Chapter 11

"Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy - the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation."
―Eric Hoffer

Albus Dumbledore looked around the room until his gazed stopped at Severus' and Harry's form and he took a few steps towards them.

"It is good to see that you're both alright, Severus, Harry." Snape only nodded while Harry just looked at the ground. He didn't trust himself to say anything without accusing the headmaster of things. In his opinion there was no plausible reason to send the Professor back to Voldemort, but he didn't want to start a discussion. At least not until they had had dinner. He followed the two adults into the dining room. He looked at Snape, surprised. He had thought that they would eat in the kitchen like always, but obviously they would not, because the dining table was set for three. The potions master noticed his gaze and softly shook his head, making a swift motion with his hand to say that he would explain later. There was a place at the head of the table and one each to its left and right. As the host Snape naturally had the place at the head of the table, while Harry chose the seat to his right. Dumbledore, without bestowing a glance at Harry, took the remaining seat. As soon as the three of them had sat down, drinks appeared. The professor and the headmaster seemed to have wine, while Harry had a glass of milk.

"I hope that everything turned out as planned, Severus?" the whitehaired man broke the silence, whereupon Snape just raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think this is the right time or the right environment to discuss this." He threw a meaningful look in Harry's direction, but the headmaster didn't let himself get confused.

"Nonsense, during dinner is the perfect timing, so I don't keep you from things you wanted to do afterwards, my boy!"

On the one hand Harry was a bit hurt that Snape did not want to have him around while discussing the topic with the headmaster, but on the other hand he could understand it. Moreover Harry had a suspicion that Snape wanted to save him from being talked about as if he wasn't in the room.

Dumbledore still hadn't bestowed a glance on him or directed a word at him, and the black haired boy began to wonder if the man deliberately ignored him.

"Well then, Albus… The Dark Lord still thinks I am his loyal follower," was the slightly defeated answer.

At the same time dinner appeared on the table. There were mashed potatoes, roast with gravy and a mix of plainly cooked vegetables. Harry recognised carrots and peas and maybe even broccoli. He waited until Severus and Dumbledore had served themselves until he filled his own plate. He wasn't sure how much he was able to stomach since he was still getting used to normal food, so he only took some of the mashed potatoes and vegetables. As he noticed that he was being watched, he looked up and met Snape's eyes. As the man nodded he knew that he had made the right choice. He smiled slightly at the man and Dumbledore was tucking his beard into the belt of his gown.

While they ate, Harry absently listened to the two men, who were talking.

"Are you sure that Harry should hear all of it, Albus?" Said man was currently trying to pick up a pea with his fork and nodded.

"Of course, of course. It's not like Harry doesn't know about it already. I would be most surprised if he hadn't seen both of the meetings." Silence fell over the table as Snape starred at him unbelievingly.

"You knew Harry was having those visions and didn't deem it important to tell me about it?"

"Really, Severus, why did you think you should teach him Occlumency?"

All the while Harry tried to pay attention to the fact weather he was leaning his elbows on the table or if he lead the fork to his mouth and not the other way around. It was a good distraction, so he wouldn't throw in any comments.

So Snape hadn't known about the visions, which would explain his surprise the last time.

"YOU told me that the Dark Lord was sending him false visions. If you would have told me that he was seeing the meetings too, I would have chosen a different tactic, a different approach for our lessons…"

At this Harry looked up surprised. So, there were different ways to learn Occlumency. Maybe, if the headmaster would have told Snape the whole truth, then maybe the lessons wouldn't have been such a disaster.

"I believe it was you, who decided to put an end to the lessons, Severus."

Meanwhile the food was all but forgotten. Snape and Dumbledore starred at each other, while Harry, looking decidedly uncomfortable, starred at them.

