Love bravely,

Love without borders or fear.

Follow your heart

no matter the cost.

No matter

the cost.

-T.K.G.

I never saw it coming, and when it did, holy shit. I felt duped. Almost stupid really, for wasting so much time. I didn't believe in ignoring your gut. In fact, I was a firm believer in going whole-heartedly with what your gut was telling you, because who knows you better than you?

I had grown increasingly depressed over the course of three months. So much in fact that I'd begun seeing a psychiatrist. Edward's psychiatrist, Dr. Marcoh, to be exact. It was at the pleading of Edward that I get help. He was guilty of being a constant worrier when it came to my safety, but what I couldn't make him understand at first was that initially my crying jags weren't about sadness. They were about anger and frustration. And they were triggered solely by him.

An order had come down from above for the Fullmetal Alchemist to go to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed mission. Usually Edward would give me whatever not-so-sensitive information he could before leaving on assignment simply to calm my nerves as much as possible, but this was the first time that he couldn't tell me almost anything. And I figured that was fine, if the details were that sobering, then I didn't need to know them.

Until I found out about his partner. Usually Ed would travel with members of Mustang's team, and if he had to work with a partner -which he preferred not to- it would usually be Havoc or Hughes, or on rare occasion Major Armstrong. But Ed spent a solid hour pushing back against the order of this new partner.

"No women." I heard him say over the phone one day. "It's not a sexist thing, women are extremely capable. Everyone knows Riza could kick my ass across Central any day. I'm saying that if I have to work in close, intimate proximity with a partner for three months, I'd prefer it be a guy."

There was that phrase again. 'Close, intimate proximity.' The only information I could squeeze out of Edward was that the mission was roughly 90 days, during which time he'd be joined at the hip with whomever he was working with. The military obviously worked to keep the lowest of profiles, so they weren't putting their soldiers up in 5 star hotels. It was usually more like squeezing into cramped spaces together while staking out the enemy, sharing meals if food became scarce, and sleeping in shifts. If they were lucky enough to be in situations that allowed for hotels, it wouldn't be one room per soldier. Low profile meant sharing a room and sharing one bed, to remain inconspicuous.

I wouldn't have cared about any of this if he was away with Riza, or Sheska, or even the beautiful and boy crazy Rebecca. When I sauntered through Central's ground floor a few days later on my way to the gym, I passed Mustang's office just as he was exiting with Ed and a woman I'd never seen before. She wasn't wearing the dress blues that most soldiers did, but somehow, I knew she was Ed's partner and my heart sank into my stomach as I dipped around the corner to spy on them. The three of them were picture perfect professionalism, and Ed and Roy both wore their usual stoic masks. Her mask was different. Cunning, sly, mysterious, dare I say… sultry?

I'd considered myself to be a lot of nice things, but sultry wasn't one of them.

Being that I had Perfect Blood, I had been blessed with a lot of fortunate physical characteristics, and yet somehow, this woman managed to out-do a lot of them. I was slender, but her tight pants and fitted tank top showed she worked out more. I had high cheek bones, hers were higher. I had full lips, hers were fuller. I was tall, she was taller. Her ass was smaller and her boobs were bigger and her smile -while not quite as warm as mine- was still dazzling. As she shook Ed's and Roy's hands and turned to leave I ducked back around the corner, relieved that I hadn't been seen. Suddenly I was fighting an internal battle between going to the gym and burning calories till I threw up, and passive aggressively saying 'fuck it', and going back upstairs to mope in front of Netflix with a sleeve of Oreos to comfort me. My inner debate was cut off quickly by the familiar, earthy scent of Edward as he stepped into my view.

"Why were you spying on us?" He asked with a quizzical brow. I mentally cursed him for knowing everything and breathed, trying to dissipate the burning redness in my cheeks.

"Is that her? Your partner?"

He paused for a moment, sizing me up before casually answering.

"Yup that's her. I'm hungry, want food?"

He was absolutely trying to ignore the pink elephant in the room.

"Ed, I'm really not comfortable with this." I said, twisting a buttery yellow lock around my finger nervously as I fixed my gaze on his strong chest in front of me. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder as he leaned in.

