metal. She'd jam out to the thrashing guitars and pounding drums. Wrecking her throat with the vocal as they told of death and destruction. Some of her favorites was Death Metal. It was so hardcore.

Kurenai of course had no clue about this, but she was busy reading up on some erotica she carried around. She was quite against perverts, but she was one herself, a massive one. Just she preferred the more sophisticated kind. Icha Icha wasn't one of those in her eyes. To her that series was undignified. Hypocrisy is so much fun ain't it?

Hana meanwhile was enjoying her hobby which was updating her Star Wars fanfiction she writes. Yeah, she writes fanfiction. Mostly Star Wars, but she also does other fandoms. Kitsune gave her a brand new heavy-duty laptop that can withstand twenty nuclear blasts or your money back.

The group was taking a break from their traveling. Kitsune told them the plot needed some breathing room before the next segment could begin. Of course no one really knew what this meant.

/Scene Break/

"CUT! CUT! CUT!" Hanabi shouted through her juiced up megaphone.

"What now?" one of the cast members asked.

"Where's the emotion, where's the gravitas? My god, you're acting like this is some shitty PSA" Hanabi ranted, "I am an auteur, an artist. Why am I surrounded by the B league, the cast of 2 cent production of Planet 9 from Outer Space?"

The 'actors' assembled didn't know whether they should be offended or not. They weren't actors in the first place, but come on, they had their pride.

"Ugh, take five" Hanabi said shooing them off.

She collapsed in her director's chair.

"Surrounded by simpletons, complete simpletons" she muttered.

Inari came over with a bottle of green liquid that no one had a clue what it was. They weren't sure to ask either since they hesitant as to what the answer would be.

"Milady" he said.

Hanabi took the bottle chugged down half of it then let out a major belch.

"Number Two" she said.

"Yes General Hyuga" Inari said.

"Where are the Maggots?" Hanabi asked.

"Still working on the next set" Inari said.

"They're still working on that? How long does it take to build a giant spider's nest?" Hanabi asked, "what are they doing getting their jollies off?"

"No idea Czar Hyuga. Shall I go and persuade them to get moving?" Inari asked.

"Yes, shall" Hanabi said.

"Very well" Inari said then left.

"Okay" Hanabi said taking a breath, "OKAY YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF DREG TIME'S UP. GET BACK INTO POSITIONS, NOW!"

/Scene Break/

Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi were tired. They built the sets for the movie. They didn't know why they needed a lot of these sets since it had nothing to do with the movie. I mean why do you need a full size replica of the Kennedy Space Center. It didn't help that they didn't know what a space center was in the first place.

"Damnit, why do we have to do this?" Konohamaru whined.

"Don't know" Udon said as he layered more webs around.

"It's in my hair" Moegi complained.

"Maggots, what's taking you so long?" Inari shouted.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Konohamaru shouted, "you asked us to build this huge ass set and expect us to get it done overnight. We're just three people."

Inari sighed.

"Fine, I guess you won't get your bonuses" he said.

"Wait, we're getting paid?" Moegi asked shocked.

"Yeah, what do you think we are, heartless?" Inari asked bluntly.

The Maggots Three decided to say nothing. Who knows what will happen if they did.

/Scene Break/

"I declare today as the Day of Feelings Day" Kitsune announced.

"What?" Hana asked.

"What others call Valentine's Day, but I think that word is stupid so I've decided to call it this" Kitsune explained.

"So today's the day huh" Tenten said.

"Wait, you know this?" Temari asked.

"Yeah, Kitsune tried to get make this an official holiday in Konoha, but the Hokage vetoed the idea" Tenten said.

"Why?" Samui asked.

"Because the man had no vision, no panache, no gumption, no shirt, no shoes" Kitsune said pouting with his arms folded across his chest.

"Actually the Hokage couldn't make heads or tails of Kitsune's proposal since he decided to go on a long drawn out rant about the deadly evils of Beanie Babies and how they'll take over the world is some overly adorable wave of terror" Tenten said.

"He's been corrupted, he's a part of the conspiracy" Kitsune declared.

"'Beanie Babies'?" Kurenai commented.

"Yes" Tenten said with a sigh.

Kitsune began rummaging through his rucksack then pulled out various things.

"For Glaceon-hime though we've just met I give to thee this" he said.

"Thank you" Samui said, "what is it?"

"Why what else Glaceon-hime. It's Wolverine Claws. Bound to come in handy down the line somewhere" Kitsune said.

Samui just nodded.

"Now for Desert Hime I present you with this" Kitsune said.

Temari's jaw dropped.

"It-it-it can't be" she muttered in total disbelief.

In her hand was the rarest of rare cards in Yu-Gi-Oh.

"Yup, won't believe what I had to do to get that" Kitsune said. "Now for Dog Maiden."

"What is this Kitsune?" Hana asked.

"Shock collar for the wild dogs or unruly little brothers" Kitsune said.

"HEY! I don't need a shock collar" Kiba cried.

Hana looked at the shock collar and was in deep thought.

"And last, but definitely not least my beloved and radiant beauty Panda Hime" Kitsune said.

"Thank you Kitsune, I love it" Tenten said smiling.

Kitsune beamed hearing this.

"What he get you Tenten?" Hinata asked.

"Oh just the latest of deadly sharp metal weapons" Tenten said like she was given a bouquet of roses.

Hinata blinked then just went with it.

"NOW LET US ALL CELEBRATE DAY OF FEELINGS DAY BY GETTING PISSED ASS DRUNK!" Kitsune announced.

End of Chapter

A/N: okay, I know I did a mistake about Kin and her video reviewer thing. I realized my mistake, but decided to keep it in since this is Kitsune & Panda. I really don't need to be consistent. Thanks for reading and please review.