Chapter 8 Leap of the Heart
The palace is pitch black. No candles light the corridors and the oil lamps stand empty. Only the light from
the moons allows me to see my way. Silent. There isn't a sound. I have never such quiet. I strain my ears
for the slightest noise but hear only a thick velvet nothingness, I cannot do even make out my breathing or
footsteps as I trudge the endless passages, searching desperately for someone or something. What am I
looking for? I can't remember.
A voice ! I am not alone. Thank Rai. It is familiar my heart is filled with relief as I hear my mother call for
me
' Francis, oh Francis where are you? Don't hide from me.' She sounds so close yet her tone is filled with
panic. I spin round to find her but she is nowhere to be seen. I shout out to guide her to me. ' Mamma, its
okay I'm right here. But where you? I can hear you but I can't see you.' A reply comes but it's as if my
mother has not heard me.
' Francis, oh my baby, they've got me, they've gone me already. You've got to run, get away from them,
they'll kill you !Forget about me, run, Francis run!' The fear in her voice makes me panic. She sounds
further away this time as if someone is pulling her away from me. I have got to find her . I begin to sprint
down the corridor following the sound of her cries. I make a left down a passageway then a right, then
another left, always hoping each turn will bring me closer to my mother. Darkness envelops me, I cannot
see a thing only the haunting sobs of distress guide me forward. I haven't a clue where I am, my mind is a
blur. I've lived in the palace all my life but in this unnatural blackness I am lost. But still I keep running,
my heart beating furiously as if it's about to burst through my chest. My muscles ache with tiredness, each
step is a battle, my lungs gasp for air but then it is forced out again with each breath. Mustn't stop, must
rescue Mamma. Sweat runs into my already blind eyes. Suddenly another voice hits me, as familiar and
plaintive as my mother's but coming from the opposite direction.
' Somebody please, please help me! Frankie please help me. I'm so scared, I don't know what to do!
Frankie where are you? I need you, save me!' Phoenix ! My love! She is crying with terror, my heart
bleeds with fear of what unseen horror is tormenting her so. I must go to her, I can't let her be hurt. I spin
on my heels and dash the way I have just come screaming to her. ' Hang on ! Phoenix, I'm coming, I'm
going to find you. It's okay I love you. I won't let anything happen to you.' I power myself forward with all
the strength and speed I can muster. My legs feel and if they are going to drop off but I can let mere pain
stop me. The palace is changing around me by the second. Walls spring up out of nowhere, one minute the
floor slopes downwards next it's like I'm climbing a mountain. I twist and turn this way and the other
through this labyrinth trying to reach my goal. All the time the voices of Phoenix and my mother echo in
my skull, pulling me one way then the other.
' Francis, get out while you still can!'
' Frankie, find me, I'm trapped !'
' My baby, I just want you to be safe! '
' My darling, you're the only one who can save me, don't you love me?'
' They're coming, oh Rai save him, soon they'll be here!'
' I'm frightened, oh Goddess, they're here, they'll kill him'
Then I feel it. The hot foul breath on the back of my neck, the heavy footsteps like an army at war gaining
on me. Cold fear trickles down my spine, I continue to run but I know it will catch me. I cannot hear the
cries of Phoenix or my mother anymore, a new voice is thundering in my ears. 'You spoilt, whining, little
brat!' I daren't look back knowing the sight of it will freeze me to the spot. Instead I attempt to quicken my
pace but my feet seems to stick to the ground. It is as if I am drowning in treacle, my body moves in slow
motion. The harder I try the worst it becomes.
' It is your destiny to become king.'
It is closer. That voice echoing inside my brain like a thousand memories. I cannot tell which direction it's
coming from, it's as if it's right inside me. I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes. I have
forgotten about Phoenix and Mamma now, all I can think of is escaping my pursuer. I will my body to keep
moving but I am growing weaker by the second. Everything seems to be against me, I am blind beyond
comprehension , stumbling helplessly in the blackness. The palace has transformed into a living thing
twisting like an evil serpent so that every turn I make leads me crashing into a dead end. My very clothes
seem to have a life of their own, stretching, becoming bigger and bigger or is it me who's shrinking? They
smother my arms and legs, dragging me down so that's it's practically impossible for me to run. And all the
time the dreadful monster is gaining on me second by second.
' Don't scream, rich boy, or I'll slit your throat !'
It is all around me now filling my every sense. Its repugnant stench filled my nostrils with the stink of death
itself, sucking the life from my lungs. I can taste it on my tongue, a tang of cold steel and my own blood. I
spit but still it fills my mouth. Unable to run anymore I fall to my knees and drag myself across the floor.
The ground is like shattered glass, cutting my hands and shins to bloody ribbons. Still the creature won't
show mercy.
' I'm going to spank you so hard your teeth will fall out. '
I collapse, barely breathing, barely living. I can fight no more. It has captured me and I must face death. I
feel the beast bear over me in the darkness and know my time has come.
My eyelids snap open and sweating I sit up in Caulos's bed. I am confused for a moment what has
happened.
' Viker, Viker!' I scream for my bodyguard in panic. The huge frame of Viker bursts through the door staff
in hand, ready to tackle my assailant. Beside me Caulos stirs himself drowsily at the commotion. My terror
fading slightly I gaze around the room to realize there are not plaintive voices, not unseen horror.
' It's okay Viker, I had another nightmare, that's all. I'm sorry.' Viker relaxes from his attack pose and
gives me a look that says ' Not again !' before turning to leave. Caulos closes his eyes and slumps back
onto the bed with a groan. Still shaken I wipe the cool sweat from my naked torso.
´Frankie, I am usually all for you waking me up in the middle of the night but when it's just because you've
had a bad dream it isn't the much fun. ' Caulos rolls over pull most of the sheets with him.
I sit there massaging my temples trying to get the horrendous images of my dream out of my head. Since
Phoenix rescued me from the street thief two weeks ago, this strange nightmare has haunted me night after
night. Each time the same but always different, the terrified voices of my mother and Phoenix drawing me
deeper and deeper into the darken palace where the unseen monster lurks waiting to strike. I never see the
creature, the fear it provokes in me is too great for me to meet its face. I have never known such dread in all
my life, it's as if all my worries are condensed into that one unseen fiend that hunts me through my dreams.
And its voice that is the greatest puzzle of all. I recognize the tones of Phoenix and my mother in the
darkness but the voice of my fears I am unable to name. Yet it is so familiar. From night to night it has been
everyone I know sometimes one person others two or three. I can hear the street thief in its growls, Riff-
Raff too, even members of the Upper Council. On one horrible night I heard Phoenix in it, screaming that I
didn't love her and she was going to leave me. Oh Phoenix, how I wish she was here now. I came to
Caulos's tonight to give her a rest, I have been sleeping in her chambers most nights, waking to find her by
my side soothes my nerves so. She has been so wonderful with my dreams, she even sits beside me stroking
my hair and singing me lullabies until I fall to sleep again.
' Marry her and be done with it!' Caulos groans snuggling into his pillow.
' What?' I ask not sure if he is awake or not. He sits up and faces me, his ginger hair tousled like a birds'
nest.
' Well I am studying morphiology, I do know a thing or two about dreams . This nightmare is obviously a
manifestation of your fears about loosing Phoenix. You want to marry her, you know you want to marry
her, you just don't know you know.'
I sigh and pull back some of the sheets and begin to tuck myself in. ' Marriage is a big step.' I muse. ' Oh
but I do adore her. I don't know.'
Caulos tuts and shakes his head. ' Okay let me do an experiment they taught us in class. You said you
heard both your mother and Phoenix crying for help. What is the most horrible situation you can think of
regarding your mother? '
I think for a moment and then it comes to me. ' Her dying and me being king without her guidance. ' I say
hoping Caulos will be able to help.
' Exactly !' he states slapping my arm. ' In your dream you lost your mother. And you heard Phoenix in
the same way. So that means you're afraid of losing both of them. Face it Frankie, you're one love-sick
puppy!'
I smile and sigh. ' I need time to think able it. If only there was someone wise I could confide in. '
Caulos lays back down and pulls the sheets over him. ' You could always try divine guidance.' He says.
'When I'm in need of advice I go to the Temple and speak to one of the priestesses, they are always willing
to listen.'
I think about this. I'm not that religious, in fact I haven't been to Temple since my coming of age blessing
when I was 13. Having said that I do need someone to talk to. The priestesses are very patience and
understanding women who know more about love and soul-mates than anyone else on the planet. ' Perhaps
you are right.' I muse settling back down to sleep.' I'll go tomorrow.'
Just as I begin to relax into slumber again I become aware of Caulos's hand straying between the sheets and
cupping my bare buttock. ' Caulos' I murmur. ' I thought you wanted to go to sleep'
He sighs deeply and gently rolls me onto my back, giving him better access to the most sensitive area of my
body.
' I know,' he moans suggestively, tracing his hand down my chest, ' But now we're both awake why waste
the opportunity?'
I smile to myself. Marriage is all very well and good but I wouldn't miss interludes like this for the world.
Mischievously, I pull the sheets over us and settle down to enjoy one of the few things Phoenix can't offer
me.
Phoenix creases her forehead and, glancing back at the dead lab rat laid out prepared in the tank, begins to
type the necessary data into the sonic transducer. I grin at her over the clipboard I'm holding and begin the
final checks on the rejuvenations fluids. Practical lessons are always my favourites; I find it easier to learn
when I'm actually doing things for myself. Today I'm especially pleased to have something to do as the
scientific content of the test Dr. Ravenneck has set us is taking my mind of my worries about how Phoenix
feel about be as well as my terrifying nightmares. That is until tonight, when I plan to visit the High
Priestess Deelfin,my mother's confessor and my childhood religious tutor at the Temple. If I'm totally
honest with myself it is a great weight off my shoulders to think I am going to see her. To be able to tell
someone how I actually feel will be such a relief.