"I tried, babe. It's an order, theres nothing any of us can do. It'll be fine. I've gone away before, we'll handle same as we always do. Day by day."

"Before you weren't going away for months with Sergeant Pornstar." I muttered. He balked at me with raised eyebrows. Okay, so it wasn't one of my more ladylike moments, and I honestly did feel bad the moment I said it. I was all too familiar with how it felt to be hated for being pretty, so it wasn't fair for me to feel so threatened simply because her skin was porcelain and her hair was long, thick and black, and her lashes were dark and plush.

"Win, she's a soldier, and a decorated one at that. She's a major." Edward reasoned. None of that mattered in my mind. All I could think about was the gorgeous, vampy woman with the giant rack who'd be living with my boyfriend and probably sharing a bed with him for the next three months. The fact that this didn't seem to bother him in the slightest only surged my anger, and before I knew it, I was blinking back moisture as I moved past him toward the elevators.

"Are you freaking out?" He asked, lowering his voice so others wouldn't hear as we waited for the doors to open.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. I'm on my period." I lied. We stepped in and stepped out again a moment later into our apartment. Even though I hadn't worked out, I felt like I desperately needed a shower and I beelined for the master bath with Edward hot on my tail. As much as I loved him, I wanted to get away from him and just have a good, pissed off cry about the whole thing. As if having him away wasn't hard enough. As if knowing he was going into war zones to do one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet wasn't hard enough. Now he had to go with some buxom woman? Soldiers become so close on Tour of Duty. When they're away from home, all they have is each other for support. It wasn't unheard of for soldiers to fall in love while on duty. Just look at Roy and Riza.

I told myself to snap out of it.

'Edward loves you!' I shouted at myself as I stripped of my gym clothes and pulled my hair loose from its ponytail. 'He's not going to just run off with some broad. You tamed the Fullmetal Alchemist; domesticated the wolf. No other woman had been able to do that before, and you did it haphazardly by just being yourself.'

But what if he was tired of this domestic life? What if he missed the rush of his old life and that's why he wasn't upset about these orders? What if he was tired of constantly worrying about me? A woman who could hold her own in battle would probably be a big draw for someone like Edward. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water pour over me as his shadow manifested on the other side of the clouded glass.

"Win, talk to me." He said.

"There's nothing to talk about." I said, reverting back to my passive aggressive tendencies. "You've got orders. I get it. I just wish you could go with someone who knows me. Someone who's a friend of ours."

"Well, theres not much time, but maybe you two could have coffee or something and get to know each other before we leave."

I didn't want to get to know her. It was incredibly selfish and childish of me, but I didn't want to give the woman a chance to talk to me. I was afraid of seeing just how much of a 10 she was compared to me. She was a special ops soldier, so she was obviously educated, and well-traveled, and brave. She drew every eye in the room as she walked out of Central because, like Edward, she was walking sex. As far as I knew, I was the only committed relationship Ed ever had, but he'd had plenty of no-strings fun before we met. What was stopping him from having casual sex with her while they were away? None of our friends were going with them. My contact with him would be limited. They could have a whirl-wind affair and no one would ever know. Or worse, they could fall in love and leave forever after the mission. Edward's position as a State Alchemist didn't bind him to one base like normal soldiers, he could go where needed. He didn't have to stay in New York.

"I'm sure she doesn't have time for that, Ed. I'd rather just focus on getting the whole thing over with. It's all I can do."

"Something's with you." He said after a pause. "You have nothing to worry about Winry."

"I'm allowed to feel weird about you going on an extended assignment with Major Double D's." I remarked bitterly. The air turned stagnant.

"Um, that's the pot calling the kettle black." He said incredulously from the other side of the glass. "You're not exactly a small-chested woman." I shut the water off and wrapped myself in a towel before stepping out, unable to tell if I was puffy and red from the hot shower or my heated mood.

"You're taking her side?"

"I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just making a surface-level observation." He said.

