Pilot

I stared down at the book open in my hands in shock. There was a single entry on the page, ink still drying, one that simultaneously put chills down my spine and made me want to roll my eyes at the dramatic irony.

Dear diary,

Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile and it will be believable. My smile will say, "I'm fine. Thank you! Yes, I feel much better!" I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her parents. I will start fresh. Be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.

I would like to say I actually did take the moment to appreciate the dramatic irony of the situation, but I didn't. No, I read the diary entry nearly six times, staring at it in horrified disbelief, and then dropped it as if it had burned me. Aside from the fact that I was really, really freaked out, though, I did manage to keep myself moderately composed enough to look about the room to try to figure out where I was.

It wasn't until I caught sight of the mirror that I screamed.

Now trust me, when I say screamed, I don't mean let-out-a-little-startled-yelp-and-fell-over. I mean holy-fucking-shit-what-the-fuck-shrieking-my-lungs-out-in-horror-and-crashing-back-onto-the-bed screaming. Screaming like I was being bloody murdered, which, in hindsight, was bound to draw some attention.

"Elena! Are you alright?" A blonde woman cried out as she burst into the room, eyes frantic.

Startled, I took advantage of the fact that I had fallen back onto my bed in my terror and confusion to smile sheepishly at her and said, "I'm sorry, I…I dozed off. I had a nightmare."

"Oh," the woman said, looking at me pityingly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head because quite frankly, all I wanted was to be alone to figure out what the hell was going on. She shot me a hesitant look before cheerfully informing me that she was right downstairs if I needed her and that I should hurry up if I didn't want to be late.

I stepped towards the mirror again, and found myself trembling. There, instead of my face, the face that I had grown up with, was the face of Elena Gilbert. Like, Elena-from-a-programme-on-telly-bloody-Gilbert. And, unless I was very, very mistaken, it was Elena as she first appeared in the very first episode of series one.

"Fuck."

I spent a few more minutes swearing and just generally going mad and emerged from Elena's room a few minutes later in a state of stunned stupidity. I didn't dare change a thing and was quite frankly frightened to even do something so simple as to wash my face for fear of ruining her make-up or something. Would changing her appearance alter the story, I mused vaguely as I made my way to the kitchen, which I was rather sure had been her next stop.

The blonde woman I realized with a jolt was Elena's Aunt Jenna smiled brightly at me as I walked in, standing near the fridge, which she opened and then turned away from with a sunny smile.

"Toast!" She called enticingly, the shadow of subdued laughter in her face. "I can make toast!"

I couldn't remember what it was Elena said, so I just nodded my head and added as an after thought, "Do we have any tea…?"

She blinked at me, tilting her head to the side.

"I don't think so? We can pick some up later at the grocery store if you want. I didn't know you drank tea." She said, seemingly perplexed and amused all at once, and then nodded to something behind me. "There's coffee if you want."

Fair enough, I thought, and moved to pour myself some.

"Thanks, Aunt Jenna," I said, hopefully not too awkwardly, though considering I was impersonating a fictional character (and doing a terrible job of it) I didn't precisely have my hopes up. I had barely set it down when another hand picked it up and I started, nearly spilling my coffee all over Elena's nice clothes.

"Whoa, easy there, Elena." The boy who'd picked up the coffee pot said, and I mumbled some sort of agreement to him, berating myself mentally for not realizing that of course Elena's brother would be in her house with her aunt too.

He said something to Jenna which I pretty much missed, and then she walked to one side of the kitchen, grabbed something I didn't quite see, and then held it out to the two of us and said in a very parental tone, "Lunch money?"

Jeremy took it and pocketed it and I did the same.

"A number two pencil?" Jenna asked aloud, and I wondered briefly, alarmed, if she had been directing that statement to me or not and then decided not to worry about it. I missed most of the remainder of the conversation and my distraction much have been obvious because as I was walking out the door, Elena's aunt pulled me aside.

"Elena, are you sure you're all right?" She asked, frowning slightly.

Seeking to reassure her, I nodded and plastered my signature crooked grin on my face…which I just now realized might look weird on Elena, who as far as I know doesn't make such an expression. Hmm.

"I'm fine," I said, feeling a touch amused at taking the words from the diary entry, "I just didn't sleep very well last night."

She didn't look convinced, but I let my expression soften a little to a more sincere hopefully Elena-like smile.

"It's okay. I think…No, I know," I started encouragingly, "that yes, I feel much better!"

"That's wonderful, Elena," she returned, surprised, I think, and quite pleased.

I pecked her on the cheek.

