Notes at the end!

Epilogue

His dreams were rarely pleasant any more. If not for his ability to manipulate them, he would have succumbed to nightmares years ago. In his sleep, Solas cut himself off from the rest of the world, refused memories the chance to resurface and sometimes pushed out even the spirits that tried to reach for him.

So it came as a surprise that evening to feel the presence of another in his dreams that evening, her soul so bright against the dull surroundings it was almost blinding. Lavellan's anger permeated from her in the Fade like a thick, heavy cloud shadowing her footsteps.

"Solas," she started and it came like a twisted bitter word dripping from her lips like poison. "Or perhaps I should say Fen'Harel?"

"Lavellan," he breathed and he could barely glance over his shoulder let alone turn to face her. Hands balled into fists at his sides as he added, begging, "Please, don't-"

"You're an ass," she interrupted and he pressed his lips into a thin line, accepting the anger she lashed him with because he knew how much he deserved it. "Did you convince yourself what you did wasn't wrong to help you sleep better at night? To help you cope with how you left me after you used me?"

"I never meant to hurt you," he offered softly and the small bitter laugh it brought him clashed with the soft words that spilled from her lips.

"I know you didn't." A pause for a moment and he knew she'd stepped closer yet he still couldn't turn to face her. "You would not change that much since the ancient times."

Her words made him falter and he frowned, glanced over his shoulder for the smallest of seconds while his tongue managed to curl around broken, tentative words. "You... remember?"

"I do."

It was only two words but to him it was everything he'd hoped and wished for over months. For a moment he forgot why he'd pushed her away as he turned, completely, to face her. Angular features twisted into joy so strong it brought the stinging feeling of tears to his eyes and lips pulling into a wavering, hesitant smile.

His hand shook to betray his tentative belief in her words until his fingers tangled in a stray lock of her hair, still white, and pushed it behind her ear. His touch lingered over soft cheeks and then, with a choked gasp, he crumbled.

Falling to his knees he buried his face in his hands, his breaths in ragged gasps and body trembling to know what he'd wanted for so many months with so much of his being had been granted to him. For a moment it did not matter that he'd left her, that he should push her away for her own sake because it meant everything that she wouldn't stare at him the way the dalish had taught her to. To see the understanding in her violet eyes broke him and he leant into her gentle embrace when she crouched down before him and curled her hand against the back of his smooth head.

"Fen'Harel," she whispered after several minutes, her fingers running soothing circles against his skin and he managed to lift his head to gaze at her. In her eyes he saw the pain and sadness that had been her punishment for the cruelty fate had inflicted on them both.

Shaking, he traced his thumb over her lips as if to remind himself that she was real, because it wouldn't have been the first time he'd hallucinated her returning to him while he slept. The love in her gaze slowly faded when he let his touch fall from her features, her eyes narrowing and expression hardening as her anger started to show.

He expected it, he deserved it and it came as little surprise when her touch slipped from his neck. Her hand came hard in a slap across his cheek, nails digging into his skin and he gasped, faintly glowering at her as he cradled his stinging face. With a brief flicker of magic the pain and scratches were gone, because in the Fade it would never truly have been real, but the notion of what she had meant was still very much there.

"You knew," she hissed and her voice was deep and accusing, their affections early so easily lost to the hurt that they both carried. "All this time you knew, and you never said anything!"

"And what would I have said?" he drawled and crossed his arms over his chest as he stared her down. "You'd spent more than two decades with the dalish, grown up being told I was the monster in your every nightmare. Do not pretend you would have believed me for even a second if I told you you were an ancient elf and the Dread Wolf's lover."

"You could have restored my memories," she retorted and her muscles flexed each passing moment with her anger.

"No, I couldn't, not without my orb." When he noted the way her features refused to soften or lose any of her pent up frustration with him, he snapped and muttered, annoyed, "Did you think I enjoyed watching others leer and fawn over you and knowing I could not say anything? Did you think I took pleasure in how you stared at me as I was nothing more than a stranger, as if nothing we ever shared mattered?"

She hesitated for a moment, her features softening and then she whispered his name so delicately it was like a prayer falling from her lips. It jolted his reverie, forced him to remember why he had left her in the first place and why he couldn't let this dream unfold in the way the both of them wished that it would.

"I can't," he whispered and he stood and stepped away from her, held his hands up in surrender and to push her away when she followed. His heart twisted at the hurt that flashed across her features.

"You're leaving," she said as she put the pieces together.

He nodded slowly. "I have to fix the mistakes I made."

"Let me help you." He expected she would have said it, she'd never let him face his problems alone in the past and he'd hardly thought she'd stop now. He was shaking his head and denying her before her sentence had even finished.

"No, vhenan."

Her brow tugged in confusion and frustration. "Why?"

"Because I can't watch you die again," he replied, his voice broken and raw as his memories of how he had held her broken bleeding body in his arms flashed briefly through the scene.

He reached towards her, let his fingers trail across her jaw and cupped her cheek, gently, for what he knew would be the last time. Even if it wasn't real in the Fade, he had to feel her skin against him just once more. She reached up, pressed her hand against his for a moment before he pulled back and shook his head.

"I will always love you, Lavellan," he told her as his fingers began glowing softly with magic. "And I am sorry, but you will never see me again."

And with the flash of a spell, he forced her from his dreams and sealed her out, permanently, so that she would never find him and he would spare her the consequences of his madness before it took her life a second time.

It was cruel and would ruin both their hearts. But for his mistakes, he had no other option.

A penance that he deserved for his sins over centuries.

Fin

So... I know I kinda tagged this story with happy ending and I realise now this ending isn't exactly happy, so for that I'm sorry, I really wanted to stay true to the actual ending of the game as much as possible :(

However, to make up for it I will be posting an AU happy ending 'Solas returns and they make up' fic hopefully later today, possibly tomorrow.

The other important thing I want to share is thaaaat... I really would like to continue this story when Bioware releases more content/DLC. Really really would like to continue it if I can (hopefully Bioware doesn't completely contradict everything I've written here when they release more content haha!) So keep an eye out for any new stories posted by me when more content gets released if you'd be interested in reading a potential sequel :) I also have a prequel planned for the Dragon Age Big Bang event and maybe a long-ish oneshot of Lavellan's time when she was with her clan so... it's not quite over yet! These will all be posted to this account, although I don't have a timeframe as of yet!

And finally, thank you soooo much to everyone who's been along on this crazy ride with me, you guys have been so amazing and it makes it such a pleasure to write when there's such awesome people reading and leaving such encouraging support, thank you a million times!