' How much does our subject weigh?' Phoenix asks staring at on of the digital panels.
I flick through my notes. ' er, 5.76 ounces precisely.' I state finding the correct data on one of the sheets.
She taps at the keys and smiles at me warmly. I feel that familiar glow in my heart that I always experience
when she looks at me. ' How did you sleep last night?' she asks affectionately, resting her hand on my
arm.
' Did Caulos help any more than I could?'
I grimace and examine the glass tubes of brighter coloured liquids, fiddling with the valves on each. ' No,
still the same' I groan. ' Ever since that attack by the thief I haven't had a proper nights rest.'
She pouts those cherry lips at me, if we wasn't in class I can tell she would probably hug me. ' Poor Frank-
ums! Having nasty dreams. Well I have a treat for you tonight. It's Flick night off so I thought you could
come over and I would cook us a nice meal, kind of a celebration . This Friday is the last day of term we
won't see each other until next year.'
I am excited by the prospect of spending a romantic night alone with Phoenix. But then I remember my
appointment with the High Priestess. ' Phoenix, I would love to but I have a previous engagement. There's
somebody I must see, a private matter.'
I can see the disappointment in her eyes as she turns back to the control panel. I didn't mean to hurt her, it's
just I must be sure of the way I really feel before I see her in a more intimate setting. I don't want to blurt
out something I don't mean or that would drive her away. I place a tender hand on her shoulder. ' I can't
tell you, it's something very personal, if everything turns out as I hope I should be able to see you at
8:00ish. Okay?'
She looks at me half-smiling. ' Everyone's entitled to some privacy, but I will cook for two, just in case.'
Glad we have come to some arrangement, I look back to my notes while Phoenix checks the rat one last
time.
' Reactor input at 0.29?' I ask as she attaches the electrodes to the animal's paws.
She laughs as I set the electric current to the appropriate level. ' Rawin and Fion worked out their weights
wrong earlier.' she chuckles ' Set the reactor to 2.9, there was fried rodent all over the lab!' She giggles and
pulls up her mask.
I grin as she joins me at the reactor. Together we turn the sonic transducer to 0.29 and I throw the large
switch that turns on the electricity. The overhead lamps in the laboratory flick on and off for a few seconds
as the life-giving liquids drain into the animal's body. Once that transferral has taken place we cross to the
tank where we are joined by Dr. Ravenneck. The three of us stare down at the creature who is still laying
lifeless on its back. I silently panic that the experiment has failed, well at least it hasn't exploded! Then
there is a flurry of movement as the rat flips itself back on to his front and begins to gnaw at the wires still
attached to its feet. Phoenix squeals excitedly and I place my arm around her shoulder in triumph. Carefully
Dr. Ravenneck lifts the animal from the tank and removes the electrodes from its feet. He studies it
thoughtfully through his spectacles. ' I will have to give the creature a full examination to check all its
organs are functioning correctly before awarding you your final marks.' He says, placing it back in the
cage with the others. ' But considering its in one piece and not jerking about like a jumping bean I think
they will be very high'
Overjoyed I embrace Phoenix and we dance round happily. Dr. Ravenneck sniffs with disapprovingly. ' If
you don't mind this is a place of science and not a dance hall. As the test is over you may go and do
whatever constitutes as fun for your generation!'
Grinning broadly at the prospect of getting high grades Phoenix and I leave the classroom. Once outside
she turns towards me and embracing me warmly. ' You deserve excellent marks for going through what
you've had to these past months!' she states, stroking my cheek.
I take her hand and lovingly kiss the palm. Goddess how I adore her. ' I couldn't have done any of it
without you. You have been a tower of strength Phoenix, I don't think I could've coped alone.'
She laughs, that warm, joyful laugh that sounds like a babbling brook. ' Well I've got to pick up some
books from the library so I'll bid you farewell. Just promise me wherever you have to go tonight you will
take Viker with you. I don't want to fight off thieves and cut-throats every time you go out!'
I slip my arm around her waist and pull her close. ' Oh,' I say mocking disappointment, ' I was hoping you
would! Seeing you jump into action wearing skin-tight leather is really quite a turn on.'
She cackles uncontrollably and playfully pushes me away. ' You are incorrigible! Why do I even bother?
You have a one track mind!' She plants an affectionate kiss on the tip of my nose the way she always does
when we are being mischievous. I gaze at her. If only. If only I could be sure this was more than friendship,
that she feels the way I am right now. I only hope Mother Delfin will give me the advice to make my mind
clear. Phoenix strokes my hair and looks serious, her fine brows creasing slightly. ' But do promise me. I
don't like to think about you wandering around without someone to look after you!'
I sigh and close my eyes. ' I swear on my father grave I take Viker with me.'
Content, she smiles and pecks my cheek. ' Good Frankie. I see you tonight hopefully.' With that she turns
and heads off down the corridor leaving me as ever, in love but bewildered.
Dusk falls over the centre of Delta City turning the sky a soft shade of violet. As I walk alone Main Street,
Viker close at my heels, I gaze at the modest houses and shop that line either side of the broad cobbled
road. In the windows of these humble dwellings, silhouetted against the golden glow of oil lamps, I watch
as the simple underlings and member of the Lower Court, like Riff-Raff who's own simple home is in these
parts, go about their evening rituals. In one, a slight woman not more that 20 years in age lays a loaf of
freshly baked bread on the table while a man, no doubt her husband eases off his work boots. I think of
Phoenix's offer of a meal tonight. How wonderful to sit down to food and wine with the one you love
knowing they care for you. The next window holds a vision of a stressed mother hunched over an iron
bathtub bathing an infant who was wriggling frantically obviously wanting to play with its siblings who are
dashing about the small room in a game of catch. I remember my own childhood, lonely hours spend being
taught math and history by Riff while the sun beat down outside calling to me to come and play. Even
when my lesson were through I was not allow to play boisterous games as it was unbefitting of a prince. If I
am blessed with children of my own they shall run free to explore the palace and its gardens. The sunlight
shinning on their auburn locks, like their mother. If I ever find the courage to make her my wife. In the
window of a tiny cottage I watch an old woman rock in her chair as her fingers speed nimbly over a loom.
Beside her a man of at least 300 lights a pipe. My heart is heavy, I can't help wondering whether I will ever
reach that grand age and if I do will it be Phoenix sitting by my side. Too emotional to watch anymore I
continue walking with my eyes fixed firmly on the pavement.
Viker and I continue that way for a good twenty minutes until he grunts to let me know we have reach our
destination, the Temple of Rai the Holy One. It stands proudly apart from the other building in the centre of
a small garden filled with simple shrubs. The Temple itself is a large dome of white marble engraved in
places with ancient symbols that I cannot read. On its summit perches a tall golden spire that seem to point
directly to heaven. I feel an inner peace fall upon me just standing before this great monument. This is a
sacred place. Anybody be they underling or prince can come her to think, prey or call on council of one of
the twenty priestesses who live with the temple and tend the alter. They are Holy women, virgins who have
taken it upon themselves to devote their lives to worshipping Rai, studying the Holy book and helping
those in need.
I ask Viker to wait for me and enter the temple. Inside the place is filled with an air of love and safety. On
the ceiling the image of the Mother Goddess is engraved similar to the one in the Great Hall of the place.
Her long golden hair and flowing gowns billow out to become a map of the universe and carved into her
right hand is a star, the symbol of soul-mates. The temple is lined with rows of wooden pews which are at
the moment empty. The Holy alter is surrounded by hundreds of tall white candles glowing in the dark and
laden with sacrifices of fruit and flowers. Through the air drifts the sound of the priestesses singing their
evening chants.
' Rai be with you, little brother.' A kind female voice interrupts my thought .
I turn to see two of the lower priestesses have come to my side. The one that greeted me looks about thirty
and has clear olive skin and kind brown eyes. Her face is clear of make up, as is the custom for priestesses
and her thick brunette locks hang down her back reaching to her waist, covered by a simple white shawl. At
her side is another woman, this one not much older than myself, but her colouring is a complete contrast to
her fellow sister. She has pale almost sickly-looking skin and large, water-blue eyes. Her hair styled into
the same long fashion is baby-blond and glisters in the candlelight. Both are dress in the traditional floor-
length white robes and the younger hold a wide, shallow, earthenware dish filled with water.
I bow and greet both of them, ' Good evening, big sister, little sister' It is part of their way of life that
Priestesses of the Temple should address and treat anyone as siblings apart from the High Priestess who is
given the title 'mother'. The younger girl steps forward and offer me the bowl so I may wash my hands . I
do so and her 'sister' hands me a towel to dry them off.
Then she asks. ' What brings you to the Holy house of our celestial Mother? Do you wish to pray alone and
lay tribute?'
I shake my head. ' I seek guidance and come to ask for council from your Mother Deelfin.'
The dark hair woman spread her arms and closes her eyes. ' We are the servants of Rai and Holy guides for
one and all. Whatever burdens your mind may we offer enlightenment. My Holy Mother is at prayer, I shall
fetch her.' She then turns to the other girl. ' Sister Winoway, you may go to your chambers.'
Both bow their heads and silently retreat through a small wooden door that leads to the Priestesses private
quarters. I am alone in the Temple. An eerie feeling of guilt comes over me. I am not that religious but
standing here under the gaze of the statue of Rai, I feel her divine present close. I should make an offering
at the alter and curse myself for not bringing some flowers. An idea hits me. Taking the leather purse from
my belt I tip a few coins into the palm of my hand. Nervously I approach the alter and kneel before it
carefully laying the money onto the silk cloth. I should prey. I shut my eyes and try and put my feelings
into words. ' Oh Rai, Mother Goddess, divine creator of all that is good, take this simple sacrifice and bless
me.' Now what, I try and think,
' Let Your blessing fall on Mamma and protect her from the rebels. And, well, if it is Your will, make
Phoenix open her heart to me. I love her so much, I can't think You could create another soul-mate for me.