"I woke up today and thought to myself, today's going to be different. But it'll only be different if I put in the effort, right?"

She started to nod and then caught sight of the clock behind me.

"Crap! I should have left minutes ago!" She exclaimed, grabbing her bag and pushing past me gently. "Have a good day!"

I waved after her and watched her leave, then realized suddenly that I had no clue where Elena's brother had gone and how I was supposed to get to school.

"Bugger," I said as I glanced around the yard, wondering a.) if the school was within walking distance and b.) which direction it was in if it was.

"Elena!" Called a woman's voice from a light blue Prius as it rolled to a stop in front of the house. A girl waved at me from the driver's seat, and, realizing I had found my ride, I quickly made my way over to her.

I got in the car and we made small talk most of the way there, until the girl I now knew was Bonnie said something that interested me.

"So, Grams is telling me I'm psychic," Bonnie began, an amused, skeptical look on her face. I nearly choked on the lungful of air I had been taking in.

I hid it well, I supposed, because she went right on as if she hadn't noticed and I listened, laughed here and there, nodded when necessary and then rather dramatically asked her what the future held in store for me. She opened her mouth to speak and then something crashed into the windshield.

"BLOODY HELL!" I shrieked as Bonnie swerved. "WHAT THE BLAZES WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"

Both of us were taking short, panicky breaths of air when the car came to a stop and I remembered what, precisely, the mysterious had been.

"I think it was a bird," I said after a minute, gently touching Bonnie's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "Are you okay? That was scary as anything!"

"Yeah," she breathed after a moment. "Sorry, I don't even know where it came from. Are you okay, Elena?"

I murmured an assent, my eyes fixed on where I imagined, exactly, the bird had struck the windshield. When I glanced back at her, I was surprised to see her looking at me with a smile full of pride. I blinked.

"What?" I asked unsurely, and her smile widened.

"You're…you're not freaking out, Elena." She stated gently, happily. I bit back an excuse and instead nodded weakly. Of course Elena would have been freaking out, she was in the car when her parents were killed in the accident.

I said something about moving on and told Bonnie quietly that she had been a great source of strength to me and that I very much appreciated her sensitivity and all that and tears welled up in her eyes and she grinned wider and held my hand for a moment before predicting, essentially, that we were going to have a wonderful year and that I would be very happy.

I had to fight very, very hard to choke back a laugh.

School, when we got there, started with some boy-watching, an awkward run-in with Matt, Elena's ex, and an awkward-for-me-in-Elena's-body run in with Caroline, who bombarded me with sincere concern and whatnot. Oh, and Bonny and I checked out Stefan's leather-clad back and I made an inappropriate comment about "dat ass" that had us both dissolve into giggles and then rolled my eyes and informed her that I was only kidding and that while he had a very nice jacket, the back of him wasn't my type.

"Please be hot," Bonne prayed with a teasing grin on her face, making me roll my eyes.

I opened my mouth offer a sarcastic remark and ended up biting my tongue as someone bumped into me and kept walking without so much as an apology and left me hurriedly scooping my things off the floor.

The only thing missing was my pen, and I scanned the floor with sharp, unforgiving eyes, determined to find it because it was the only pen out of all of Elena's that I found worth using. I've always been very fussy about my writing and art supplies…

"Got you, you wee beast!" I growled, and I am ashamed to say I actually lunged towards where it had been kicked to Bonnie's left, putting me right out of the view of the open door Bonnie was standing in. I snatched Elena's now beloved Pilot G-2 up and cackled as I straightened up and turned around to get back to Bonnie.

I hadn't been paying attention, and I paid for it. I bumped right into Stefan as he attempted to squeeze past Bonnie on his way out of the office and my pen was knocked clean out of my hands. My mouth opened in horror.

"Er, sorry about that," I excused, searching frantically for where my pen might have fallen in my peripheral vision. "Really sorry. I didn't see you there."

He said something in reply, but I was preoccupied with the idea of having to go through an entire day in high school without a pen worthy of doodling with and just smiled sincerely at him and nodded at whatever it was that he said.

"Are you looking for this?" He asked me, and that did catch my attention, and my head snapped up towards the object in his hand with a looked of bewildered delight.

"Yes," I said, and took it from his hands gratefully. "Thank you!"

He looked at me as if he wanted to say more but hesitated, so I just tucked the pen into the convenient inside pocket of my leather jacket and said cheerio politely and made my way back to Bonnie victoriously.

"I found it!"

She was watching me with a look of disbelief, but I was happy and apparently it was contagious because she ended up shaking her head indulgently at me and together we headed off to class, which I will admit, I dreaded.