"Well, our lessons didn't go as smoothly as they could have, because I chose a wrong approach due to missing information, Albus!" Both men broke their eye contact as Harry cleared his throat. While Severus looked at Harry quizzically, Dumbledore studied the pattern of the wooden table. And slowly Harry had enough of Dumbledore's childish behaviour.

"That the lessons ended prematurely was my fault, Professor Dumbledore. I didn't take the lessons as serious as I should have. They ended because I accidently looked into Professor Snape's pensive." Again, silence fell over the room until Dumbledore sighed.

"I am sorry, Severus. My behaviour was not decent. I know that the year that lies behind us wasn't easy for you. The mission I currently have to accomplish grants on my nerves, so I am not entirely myself at the moment." Snape only nodded, while everyone turned back to their food. Harry noticed that the professor's gaze lay on him, but since he didn't want to answer any questions he concentrated on his food, even though he really wasn't hungry anymore.

Suddenly there was a vial of nutrient potion in front of him at which he looked with disdain. This potion tasted incredibly horrible. Sighing he took the small, bulbous bottle and drowned the potion in one go. Grimacing he tried to wash the taste away with some of his milk, which didn't work too well. He kept his gaze on his food and stayed silent while Dumbledore and Snape continued to talk quietly. If he had wanted to, he could have listened without a problem, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to hear another word from Dumbledore, who was still ignoring him.

After another hour the headmaster finally started to say his goodbyes. Reluctantly and only out of pure courtesy did he follow the two men into the living room. Only there did they notice that Dumbledore had left his cloak hanging over a chair in the dining room. It wouldn't have been too bad if he would have forgotten about it, because the cloak was a shade of blinding pink and a pattern consisting of orange strawberries. Still, Snape left the room to get it for the headmaster. Dumbledore stood near the fire place, still ignoring the black haired boy. Without thinking about it, he opened his mouth and spoke the words that had been bothering him for days:

"Why did you send Professor Snape back to Voldemort after he was discovered as a spy, Headmaster?" The old man seemed to be surprised that he had spoken and puzzled by the subject of the question.

"Professor Snape is the only member or the order, who can give us important information. Without these information we cannot do much. You see, his role is most significant."

"And how significant would his role have been if Voldemort had killed him?" anger and disappointment were clearly audible in his voice and Dumbledore tried another tactic.

"You seem to care about Severus, my boy."

Harry took a deep breath, he really tried but he couldn't get control over his emotions.

"I am not your boy. Severus has saved me for years without me even knowing and without expecting anything in return. He took me away from the Dursely's, a family where you put me without checking on me once, and accepted me in his home. He helped and cared for me, something that should have been your job, not the job of a man, who could barely stand to see me. He did more for me in a few days than you in the last years", he subconsciously noticed that Dumbledore had paled, but he didn't care anymore. "I would have needed you last year! I trusted you, and I put my trust in you, and you deported me to the next person that came along. To Professor Snape, to my friends. You didn't care; you still don't seem to care, sir. Maybe I just wasn't worth the effort. You abused my faith and trust. I've never been anything but a pawn in this war to you."

The next moment he already had turned around and was storming from the room, passing a very confused looking potions master, upstairs and into the library. It always seemed to have a calming effect on him and the fact that Shadow appeared a few moments later and settled in his lap wasn't too bad either.

At the same time the professor stepped back into the living room and a very pale Headmaster, who just dropped into an armchair, his head bowed. Only as Snape cleared his throat did he look up, but the twinkle in his eyes was gone. He had heard only a small part of what Harry had said and was surprised on the effect it seemingly had had on the elder man. They were true for the most part, though.

"Severus? Did I truly fail Harry this much?" The black haired man took a seat on the sofa opposite the man and thought for a moment about what he should say. In the end he decided on the truth.

„I cannot speak for Harry, Albus, but I've always seen you as a mentor. There was a time you were like a father to me," he began. Albus met his eyes, but there was a deep sadness in them.

"was?", was his only question, his voice raw and heavy.

