Chapter 14

Skye moved through the crowd with Ward after she lit her candle at the memorial service for Holly on Wednesday evening. While the funeral would be limited to family and close friends, Holly's parents had supported the memorial organized by Ian Quinn and were standing at the front with Holly's sisters and her mentor, Dr. Collins.

She'd learned that she and Holly were the same age. Holly had graduated top of her class from Berkeley, and she was the top intern in Dr. Collins' graduate program. She was driven and successful but still took time out for her family and friends, and she was involved in community service. She was also recently engaged, and her fiancé looked lost as he joined the family to speak with Holly's co-workers.

Skye tried not to stiffen when Ian Quinn approached, and she felt Ward's hand drift down her back to her waist in a soothing gesture.

"I'm glad to see you looking better," Quinn said, smiling at her.

"Thanks," Skye replied, crossing her arms as she tried to smile back. Feeling like she should say something else, she added, "This is nice – the memorial. I'm sure her family appreciates it."

"I thought it would be a good idea for everyone," he acknowledged. "The funeral is private, and this way the people who worked with her can get a sense of closure. We're also discussing funding a scholarship in her name."

Skye remained quiet as Quinn and Ward discussed the paperwork he'd sent over. Ward still hadn't officially accepted the offer, but Skye could see that Quinn was fully expecting him to do so by the following week. He once again urged Skye to take as much time off as she needed before continuing to work the crowd.

"We can leave whenever you're ready," Ward told her quietly.

She sighed, suddenly feeling depressed. Skye had never met Holly – she only knew what she'd learned about her through other people who spoke earlier. But she'd watched her die, and she was still trying to make sense of a senseless tragedy.

"I'm ready," she replied. She took his hand and let him lead her towards the park entrance. She'd lost track of Miles and Hannah in the crowd, so she sent Hannah a text message before turning off her phone.

When they got home, she and Ward reheated the Italian food from Milano's and opened the bottle of Chianti. Skye felt preoccupied, her head full of unanswered questions that she still wasn't sure she wanted to voice. She finished her meal on auto pilot, barely tasting the small portions of lasagna and chicken fettuccine, and for once she didn't even touch the food on Ward's plate.

"You're quiet," Ward commented as he took her plate and carried it over to the sink.

Skye took a sip of her wine. "I guess I'm still trying to work it out in my mind."

Ward leaned against the sink and said, "Skye, if you have questions or you want to talk, you can talk to me. This is part of why I'm here."

She looked down at her wine glass, swirling the red liquid in an absentminded fashion. She knew that was why he was here – her job was Quinn and his job was her. It wasn't the first time she'd thought about that; it wasn't the first time she'd wondered exactly what managing the mission entailed for him. She knew that was why he'd had such an abrupt attitude shift when Hill ordered their forty-eight hour cohabitation. The whole point had been for them to work their shit out.

Somewhere during their road trip, she'd quit thinking about getting along with him as managing the mission. Skye had been genuinely curious about him, and she'd enjoyed spending time with him. She still did, and she felt reasonably sure it was mutual. But now she found herself wondering about his other undercover assignments – how involved they were, if any innocent people were ever hurt, and how he managed those missions.

"I guess I'm just thinking about what it means to work undercover," she finally said. "I'm not naïve. I know that missions sometimes go wrong. And it's not like I don't know there's a problematic side to organizations like SHIELD since I used to expose their cover-ups, but I really believed that the good outweighed the bad. Then there's Holly."

Ward sighed and pushed away from the sink. "Let's go sit down."

She followed him into the living room and curled into the corner of the sofa beside him. "Natasha said that she would have blown her cover to protect me. Do you think that's true?"

"I think Natasha always means exactly what she says, and she's not in the habit of sugarcoating anything," Ward told her. "So yes, I think that's true."

Skye nodded. "What about Holly? Do you think she would have blown her cover to protect her?"

"I don't know. I think she would have done her best to protect any innocents, but she also had a mission and another objective," he said frankly. "Sometimes you have to weigh the situation and make the hard call. All agents have to do that at some point, Skye, but specialists make those hard calls a lot more often due to the nature of our missions. That's why there are so few high level specialists."

"What about you?" she asked, her dark eyes searching his. "How many of those hard calls have you had to make?"