In history, we talked about the American Civil War, which was interesting enough, although the teacher was rather lackluster and no where near as interesting as my da had been when he spoke of it. My da had been very well versed in history as it had been his favorite subject in school, and I took after him in that aspect, though I was better at English.

Bonnie texted me about Stefan staring at me, at least I presumed it was Stefan. I decided not to get into all that and texted her back, changing the subject, and we spent the class chatting. I found the teacher to be fairly oblivious because he didn't notice, and used what extra time I had to draw a lovely floral sort of frame on a piece of paper which I proceeded to fill in with a lovely little sketch of a fairy woman of sorts.

I made a mental note to buy more black ink pens and some sort of variety pack in color.

I deliberately did not take notice of Stefan apparently taking notice of me, and the rest of the day was even less eventful and served only to remind me of how much I preferred uni, hated maths, and that, despite Elena being an active girl, my mind or spirit in her body was enough to rob her of any athleticism she might have had before me. Oops.

I found out I had to make my own way home, which was an absolute nightmare that ended up with me cutting through the cemetery on my way to God knows where, although in the end I figured I try to locate Elena's parents' graves, pay my respects, and then hang around until I could get Elena's aunt Jenna to pick me up.

So, I sat down, pulled out Elena's school notebook which I had commandeered for my own use, and decided to draw some trees or perhaps write a poem. Needless to say, I didn't get that far. Quite frankly, the crow should have been a clue, but I was distracted and I didn't realize I was in what I had privately begun to label as a "plot point" until the fog literally started rolling in.

Honestly, I wasn't really in the mood and ended up rolling my eyes and putting a hand on my hip sassily when the crow started squawking at me.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Quoth the raven and all that. I hate to break it to you, love, but despite the fact that I was, in fact, pondering, I am neither weak nor weary, and it's the middle of the bloody day, not a midnight dreary, so kindly shunt off 'my' parents' graves, yeah?"

The crow stopped cawing at me for a moment before starting up again so I irritably shoved my (Elena's) things into my (Elena's) bag and stalked off, waving the smoke away from my face thanking every greater power on the planet that Elena's body hadn't inherited my asthma as well as my athletic incompetence.

Speaking of athletic incompetence, I fell flat on my face nearly as soon as I had made it out of the fog, scraping my palms and possibly putting a tear in the left knee of Elena's jeans. Standing and dusting myself off, disgruntled and darkly muttering, I was met with the sudden sight of Salvatore. Er, Stefan. Er, no, I didn't know his name yet.

"Are you alright?" He asked after a moment, tearing his gaze from my hands. I took a half-step back, plastering a grin on my face.

"You keep catching me at my best today, don't you?" I joked uncomfortably, and then, before he could answer that, said, "Yes, I'm fine. I just had a little disagreement with a raven, you know, and the weird disco fog that popped up was a bit stifling so I wasn't watching where I was going and yeah. I'm a bit clumsy at times."

The corner of his mouth twitched in what I hoped was amusement and he opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off hurriedly with a friendly, "So! Are you visiting someone?"

I was absolutely, utterly determined that there would be no romance until Elena got her body back. I was in no way, shape or form going to permit myself to be entangled in that god-forsaken mess, and there was no way on earth I was going to let this chance meeting turn into a romantic-instrumental-soundtrack, soft-lighting-and-natural-ambience sort of conversation. No. Bloody. Way.

"Yeah," he said with a half-smile, "and you?"

I nodded cheerfully and then realized that was incredibly suspicious and let my smile dim down to a more appropriately subdued look.

"Yeah, I am. My parents. They…they recently passed away."

He murmured some condolences which I accepted with a sad smile and passed over in favor of clearing my throat and changing the subject. "Well," I said in a quite amiable tone, "I've kept you long enough, and I probably look a terrible fright and need to get myself all fit and polished for girls' night tonight, so I'll see you in school tomorrow, alright?"

He nodded, looking rather amused, and then I went on my merry way. Even better, as soon as I'd made it out of the cemetery, my aunt called and asked me if I wanted a ride home. I could have cried, and resolved to program Elena's address into her phone so that I could get directions back from wherever I might go.

My joyous mood died when I realized that my notebook, with all of my little doodles and poems and the short story I wrote while in French, was missing from my bag, probably lying back at the cemetery, abandoned. The notebook which was literally the only thing I had that was mine, (it was still Elena's, but since she hadn't written in it yet, I'm claiming it as mine while I'm here), was gone.