' Behind me I hear the soft sound of footsteps and finishing my prayer I turn to see the frail figure of
Mother Deelfin shuffling her way up the aisle. She is a tiny woman of at least 400 with skin as brown and
wrinkled as a walnut. He eyes are huge and the colour of the indigo sea and her mouth no more than a tiny
slit lost among the deep wrinkles. A mane of pure white hair hangs down her back and trails at least two
foot behind her. Leaning heavily on her cane she lowers herself into a pew and smiling at me with a
toothless grin beckon for me to come forward.
Pleased to see my mother's old friend, I approach the bench and sit behind her.
' Francis, dear child, how good to see you.' Her voice is a high-pitched croak but full of kindness
I place my hand on hers, it looks so odd my long pale fingers covering her tanned bony hand. ' As it is you,
Mother Deelfin.'
She chuckle and her face creases up even more. ' You changed so much since I did your coming of age
ceremony. All those spots are gone and you have a few more muscles on that skinny frame. But I know
little Prince Francis when I see him.'
I laugh myself, Mother Deelfin is such a pleasant old dear. She sits further back in her seat and pulls her
long mane onto here lap, stroking it like it was an animal. ' Now, Sister Constance tells me you need
advice. It's not like you to worry, what is bothering you, Francis?' her wizened old face is filled with
concern. ' Are you thinking about the River of Nights Dreaming?'
I gaze at Mother Deelfin in wonder. The plot against my life is a highly guided secret, how did she find out
about it?? But before I can question the Priestess's knowledge Mother Deelfin seems to read my thoughts.
'Your mother calls upon my council regularly since the attack on Duke Hesker. She holds your safety in the
highest priority. You're still very much her baby.' Gently she reaches up and brushes my hair. ' It is
against the will of Rai to take a Transsexual life, we say prayers each evening for your family's safety, own
Mother Goddess will not abandon you.'
I turn my face away. The rebel forces are not why I came here this evening but their presence make the
actual burden of my heart even more heavy. How can I possibly marry Phoenix when doing so will put her
in so much danger? I shake my head aware that my cheeks are glowing with the prospect of telling
someone how I really feel. ' I am grateful for your concern, Mother, but that is not why I asked to see you.'
I take a deep breath and try and gain the courage to expose my true feelings. Patiently, the elderly Priestess
sits silently watching me with those unnaturally huge dark blue eyes. Finally, my face still red from
embarrassment, I summon up enough courage to speak. ' I am having very strong feelings for one of my
lovers.' I say, my gaze trained on the stone floor of the Temple. ' I'm beginning to believe she could be my
soul-mate.'
The priestess places a comforting hand on my arm but I'm still too shy to lift my eyes. ' Tell me about her.'
She asks softly.
I smile to myself. It is such a relief to be about to tell someone how deeply I love Phoenix. Slowly I begin,
picturing in my mind all the tiny details that makes me adore her so. ' Her name is Phoenix Scarab and
she's the most wonderful person I have ever meant.' Goddess that sounded a cliché but how can I describe
her? I sigh, ' She's just so beautiful and brave. Her spirit is amazing, I look at her and I feel lost for words,
she's done so much in her life and is so funny and clever. I dream about being with her day and night,
forever.' I raise my eyes and see Mother Deelfin grinning at me, a gummy joyous smile. ' Francis my boy,
this is magnificent news! Praise be to Rai for sending you your most divine partner. You two must be so
happy. I will start preparations for the wedding at once.'
I grip her frail hand and a great sadness fills my heart. ' Mother Deelfin you don't understand. I love
Phoenix passionately, I just haven't told her yet.'
The Priestess's eyes fill with horror and her hand flies up to cover her mouth. ' Francis,' she gasps. ' You
must marry her if she is your soul mate, if not it is the greatest sin. Rai created soul-mates that they must be
together, to not find your soul-mate is a tragedy but to find them and not be united is not only a insult to
own divine Mother but will leave you unfulfilled for the rest of your days. It is written in the Holy Book if
your soul mate is not a member of your family they must become blood of your blood. '
I lower my head. Can't I do anything right? ' I know what the holy writings say and I do want to make
Phoenix my wife but I am too afraid to ask her. It scares me to think that she might to reject me, that I am
in love with a woman who is not my soul-mate. I know she cares a lot for me as a friend but she hasn't
declared her love for me. '
Mother Deelfin sighs sympathetically and lifts my head in her hands. ' Francis, the road for you is clear. If
this Phoenix does reject your proposal it means she is not the one you are meant to be with therefore you
have lost nothing. Perhaps the reason Phoenix has not told you the way she feel is she too fears being
rejected. If you both carry on pretending neither of you will know true happiness. Believe me Francis, you
must take the leap of the heart. '
I sit silently for a moment. The High Priestess is very wise and I know what she's saying is right. I imagine
being married to Phoenix, the bliss that would bring me, hearing her saying those three words that would
make my life perfect, waking every morning to see her in my arms, knowing when our bodies meet it is a
divine act of love not some basic animal need. Having until the end of time to learning every thought and
emotion she feels. That would be heaven . But what if she turns me down, isn't my soul-mate or isn't ready
for marriage? That will be too much to bear.
The Priestess gaze at me with those two enormously pools of indigo wisdom and smiles gently. ' You do
love her, a great deal don't you my child? I can tell by your eyes. You would do anything to make her
happy.'
I nod. I know deep in my heart I would be willing to give my life for Phoenix.
Mother Deelfin smiles at me knowingly. ' Then make her the happiest woman in the world. Take her as
your wife, it is what you both need. '
I sigh and gaze up at the ceiling of the Temple into the jewelled eyes of the carving of our Mother Goddess
searching for some strength or guidance. My life is in such turmoil I know there is a price on my head, if I
do marry Phoenix she will become Princess Phoenix Furter, a member of the Royal house and a target for
the rebel forces. Is it fair to put her in such danger?
' The River of Nights Dreaming have sworn to kill every member of my family. If I marry Phoenix her life
will be at risk. Why would Rai send me a soul-mate at a time when it endangers both own lives? '
Mother Deelfin also turns her face skywards. ' The Divine One works in mysterious ways. ' she murmurs '
Maybe She thought you both needed the love and protection of a soul-mate at this difficult time. I think
you've already know what you really want and are just letting fear get in the way of your happiness.'
I breathe heavily and look back to the High Priestess and smile. We both truly what I really want, to make
Phoenix my wife and always be with her. My heart has won its battle, logic and fear cannot hold a candle to
the longing I have for her.
Affectionately I embrace the ancient Priestess and press her leathery cheek to my own. ' Thank you Mother
Deelfin, you are very wise. ' I murmur.
We pull apart and she grins at me. ' It is not my wisdom that aided your decision but the guidance of Rai
acting within your heart. You knew the truth before you spoke to me. Now don't waste another second. Go
and make her yours. '
Grinning broadly and knowing what I must do I get to my feet and with a bow of respect to Mother Deelfin
I leave the Temple to find Viker and head back to the University.
My chambers are in darkness when Viker and I return from the Temple. Still slightly paranoid from my
nightmares I reach out and flick on the lights. The room is filled with brightness and there is no sign of the
monster of my fears although in the mood I'm in I feel that capable of looking it strength in the eye (or
whatever facial opening it had) and tell it to get lost. I haven't felt this happy and clear headed in ages. I
walked back from Temple on a cloud. My future seems so clear now, I know in my heart what I must do. I
am going to propose to Phoenix; the woman I love, and I'm going to do it tonight. I must you see, if I wait
a second too long I will lose my nerve and I know now what we have is to precious to risk. My heart and
head is so full of songs and poetry I almost overlook the scribbled note lying on the table. I notice it at the
last moment and pick it up, it reads, Magenta is ill, gone to see her. Won't be back until morning. Your
dinner is in the bin! Go and eat with That Woman if you like. Riff-Raff. He really is charming isn't he? '
That Woman' I know he means Phoenix, I ponder how he will feel when ' That Woman' is his mistress?
Still even Riff's cold hearted spirits can't dampen my romantic mood. I screw up the note into and ball and
toss it in the bin. ' So much for you Riff. I'm going to propose to the most beautiful woman in Transsexual
so sod you and your mangy old sister. ' I say to myself bustling into my bedroom.
I sit myself at the dressing table and open the small, ebony chest that houses my jewellery. Here is were I
keep all my most precious items, both of financial and personal value. Upon the scarlet velvet interior is
spread a treasure-trove of mementos . The large ornate gold broach with the cameo of my grandmother in
the centre, a coming-of-age gift from Mamma; the chunky silver bracelet I bought on holiday last year.
My eye falls upon the oversized pearls Phoenix gave me at the newcomers' ball and picking them up I
smile blissfully to myself. They may be the cheapest items in the casket but in my heart they are worth
more than rubies. They were the first gift she ever gave me, a token of friendship and a devotion I always
knew she held in her heart for me. I fasten them around my throat, a string of valentines from my soul-
mate, I want her to see me wearing them tonight and know that they are as precious to me as she is. I shall
not remove them until the day they are replaced by a marriage pendant. Then I reach for the item that will
hopefully see the longing that is in my heart; the ring my mother gave me went I left for college. The ring
of the queen of Transsexual, a symbol past through the generations from soul-mate to soul-mate, sacred
seal of engagement. Once place on the finger it is a claim that we belong together and are to be wed.
Tonight I shall offer this humble sacrifice to the queen of my heart, she owns my soul, with this simple
offer I bestow on here the destiny of my life, one of bliss if she accepts or heartbrake if she refuses. I
haven't a clue how I am to express in words the deep love I feel for he, all I know is I must be honest. I slip
the shining band into the pocket of my corset.
