It's 2 am and I'm on the phone with IWriteNaked and RippingButterflyWings. This one-shot's been written for a while and I was hesitant to post it when I haven't even updated BAS—which by the way should be posted sometime soon. It just needs to be sent to my beta, and it's quite a handful to deal with. My life is so crazy busy, and I struggle with the fact that from the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head back down, I'm in a nonstop race to get things done—being a mom will do that to you. Anyway, I love writing for BAS but I'm so new and generally enjoy writing for this fandom that I find myself getting inspired to do little stories like these.

I want to thank my amazing beta and parabatai IWriteNaked for helping me with my atrocious punctuation. Thanks to RippingButterflyWings for being generally an amazing friend, you also encourage me every step of the way. One last shout out to SpikeyHairGood for having that rare connection of always being on the same wavelength as me, you are my musical soul mate. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without any of you guys.

Finally, I want to dedicate this one-shot to my hero, lover, and husband TiggerJoshy. Love ya babe, Mosh 4 Life!

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Cassie Clare, the storyline belongs to me.

This one shot is inspired by the song Passenger Seat by Death Cab For Cutie. I strongly recommend listening to it while you read.

1 am

Your eyes light up, and your smile is so contagious that I can't stop myself from doing the same when I see it.

I grip the steering wheel. I'm so nervous. Jonathan knows. There was no way in hell I would ever do this without his consent. He's always trusted me, but I can't bring myself to say it.

You look up at the night sky and continue smiling. Your bright red hair flows in the air like a flame licking the sky. You make waves with your hand as it feels the wind. There are few times I see you this happy, and the drive up to L.A. is one of things that gets you to smile this way.

"Did you know there are more stars in the sky than grains of sand on earth?" you say and I can hear your smile.

"That's a lot of damn stars," I reply giving you a side glance. You've got your feet on the dashboard. Your bare toes stand out because of the bright red nail polish.

You giggle and nod in agreement. I want to hear that sound again. I love it. "That right there," you say as you point up through the open window, "is the Big Dipper."

"Well, I can't exactly look for myself right now, but I'll take your word for it. I'm sure it's astonishing though," I say as I take the exit off the highway. I need to refuel the car, or else I would keep driving—I hate stopping. My fingers tap the steering wheel to the beat of the music on the radio.

"I want to drive!" you say as you excitedly bounce in your seat. I chuckle. You're so adorable and I can't get enough of you.

I slowly pull up next to the gas pump. This gas station is on a small hill, off the coast. The waves crash across the street—the tide is high. "Clary, I already told you. It's too late. You're so tired that you've hit that delirious stage where you can't stop talking or laughing. You'll be crashed out in like 20 minutes," I tell you knowingly, because I've grown up with you. I've watched you blossom into the beautiful, smart, brilliant, attractive, and strong girl that is sitting next to me right now. We aren't best friends—that title is reserved for my sister Isabelle...and Simon. I never used to want anything of his. I never envied him at all. That all changed when I fell for you, and now I can't stand the way you look at him because I want that. You don't feel anything romantic for him, he's dating my sister, but you two can communicate just with looks. You know each other inside and out, backwards and forwards. I wish we had that. I want to know what it's like to feel the devotion of Clary Fray. Except, I don't want to just be another best friend. I want more. I want so much more.

You cross your arms indignantly, "Pfff whaaaat? I have no idea what you're talking about."

I laugh as I step out of the car, and you follow suit. "Jonathan would kill me if I let you drive, and even if he didn't care I still wouldn't. He would very much love to see us get to his graduation alive and well," I say as I refuel the car. We're headed to your brother's graduation from UCLA. He's leaving to law school after this and you'll be left alone. This, to me is the perfect time to start a new type of relationship with you. That is, of course, if you feel the same.

"Jace! God, you are such a big brother sometimes!" Ouch. I feel a pang in my gut. That's worse than being friend zoned. But I can't blame you. Jonathan has been my best friend since we were 13. I've known you both for 10 years, and in that time I've helped him watch over you mainly because he's my best friend. In the last few years though it's also been because I'm madly in love with you.

"I'm 21 now, Jace. I'm an adult in every sense of the word. A responsible one at that. Not to mention an honor student with an amazing job that I worked my ass off the get. I pay my own bills, and most importantly I've never gotten so much as a speeding ticket in all—" I cut you off by grabbing ahold of your face and looking right into your eyes. Your mouth remains open from the sentence you never finished.