"Too many." His mouth twisted in a self-deprecating smile. "Specialists aren't white knights. I've had to kill people I wish I hadn't. I've done things I didn't like doing. I try to keep my missions as clean as possible, but sometimes things get muddy and innocent people get caught in the crossfire."

"Like Kamila?" Skye wasn't sure why her mind kept going back to Kamila. Maybe it was because she knew Ward had entered into a relationship with her for the sole purpose of managing his mission. She doubted the woman saw it coming, and she wondered if she ever knew why it ended. She believed Ward when he said she wasn't innocent but there was still a part of her that wanted to know how easy it had been to deceive her and what happened to her when the mission was over.

"Are you asking me if I killed her?" His tone was curiously flat, and something shifted in his expression.

"I… no," she said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm asking."

Ward was silent for a minute. Finally, he said, "As far as I know, Kamila is still living her life. She believes I cheated on her, and she ended the relationship. I put in for a transfer, and my cover remained intact."

"Okay." It was still kind of horrible, but she couldn't deny she was relieved it wasn't worse than that.

"The intelligence I gathered on that mission saved thousands of lives," he continued. "And just to be clear, you are not Kamila."

"I know," she said quickly.

"Do you?" he asked. "Because I'm getting the impression that you think this assignment is somehow like that one, and they couldn't be more different. For one thing, you're not my mark – you're my partner."

"I know," she told him. She set her wine glass on the coffee table and turned to face him fully. "I guess I was just thinking that the way you manage the mission might be similar, and I don't like the idea of being managed."

Ward stared at her, his expression unreadable. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Managing you in order to manage the mission?"

Skye was starting to feel like she'd made a mistake bringing this up since the last thing she wanted to do was argue with him. "I don't know, Grant. I guess sometimes I think that maybe you go out of your way to make my life easier because it's part of the mission, like the tire swing, and..." she paused, suddenly realizing how silly that sounded, not to mention ungrateful. If she started questioning every nice thing he did for her, it would definitely change things. She doubted that change would be for the better, either.

"Do you think I'm using sex to manage you?"

"No, of course not," she answered. She knew that he felt the pull of attraction between them as much as she did, and she'd been the one to initiate the change in their relationship. She bit her lip and reached for his hand. "You said you wanted me to talk to you, and I'm trying. I'm just not really making any sense because it's confusing. There are times I forget about the mission because I'm living my life – only this isn't my life. I'm trying to figure out where the lines are, and I'm thinking about how to manage my end of the mission without hurting people."

"When I told you that not everything with us is a lie? I meant it," he said. He held her gaze as he continued. "In the beginning, yes – there were some things that I did to manage the situation because I didn't want to argue with you. The only way this mission was going to work was if we could wipe the slate clean and start over. That doesn't mean I have an agenda every time I do something for you, Skye. It's true that I try to help you manage your anxiety and worries. It's also true that I'd do that for any partner. I guess you could look at it like managing the mission, but I haven't thought about it that way for a while."

Skye felt some of her worry and unease slipping away.

"Things were already getting complicated before we slept together," he told her. "Sometimes things can start to feel a little too real when you're undercover. I wish I could tell you that no one will be hurt, but I'm not going to lie to you. Eventually this assignment will be over and if our covers are intact, we'll move away and the friendships you've made will end because it won't be possible to continue the lie. If our covers are blown, they'll probably end anyway because people won't really understand even if they say they do – people like Hannah and Stacy, for example."

And us? What happens to us?

There were still some questions she wasn't ready to ask, though. She'd told him to let her worry about being hurt, and she'd wanted to live in the moment. She still wanted that. "We're friends, aren't we? I know we're partners and the mission comes first, but I feel like we're friends."

He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I think we're getting there."

She could work with that. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I feel like what happened to Holly is my fault." She felt his hand move down to her cheek, his palm warm against her skin.

"Why?"

"Because if I hadn't stayed late, maybe Natasha could have worried about her instead of me." This was the real reason she didn't want to think about what happened. She didn't want to think about it or talk about it because she wondered if things would have turned out differently if she hadn't been there.

"Skye, look at me."

Skye opened her eyes and blinked back the sting of tears.

"What ifs will drive you crazy if you let them," he told her. "If you're to blame then so am I for yelling at you and upsetting you in the first place. You're not the first person to ask me about my family, but I've never snapped like that before. I reacted badly because it was you asking."

"Why am I different?" she asked softly.

