insert standard disclaimer here
~~~~~
"Hitomi Kanzaki...I love you..."
"...How are you?...pretty broken up...loves you...Celena...doing fine...Millerna...Dryden...back
yesterday..."
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"...happy...Merle...worried about...really depressed..."
"...DOING THIS TO HIM?...ALL HE DID...LOVE YOU!..."
"...all miss..."
"...him, too...come back...We miss you. Some more than others."
"It was nice to talk to you again."
The alarm went off.
You'll rescue me, right?
In the exact same way they never did
I'll be happy, right?
When your healing powers kick in...
"Muagghhh..." Hitomi rolled over and groggily swatted at the annoying buzz. 9:15. P.M. She
groaned and rolled on to her back. She must have set the stupid thing wrong! Hitomi flopped
into a different position, attempting to let sleep claim her. She shut her eyes and allowed her
mind and body to relax. Sleep gently pulled at her consciousness, and she welcomed it with open
arms.
The neighbor's dog began to bark.
"Yaaaarg!!" Hitomi rolled to her stomach and pulled her pillow down over her head to muffle
the sound. She tried to will herself to relax again, but a sheet was tangled around her legs
uncomfortably. She rolled again.
And fell off the bed. Hitting the floor with a thud.
She sighed. No sleep here. Figures.
You'll complete me, right?
Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy, right?
When you realize the gem I am...
She extracted herself from the tangled mess, and gathered the blankets in her arms, toting them
into the living room before dumping them on the couch. She sat on the warm bundle, and
stretched out along the length of the couch, pulling the covers around her. Sleep awaited.
A car drove by with the bass up WAY too loud.
Hitomi resisted the urge to scream. Was everything against her and her precious sleep or
something? She had class tomorrow! She sat up, fighting to breathe normally and not go pound
something. She was just going to accept the fact that the higher powers were not going to let her
sleep tonight. She sighed and reached for the T.V. remote, flicking the blank screen to life.
But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am
I know I won't keep on playing the victim...
"Bruce!"
"Donna, I love you more than words can express. Will you marry me?"
"Oh, I will, Bruce! I will!"
Hitomi raised an eyebrow as the television couple came together in a passionate kiss. She turned
off the scene in disgust. It wasn't like that in real life. If it was like that, her and Rei would have
actually made it to the altar. No...her and *Van*. She sighed again. She missed everyone.
Especially *him*. Hitomi smiled as she remembered his blush when she practically dove into
his arms when he came to get her and she went back the second time, his strong arms encircling
her when he took her flying, the goofy grin he sometimes got when he was sleeping... She
smiled.
These precious illusions in my head
Did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them
Is like parting with invisible best friends...
Who was she kidding? It was a figment of her imagination. That's what her parents, friends, and
psychiatrist all told her, so that's true, right?
But....then what happened to her pendant?
Her mother had told her that it must have gotten lost when she fainted, but her eyes were so sad...
Hitomi yawned and stretched, there was no point in just sitting there. She pulled the blankets
into her room and piled them on the bed. She quickly changed into a pair of jeans and her
favorite shirt that she got when she woke up from her supposed coma. It had 'Angel' printed across the front, and wings stenciled
on the back. She padded back out into the living room, slipping on a pair of shoes.
She tied her shoes and grabbed a jacket. She'd go for a walk. The fresh air would do her good.
The crisp air bit at her cheeks as she locked the front door and slipped the key in her coat pocket
as she walked down the steps and along the sidewalk. Hitomi kicked a stone and watched as it
skittered into the street.
They didn't seem imaginary...
This ring will help me yet
As will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet
As will these boys gone through like water...
Hitomi shook her head. It was insane! It was completely crazy to even consider what she
dreamed up as real. There was no way there was another planet, capable of sustaining life on it's
surface. There was no way she had gone there a la pillar of light! There was no way she had
fallen in love with a half-draconian king! There was just no way!
What had really happened was she collapsed while running and was in a coma for days! She had
been in love with Rei! They were engaged! They had both gotten mutual cold feet and called the
wedding off, much to the dismay of the parental units.
But...then why did it feel so wrong? Someone had to be lying somewhere. Who?
It just didn't add up. Yukari's bag and her pendant were gone, and she kept hallucinating for about a year after she woke up. She
kept seeing Van! So if Van wasn't real, then why would she keep seeing him? Why would he check up on her if he was a creation
of an overly stimulated mind? Was it to have a friend? To make it feel like someone actually cared about her? Hitomi shivered. It
was really cold. Her breath puffed out in clouds of white.
No. That couldn't be it. Her family was very supportive of her after her 'absence.' And her
friends...well...the ones that didn't deem her mentally unstable and stuck around...were always
there for her. So lack of attention was out.