"I know all that, Clary. I was at your birthday party, we have a class together, and I was the one who took you to that job interview. Not to mention all the times you've saved my ass when I was too drunk to drive." You're standing as still as a statue and you aren't breathing. You're blinking repeatedly, as if you can't believe I'm being so forward. Usually I'm not, but I'm hoping that will all change this weekend. I'm praying to God you can't hear how my heart is slamming against my rib cage. I've thought about touching you like this for years. I'm growing nervous because you're still silent, but I don't let myself show it. I'm too scared to be rejected by you. I've wanted this for so long.

I smirk at you and you visibly swallow. You remain quiet, so unlike your typically stubborn demeanor. I feel a tiny glimmer of hope within me when I realize our close proximity is affecting you too—you're still attracted to me. Maybe I haven't been friend-zoned after all.

You used to like me in high school, when I was a dick. There's no better word for it. All I cared about was banging my girlfriend, Kaelie. She was the only type of girl I wanted because she was vapid and empty. Of course, back then, I didn't realize that. Back then she had it all; fake boobs, bleach blonde hair, a tight body, and she was a damn good lay. What else could I ever need at that point? She didn't ask too many questions, didn't push my boundaries. We had sex, and didn't get too emotional. That was what I thought I needed, what I wanted. I was an idiot. I knew you liked me, in spite of my lack of redeeming qualities, because when we talked I was real with you. I was a version of myself that I didn't realize existed because I wasn't ready for him to. I never took you seriously. You were just my best friend's annoying little sister, at the end of the day.

It wasn't until I left for university, on a football scholarship, and didn't see you for 2 years that I realized what I missed out on. I got to see what I didn't let myself have with you when I lost my scholarship (because I replaced class time with drinking, fighting, and sex) and came back home to find you just about to graduate high school, and damn had you changed. It wasn't just your physical appearance, though I'd be a flat out liar if I said that hadn't changed too. You still had those fiery red curls that bounced all the way down to your waist. You still had that contagious smile and strong nature. Adorably kissable freckles still covered your cheekbones, collarbone, and stomach— which I never thought I would get to see. That was the craziest, most pleasant part to be honest; when I first saw you after 2 years, you were in a cheerleading uniform. You ran up to me, that beautiful smile on your face and my heart stopped. You were breathtaking and I was more than happy to see you jumping into my arms.

Somehow my sister had convinced you to join the squad with her, and I wasn't complaining because the view was pretty damn hot. You had filled in and suddenly there were curves and muscle tone in places I never imagined for you. You had this newfound confidence, passion, and strength. Izzy may come off as a superficial girl, but there is so much more to her than meets the eye, and in the 2 years I was gone you must have seen that same side of her because she became your closest girl friend. She's an awesome friend for helping all those qualities bloom in you as they have in her.

I realize we've been looking into each other's eyes a lot longer than planned. The lack of space between us becomes too much for me. I clear my throat and step back, letting my fingers linger on your face for a few seconds before I draw them back. "I realize you're a responsible, decision making adult Clary. But you know how it is and that this doesn't have to do with your driving in particular. It's about to be 1:30 in the morning and there's mainly 18 wheelers and speeding cars on the roads. It isn't you that worries me."

You blink. Your cheeks are still adorably red. It feels so good knowing I made you blush. "This isn't over," you say as you adjust your black and white striped knitted sweater. You turn and walk toward the building. I chuckle at how cute you look when you pout and can't stop myself from watching you as I follow you inside. Your black leggings stretch all the way down to your ankles and hug your curves generously, not that I can see much of them with your sweater hanging right below your butt. The only skin that peaks out is the small patch between your black flats and leggings. I've shamelessly checked you out any chance I've had where you weren't looking. Watching as you step into the small convenience store, I walk in right behind you and head to the restroom. I text Jon before going back out.

Jace: Just got to Laguna Beach. Stopped for gas.

Jon: Laguna? Why did you even get off the 5? It's so much quicker that way.

Jace: I know it is. But Clary...

Jon: Ah, say no more. I know she loves the 1, how could I forget? Dude, have you told her?

Jace: I'm still alive, so no...

Jon: Haha, dude she isn't gonna kill you.

Jace: Pretty sure "Hey, I know you've always thought of me as an older brother but I'm madly in love with you and can't stop thinking about you" is gonna warrant some kind of injury.

Jon: Stop being a pansy dude. Seriously...

Jace: I brought her a day early for a reason.. I can't just spring this up on her in like, casual conversation. I'll tell her at the right time.

Jon: Lmaoooo. "Hey, Clary, decaf or regular? How many creamers? I love you. How many sugars?"

Jace: Dick...

Jon: You love me...and Clary.