"So you noticed then?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Of course I noticed. I'm a guy, Win. We notice women, it's in our nature. Don't read into it, it's on a completely animalistic, primal level. They've done studies, it's a scientific fact."

I wanted to bash his skull in. I loved Edward for how intelligent yet empathetic he was, but I also wanted to kill him when occasionally that intelligence got in the way of his intuitive nature and he snuffed out emotion with sensible reasoning. I'm a girl. I want to complain. Just tell me the situation sucks and you hate it, and that I'm the hottest piece of ass you've ever seen, and fuck me till I can't see straight. Is that too much to ask?

I stormed past him and made my way to the walk in closet to dress as he followed me.

"I don't really want to hear about you noticing another woman's physical blessings two days before you leave with her to God-knows-where." I said, suddenly feeling the need to pull my towel around me tighter, when any other day I would've just dropped it as I searched for underwear and let him enjoy the view.

"Is that what this is about? Jealousy?"

My head nearly spun around on my shoulders like the girl from The Exorcist, and I snapped.

"I am NOT JEALOUS! I am territorial!"

"Winry, there's nothing for you to be jealous of. You're being crazy." Oh, he was so lucky I didn't have my gun nearby.

"Crazy?! You think I'm being crazy because I don't like the idea of my boyfriend shacking up with some random woman for three months on the other side of the planet? I'm allowed to be upset about this Edward! It would be weird if I wasn't upset, and it's freaking me out how you seem totally fine with it!"

He gave an exasperated groan.

"Nobody's 'shacking up' together! We're on assignment! I have orders Winry. I tried to ask for a different partner but there's nothing I can do! There's no point in making yourself miserable over something that can't be helped. Stop making me the bad guy here, I'm not the enemy." His eyes bore that classic intensity, that razor sharp awareness of his full attention and unwavering seriousness. It was one of his looks that turned me to mush, and I sighed because he was right.

"You're not the enemy, I'm sorry." I said, pulling my towel tighter around my chest in a trembling fist. "It's just that we've never been separated for so long. You're usually only gone for a few weeks tops."

I fixed my watering eyes on the closet's plush carpeting under my naked feet and suddenly felt warmer as his body moved close to mine.

"I'm just having trouble coming to grips with you being gone for so long." I said quietly as my voice broke. "I'm never myself when you aren't here, and I… and I-"

He cut me off with a deep kiss, heartfelt and heated. I was all rosy cheeks and hazy eyes when he pulled back a minute later.

"You need to stop worrying so much. Nothing's going on, nothing's going to happen. I'm going over there for work, and the second I'm finished I'm coming straight home. To you."

His words didn't do much to lift my spirits, but God bless him for trying. I thought back to 2 years prior, when we sat on the floor of my apartment the night after Archer assaulted me and I finally broke down, telling Edward all about my loneliness and heavy heart, about me constantly putting the needs of others above my own, and how I desperately needed to feel something besides the loneliness and misery I felt stuck in. That was the night everything changed between us when we argued, kissed, argued some more, fooled around in the living room and then the dam broke and we had sex knowing full well it was a terrible idea and would result in consequences.

Now I needed to feel something else again. The shower didn't really help. His kiss only helped for a moment. I could feel myself nearing a panic attack, the first I'd had in ages, and it's creeping misery only increased my worry as I buried my face in his shoulder and whimpered. I hated this. I hated once again being the girl Ed had to take care of. I felt his arms slide around me and pull me closer for him to murmur in my ear.

"Breathe. You're fine. We're fine."

I latched onto him and squeaked out, "I don't want you to go." I was desperately trying to tamp down my panic attack with anything that could distract me, but as I'd read in psychology books, it was the worst way to deal with them. The healthy way to deal with anxiety was to let it swallow you whole and live in it until it passes.

"It's okay." He said, knowing what I was doing. "Just give in, it's alright." He wrapped his arms around me firmly and cradled my head to his shoulder as I closed my eyes and sobbed harder than I had in years.

"I want you to do me a favor while I'm gone." He said two days later as we stood on the tarmac together. I hadn't slept well for two nights, and spent my waking hours a stressed-out, miserable mess. "I want you to see Marcoh."