"You repeatedly sent me back to a madman, who nearly killed me the last time. I've always taken the position of a spy out of my own free will, but after he had discovered me… I am sorry, Albus, but this action suggests that my only value for the order, and for you, is as a spy, as much as I wish that it wasn't like that." The man opposite him closed his eyes and suddenly looked as old as he truly was. Severus stood up, placed an elegant and long fingered hand on the man's shoulder for a moment and left the room, knowing that Dumbledore would leave the moment in a few moments too. Walking the short distance to his study he tried to distract himself a bit by working on his lesson plans.

What he had said was true. Dumbledore had always been some kind of mentor to him, even as he had smiled generously at what the marauders had done, after they had nearly killed him. He had been there after the death of his mother. After Lily's death he had helped him to process what had happened and soothed the guilt. After his sister's death he had caught him and had supported him every little and wobbly step of his way back to a normal life. Snape was grateful, he stood in his debt. But as much as he was aware of his guilt and blame and culpability, he knew that in his position as a spy, he had done everything he could to atone for it. He couldn't change the past, as much as he wished that he could. He could only try to do better for every remaining day of his life.

A few hours later one was able to find the potions master and Harry Potter in the living room playing chess. A fire was giving the room an even cosier touch and dipped the room in a warm orange glow. Besides the chess-set lay the mayor part of Harry's paws and it didn't look as he was able to win this game.

"It is hopeless to try and win this game, isn't it?" the boy suddenly asked, which made Snape smirk.

"I would be more than surprised if that would even be possible by now." Sighing Harry tipped his king over in defeat.

"Chess definitely isn't one of my strengths! Ron taught it to me in our first year; I've never won against him, though. To be honest, I've never won against anyone", he laughed and started set up the set again. Snape did the same; he seemed to be thinking though. After the set was completely set up again, he looked back up and an amused twinkle lay in his eyes.

"A rematch, Mr. Potter?" Sighing the boy nodded, making his first move. Only a few minutes later a concentrated expression was seen in his face. No matter which moves, Snape would always be able to take one of his pawns.

"If you take my rook with your bishop, I will be able to take your knight, but you would have the chance to take another one of my pawns," he motioned at said bishop. "May I?" Harry nodded and watched attentively as an elegant hand took his bishop to take Snapes rook. He continued and took Harry's knight. Another move with one of Harry's pawns and another with his own followed. As he looked up there was a look of utter surprise on Harry's face.

"When I move this pawn again… wait a second, check?"

"Obviously. Another move and you win." The boy grinned at him and moved his paw.

"Check mate!" Even Snape had to smile at the pure joy on Harry's face. So much happiness about something so mundane.

„Congratulations on your first victory in five years!" Happy laughter echoed through the room and Snape noticed that this was the first time in years that such a happy sound sounded through his manor.

Not one of the two men noticed that the flames in the fireplace turned green for a short moment, neither did they see Poppy's head that appeared for a second to see if everything was alright after Dumbledore had come and spoken with her.

To see the two men, who meant most to her, together, one of them laughing the other one looking contend and smiling, was something that meant the world to her and would change their lives in a not too far away future.

The chapter is not beta-read yet. If anyone finds any mistakes, please tell me!

I'm sorry for the long wait in between the chapters, life kept me kinda busy.

Mandancie I am glad you enjoy the story. I am sorry that it took me so long.

ALiveTodaytoWrite Thank you very much!

10leckersley Thank you very much. I'll definitely continue with the story, it just may take some more time than anticipated! There surely will be similar incidents, especially now that the two of them have a better understanding of each other.

Krafty kaci Thank you very much! I really appreciate it. And I am glad that you enjoy the story so much. I try to get as fluent as possible in English. We start learning it quite early (in school) and it's already been 8 years,. I could get better though. I has Spanish too, three years, and it's really difficult. I wouldn't be able to talk much. Well, thanks again for the lovely review. I'll try to update soon.