I roll my eyes at my best friend. He's surprisingly cool with my being in love with his baby sister. Considering I've stepped up majorly and wedged myself into your life not only for my own selfish reasons but to watch over you too, I'm assuming Jon trusts me a lot more now with you.

I'm about to reply to Jon when I see that I missed text from a few minutes ago.

Clary: Did you fall in or something? ;)

That winky face... It does more to me than it should. You didn't mean it in the way I want, so why does my face feel so damn hot? I look up and my eyes widen in surprise when I see my reflection...I'm blushing. Jace Wayland doesn't blush, dammit!

I walk out of the restroom, grab a drink, some snacks, and a pack of cigarettes before heading back to the car. I try not to smoke too often, but I'm freaking out over here. I'm going to use this weekend trip to one of your favorite cities on earth to profess my love to you. Do the walls feel like they're closing in? Why is the air thinning? I'm not even indoors at this point! Get a grip, Wayland. Quit being such a pansy. I pinch the bridge of my nose with the hand that isn't holding the bag of snacks I just bought. I walk up to the car and find you in the passenger seat and I freeze mid-step. In the past few years I've gotten to know you a lot better and I've learned something very important— Clary Fray does not concede. She argues and fights and proves her point to no end. But she doesn't ever concede. I fully expected you to be in the driver's seat when I came out. What is going on? I'm slightly suspicious because this is so unlike you.

I approach the car and grin even wider because I realize that you're asleep. I look at my phone, and it's about to be 1:45 AM. Almost 20 minutes ago I predicted this, and the fact that I've figured out these little things about you makes me feel embarrassed and accomplished at the same time. I'm so whipped and we're not even together. I hang on your every word and action, and you don't even see it. Is this what it was like for Simon? I remember when that geek was in love with you in high school. You'd vent to me about it (because he had confessed his love and you didn't feel the same) on the rare occasions that we were hanging out at your place, because Jon was in trouble with your parents and I had no one else to hang with. I was such a dick, seriously.

I get in the car and drive toward my surprise destination. I can't wait for you to wake up and see where I'm taking you.

5:10 AM

I look out at the ocean before us, admire how the waves dance with the ocean and I can already picture how your eyes will focus and light up as they dart between your sketchbook and the ocean as you draw it. I look over at you and see that you're beginning to stir in your sleep. We've been here since around 3:30 AM, I crashed out for a while but my nerves won't let me relax. You've been sleeping ever since we left the gas station.

You open your beautiful green eyes and for a moment I can tell you're completely disoriented. I hold back a chuckle because you look so adorable as you stretch your arms and look around totally bewildered. "Jace?" you say in a deep and husky voice. I've never heard you speak when you've just woken up and I am so turned on its insane, because I love the way your lips wrap around my name when your voice sounds like that. I love the idea of being the first face you see in the morning. I'm sure my eyes have turned a shade darker. It didn't help that when you stretched your arms it made the blanket fall from your chest, and you revealed a barely there tank top you had worn under your sweater.

Luckily you didn't notice my current struggle because you continue, "What—are we? Jace, are we at the Santa Monica Pier? Oh my god, Jace." You've got a huge smile on your face as you look around and find yourself in the parking lot of the pier.

You look right at me, I can see you want to say thank you but at that moment you reach out and grab my hand. I stiffen because I wasn't expecting that, ever. "Thank you, Jace. I love this place. God, it makes me so happy to be here." My eyes are trained on our hands, our fingers are now interlocked and I can't help but realize how right this feels. You gasp and I look up because I fear that you've realized what this means to me, and maybe you don't feel the same. But your eyes are wide as they stare up at the sky that lays across the ocean. The colors always get you. They take your breath away, the way you do to me.

"I'll never get over this," you whisper as the sun paints the sky with pink, purple, and blue. "The feeling I get when I look at that," you say as you jerk your head toward the sky ahead. "It's indescribable, it makes me feel like I can do and be anything. Like I can fly. It reminds me that there really is a silver lining to everything, because no matter how much evil there is in this world, there is still beauty. There is still sacred, untouchable, and unchangeable beauty. No matter what happens, the beauty of nature cannot be ruined. The sun will always rise, the mountains will always reign, the oceans will always flow." This is it. This is my moment. I brace myself to speak up.

"Wait—" you say as realization hits and you draw back your hand. It feels empty and cold when we don't touch. "What about Jonathan? We'll miss his graduation. We—"

"Actually, we're here a day early." I say sheepishly, because this is happening, finally.

You blink. "What? Why?" You look at me, your eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

I rub my hand against the back of my neck, my heart is slamming against my rib cage. "I—uh wanted to bring you here. I know how you love it. You're such a hard worker, I knew you wouldn't take time off unless you thought you had to for Jon."

