So I know this is really late but here is Christmas day 11... due to some unfortunate events or maybe fortunate I haven't been able to write... So now I am trying to update as fast as I can.

Christmas just wasn't the same anymore. Steve wanted to spend it with friends and family but, everyone that he knew was in the ground already. Then Bucky came back and it threw Steve for a loop. He didn't know what to think… He wanted to feel the way that he uses to feel when he was with Bucky, but Bucky didn't remember him. That left Steve feeling lost and lonely, thus making Christmas even harder.

He wanted to sit in front of a fire and drink coco with Bucky, to sit on his lap. To draw him sitting drinking coco, he wants to press his lips all over Bucky's body.

But he's not that scrawny kid from Brookline no more, he's Capitan America, and Bucky isn't his savior, he's the winter solider. They are now two completely different people, there is no way that they will ever be the way it use to be, and that hurts Steve the most. He wants them to be the way that it uses to be, he wants to draw the love of his life.

Bucky is also having a dilemma, he is finding that he wants Steve as well; he just didn't know how to go about telling him so. They had so much love, or he thinks that they had so much love. He isn't sure anymore. Bucky doesn't know what is real and what is fabricated.

"All I want for Christmas is you back in my life."

Bucky sings that over and over again as he sits on a bench watching the snow falls down around him. Everything was at peace, everything but him. He didn't know what to do, what was he to do? The snow falls down around him and calms his soul and makes him think back to the times when things were so simple. Now things are no longer clam and simple, things don't work that way anymore.

As he sat there he noticed someone across the park sitting watching him, as if that person was studying him. It reminded him of Steve and the way that he would sit and watch him at hours on end. He would study every inch of his body and at times it would make him feel uncomfortable, right now it was doing just that.

As Bucky got up to investigate the person staring at him they also got up and moved away, walking swiftly and quickly from the park. Bucky tired to follow but he lost the man.

Steve glided away from the scene with grace and ease. When he realized that Bucky noticed him he knew that his time was up. He had wanted to watch for just a little longer and try to imprint this version of Bucky in his mind. To hold the man that he loved once more. To be able to kiss him, he wants it all back.

Tears fall down his face as he walks away running from his past and towards the future. Bucky is no longer the same person that he use to be, and he is no longer the same person that he use to be. That is the way that life has come and gone, those are the cards that have been dealt to them.

Steve finds his way back to his home and just like when he left it feels lonely and quiet, so he isn't expecting to find anyone there. It comes as a surprise when he hears a gruff voice that he remembers from so long ago.

"We were an item at once…?"

Steve stands still shocked, and answers truthfully, "No…"

"But we did things… things together that would make it seem that we were an item."

Steve turns his head, "You were… Bucky… I wanted… it's kinda hard to explain."

Bucky nodded his head in understanding, "What about now… how do I know that what I feel isn't fabricated."

Steve looked back at Buck his eyes shinned, "What you feel… like love?"

Bucky huffed in a Bucky sort of way, "Maybe, maybe not."

Steve only smiled brighter. Oh how much he wanted this to be true. That Bucky, his Bucky was coming back to him, before he could get the words out though Bucky was up and approaching him. With one swift move he was pressed against the wall and Bucky was all over him.

Steve let out a breathy moan as Bucky released his lips and moved down to his neck. What happened after that was kinda of a blur. Somehow they made it to the bed room and lost all their clothing along the way there.

Steve ended up with his back on the bed pulling Bucky down with him. The kisses got more rough and their breathing heaver as they rutted up against one another, each wanting to feel what they use to feel and find what they had lost.

It didn't take long for both of them to come; each others name on the others lips.

Silent tears fell down Steve's eyes as he watched Bucky get up. He didn't know what he was expecting… but maybe something else other than this. He curled up on his side not wanting to watch the man leave.

"Do you want to take a shower," the question was softly asked as Bucky mumbled it out.

Steve turned about looking at a slightly embarrassed Bucky.

"Sure," he said happily as he sniffled.

Bucky also smiled, "I don't know what we had in the past… but I think I want to have a life with you. I may not be the old Bucky… but I promise to try and be everything you want me to be."

Steve smiled a bigger smile. This year Christmas would be better than any Christmas's in the past. He finally had the one thing that he wanted. There was nothing else in the world that he would ever need.

Merry Christmas Everyone!