The harsh bleeping of the intercom interrupts my thoughts. I get to my feet and cross to the blank screen on
which has appeared the words ' Incoming message from Phoenix Scarab, Student no. 896531. ' flashing in
red text. Taking a deep breathe (I wasn't prepared to speak to her so I soon) I hit the ' Engage Contact '
button. The screen flashes and the image of Phoenix appears on the screen. I gaze at her, trying to
remember every detail of the way she looks so I can recall the picture of the night I told of my love
perfectly but at the same time to wanting her to notice I'm doing so. Her hair is pulled back into a simple
ponytail and she is wearing hardly any make-up, well, perhaps a little coral pink lip gloss, so I can see each
tanned freckle that dots her nose. A simple white tunic covers her form and it is obviously she is in a
relaxed mood.
She smiles down on me from the screen. ' Oh you are back. I wondered if I would catch you. '
I brake eye contact for the moment, aware if I continue to stare at her it'll appear strange. How unaware she
seems of the weight this night hold for us. ' Yes,' I murmur. ' I just got back.'
She looks decidedly happy to see me and straightens the simple cotton material of her dress. ' Did
everything go alright with your meeting you seemed quite preoccupied today I was beginning to worry.'
I laugh quietly to myself conscious of the irony. ' It was fine, I found out what I needed to know. I feel a lot
more sure now. '
I can see the relief in her face. How wonder it would be to have such a caring woman as my wife ! ' I'm
glad to hear it, I hate it when you brood over things.' She murmurs. ' I called to see if we were still on for
dinner tonight. I'm afraid it won't be anything fancy, just traditional Transylvanian broth. ' she chuckles in
that delightful way of hers. ' It's the only thing I can make myself, I'm a terrible cook and as you can see,'
she looks down at her outfit, ' formal dress is to be optional!'
I laugh out loud. ' Phoenix I wouldn't miss it for the world. It shall be a banquet and you the most
glamorous woman in the known Universe !'
She gazes at me sweetly and pure affection sparkles in her eyes. I can't be wrong, I am cherished in her
heart.
' You say the funniest things Frankie !' she says. ' It seems like ages since we've spent an evening alone. I
was beginning to think you've gone off of me.'
I lean closer until my forehead is resting practically against the screen. ' That is a impossibility my dear.' I
whisper, almost too tenderly. ' And tonight I especially feel in need of your company. '
Phoenix grins broadly ' Well, you know I'm always here when you need me. I'll set another place. Bye-
bye. ' she blows me a kiss through the screen and then terminates the transmission.
I grin contentedly to myself. There isn't a doubt of it I am going to marry this woman. I exit the bedroom
and with Viker at my side make my way to the Girls' Halls of Residence.
Absentmindedly I stir the thick, brown stew in the bowl in front of me before scooping a chunk of ground
apple onto my spoon and placing it into my mouth. Across the table from me Phoenix sits carving a loaf of
home-made bread into thick slices. Coyly she brushes a stray auburn curl from her eyes and smiles at me.
The mood in Phoenix's modest quarters is intimate and romantic as I engineered it to be. I hope creating a
cosy atmosphere would give me a better setting to tell Phoenix of my feelings. Therefore as soon as I
arrived I help Phoenix lay the table with candles and built a roaring fire in the small grate. I also slipped on
an entertainment disc of Phoenix's favourite violetar music and poured us glasses of wine. Now in this
intensely private atmosphere I am beginning to feel capable of making my offer.
' You look beautiful tonight, Phoenix.' I say as she hands me the bread. Phoenix giggles and brushes some
crumbs from her tunic. ' Liar! I haven't put on a lick of make-up, my hair's a mess and I only wear this old
thing when I can't be bothered to but anything decent on!'
I smile as I butter the bread. ' That only proves that a Goddess such as yourself doesn't need such things.
It's your natural glory that bewitches this mere mortal. '
She sips her wine and laughs but I know she is only hiding her blushes. ' You have one of your silly
charming moods on, haven't you? You haven't paid me compliments like this since the Ball. Rai knows
why you do it. You know you can have anything you want from me.' She half closes her hypnotic eyes and
pouts at me sexily. ' And because I know that I didn't bother wearing anything under this !' She pulls the
neck of her dress down. I almost laugh. A few weeks ago, such an offer would've made me want to forget
ever else and drag her into the bedroom. But my feelings towards her now are much more than mere lust,
although she is able to arouse me like no other! She takes her wine glass and swills the deep red liquid
around before sipping it.
' You know,' she says thoughtfully, ' You never told me what was so important for you to be worrying
about all today. What was that meeting about?'
My breath catches ,this is my charge. My heart is jackhammering against my chest but I must tell her, now .
I put down my knife and gazes at her sitting so beautiful and innocence across from me. I am incredibly
nervous but I can't allow another chance to past me by. I want spend the rest of my life with Phoenix and
will risk anything to do so, even having my heart broken.
' I went to see the High Priestess at the Temple. I felt I needed guidance.' I say gently.
Phoenix knits her brows and her face is filled with concern. How she worries over me! If she becomes my
wife I shall repay each thought of apprehension with a thousand moments of love. ' Tell me you haven't
received more news about the River of Nights Dreaming? Things have seemed so quiet recently.' She is
wringing her hands the way she always does when she is anxious or upset. I smile tenderly and reach across
the table taking her hands in mine.
' Phoenix, don't worry so. I went to Temple on a matter of joy not sorrow, or at least I hope it will be.' I
close my eyes and sigh happily. ' I wanted to ask Mother Deelfin if I should tell someone very dear to me if
I should let them know how deeply I adore them. ' I pause for a second and stare into her deep emerald
eyes searching for a glimmer of recognition that would make this less of a risk. ' I think I've met my soul-
mate.'
A look of utter woe falls upon my sweetheart's face and abruptly she pulls her hands away from mine. I am
filled with dread this is what I feared would happened. Almost angrily, she grips her goblet and stares at
me.
' Congratulations.' She mutters bitterly her eyes filling with tears. ' I hope you will both be very happy.'
I suddenly realize that Phoenix hasn't understood my statement. She thinks I am telling her of a love I feel
for another. I must open my heart fully now let her know without a doubt she is the one I long for.
Almost as if in a dreaming I stand and approach here. ' Forgive me, sweet angel.' I murmur my voice
seeming to come directly from my heart. ' Forgive me for hiding my feelings for so long. You have shown
me such friendship and devotion and all I could do was lock my love away because of some foolish fear.
But I can longer fight it, Rai has bought us together and I know there is nothing I can do. I love you
Phoenix. I've loved you for so long now but I was stupid enough to conceal it. You have bewitched me,
utterly and completely. I was frightened that you would brake my heart but what else can I do? I want to
devote my life to you. '
Still in the heady, dream-like state I fall to my knees before her, I fell like a simple slave kneeling before
some beautiful deity of love. I shut my eyes and reach into the hidden pocket of my corset to draw out the
golden band that is my offering. Placing it on my outstretched palm I speak the words that are etched on my
heart.
' Phoenix, dear Phoenix. You alone have the power to free me. I remember you once told me how your
mother promised that one day a prince would come to rescue you on a white stallion. I am a prince but one
who is not brave or strong or manly. It is you who rescued me, physically and emotionally and for that I am
grateful beyond words. I can never be the hero your mother spoke of but I love you more than anyone in
the universe and it would make my life complete if I could spend the rest of my days making sure your life
is filled with love and happiness. You also told me how you were made to feel ashamed because your name
was Scarab. Believe me someone as beautiful, strong and intelligent as you should never feel ashamed.
Therefore, I offer you a noble name and title, the Royal name, my name. I ask you, please take this ring of
betrothal and become Princess Phoenix Furter. Marry me. '
Tears begin to form behind my closed lids. I can't bring myself to open my eyes, I am scared that she is
gazing at me in horror, the thought of being my wife too terrible to comprehend. I kneel there silently as if
waiting the executioner's blade. But then I feel the tiny circle of cold metal in my hand being lifted and a
small, quiet voice, no more than a whisper mummer the phase I've been longing to hear. ' Yes, Frank, oh
yes!'
I open my eyes and see Phoenix before me, smiling with an uncontrollable joy, tears pouring down her
smooth cheeks. I gaze at her quivering hands to see that the ring of the Queens of Transsexual is on her
centre finger. Now, as if to mirror my love, tears of happiness fall from my eyes marking my cheeks with
black rivers of mascara. Phoenix unable to find the words to express her emotion opens her arms and flings
them around my neck sobbing into my thick mane. I grip her close to my body, holding her as if I never
want to let go. One thought fills my mind, she loves me. Still shaking with emotion Phoenix draws back
from me, an affection shining in her eyes that I dreamed I would see. ' I love you too Frankie.' She
whispers, her voice brimming with exhilaration. ' I wanted to tell you, I've always wanted to tell you. I
knew you were special the night at the Catacombs Rooms when you came after me. But I was frightened
that you would think I just liked you because you were the Prince. It's not, I love you for the man you are, I
would feel the same if you were an underling. I adore your passion, your thirst for life, the way you feel
ever emotion so intensely. I prayed one during you would love me that intensity. I wanted to protect you
forever and I will, I will. '
I place my hand to her warm cheek and smudge away the glistering tear that rests there. ' Hush,' I murmur
'You don't have to say a thing. I know and now we have forever to tell each other how we feel. So be quiet
for now.'
Together we sit silently for a few moments gazing at each other in the orange glow of the firelight. My
heart is so full it feels as if it will burst. I cannot believe I can now gaze at her lovingly, tell her how I feel,
pour my devotion onto her freely and know for sure that she feels the same. It's too much to take in.
After a few minutes silence Phoenix speaks, ' Frankie,' she smiles, stroking my jawbone ' Would it spoil
the moment if I kissed you right now? '
I lean close and half shut my eyes, ' You could try, my bride!' I murmur sensually. As if life has been
switched into slow motion, our lips meet in the sweetest kiss I have ever experience. From this moment on
I know my life has changed. I am no longer just existing like a common creature, I am living as fully and
completely as any man can. I have found the other half of my star.
