A little thought that popped into my head last night. No Kmah and Her Mighty Red Pen on this one.

Enjoy

Dear PPPE,

It's been awhile. Four years and some change, I think… I'll be honest, I'm still not okay with it. Sometimes, something will happen and it will remind me of you. It still makes me sad sometimes but for not as long. I can usually put on a movie that will give me a good cry. If I'm being honest, I find myself missing you once in a while. Sometimes though, I just smile. Progress.

I'm trying really hard to just remember the good moments. Even after all the fucked ones…doesn't mean that you were the person who helped me the most when Alan died. The first person to make me feel something. Was my sounding board for a huge chunk of my life. Who helped me survive Pam.

I've heard rumors. That I really hope aren't true but I can sincerely say that I hope you find the happiness that you deserve. You were just as fucked up as me. Believe it or not, I used to know you pretty well and as I worked on my own fucked up shit, I realized, I started to understand you a even better. Why you did and said the things you did. Empathy, I'm told. Just because I get it though, doesn't mean it made it hurt any fucking less.

Be happy Peter.

*A/N I just wanted to take the moment to say thank you to everyone who has read The Tide. To those of you for your reviews. This community has brought me so much and I will be forever grateful. I started this story on the behest of Kmah - Hot Box Wine Challenge...You Got 48 hrs (Thank You SA) but make it sad. Turns out i was at a time in my life that I was Bella, hollow, broken, lost. My body shutting itself down because I don't process emotions like a normal person...or at all. I wasn't the best human and was making some of my own poor life choices. Then My poor life choices caught up to me in real life and life as I knew it, blew up all around me. When I need an outlet for my feeling in safe space, I always turn to writing and art. The Tide became that for me. Working on my own demons through B. My process to start the long hard journey out of the dark woven into hers. When I had my tribe, so did she. When I was able to put myself back together, I was finally able to finish The Tide.

Halfway through writing The Tide, I made the decision that one day I would like to pull and publish. I wanted to put something out into the world beyond fanfiction. It was actually the reason I started writing fanfic years ago. I wrote another book and I knew it wasn't where I wanted it to be, so I started writing here to make myself better. Now, I want to share the story of a woman, who was weird like me. Who curses like a fucking sailor, likes weird shit, says weird shit, and loves her meat. Who was damaged by life, could heal herself, with the help of her tribe, in a way that worked for her. Was it conventional, no? Is part of it illegal in other states and federally? Yes. But maybe someone else like that out there will read it and laugh and cry and just get it. Feel connected.

If I can help someone who felt the way I did, the way Bella did; with my words...I would be so honored. So with that long winded explanation, I wanted to let you know that soon I will be pulling The Tide and publishing it. Clearly the names will be change to protect the innocent and the guilty, lol. There are more laughs and cries. There will also be art. You can't get the full picture of Cecelia Evelyn Morgan (Bella) without having sketches include. She is an artist after all. With that being said, I will keep you posted.

XOZO

HB