Your eyes are wide and you slowly smile as you bite the corner of your lip. Before I know it you've lunged at me, and you're hugging me. My arms are hovering over you because I can't figure out how to move. I'm paralyzed by the smell of apples and strawberries.

You draw back and your smile is wide as ever. "You're the best, Jace. I would be so pissed at you for making me miss an extra day of class if this wasn't the sweetest thing ever. I love you for this."

My stomach feels like it was just swarmed by a bunch of bats. Holy crap. I love you too. Just say it, dammit. I love you too. It's just four words. I. Love. You. Too. But no, I don't say that. What do I do? I revert to what I know. I grin at you and say, "Usually girls don't literally throw themselves at me when they profess their love for me, but I still appreciate it." I'm a moron, but I can't help it. All I'm producing is word vomit at this point.

You roll your eyes and snort. "There's the Jace I know. Welcome back. I knew you were being too sweet for your own nature." You grab your sweater and step out of the car. I grip the steering wheel. I don't know any other way to be when I'm nervous, and since your mere presence sends me flying, I guess I'm a major douche. I can't be this way with you. You're different. You've always been different. You make me feel things I didn't think I was capable of. I get out of the car and catch up with you.

"Look, I'm a major dick and I'm sorry," I say and I rub my sweaty palms against my jeans, because I really don't want to mess this up.

You give me a side glance and your eyes follow my hands. Your eyebrows raise in amusement and you bite your lip. What was that about? You smile and grab my hand. "Come on," you say as you pull me. "Let's go for a walk."

10:30 AM

We are walking back to the pier. We just spent hours talking, laughing, and walking up and down the coast. I'd never been able to spend so much alone time with you, and now I can't imagine ever wanting it to stop. You're taking funny pictures of yourself and giggling.

"What are you doing?" I ask curiously, while I laugh at the faces you make.

"I'm snap-chatting," you say as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Shouldn't Isabelle be in class?" I ask. Because I'm hoping it's her, or Simon. I really don't want it to be—

"It's Raphael," you say casually, and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. Have I missed my chance again? When I first came home from my failed attempt at university I became absolutely entranced by you. I wanted you to be mine from that moment but you were with Sebastian Douche-Face Verlac. That relationship lasted half a year after my return, and both Izzy and Simon were there to help pick up the pieces when Sebastian cheated on you. I was there to rip him into pieces and I enjoyed every moment of kicking his ass. Iz and Si promised not to tell, despite the extreme pleasure it brought them. After that prick came Jordan Kyle. It had been nearly a year since Sebastard, and I was dating some girl from our college because I just couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt— I had resolved to moving on from you, and then Jordan asked you out. I thought I was finally over you, but it had been so long since you had a boyfriend that I forgot the feeling of watching another man kiss, hold, make you blush, and everything else I wanted to give you. That relationship was the scariest for me because he was your first love. You thought he was different, and for a while things seemed to be headed that way. I remember stumbling into Izzy's room late one night when I was drunk. I was freaking out because you were thinking about moving in with Jordan. I remember having my own ass handed to me by my sister because I was 'too much of a pansy to own up' to my feelings. People sure do like calling me a pansy, don't they? Luckily for me, and at the expense of Jordan, you realized you weren't ready to go in that direction with him. Eventually, you realized you never would. Thank. God.

So here we are a year and a half, and a few more unofficial boyfriends later and I've worked up the nerve. Finally. In retrospect, I know what it was that made me so hesitant. I just wasn't good enough for you, because I truly wasn't. Being in love with your best friend's sister isn't something to be taken lightly, much less dating her.

You must have noticed how quiet I got, because you say something completely unexpected. "Hey," you elbow my side, "Raph just wanted to know what our government homework is, since he wasn't in class last time. Don't worry, he'll never steal me away from you. You're my one and only government partner. Scout's honor." You say as you hold up three fingers.

I look at you and blink. Despite that not being the cause for my jealousy, I'm still annoyed that you can see through all my defenses and realize that I'm jealous in the first place. "What? Why would you think—"

"Look, I'll show you," you say as you grab my arm and put it around your shoulder, you snap a picture of us while you do a kissy face and I'm just staring at the phone, wide eyed. You look at the picture as you type a message on it.

"Raphael is a good friend, you know." You say after a long silence.

"Yeah, he's a cool guy," I say in response, because I'm so ready to just tell you. We remain in silence again and I rehearse in my head. Clary, I love you. No...Clary I love you. No—

"I'm so ready for some good breakfast," you say as you rub your stomach. I feel bad for not thinking that part through. I'd been planning this for weeks. I bite my lip and bow my head as I shove my hands in my pockets.