The palace is pitch black. No candles light the corridors and the oil lamps stand empty. Only the light from
the moons allows me to see my way. Silent. There isn't a sound. I have never such quiet. I strain my ears
for the slightest noise but hear only a thick velvet nothingness, I cannot do even make out my breathing or
footsteps as I trudge the endless passages, searching desperately for someone or something. What am I
looking for? I can't remember.
A voice ! I am not alone. Thank Rai. It is familiar my heart is filled with relief as I hear my mother call for
me
' Francis, oh Francis where are you? Don't hide from me.' She sounds so close yet her tone is filled with
panic. I spin round to find her but she is nowhere to be seen. I shout out to guide her to me. ' Mamma, its
okay I'm right here. But where you? I can hear you but I can't see you.' A reply comes but it's as if my
mother has not heard me.
' Francis, oh my baby, they've got me, they've gone me already. You've got to run, get away from them,
they'll kill you !Forget about me, run, Francis run!' The fear in her voice makes me panic. She sounds
further away this time as if someone is pulling her away from me. I have got to find her . I begin to sprint
down the corridor following the sound of her cries. I make a left down a passageway then a right, then
another left, always hoping each turn will bring me closer to my mother. Darkness envelops me, I cannot
see a thing only the haunting sobs of distress guide me forward. I haven't a clue where I am, my mind is a
blur. I've lived in the palace all my life but in this unnatural blackness I am lost. But still I keep running,
my heart beating furiously as if it's about to burst through my chest. My muscles ache with tiredness, each
step is a battle, my lungs gasp for air but then it is forced out again with each breath. Mustn't stop, must
rescue Mamma. Sweat runs into my already blind eyes. Suddenly another voice hits me, as familiar and
plaintive as my mother's but coming from the opposite direction.
' Somebody please, please help me! Frankie please help me. I'm so scared, I don't know what to do!
Frankie where are you? I need you, save me!' Phoenix ! My love! She is crying with terror, my heart
bleeds with fear of what unseen horror is tormenting her so. I must go to her, I can't let her be hurt. I spin
on my heels and dash the way I have just come screaming to her. ' Hang on ! Phoenix, I'm coming, I'm
going to find you. It's okay I love you. I won't let anything happen to you.' I power myself forward with all
the strength and speed I can muster. My legs feel and if they are going to drop off but I can let mere pain
stop me. The palace is changing around me by the second. Walls spring up out of nowhere, one minute the
floor slopes downwards next it's like I'm climbing a mountain. I twist and turn this way and the other
through this labyrinth trying to reach my goal. All the time the voices of Phoenix and my mother echo in
my skull, pulling me one way then the other.
' Francis, get out while you still can!'
' Frankie, find me, I'm trapped !'
' My baby, I just want you to be safe! '
' My darling, you're the only one who can save me, don't you love me?'
' They're coming, oh Rai save him, soon they'll be here!'
' I'm frightened, oh Goddess, they're here, they'll kill him'
Then I feel it. The hot foul breath on the back of my neck, the heavy footsteps like an army at war gaining
on me. Cold fear trickles down my spine, I continue to run but I know it will catch me. I cannot hear the
cries of Phoenix or my mother anymore, a new voice is thundering in my ears. 'You spoilt, whining, little
brat!' I daren't look back knowing the sight of it will freeze me to the spot. Instead I attempt to quicken my
pace but my feet seems to stick to the ground. It is as if I am drowning in treacle, my body moves in slow
motion. The harder I try the worst it becomes.
' It is your destiny to become king.'
It is closer. That voice echoing inside my brain like a thousand memories. I cannot tell which direction it's
coming from, it's as if it's right inside me. I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes. I have
forgotten about Phoenix and Mamma now, all I can think of is escaping my pursuer. I will my body to keep
moving but I am growing weaker by the second. Everything seems to be against me, I am blind beyond
comprehension , stumbling helplessly in the blackness. The palace has transformed into a living thing
twisting like an evil serpent so that every turn I make leads me crashing into a dead end. My very clothes
seem to have a life of their own, stretching, becoming bigger and bigger or is it me who's shrinking? They
smother my arms and legs, dragging me down so that's it's practically impossible for me to run. And all the
time the dreadful monster is gaining on me second by second.
' Don't scream, rich boy, or I'll slit your throat !'
It is all around me now filling my every sense. Its repugnant stench filled my nostrils with the stink of death
itself, sucking the life from my lungs. I can taste it on my tongue, a tang of cold steel and my own blood. I
spit but still it fills my mouth. Unable to run anymore I fall to my knees and drag myself across the floor.
The ground is like shattered glass, cutting my hands and shins to bloody ribbons. Still the creature won't
show mercy.
' I'm going to spank you so hard your teeth will fall out. '
I collapse, barely breathing, barely living. I can fight no more. It has captured me and I must face death. I
feel the beast bear over me in the darkness and know my time has come.
My eyelids snap open and sweating I sit up in Caulos's bed. I am confused for a moment what has
happened.
' Viker, Viker!' I scream for my bodyguard in panic. The huge frame of Viker bursts through the door staff
in hand, ready to tackle my assailant. Beside me Caulos stirs himself drowsily at the commotion. My terror
fading slightly I gaze around the room to realize there are not plaintive voices, not unseen horror.
' It's okay Viker, I had another nightmare, that's all. I'm sorry.' Viker relaxes from his attack pose and
gives me a look that says ' Not again !' before turning to leave. Caulos closes his eyes and slumps back
onto the bed with a groan. Still shaken I wipe the cool sweat from my naked torso.
´Frankie, I am usually all for you waking me up in the middle of the night but when it's just because you've
had a bad dream it isn't the much fun. ' Caulos rolls over pull most of the sheets with him.
I sit there massaging my temples trying to get the horrendous images of my dream out of my head. Since
Phoenix rescued me from the street thief two weeks ago, this strange nightmare has haunted me night after
night. Each time the same but always different, the terrified voices of my mother and Phoenix drawing me
deeper and deeper into the darken palace where the unseen monster lurks waiting to strike. I never see the
creature, the fear it provokes in me is too great for me to meet its face. I have never known such dread in all
my life, it's as if all my worries are condensed into that one unseen fiend that hunts me through my dreams.
And its voice that is the greatest puzzle of all. I recognize the tones of Phoenix and my mother in the
darkness but the voice of my fears I am unable to name. Yet it is so familiar. From night to night it has been
everyone I know sometimes one person others two or three. I can hear the street thief in its growls, Riff-
Raff too, even members of the Upper Council. On one horrible night I heard Phoenix in it, screaming that I
didn't love her and she was going to leave me. Oh Phoenix, how I wish she was here now. I came to
Caulos's tonight to give her a rest, I have been sleeping in her chambers most nights, waking to find her by
my side soothes my nerves so. She has been so wonderful with my dreams, she even sits beside me stroking
my hair and singing me lullabies until I fall to sleep again.
' Marry her and be done with it!' Caulos groans snuggling into his pillow.
' What?' I ask not sure if he is awake or not. He sits up and faces me, his ginger hair tousled like a birds'
nest.
' Well I am studying morphiology, I do know a thing or two about dreams . This nightmare is obviously a
manifestation of your fears about loosing Phoenix. You want to marry her, you know you want to marry
her, you just don't know you know.'
I sigh and pull back some of the sheets and begin to tuck myself in. ' Marriage is a big step.' I muse. ' Oh
but I do adore her. I don't know.'
Caulos tuts and shakes his head. ' Okay let me do an experiment they taught us in class. You said you
heard both your mother and Phoenix crying for help. What is the most horrible situation you can think of
regarding your mother? '
I think for a moment and then it comes to me. ' Her dying and me being king without her guidance. ' I say
hoping Caulos will be able to help.
' Exactly !' he states slapping my arm. ' In your dream you lost your mother. And you heard Phoenix in
the same way. So that means you're afraid of losing both of them. Face it Frankie, you're one love-sick
puppy!'
I smile and sigh. ' I need time to think able it. If only there was someone wise I could confide in. '
Caulos lays back down and pulls the sheets over him. ' You could always try divine guidance.' He says.
'When I'm in need of advice I go to the Temple and speak to one of the priestesses, they are always willing
to listen.'
I think about this. I'm not that religious, in fact I haven't been to Temple since my coming of age blessing
when I was 13. Having said that I do need someone to talk to. The priestesses are very patience and
understanding women who know more about love and soul-mates than anyone else on the planet. ' Perhaps
you are right.' I muse settling back down to sleep.' I'll go tomorrow.'
Just as I begin to relax into slumber again I become aware of Caulos's hand straying between the sheets and
cupping my bare buttock. ' Caulos' I murmur. ' I thought you wanted to go to sleep'
He sighs deeply and gently rolls me onto my back, giving him better access to the most sensitive area of my
body.
' I know,' he moans suggestively, tracing his hand down my chest, ' But now we're both awake why waste
the opportunity?'
I smile to myself. Marriage is all very well and good but I wouldn't miss interludes like this for the world.
Mischievously, I pull the sheets over us and settle down to enjoy one of the few things Phoenix can't offer
me.
Phoenix creases her forehead and, glancing back at the dead lab rat laid out prepared in the tank, begins to
type the necessary data into the sonic transducer. I grin at her over the clipboard I'm holding and begin the
final checks on the rejuvenations fluids. Practical lessons are always my favourites; I find it easier to learn
when I'm actually doing things for myself. Today I'm especially pleased to have something to do as the
scientific content of the test Dr. Ravenneck has set us is taking my mind of my worries about how Phoenix
feel about be as well as my terrifying nightmares. That is until tonight, when I plan to visit the High
Priestess Deelfin,my mother's confessor and my childhood religious tutor at the Temple. If I'm totally
honest with myself it is a great weight off my shoulders to think I am going to see her. To be able to tell
someone how I actually feel will be such a relief.