"Because you don't have the same darkness inside that I do. I didn't want you to see that side of me."

Skye was surprised to see an uncharacteristic vulnerability in his eyes. She reached up and placed her hand over his where it still rested against her cheek. "I won't push again, but you should know I don't scare easily."

Ward smiled at that. "I'm starting to see that." He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I need to check in with Coulson about the information Quinn sent over. If you want to go take a shower, I'll finish cleaning up in the kitchen."

Skye squeezed his hand again before picking up her still full wine glass and going upstairs. She took a long, hot shower and then wrapped a towel around her as she sat on the edge of the tub and dried her hair. When it fell in loose, silky waves down her back, she smoothed on moisturizer and changed into one of her tank and shorts sets.

She was glad that she'd actually talked to Ward because she felt some of the burden she'd carried since Monday had lifted. Now that she'd broached the topics of mission parameters and the troubling morality and complications that accompanied field work, she thought it would be easier to bring it up again in the future. She still had questions, but she didn't have to ask all of them at the same time.

When she walked back downstairs, Ward was on the phone. He motioned her over and then handed it to her.

She was half expecting it to be Stacy, but she grinned when she heard a familiar voice.

"How are you?" Coulson asked.

"I'm a lot better now than I was earlier," she told him. "I'll be fine. How are you? How is everyone?"

Skye perched on the edge of the island, swinging her feet as she watched Ward rearrange items in the refrigerator. Two casseroles and a quiche had gone into the freezer after the neighbors delivered them, and they'd slowly been making their way through the other leftovers. As nice as it was not to worry about shopping for groceries and preparing food, she was starting to miss cooking with Ward in the evenings.

Coulson stuck to lighter topics and didn't ask her anything mission related. Skye told him about her job at Quinn's company and some of the projects she was working on. When she mentioned the memorial, he asked her if she planned to go back to work.

She knew what he was really asking was if she was okay to continue the mission. "I'll be ready as soon as Grant is able to start."

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Yeah. He and I have talked about it, and I'm fine. Promise."

"Okay then. Someone else here would like to talk to you."

Trip took the phone from Coulson, and Skye talked to him for the next fifteen minutes.

"Jemma showed me a picture you sent her. It looked like you were hiking, but I know that can't be right," Trip teased her.

"Ha ha," she retorted, smiling. "I'm working out in the evenings too. Sometimes, anyway."

She could see Ward in the dining room on his laptop. After she finished her call, she walked over to the dining room table to see what he was doing.

"It's not a good idea to do video calls with Coulson or Trip even if we think it's secure," Ward told her. "But I thought you might want to talk to Fitz and Simmons."

"Really?" She hadn't brought up the idea of doing video calls since they left D.C.

"We've set up a link on a secure server," he advised her. "Check the security measures first, and you shouldn't talk about anything mission related."

He moved his chair over as she scooted hers closer, and Skye's fingers flew across the keys as she tested the server security. She added another layer and when she was satisfied with the results, she eagerly initiated the call.

She was so happy to be able to both see and hear Fitz and Jemma that she didn't even care that they had to stick to superficial topics. She hadn't spoken to them in months, so she'd missed out on the little stories that made up her friends' daily lives. It was probably the little stories, like how Fitz had gotten a friend and a bigger tank for Nemo or discussion of Jemma's new haircut that she'd missed the most anyway.

Ward went upstairs to take a shower and Fitz eventually left them to their girl talk after Skye finished giving them a video tour of the house. She moved the laptop into the kitchen and set it up on the island while she ate the last piece of tiramisu and debated whether or not to bring up the next subject.

Licking the spoon, she set it aside and slid onto the stool. "So, I've never really been the lingerie type, which you know since you were with me on nearly every mall outing. But let's say I want to buy something nicer than my shorts and tanks – where should I go?"

Jemma's mouth fell open, and Skye could see her just dying to ask the obvious question.

Her friend leaned closer to the monitor. "I suppose that depends on what you like or what he likes."

Skye propped her chin on her hand. She had no idea what Grant liked. "Well, he's never complained even if it's just yoga pants, tanks, shorts or that one plaid shirt I had to fight you for." She figured that would more or less answer Jemma's unspoken question.

"I can't believe we have to have this sort of girl talk over a video call," Jemma complained. "California is too far away."

Skye couldn't argue with that.

