Men in Black and Bones are the creative property of Lowell Cunningham and Kathy Reichs. Just borrowing them, as well as referencing some characters created by Charlaine Harris, for this last bit of banter. It's been fun! Thanks for reading!

The Contagion in the Crystal

Part V: Coda

New York, Wednesday Morning, Galactic Standard Time

Ensconced in his egg-shaped seat in the pristinely decorated conference room at M.I.B. Headquarters, Zed regarded the three agents seated around the white oval table blearily. From the room next door, came the muffled sound of something shattering. This was followed by equally muted – although not muffled enough for his liking – bursts of 'Too-whah-kah,' 'Pooh-whah-kha-kha,' and something that sounded like a very loud and very wet raspberry being blown through a very thin set of something resembling lips. Some things never changed. Sighing, Zed removed his glasses. As he started to clean them, he said, "Gentlemen, we have a situation."

"I'll say," said Agent K.

"Yeah, if that was the Mocha Latte, I know some worms who're gonna get they heads busted," said Agent J.

"I don't think he's talking about coffee," said Zack, who was slumped in his seat. "You weren't referring to the coffee, were you, Chief Zed?"

Replacing his spectacles, Zed glared over their top rims at his newest recruit.

K chuckled. "The end of the world again, Zed?"

"Not yet." Zed leaned on the table. "Pack your bags, boys, I'm sending you to Bon Temps."

"Bon Temps?" Zack scowled. "I've heard that name before…"

"Well, I hear that part of Louisiana's lovely in the springtime," said K. "What tempest's brewing in today's teacup?"

"It's a tempest, alright. A clash between vampires and the Fay." He pulled out a sheaf of papers. "While you three were chasing the Zolanium dragon in D.C., these were hitting the newsstands in Bon Temps." He slid each of them a copy of The National Enquirer. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Faeries, Good to the Last Drop," K said, reading the lead story's headline.

"My Ex-Girlfriend Stole Twenty Years of My Life," said J, reading the sideline, which featured a withered and enraged old man. "Aw, Zed, the Fay? Seriously? You know how I hate all their face-shifting, slipstreaming, mind-bending, cloak-my-world bull crap!" He shook his wrist. "And I just bought a new Rolex – shoot!"

"Vampires? Fay?" Zack sat upright too quickly, banging his forehead on the egg chair's top. "But I thought True Blood just a TV show," he said, rubbing his sore head.

"Reality TV," Zed nodded, "more like a weekly documentary series chronicling what locals are calling the 'Supernatural Assimilation' down there. Supernatural…" He chuckled. "Well, for once, they got part of it right."

"So, vampires are aliens?" Zack looked genuinely perplexed.

"Not vamps – or shifters, for that matter," Zed said. "Both are species indigenous to this planet and essential to its evolution. The Fay, however, are an alien race – refugees from a dying star who sought amnesty on Earth. For years, they lived among us in their cloaked reality and there were no problems. But then, when they started mating with humans, the vamps discovered them, and well, you can guess what happened next."

"It's something in their blood." Zack said. "Vampires can't get enough of it. As a result, the Fay are nearly extinct."

"I need you boys to corral the rogue vampires," Zed said. "Shouldn't take you more than a day or two. Your contact down there's a local girl and Fay hybrid: Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse."

"Our contact?" K grimaced. "From what I hear, she's more of a double agent – that is, when she's not a free agent. You never should've allowed her parents to—"

"That's so typical, K! Play, 'I told you so,' when there's a war on!"

"I thought you said there wasn't going to be a—" Zack began.

"Oh, there's always something," said J. "You'll get used to it."

"After that rush job in D.C., I thought it'd be good for the kid here to have a proper orientation," said Zed. "You boys make him feel comfortable."

"Will do, Zed." K started to rise.

"So, you watch True Blood, eh?" J said.

"Yeah, those vampires will sleep with anyone – and for that matter, so will Sookie," said Zack.

"What's your point," asked J.

"Well, I could be anyone. How do you think she'd feel about sleeping with an alien secret agent?"

"Don't even think about it, kid," they all said.