' How much does our subject weigh?' Phoenix asks staring at on of the digital panels.
I flick through my notes. ' er, 5.76 ounces precisely.' I state finding the correct data on one of the sheets.
She taps at the keys and smiles at me warmly. I feel that familiar glow in my heart that I always experience
when she looks at me. ' How did you sleep last night?' she asks affectionately, resting her hand on my
arm.
' Did Caulos help any more than I could?'
I grimace and examine the glass tubes of brighter coloured liquids, fiddling with the valves on each. ' No,
still the same' I groan. ' Ever since that attack by the thief I haven't had a proper nights rest.'
She pouts those cherry lips at me, if we wasn't in class I can tell she would probably hug me. ' Poor Frank-
ums! Having nasty dreams. Well I have a treat for you tonight. It's Flick night off so I thought you could
come over and I would cook us a nice meal, kind of a celebration . This Friday is the last day of term we
won't see each other until next year.'
I am excited by the prospect of spending a romantic night alone with Phoenix. But then I remember my
appointment with the High Priestess. ' Phoenix, I would love to but I have a previous engagement. There's
somebody I must see, a private matter.'
I can see the disappointment in her eyes as she turns back to the control panel. I didn't mean to hurt her, it's
just I must be sure of the way I really feel before I see her in a more intimate setting. I don't want to blurt
out something I don't mean or that would drive her away. I place a tender hand on her shoulder. ' I can't
tell you, it's something very personal, if everything turns out as I hope I should be able to see you at
8:00ish. Okay?'
She looks at me half-smiling. ' Everyone's entitled to some privacy, but I will cook for two, just in case.'
Glad we have come to some arrangement, I look back to my notes while Phoenix checks the rat one last
time.
' Reactor input at 0.29?' I ask as she attaches the electrodes to the animal's paws.
She laughs as I set the electric current to the appropriate level. ' Rawin and Fion worked out their weights
wrong earlier.' she chuckles ' Set the reactor to 2.9, there was fried rodent all over the lab!' She giggles and
pulls up her mask.
I grin as she joins me at the reactor. Together we turn the sonic transducer to 0.29 and I throw the large
switch that turns on the electricity. The overhead lamps in the laboratory flick on and off for a few seconds
as the life-giving liquids drain into the animal's body. Once that transferral has taken place we cross to the
tank where we are joined by Dr. Ravenneck. The three of us stare down at the creature who is still laying
lifeless on its back. I silently panic that the experiment has failed, well at least it hasn't exploded! Then
there is a flurry of movement as the rat flips itself back on to his front and begins to gnaw at the wires still
attached to its feet. Phoenix squeals excitedly and I place my arm around her shoulder in triumph. Carefully
Dr. Ravenneck lifts the animal from the tank and removes the electrodes from its feet. He studies it
thoughtfully through his spectacles. ' I will have to give the creature a full examination to check all its
organs are functioning correctly before awarding you your final marks.' He says, placing it back in the
cage with the others. ' But considering its in one piece and not jerking about like a jumping bean I think
they will be very high'
Overjoyed I embrace Phoenix and we dance round happily. Dr. Ravenneck sniffs with disapprovingly. ' If
you don't mind this is a place of science and not a dance hall. As the test is over you may go and do
whatever constitutes as fun for your generation!'
Grinning broadly at the prospect of getting high grades Phoenix and I leave the classroom. Once outside
she turns towards me and embracing me warmly. ' You deserve excellent marks for going through what
you've had to these past months!' she states, stroking my cheek.
I take her hand and lovingly kiss the palm. Goddess how I adore her. ' I couldn't have done any of it
without you. You have been a tower of strength Phoenix, I don't think I could've coped alone.'
She laughs, that warm, joyful laugh that sounds like a babbling brook. ' Well I've got to pick up some
books from the library so I'll bid you farewell. Just promise me wherever you have to go tonight you will
take Viker with you. I don't want to fight off thieves and cut-throats every time you go out!'
I slip my arm around her waist and pull her close. ' Oh,' I say mocking disappointment, ' I was hoping you
would! Seeing you jump into action wearing skin-tight leather is really quite a turn on.'
She cackles uncontrollably and playfully pushes me away. ' You are incorrigible! Why do I even bother?
You have a one track mind!' She plants an affectionate kiss on the tip of my nose the way she always does
when we are being mischievous. I gaze at her. If only. If only I could be sure this was more than friendship,
that she feels the way I am right now. I only hope Mother Delfin will give me the advice to make my mind
clear. Phoenix strokes my hair and looks serious, her fine brows creasing slightly. ' But do promise me. I
don't like to think about you wandering around without someone to look after you!'
I sigh and close my eyes. ' I swear on my father grave I take Viker with me.'
Content, she smiles and pecks my cheek. ' Good Frankie. I see you tonight hopefully.' With that she turns
and heads off down the corridor leaving me as ever, in love but bewildered.
Dusk falls over the centre of Delta City turning the sky a soft shade of violet. As I walk alone Main Street,
Viker close at my heels, I gaze at the modest houses and shop that line either side of the broad cobbled
road. In the windows of these humble dwellings, silhouetted against the golden glow of oil lamps, I watch
as the simple underlings and member of the Lower Court, like Riff-Raff who's own simple home is in these
parts, go about their evening rituals. In one, a slight woman not more that 20 years in age lays a loaf of
freshly baked bread on the table while a man, no doubt her husband eases off his work boots. I think of
Phoenix's offer of a meal tonight. How wonderful to sit down to food and wine with the one you love
knowing they care for you. The next window holds a vision of a stressed mother hunched over an iron
bathtub bathing an infant who was wriggling frantically obviously wanting to play with its siblings who are
dashing about the small room in a game of catch. I remember my own childhood, lonely hours spend being
taught math and history by Riff while the sun beat down outside calling to me to come and play. Even
when my lesson were through I was not allow to play boisterous games as it was unbefitting of a prince. If I
am blessed with children of my own they shall run free to explore the palace and its gardens. The sunlight
shinning on their auburn locks, like their mother. If I ever find the courage to make her my wife. In the
window of a tiny cottage I watch an old woman rock in her chair as her fingers speed nimbly over a loom.
Beside her a man of at least 300 lights a pipe. My heart is heavy, I can't help wondering whether I will ever
reach that grand age and if I do will it be Phoenix sitting by my side. Too emotional to watch anymore I
continue walking with my eyes fixed firmly on the pavement.
Viker and I continue that way for a good twenty minutes until he grunts to let me know we have reach our
destination, the Temple of Rai the Holy One. It stands proudly apart from the other building in the centre of
a small garden filled with simple shrubs. The Temple itself is a large dome of white marble engraved in
places with ancient symbols that I cannot read. On its summit perches a tall golden spire that seem to point
directly to heaven. I feel an inner peace fall upon me just standing before this great monument. This is a
sacred place. Anybody be they underling or prince can come her to think, prey or call on council of one of
the twenty priestesses who live with the temple and tend the alter. They are Holy women, virgins who have
taken it upon themselves to devote their lives to worshipping Rai, studying the Holy book and helping
those in need.
I ask Viker to wait for me and enter the temple. Inside the place is filled with an air of love and safety. On
the ceiling the image of the Mother Goddess is engraved similar to the one in the Great Hall of the place.
Her long golden hair and flowing gowns billow out to become a map of the universe and carved into her
right hand is a star, the symbol of soul-mates. The temple is lined with rows of wooden pews which are at
the moment empty. The Holy alter is surrounded by hundreds of tall white candles glowing in the dark and
laden with sacrifices of fruit and flowers. Through the air drifts the sound of the priestesses singing their
evening chants.
' Rai be with you, little brother.' A kind female voice interrupts my thought .
I turn to see two of the lower priestesses have come to my side. The one that greeted me looks about thirty
and has clear olive skin and kind brown eyes. Her face is clear of make up, as is the custom for priestesses
and her thick brunette locks hang down her back reaching to her waist, covered by a simple white shawl. At
her side is another woman, this one not much older than myself, but her colouring is a complete contrast to
her fellow sister. She has pale almost sickly-looking skin and large, water-blue eyes. Her hair styled into
the same long fashion is baby-blond and glisters in the candlelight. Both are dress in the traditional floor-
length white robes and the younger hold a wide, shallow, earthenware dish filled with water.
I bow and greet both of them, ' Good evening, big sister, little sister' It is part of their way of life that
Priestesses of the Temple should address and treat anyone as siblings apart from the High Priestess who is
given the title 'mother'. The younger girl steps forward and offer me the bowl so I may wash my hands . I
do so and her 'sister' hands me a towel to dry them off.
Then she asks. ' What brings you to the Holy house of our celestial Mother? Do you wish to pray alone and
lay tribute?'
I shake my head. ' I seek guidance and come to ask for council from your Mother Deelfin.'
The dark hair woman spread her arms and closes her eyes. ' We are the servants of Rai and Holy guides for
one and all. Whatever burdens your mind may we offer enlightenment. My Holy Mother is at prayer, I shall
fetch her.' She then turns to the other girl. ' Sister Winoway, you may go to your chambers.'
Both bow their heads and silently retreat through a small wooden door that leads to the Priestesses private
quarters. I am alone in the Temple. An eerie feeling of guilt comes over me. I am not that religious but
standing here under the gaze of the statue of Rai, I feel her divine present close. I should make an offering
at the alter and curse myself for not bringing some flowers. An idea hits me. Taking the leather purse from
my belt I tip a few coins into the palm of my hand. Nervously I approach the alter and kneel before it
carefully laying the money onto the silk cloth. I should prey. I shut my eyes and try and put my feelings
into words. ' Oh Rai, Mother Goddess, divine creator of all that is good, take this simple sacrifice and bless
me.' Now what, I try and think,
' Let Your blessing fall on Mamma and protect her from the rebels. And, well, if it is Your will, make
Phoenix open her heart to me. I love her so much, I can't think You could create another soul-mate for me.