But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not, I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim...
Hitomi paused in her trek and looked around, gathering her bearings. Okay. At least she wasn't
lost. She ducked into a nearby Starbucks and ordered a hot chocolate, her unchecked mind
running rampant as she waited.
It made no sense! What she dreamed up was impossible! But that small part in her head kept
nagging at her constantly. It was real. It happened. It was true. It happened. It was real. Her
mind raged against itself. She was getting a headache.
"Ma'am?"
Hitomi jerked back into reality, "Huh?"
"Your drink."
"Oh! Thanks."
"Have a nice night."
Hitomi smiled and nodded, "You, too."
These precious illusions in my head
Did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them
Is like parting with a childhood best friend...
The cold air assaulted her again as she stepped outside. She wrapped her hands around the warm
Styrofoam cup and began the weary trudge home.
Let's say that what happened *was* real. That it really *did* happen. That there was a planet
that was undiscovered and was able to support life, i.e. humans, angels, animal-people,
dragons...etc. Would she go back if she had the chance?
Hitomi paused in her musings and watched a couple that was making out on a bench and
amusedly noted the looks other people were giving the oblivious two.
Yes.
She took a careful sip of the scalding liquid and crossed the street, watching for overzealous
drivers that zoomed by constantly. She walked across the park and plopped down on an
unoccupied bench. Steam rose from the cup she cradled, warming her fingers.
Something a glowing white floated down and landed on the empty seat beside her. A feather.
Hitomi tentatively reached out and barely brushed it with her fingertips. It disappeared at her
touch, and she looked around frantically, looking for a witness that had seen it too, to prove that
she wasn't crazy. She was alone.
Hitomi took another sip of her cocoa, she was imagining things again. She watched as store
lights went out along the street, leaving the eerie glow of safety lights behind. It was time to go
home. She smiled.
I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode...
She hoisted herself up off the bench and stretched. Her hot cocoa had cooled drastically, and she
gulped the rest of the syrupy substance down. She tossed the empty cup into a nearby trash can
and began to cross the street. Suddenly a car came barreling around a corner, straight at her.
Hitomi couldn't move. Fear paralyzed her. She threw up an arm to shield her eyes from the
blinding light, waiting for the moment that the metal hit her body. None came.
These precious illusions in my head
Did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them
Is like parting with invisible best friends...
It was warm. Hitomi peeked from behind her outstretched arm and sank to her knees on the
grass. Grass??? She did a quick surroundings check. Everything was alien to her,
yet...agonizingly familiar. A palace loomed up nearby. Was she dead?
She pushed herself unsteadily to her feet. Hand curling around a foreign object as she moved.
When upright, she eyed the thing in her hand. Her pendant! But that meant...
Her gaze snapped up to the palace.
Impossible.
"If you wish for something hard enough, it'll come true..." She murmured.
This won't work now the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not, I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim...
She gazed back at the castle in the distance. It was all true. All of it. She looked back at the glowing stone in her palm. It had to
be out here for a reason, but...
Suddenly it dawned on her.
These precious illusions in my head
Did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them
Is like parting with a childhood best friend..
She watched the flickering silhouettes and smiled sadly, clutching the precious stone to her chest.
"I understand," she murmured, eyes glazing with unshed tears, "It will never come to be. We need to just let each other go, and
move on."
A pillar of light engulfed Hitomi where she stood, "Goodbye."
~~
"...Goodbye..."
Van's head whipped toward the nearest window, and he caught a glimpse of the pillar dissipating into the darkness. He smiled sadly.
"Goodbye, Hitomi. We'll miss you."
~~
Hitomi landed on her doorstep, and quickly looked around, checking for witnesses. There were none. The pendant's light was
slowly flickering, acknowledging it's end. She unlocked the door, and slipped inside, tossing her keys on the coffee table in the
middle of the room. Kicking off her shoes, she made her way to her room, and opened her closet. Hitomi strained to reach the top
shelf, and took down an old box, crusted with dust and lack of use. Carefully lifting the lid, Hitomi placed the pendant inside, and
ran a caressing finger along the box of the tarot cards within before replacing the cover and returning it to it's place on the shelf.
Dusting off her hands, she grabbed her phone and dialed.
"Hello? ... Rei?..."
The pendant's light went out.
~~
On Gaea, the floating image of the Mystic Moon faded out of the sky, leaving behind a legend formed from the memories of one of
the worst wars in her history. A legend of a weird girl, with weird clothes, and weird hair who came to save the world.
~~~~~
A/N: *radio announcer's voice* You have just heard 'Precious Illusions' by Alanis Morrisette. That's all for our program..*static*.... click.