The Crocker-Berts always did know how to throw a party. This year is of course no different. And it being their thirtieth, they had to invite everyone. And most came. Those who didn't, it wasn't surprising. But one person who did come surprises Dave.

It's been years since he saw Karkat. Apparently some really good years for the man. Dave spends the first half of the party ducking him because any time he lingers in the same room as the man, he finds himself having to cover his crotch with the closest handy object as to avoid public embarrassment.

His dark curly hair looks perfect thick and Dave just wants to run his hands through it, maybe grab it to tilt his head back to kiss that deliciously dark throat of his. His skin has smoothed out and has a nice healthy tan all over. Dave wonders if it's really all over. His forearms where he's pushed up his sleeves has a nice layer of fur that Dave just wants to pet. Not creepily, just... Dave wonders if it's soft or coarse and how much of it covers the rest of him.

He both curses and blesses the tightness of Karkat's shirt (it's leaning more and more towards blessing as Dave drinks). It shows off perfectly the gloriously muscled arms and barrel chest. Fuck that barreled chest.

Seriously. Dave wants to fuck it. And the rest of Karkat. Because goddamn he looks fucking incredible. He went from cute chubby kid in middle school to angry dwarf in highschool and then some magic apparently happened in college and the few years afterwards, actually from what the other guests say (since they are apparently able to talk to Karkat unlike Dave) he did a couple more years of college and has just gotten a doctorate. Paging Doctor Karkat, Dave's dick is in need of some of your sweet medicine. Anyways, apparently the last decade or so was good to him because he looks like short lumberjack in a way that makes Dave's mouth water.

John smirks (which is Dave's trademark, he is going to sue his best friend for infringement rights) when he figures out what Dave is doing and then he tries his hardest to get them trapped in the same room. It would get easier as the night goes on because the only thing that rivals the dessert bar is the open liquor bar but thankfully John is drinking heavily too, based on how red his face is getting.

It got even worse when he heard Karkat's voice the one time John got Dave in the same room for more than five minutes. Last time Dave heard it, it was cracking and squeaking and ranting like fuck at anything that caught the attention of Karkat's wrath. Now it sounds like a melodious bass rumble that Dave could listen to forever, no matter what Karkat was ranting out. Hell, he's tempted to stir Karkat up just to hear him go on for days. He would to if his goddamn dick would stop hogging all of his precious blood that he needs to think up a topic that wouldn't just have Karkat punching his goddamn lights out. (Though that would be kinky too.) ((Stop that dick!))

Dave does however notice that Karkat always has a drink in his hand and is getting a little more liberal in his back slaps to the point that he's afraid that Sollux is going to deck him and Sollux doesn't hurt the bees that sting him when he tends to them.

Of course Dave has the shittiest of luck and as he ducks away yet again from his 'friend's 'helpful' actions to get Dave and Karkat together, he ducks right into a closet. A very dark closet full of musty jacket. Thankfully there isn't much on the ground so he has standing room and the shelf is actually pretty high so he doesn't has to duck to keep from braining himself on the ledge.

It's not too bad here in the dark and quiet. Dave takes the moment to finish off his drink, putting the empty beer can up on the shelf for fucking Egbert to find later because fuck his awesome party. Then he goes to open the door and finds it locked. Fucking brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. He jiggles the door a little but it's a good solid door. Wouldn't expect any less from solid homestead construction. If it was his shitty apartment just a nudge from his shoulder and he'd be busting through. But nope, that just rattles the door a little bit. And apparently no one can hear him over the sick beats that Dirk is pumping through the speakers. Dave settles for just tapping out random rhythms counter to every one of Dirk's. Someone might be able to hear that.

Meanwhile he drunkenly daydreams about Karkat, pulling him into the closet, making out with him in the closet, maybe getting a little handsy in the closet... He wonders if Karkat would be more dominate, all blustery and take charge. Or if he would be a bit more submissive, with a good flare of fight at the start and then supple to Dave's will. Nah, that doesn't seem like him. Maybe he would be the romantic and try to woo Dave or want to be wooed. Dave can woo. He could get Karkat swooning for him soon enough.

He's so engrossed by his own thoughts that he doesn't realize that the door has opened and the subject of his thoughts is standing in front of him, arms crossed and an amused look on his face.

"There you are, fuckface."

"Uh..."

"Eloquent as ever, Strider."

"Yeah, well, when one has drunk as much of the bar as I have..."

"You do realize that Egbert switched out your beer for ginger beer which is non alcoholic like an hour ago right?"

"What?"

"Oh kringlefucking bitchtits. You don't change do you, Strider."

"Nope. But you did."

"What?" It's Karkat's turn to be bewildered.

"Yeah, when were you going to tell me that you turned into a sex god."

"Sex god."

"Yes! Have you not looked into a mirror?"

"Have YOU? You're still the fucking twink that I lusted over all through high school!" It would be amusing to Dave at how fast Karkat slaps his hand over his mouth to try to take back the confession if Dave wasn't reeling from it as well.

"What?"

"Enough of this clusterfuckery saying 'what' back to and forth to each other!" Karkat yells as he slams the door wide before lunging forward into the closet at Dave. Dave's startled into taking a step back, giving Karkat enough space in front of him to grab the front of his shirt (and Dave feels himself swooning) to pull him down into a rough kiss.