' Behind me I hear the soft sound of footsteps and finishing my prayer I turn to see the frail figure of
Mother Deelfin shuffling her way up the aisle. She is a tiny woman of at least 400 with skin as brown and
wrinkled as a walnut. He eyes are huge and the colour of the indigo sea and her mouth no more than a tiny
slit lost among the deep wrinkles. A mane of pure white hair hangs down her back and trails at least two
foot behind her. Leaning heavily on her cane she lowers herself into a pew and smiling at me with a
toothless grin beckon for me to come forward.
Pleased to see my mother's old friend, I approach the bench and sit behind her.
' Francis, dear child, how good to see you.' Her voice is a high-pitched croak but full of kindness
I place my hand on hers, it looks so odd my long pale fingers covering her tanned bony hand. ' As it is you,
Mother Deelfin.'
She chuckle and her face creases up even more. ' You changed so much since I did your coming of age
ceremony. All those spots are gone and you have a few more muscles on that skinny frame. But I know
little Prince Francis when I see him.'
I laugh myself, Mother Deelfin is such a pleasant old dear. She sits further back in her seat and pulls her
long mane onto here lap, stroking it like it was an animal. ' Now, Sister Constance tells me you need
advice. It's not like you to worry, what is bothering you, Francis?' her wizened old face is filled with
concern. ' Are you thinking about the River of Nights Dreaming?'
I gaze at Mother Deelfin in wonder. The plot against my life is a highly guided secret, how did she find out
about it?? But before I can question the Priestess's knowledge Mother Deelfin seems to read my thoughts.
'Your mother calls upon my council regularly since the attack on Duke Hesker. She holds your safety in the
highest priority. You're still very much her baby.' Gently she reaches up and brushes my hair. ' It is
against the will of Rai to take a Transsexual life, we say prayers each evening for your family's safety, own
Mother Goddess will not abandon you.'
I turn my face away. The rebel forces are not why I came here this evening but their presence make the
actual burden of my heart even more heavy. How can I possibly marry Phoenix when doing so will put her
in so much danger? I shake my head aware that my cheeks are glowing with the prospect of telling
someone how I really feel. ' I am grateful for your concern, Mother, but that is not why I asked to see you.'
I take a deep breath and try and gain the courage to expose my true feelings. Patiently, the elderly Priestess
sits silently watching me with those unnaturally huge dark blue eyes. Finally, my face still red from
embarrassment, I summon up enough courage to speak. ' I am having very strong feelings for one of my
lovers.' I say, my gaze trained on the stone floor of the Temple. ' I'm beginning to believe she could be my
soul-mate.'
The priestess places a comforting hand on my arm but I'm still too shy to lift my eyes. ' Tell me about her.'
She asks softly.
I smile to myself. It is such a relief to be about to tell someone how deeply I love Phoenix. Slowly I begin,
picturing in my mind all the tiny details that makes me adore her so. ' Her name is Phoenix Scarab and
she's the most wonderful person I have ever meant.' Goddess that sounded a cliché but how can I describe
her? I sigh, ' She's just so beautiful and brave. Her spirit is amazing, I look at her and I feel lost for words,
she's done so much in her life and is so funny and clever. I dream about being with her day and night,
forever.' I raise my eyes and see Mother Deelfin grinning at me, a gummy joyous smile. ' Francis my boy,
this is magnificent news! Praise be to Rai for sending you your most divine partner. You two must be so
happy. I will start preparations for the wedding at once.'
I grip her frail hand and a great sadness fills my heart. ' Mother Deelfin you don't understand. I love
Phoenix passionately, I just haven't told her yet.'
The Priestess's eyes fill with horror and her hand flies up to cover her mouth. ' Francis,' she gasps. ' You
must marry her if she is your soul mate, if not it is the greatest sin. Rai created soul-mates that they must be
together, to not find your soul-mate is a tragedy but to find them and not be united is not only a insult to
own divine Mother but will leave you unfulfilled for the rest of your days. It is written in the Holy Book if
your soul mate is not a member of your family they must become blood of your blood. '
I lower my head. Can't I do anything right? ' I know what the holy writings say and I do want to make
Phoenix my wife but I am too afraid to ask her. It scares me to think that she might to reject me, that I am
in love with a woman who is not my soul-mate. I know she cares a lot for me as a friend but she hasn't
declared her love for me. '
Mother Deelfin sighs sympathetically and lifts my head in her hands. ' Francis, the road for you is clear. If
this Phoenix does reject your proposal it means she is not the one you are meant to be with therefore you
have lost nothing. Perhaps the reason Phoenix has not told you the way she feel is she too fears being
rejected. If you both carry on pretending neither of you will know true happiness. Believe me Francis, you
must take the leap of the heart. '
I sit silently for a moment. The High Priestess is very wise and I know what she's saying is right. I imagine
being married to Phoenix, the bliss that would bring me, hearing her saying those three words that would
make my life perfect, waking every morning to see her in my arms, knowing when our bodies meet it is a
divine act of love not some basic animal need. Having until the end of time to learning every thought and
emotion she feels. That would be heaven . But what if she turns me down, isn't my soul-mate or isn't ready
for marriage? That will be too much to bear.
The Priestess gaze at me with those two enormously pools of indigo wisdom and smiles gently. ' You do
love her, a great deal don't you my child? I can tell by your eyes. You would do anything to make her
happy.'
I nod. I know deep in my heart I would be willing to give my life for Phoenix.
Mother Deelfin smiles at me knowingly. ' Then make her the happiest woman in the world. Take her as
your wife, it is what you both need. '
I sigh and gaze up at the ceiling of the Temple into the jewelled eyes of the carving of our Mother Goddess
searching for some strength or guidance. My life is in such turmoil I know there is a price on my head, if I
do marry Phoenix she will become Princess Phoenix Furter, a member of the Royal house and a target for
the rebel forces. Is it fair to put her in such danger?
' The River of Nights Dreaming have sworn to kill every member of my family. If I marry Phoenix her life
will be at risk. Why would Rai send me a soul-mate at a time when it endangers both own lives? '
Mother Deelfin also turns her face skywards. ' The Divine One works in mysterious ways. ' she murmurs '
Maybe She thought you both needed the love and protection of a soul-mate at this difficult time. I think
you've already know what you really want and are just letting fear get in the way of your happiness.'
I breathe heavily and look back to the High Priestess and smile. We both truly what I really want, to make
Phoenix my wife and always be with her. My heart has won its battle, logic and fear cannot hold a candle to
the longing I have for her.
Affectionately I embrace the ancient Priestess and press her leathery cheek to my own. ' Thank you Mother
Deelfin, you are very wise. ' I murmur.
We pull apart and she grins at me. ' It is not my wisdom that aided your decision but the guidance of Rai
acting within your heart. You knew the truth before you spoke to me. Now don't waste another second. Go
and make her yours. '
Grinning broadly and knowing what I must do I get to my feet and with a bow of respect to Mother Deelfin
I leave the Temple to find Viker and head back to the University.
My chambers are in darkness when Viker and I return from the Temple. Still slightly paranoid from my
nightmares I reach out and flick on the lights. The room is filled with brightness and there is no sign of the
monster of my fears although in the mood I'm in I feel that capable of looking it strength in the eye (or
whatever facial opening it had) and tell it to get lost. I haven't felt this happy and clear headed in ages. I
walked back from Temple on a cloud. My future seems so clear now, I know in my heart what I must do. I
am going to propose to Phoenix; the woman I love, and I'm going to do it tonight. I must you see, if I wait
a second too long I will lose my nerve and I know now what we have is to precious to risk. My heart and
head is so full of songs and poetry I almost overlook the scribbled note lying on the table. I notice it at the
last moment and pick it up, it reads, Magenta is ill, gone to see her. Won't be back until morning. Your
dinner is in the bin! Go and eat with That Woman if you like. Riff-Raff. He really is charming isn't he? '
That Woman' I know he means Phoenix, I ponder how he will feel when ' That Woman' is his mistress?
Still even Riff's cold hearted spirits can't dampen my romantic mood. I screw up the note into and ball and
toss it in the bin. ' So much for you Riff. I'm going to propose to the most beautiful woman in Transsexual
so sod you and your mangy old sister. ' I say to myself bustling into my bedroom.
I sit myself at the dressing table and open the small, ebony chest that houses my jewellery. Here is were I
keep all my most precious items, both of financial and personal value. Upon the scarlet velvet interior is
spread a treasure-trove of mementos . The large ornate gold broach with the cameo of my grandmother in
the centre, a coming-of-age gift from Mamma; the chunky silver bracelet I bought on holiday last year.
My eye falls upon the oversized pearls Phoenix gave me at the newcomers' ball and picking them up I
smile blissfully to myself. They may be the cheapest items in the casket but in my heart they are worth
more than rubies. They were the first gift she ever gave me, a token of friendship and a devotion I always
knew she held in her heart for me. I fasten them around my throat, a string of valentines from my soul-
mate, I want her to see me wearing them tonight and know that they are as precious to me as she is. I shall
not remove them until the day they are replaced by a marriage pendant. Then I reach for the item that will
hopefully see the longing that is in my heart; the ring my mother gave me went I left for college. The ring
of the queen of Transsexual, a symbol past through the generations from soul-mate to soul-mate, sacred
seal of engagement. Once place on the finger it is a claim that we belong together and are to be wed.
Tonight I shall offer this humble sacrifice to the queen of my heart, she owns my soul, with this simple
offer I bestow on here the destiny of my life, one of bliss if she accepts or heartbrake if she refuses. I
haven't a clue how I am to express in words the deep love I feel for he, all I know is I must be honest. I slip
the shining band into the pocket of my corset.