You giggle, and I realize you're a lot closer now than just a few seconds ago. "Hey," you say as you put two fingers under my chin and pull my gaze back to yours, "I've loved every second of this trip so far. I worked up this appetite. That wouldn't have happened if we hadn't just spent the morning exploring. This has been one of the best mornings I've had in a long time. Walking along the beach is one of my favorite things to do, and you gave me that along with so many amazing things so far, and it's not even noon yet. You're awesome." Your smile is so bright that I can't stop my own lips from doing the same.

"I love that," you say, and you smile while biting your lower lip.

"Uh—what?" My mouth is slightly open. I want to bite that lip.

"Your real smile. I don't mean your smirk— the one you use when you're trying to be nonchalant. I mean this," you say as your fingers touch the corner of my mouth. "I don't get to see it often and I love it. It's beautiful."

I don't know what it is about this particular scenario, but something pushes me and I can't stop the words from tumbling out. "I love you." Well, guess there's no going back now...

You stiffen, suck in a breath, and look up at me. You're blinking and look like a dear caught in head lights. "Jace? Did you—"

I visibly swallow. I know it's coming and I can't do a thing to stop it. It's like my mouth has taken a life of its own and is tired of waiting for my brain to catch up.

"You're one of those beauties, Clary– the ones you mentioned earlier. I've watched you face one shit storm after another for 10 years and all it's done is make you even more beautiful. All the evil you've faced with your parents' divorce, them fighting over you and Jon, lying and manipulating you both. The guys you've dated who've tried to ruin you, the ones you had to set free. I've been there for most of it, and I've seen how the evil in your life hasn't deterred you of being the beautiful and strong person you are. Despite all that crap you had to deal with, anytime I needed some direction, a voice of reason, a guide to help me find my way out of the mess I created for myself, you were always there. No matter what was going on in your life, you were someone I could go to and ask for help. Even though we haven't been the closest friends, you've still done what you could for me when I asked. I want to do that for you too, Clary. When you feel embarrassed, I want to be there to remind you of all you have to be proud of. When you need direction in life, I want to be the one to help guide you where you need to go. I want to be by your side and watch you be an unchangeable beauty. Because I've fallen in love with you and I can't stand the thought of not showing you how I feel anymore. I can't stand the thought of watching another man come into your life and possibly stealing you away like Jordan almost did. That shit nearly killed me." My brain finally catches up with my mouth and I stop. I can't believe I said all of that, especially because it wasn't anywhere near what I had originally wanted to say. Guess this whole 'speak from your heart' shit works.

You're standing still as stone, your eyes wide and jaw nearly hitting the floor. I start to shift from one foot to the other as the seconds drag on. The longer the silence lasts, the more my stomach feels like it's going to explode from anxiety.

"I knew it. Shit, I shouldn't have said that. I'm a damn idiot. I'm sor—" but I don't get a chance to finish. Because at that moment you grab my collar and pull me down for a kiss, and it's everything yet nothing I imagined all at once. Your lips are soft and sweet like honey, and I can taste the apple you had a while ago. Your fingers tangle themselves in my hair and I feel like I can fly. I can feel how unchangeable and untouchable your beauty is, and it makes me feel invincible. I feel like I'm kissing one of nature's most sacred beauties. We stay like that for a few moments, with me still stiff and unmoving. I can't believe this is happening. Clary Fray is kissing me. She's kissing me! I'm not kissing her back, dammit! I finally start to move and you open your lips to let me in. Our tongues weave together and you run yours along my bottom lip, lightly nip it, and then suck. I can't hold back the groan that forms in my throat as I swallow every breath and gasp. My fingers tangle in your strawberry scented hair. My other hand is slowly making its way down to your waist where it wraps around to your lower back and lifts you higher while pressing you flush against me. You're on your tiptoes now and I'm ready to lift you so you can wrap your legs around me, but I remember that unfortunately we're in public so I slowly and reluctantly pull away and give you small pecks. As you pull back, you rest your forehead against mine, smile at me and bite your lip. "guess now's as good a time as ever to confirm that I love you too."

I smile at you, because I can't believe I finally got you after all these years. "I figured as much," I say and I lean forward to kiss you again but you pull away and start to run toward the pier.

I'm momentarily confused until you look over your shoulder and yell, "By the way, that was Izzy!"

There it is, my first one-shot! Hope you guys liked it!

Until next time lovelies. SS&A, M4L.

-DeathCabForMari