It's mind blowing enough that Dave doesn't pay attention to the door closing behind Karkat, locking them in the closet together. He's too busy tasting the rough chapped lips that smooth out to pure silk. He's too busy running through that thick wavy hair. He's too busy swooning over strong hands pulling him in at the waist and back of the neck trying to tame Dave's tall height. He's too busy trying to figure out if that's a boner or cellphone digging into his thigh and if that's a coat hanger or a skeleton's bony finger digging into his shoulder blade. He's too busy making out with fucking Karkat Vantas. He is sucking face with this miniature mortal god of a man that is doing everything right.

He's being the right amount of aggressive, the right amount of pliant, the right amount of romantic, and fuck why didn't Dave do this years ago? Though the situation is pretty prime as well. Dark padded closet (albeit locked), tipsy just on the good side of drunk, no relationship which to speak of waiting for him on the other side of the door and he didn't notice anyone in particular hanging off of Karkat's arm either. Maybe the fates decided that this was the perfect time to smoosh the two of them together and it's a very good smoosh. Dave's' like ninety percent sure that it's a boner to match his in Karkat's pants. Especially since that is a hand on his ass.

"Oh my fucking fuckity fuck, yes!" Dave hisses out as Karkat starts kissing and biting his neck, their height difference giving them him the perfect angle at which to leave the best marks.

"Shut your fucking pie hole, Strider, before someone hears us."

"Based on how long I was in here before you came to fucking rescue me like a fucking knight coming to rescue his lovely prince in distress from the cackling dragon of... I would normally put Pyrope here but Egbert's really the annoying warlock that's in charge of my accidental imprisonm-" he's cut off by a hand slapped over his mouth.

"I said shut the fuck up," Karkat snarls and that really shouldn't be that hot but it is. "I don't want any more of that footlicking bitchfucking fairyshit coming out of your mouth anymore. If I hear another coherent word out of you, obviously I'm not doing my job correctly."

Dave whines as Karkat cops a feel over the fucking front of his jeans.

"Now, I wouldn't mind hearing more of that," Karkat purrs out and Dave is all too eager to grant him that request as fuck how did Karkat undo his jean button that fast and that's a hand on his dick. Dave moans right next to Karkat's ear as he nearly doubles over from the pleasure.

"Holy fu-" he grabs at Karkat's arm as the man tries to pull away per his threat. Turns out that his body hair is the perfect texture, balanced between soft and stiff. "Please."

"Then be good."

Oh Dave will be very good, keeping his voice down but filled with pornographic moans just for Karkat's personal pleasure. And speaking of Karkat's personal pleasure, Dave reaches down between their bodies to flick open his jeans and get his hand on Karkat's cock, short but thick and ever so hot. He gets a bite to his neck that will most definitely leave a gorgeous mark for his efforts.

They are thirty year old men making out and mutually jacking off in their friend's closet at a party like they are randy teenagers but it's so much better that they aren't their awfully awkward teenage selves because they were such a mess back them. But this, this is perfect even if they'll get shit about it from John when they finally emerge. Which will be whenever their host comes around to check all of the self locking doors in his house, goddamn it.

But Dave will worry about that later as he feels like he's going to blow at any moment. And the fact that tight ass Karkat (what a fucking nice ass, Dave will have to give it proper attention later along with that furry chest that he feels even through the t-shirts) is starting to make noise means that the other man is close as well.

"Karkat..."

"Holy fuck you still remember my name. Wonder if you remember your own, you rodhumper."

"The only rod I'm humping is yours and fuck it feels good."

"Fuck, Strider, don't try, for the love of everything holy don't you dare speak another word unless it's my fucking name."

"Karkat!"

"Yeah, yeah, just like that. Fuck, Strider."

"Karkat!"

"Dave!"

And that's where Dave loses it. Right like a fucking teenager into Karkat's hands. He'd be kinda mortified by it but the way Karkat sounds, choking back a moan as he comes as well, more than makes up for it.

They lean on each other panting, gulping down air as fast as their lungs will take it. Dave starts the softer kisses first and Karkat just melts into them until the sticky mess on their hands get to be too much. Dave just finds the nearest sweater jacket (who the fuck hangs up sweater jackets? oh right this is Egbert we are talking about) to clean them both up before going back to kisses.

He feels himself kind of nodding off against Karkat and Karkat's leaning pretty heavily against him as well when the door opens. If they had been teenagers, Dave's pretty sure there would have been a comedic moment of them springing apart guiltily but as it stands, Dave just keeps running his hands through Karkat's gorgeous hair and Karkat keeps nuzzling at his throat as John raises a triumphantly smug eyebrow at them.

"Someone, I'm not sure who, but someone owes me like fifty bucks. Now find a room you two."

"Obviously we did," Dave says just as smugly back at his best friend.

"A real room with like a bed and everything, dickmunch. Otherwise you guys will bitch at me for being such a bad host and letting you fall asleep in the hall closet where you'll get cricks in your neck and won't be able to walk straight for a week."

"Yeah, yeah, you're now part of the old crowd, you lumpsquirting feculent pile of go fuck yourself."

"Oh good, you're still awake, Karkat. Now get your asses to bed." John stomps his foot and helpfully points to the nearest bed room, which is hopefully a guest room and not someone's actual room because Dave wouldn't mind some 'quiet time' with Karkat in the morning. So Dave pushes Karkat to his feet and helps the sleepy man down the hall with his best friend smiling fondly after the two of them with only one word on his mind.

Finally.