"Your psychiatrist? What do you need me to ask him?"

"It's not for me, it's for you. I want YOU to see him. Weekly. More if needed."

"Ed, I'm okay, I don't think that's necessary-"

"I don't care about necessary. You're not doing well and I can't go off to a fucking war zone and be worried about you here. Just do it." He barked.

I shrank back from him. He hadn't spoken to me that way since before we were together. I wanted to fire back, but it was time for him to board the unmarked, white 747 and the last thing I wanted was for him to leave angry at me.

"O-Okay." I stammered nervously. My eyes fell away to her as she looked back at us over her shoulder while ascending the steps to the aircraft and grinned devilishly. I wanted to throw up. Edward handed off a few boxes of equipment to the Loadmaster for proper storing on board, and when finished he turned to me with a sigh and his gaze cast downward. He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. This was it.

"Fullmetal! Wheels up!" Someone called from the plane's doorway. I dashed away a couple tears and we just looked at each other, unable to say anything. He sighed, and shouldered his military issue canvas bag, before gently brushing his lips over mine.

"I'll call as soon as I can."

I nodded solemnly, unable to raise my eyes to meet his for fear I would start crying again.

"Ha-Have a safe trip." I choked. He pecked me again swiftly and squeezed my hand before turning and walking to the plane. It seemed with every step he took toward the plane was not only a step further from me physically, but emotionally. Symbolically. He'd been standoffish since my breakdown in the closet. Very careful with how he spoke around me, and we'd barely said two words to each other all morning. I'd chocked it up to us both being depressed and not having anything happy to say. And now he was leaving. Sadness swelled in me as he disappeared into the plane and I sniffed loudly as I turned to head back to the hanger and drive home. I concentrated on the rhythmic thumping of my boots on the ground as I told myself to buck up and deal while walking to my car.

"Winry!"

I stopped and whirled around at the sound of my name, and before I realized what was happening his fingers were in my hair and his mouth was on mine, devouring me hungrily. Oh thank God. Warmth and want uncurled in my belly as I clutched the front of his shirt pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. This was killing me. It was beautiful and satisfying and cutting me to the core. Slice by slice with every smooth pass of his sweet tongue over mine. I never knew you could be so happy while simultaneously dying inside. I could vaguely hear the sound of someone yelling Ed's name. It was that woman. That horrible, vampy seductress was calling out to Ed in the distance and we broke off slowly as his eyes roamed me, and raised a finger without taking his gaze off me, signaling for her to wait. Only Edward Elric could get a multimillion dollar military vessel to operate on HIS schedule. I wanted to cry all over again. He came back to kiss me again. I had been an idiot for days, I'd wasted so much time and he had the good sense not to squander our last moments together. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek as he held my face in his hands, and I finally was able to raise my eyes to his.

"I love you." He said firmly, his serious golden eyes pouring into me. "I love you. There's no one else. There will never be anyone else."

I nodded numbly, but couldn't stop my eyes from sliding past him to the hourglass figure tapping her foot impatiently in the doorway at the top of the stairs. Ed coaxed my gaze back to his.

"Stop thinking about it. Just concentrate on getting through each day, and I'll be home before you know it." A warm thumb stroked across my cheek to wipe away a tear, and I crushed myself to him again to savor the feel of his strong, warm body against mine. I felt his fingers curl into my hair as he pulled me even closer to bury his face in my neck, and I could hear him softly murmuring in my ear my favorite line from my favorite book.

"I love and love and love you."

A final softness swept over my lips, and he was gone.

A/N: This came to me in the middle of the night, and I hope you all love it as much as I do. I must be an awful person, because I'm about to put Winry through the wringer again. But I'm a firm believer in being a bit of a sadist as a writer. Make terrible (believable, but terrible) things happen to your characters, because it's enticing to see how these obstacles are overcome, if they ever are. Not sure how long this will be, and I usually like to bang out a few chapters before posting, but I was too excited about this to not share it straight away. I'll be working on chapter 2 on the subway tomorrow morning. Thanks for the love.