I was so upset I contemplated skipping out on going to the Grill to meet Bonnie.

"Aunt Jenna!" I called with a tremulous quality to my voice that must have alarmed her because she came barreling down the stairs and looked at me worriedly.

"Elena, what happened?"

I blinked and then realized that there were tears spilling onto my cheeks. Ashamed, I wiped them away, turning back to face Elena's aunt with an apologetic expression.

"Sorry, it's just that I think I left my notebook at the cemetery and it's…it's really important to me. I was wondering if maybe you could give me a ride there so I can look for it, I'll be quick, I promise, it's just that…"

"Sure," she said hurriedly, her face sympathetic. "Let me just get a coat on, okay?"

I was about to nod in the affirmative when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," I said, since I was practically there and was confident I recognized enough characters from the show to be able to recognize anyone Elena would if they came to the door. I unlocked it and opened it wide while tucking an irritating, perpetually loose strand of hair behind my ear and froze.

"Hi," Stefan said with a soft, charming smile as I stared at him, a little confused. Did this happen in the first episode? I couldn't remember. I sincerely hoped it had, because otherwise I must have done something terribly wrong, more wrong than all of my other faux pas today.

"Hi!" I chirped, looking at him curiously, wondering if my heart was pounding and hoping that if it was he'd think it was because I had some sort of crush on him rather than because I was terrified of screwing the plot over completely.

"I," he started, and it's hilarious, but I think he might have actually been a bit unnerved by my unperturbed staring. Imagine it! A vampire unnerved by a weak little human girl and her big, brown doe eyes. "I came here to bring you this. You dropped it earlier."

My jaw dropped as he held out my notebook, which I accepted, hugging it to my chest.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, blinking back the sudden, mild onset of fresh tears, which made him frown, an almost surprised look on his face.

"Were you…crying?" He asked softly, almost in surprise, slipping his hands into his jacket pockets in a very casual move. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, and then sighed in resignation and decided to tell him the truth.

"I thought I'd lost it." I explained, turning my burning face away. "I mean, I know it's just a cheap notebook and I can get another for less than a dollar, but…thoughts are precious things, you know? They're the product of the self, the only proof we have that the self exists and I feel like I woke up as a different person today and the only proof of who I am now is in this flimsy, dime-a-dozen notebook."

I dared to glance back at him and found him watching me curiously.

"Sorry about that," I said immediately, uncomfortable with his weird staring, "I didn't mean to get all Descartes on you."

"You don't have to apologize," he said with a ghost of a smile on his face. "You should never apologize for your thoughts. Your thoughts define you as your own person, they separate you as an individual from the masses. I didn't read from it, you know. Your book."

For some reason, I believed him. "Thank you," I said as sincerely as I could without letting the atmosphere plummet into territory I didn't want it to go to. As an after thought, and because I thought it would be really rude to leave him standing there but didn't want to invite him in, I decided to invite him to hang out with Bonnie and I.

"Hey, are you doing anything right now?" I asked, hopefully not too intrusively.

He shook his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Just dropping off your notebook," he said easily, "but after this, no."

"If you want you can come chill with Bonnie and I at the Grill. It's a pretty popular hang-out place and you might meet some new mates while you're out," I said, ending my little spiel with a winning, encouraging grin.

"I'd like that." He answered, and I nodded, turning in towards the house to find Jenna standing off to the side giving me a silent thumbs up, having apparently listened to the entire conversation. She winked, and I rolled my eyes, fighting a smile.

"Hey, Aunt Jen," I said, as if she weren't shooing me out the door from around the corner, "Guess what? My friend found my notebook and brought it back to me!"

She made a face at me and then pretended she hadn't been eavesdropping, rounding the corner with a smile. "Did you? That's great, Elena. Are you going to head out, then?" She asked nicely, and I nodded an affirmative.

"Have fun, then, and try not to get home too late," she said, attempting at sternness and overall failing.

"I will," I promised, wanting some time to myself before I inevitably went to bed anyway.

It wasn't until we were walking away that Stefan said, well, asked, really: "Friend?"

I blinked.

"Of course," I said in amusement. And then added as an afterthought, "I'm Elena, by the way. Elena Gilbert. But…I'd rather you just called me Lena. Elena sounds a bit…not me."

I definitely wasn't kidding there, I thought with a mental wince.

"I'm Stefan, Stefan Salvatore."

For some reason, the way he looked at me as he said it made me incredibly uneasy, but it was too late for take-backs. For better or for worse, we were on our way to the Grill together, as friends.

To be continued in Pilot II.