The harsh bleeping of the intercom interrupts my thoughts. I get to my feet and cross to the blank screen on
which has appeared the words ' Incoming message from Phoenix Scarab, Student no. 896531. ' flashing in
red text. Taking a deep breathe (I wasn't prepared to speak to her so I soon) I hit the ' Engage Contact '
button. The screen flashes and the image of Phoenix appears on the screen. I gaze at her, trying to
remember every detail of the way she looks so I can recall the picture of the night I told of my love
perfectly but at the same time to wanting her to notice I'm doing so. Her hair is pulled back into a simple
ponytail and she is wearing hardly any make-up, well, perhaps a little coral pink lip gloss, so I can see each
tanned freckle that dots her nose. A simple white tunic covers her form and it is obviously she is in a
relaxed mood.
She smiles down on me from the screen. ' Oh you are back. I wondered if I would catch you. '
I brake eye contact for the moment, aware if I continue to stare at her it'll appear strange. How unaware she
seems of the weight this night hold for us. ' Yes,' I murmur. ' I just got back.'
She looks decidedly happy to see me and straightens the simple cotton material of her dress. ' Did
everything go alright with your meeting you seemed quite preoccupied today I was beginning to worry.'
I laugh quietly to myself conscious of the irony. ' It was fine, I found out what I needed to know. I feel a lot
more sure now. '
I can see the relief in her face. How wonder it would be to have such a caring woman as my wife ! ' I'm
glad to hear it, I hate it when you brood over things.' She murmurs. ' I called to see if we were still on for
dinner tonight. I'm afraid it won't be anything fancy, just traditional Transylvanian broth. ' she chuckles in
that delightful way of hers. ' It's the only thing I can make myself, I'm a terrible cook and as you can see,'
she looks down at her outfit, ' formal dress is to be optional!'
I laugh out loud. ' Phoenix I wouldn't miss it for the world. It shall be a banquet and you the most
glamorous woman in the known Universe !'
She gazes at me sweetly and pure affection sparkles in her eyes. I can't be wrong, I am cherished in her
heart.
' You say the funniest things Frankie !' she says. ' It seems like ages since we've spent an evening alone. I
was beginning to think you've gone off of me.'
I lean closer until my forehead is resting practically against the screen. ' That is a impossibility my dear.' I
whisper, almost too tenderly. ' And tonight I especially feel in need of your company. '
Phoenix grins broadly ' Well, you know I'm always here when you need me. I'll set another place. Bye-
bye. ' she blows me a kiss through the screen and then terminates the transmission.
I grin contentedly to myself. There isn't a doubt of it I am going to marry this woman. I exit the bedroom
and with Viker at my side make my way to the Girls' Halls of Residence.
Absentmindedly I stir the thick, brown stew in the bowl in front of me before scooping a chunk of ground
apple onto my spoon and placing it into my mouth. Across the table from me Phoenix sits carving a loaf of
home-made bread into thick slices. Coyly she brushes a stray auburn curl from her eyes and smiles at me.
The mood in Phoenix's modest quarters is intimate and romantic as I engineered it to be. I hope creating a
cosy atmosphere would give me a better setting to tell Phoenix of my feelings. Therefore as soon as I
arrived I help Phoenix lay the table with candles and built a roaring fire in the small grate. I also slipped on
an entertainment disc of Phoenix's favourite violetar music and poured us glasses of wine. Now in this
intensely private atmosphere I am beginning to feel capable of making my offer.
' You look beautiful tonight, Phoenix.' I say as she hands me the bread. Phoenix giggles and brushes some
crumbs from her tunic. ' Liar! I haven't put on a lick of make-up, my hair's a mess and I only wear this old
thing when I can't be bothered to but anything decent on!'
I smile as I butter the bread. ' That only proves that a Goddess such as yourself doesn't need such things.
It's your natural glory that bewitches this mere mortal. '
She sips her wine and laughs but I know she is only hiding her blushes. ' You have one of your silly
charming moods on, haven't you? You haven't paid me compliments like this since the Ball. Rai knows
why you do it. You know you can have anything you want from me.' She half closes her hypnotic eyes and
pouts at me sexily. ' And because I know that I didn't bother wearing anything under this !' She pulls the
neck of her dress down. I almost laugh. A few weeks ago, such an offer would've made me want to forget
ever else and drag her into the bedroom. But my feelings towards her now are much more than mere lust,
although she is able to arouse me like no other! She takes her wine glass and swills the deep red liquid
around before sipping it.
' You know,' she says thoughtfully, ' You never told me what was so important for you to be worrying
about all today. What was that meeting about?'
My breath catches ,this is my charge. My heart is jackhammering against my chest but I must tell her, now .
I put down my knife and gazes at her sitting so beautiful and innocence across from me. I am incredibly
nervous but I can't allow another chance to past me by. I want spend the rest of my life with Phoenix and
will risk anything to do so, even having my heart broken.
' I went to see the High Priestess at the Temple. I felt I needed guidance.' I say gently.
Phoenix knits her brows and her face is filled with concern. How she worries over me! If she becomes my
wife I shall repay each thought of apprehension with a thousand moments of love. ' Tell me you haven't
received more news about the River of Nights Dreaming? Things have seemed so quiet recently.' She is
wringing her hands the way she always does when she is anxious or upset. I smile tenderly and reach across
the table taking her hands in mine.
' Phoenix, don't worry so. I went to Temple on a matter of joy not sorrow, or at least I hope it will be.' I
close my eyes and sigh happily. ' I wanted to ask Mother Deelfin if I should tell someone very dear to me if
I should let them know how deeply I adore them. ' I pause for a second and stare into her deep emerald
eyes searching for a glimmer of recognition that would make this less of a risk. ' I think I've met my soul-
mate.'
A look of utter woe falls upon my sweetheart's face and abruptly she pulls her hands away from mine. I am
filled with dread this is what I feared would happened. Almost angrily, she grips her goblet and stares at
me.
' Congratulations.' She mutters bitterly her eyes filling with tears. ' I hope you will both be very happy.'
I suddenly realize that Phoenix hasn't understood my statement. She thinks I am telling her of a love I feel
for another. I must open my heart fully now let her know without a doubt she is the one I long for.
Almost as if in a dreaming I stand and approach here. ' Forgive me, sweet angel.' I murmur my voice
seeming to come directly from my heart. ' Forgive me for hiding my feelings for so long. You have shown
me such friendship and devotion and all I could do was lock my love away because of some foolish fear.
But I can longer fight it, Rai has bought us together and I know there is nothing I can do. I love you
Phoenix. I've loved you for so long now but I was stupid enough to conceal it. You have bewitched me,
utterly and completely. I was frightened that you would brake my heart but what else can I do? I want to
devote my life to you. '
Still in the heady, dream-like state I fall to my knees before her, I fell like a simple slave kneeling before
some beautiful deity of love. I shut my eyes and reach into the hidden pocket of my corset to draw out the
golden band that is my offering. Placing it on my outstretched palm I speak the words that are etched on my
heart.
' Phoenix, dear Phoenix. You alone have the power to free me. I remember you once told me how your
mother promised that one day a prince would come to rescue you on a white stallion. I am a prince but one
who is not brave or strong or manly. It is you who rescued me, physically and emotionally and for that I am
grateful beyond words. I can never be the hero your mother spoke of but I love you more than anyone in
the universe and it would make my life complete if I could spend the rest of my days making sure your life
is filled with love and happiness. You also told me how you were made to feel ashamed because your name
was Scarab. Believe me someone as beautiful, strong and intelligent as you should never feel ashamed.
Therefore, I offer you a noble name and title, the Royal name, my name. I ask you, please take this ring of
betrothal and become Princess Phoenix Furter. Marry me. '
Tears begin to form behind my closed lids. I can't bring myself to open my eyes, I am scared that she is
gazing at me in horror, the thought of being my wife too terrible to comprehend. I kneel there silently as if
waiting the executioner's blade. But then I feel the tiny circle of cold metal in my hand being lifted and a
small, quiet voice, no more than a whisper mummer the phase I've been longing to hear. ' Yes, Frank, oh
yes!'
I open my eyes and see Phoenix before me, smiling with an uncontrollable joy, tears pouring down her
smooth cheeks. I gaze at her quivering hands to see that the ring of the Queens of Transsexual is on her
centre finger. Now, as if to mirror my love, tears of happiness fall from my eyes marking my cheeks with
black rivers of mascara. Phoenix unable to find the words to express her emotion opens her arms and flings
them around my neck sobbing into my thick mane. I grip her close to my body, holding her as if I never
want to let go. One thought fills my mind, she loves me. Still shaking with emotion Phoenix draws back
from me, an affection shining in her eyes that I dreamed I would see. ' I love you too Frankie.' She
whispers, her voice brimming with exhilaration. ' I wanted to tell you, I've always wanted to tell you. I
knew you were special the night at the Catacombs Rooms when you came after me. But I was frightened
that you would think I just liked you because you were the Prince. It's not, I love you for the man you are, I
would feel the same if you were an underling. I adore your passion, your thirst for life, the way you feel
ever emotion so intensely. I prayed one during you would love me that intensity. I wanted to protect you
forever and I will, I will. '
I place my hand to her warm cheek and smudge away the glistering tear that rests there. ' Hush,' I murmur
'You don't have to say a thing. I know and now we have forever to tell each other how we feel. So be quiet
for now.'
Together we sit silently for a few moments gazing at each other in the orange glow of the firelight. My
heart is so full it feels as if it will burst. I cannot believe I can now gaze at her lovingly, tell her how I feel,
pour my devotion onto her freely and know for sure that she feels the same. It's too much to take in.
After a few minutes silence Phoenix speaks, ' Frankie,' she smiles, stroking my jawbone ' Would it spoil
the moment if I kissed you right now? '
I lean close and half shut my eyes, ' You could try, my bride!' I murmur sensually. As if life has been
switched into slow motion, our lips meet in the sweetest kiss I have ever experience. From this moment on
I know my life has changed. I am no longer just existing like a common creature, I am living as fully and
completely as any man can. I have found the other half of my star.