"It's nice to see that you're settling in so well," Jemma said, obviously being careful of her phrasing. "A big move like this can sometimes add stress to a relationship, but it sounds as though you're both adjusting well."

"Very well," Skye agreed. "Mr. Quinn offered Grant a position as head of security after… you know, what happened. It'll be a little weird going to work together every day, but he's probably going to take it."

"I for one would feel much safer with him in charge," Jemma said. She was staring at her phone; after scrolling for a minute, she looked up and said, "Any of your local shopping malls have lingerie stores. If he's happy with what you're already wearing then I'm certain you can find something nice enough there. Perhaps for the holidays you could try a higher end store. For example, Agent Provocateur is on Rodeo and L'Agent is on Melrose."

They continued to chat about lingerie stores and dress boutiques in the area. Skye remembered how resistant she'd been to the idea of shopping when Jemma first began dragging her along in an attempt to update her wardrobe. Now she wished Jemma were here and they could have a girl's day out.

She'd never been particularly vain or concerned with fashion, preferring comfortable and practical over less affordable options. Still, she liked dressing up for date nights, and she liked the way Ward looked at her when they were out. Just once, she'd like to see how he reacted to lingerie meant for seduction rather than comfort.

It was getting late, so she ended the call with a promise to call again soon. Skye washed her plate and fork and took her laptop back to the living room. Spying the plaid shirt she'd worn the day before, she slipped it on over her white tank top and went upstairs.

Ward was still up, his attention on a new book he'd begun a few days ago. After brushing her teeth, she climbed into bed and slid over next to him.

"How's the book?" she asked, leaning her head against his shoulder.

He slid his bookmark into place and closed the book before setting it on the nightstand. "Almost finished. How are Jemma and Fitz?"

"Good," she replied with a smile. "It's funny because I haven't known them for that long, but I really miss both of them."

"I know." He ran his hand over the sleeve of her plaid shirt. "Miles said something yesterday, about you wearing this shirt when you're feeling defensive."

Skye sat up a little so she could see his face. He was curious, but she could tell he wouldn't push if she didn't want to talk about it. He'd opened up to her earlier, though. If she wanted him to continue sharing with her, she'd need to get used to sharing as well.

"I felt defensive with Miles pretty often, so that might be true. It belonged to one of my foster brothers. He was a couple of years older than me, and the oldest of the three of us in my last foster home. He looked out for us."

"What happened to him?" Ward asked.

She shrugged. "He aged out of the system, and a few weeks later I was sent back to St. Agnes. He said he'd check in, but I booked not long after that. I don't know if he ever came around looking for me."

She'd kept the shirt, and it was the only plaid shirt to survive Jemma's raid on her closet since she flatly refused to get rid of it.

Ward pushed one sleeve off her shoulder and kissed the bare skin revealed. Skye shivered as she sat up and allowed him to slide the shirt off. His lips and tongue moved down the side of her neck, and the trail of heat traveled the length of her body.

They undressed each other slowly. Skye began a lazy exploration of his chest and the ridged muscles of his abdomen, admiring the tightly wound strength she felt when she gripped his arms. "I'm not sure I've ever appreciated how nice the male form is before now," she said, dipping her tongue into his navel before moving back up to press kisses from one side of his chest to the other.

His fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her up so he could kiss her. Skye moved over him carefully and slid down, unable to contain her moan when he filled her. She pressed forward until they were skin to skin, threading her fingers into his hair and kissing him again as they rocked together in a slow, unhurried rhythm.

Afterwards she curled into him, her head pillowed against his shoulder. He was still stroking her neck and back, and she felt a sense of contentment that was utterly foreign to her simply because it felt so right.

"I was thinking we could go away for the weekend," Ward said quietly.

She sighed and wiggled as he hit a ticklish spot. "Where?"

"Anywhere you want to go," he answered. "Going back to work next week is probably going to be harder than you think. Tomorrow we can look at the map, pick a place and forget about the mission for a few days."

That sounded like heaven to her. "Best idea ever," she said sleepily as she tried to suppress a yawn, the stress of the day finally catching up to her. She drifted for a few more minutes before allowing the sound of his steady heartbeat to lull her to sleep.

A/N – I moved stuff around quite a lot while I was editing because I decided this more serious conversation was needed here as opposed to where it was before (a couple of chapters ahead.) It won't be the last such conversation they have, but I felt it needed to happen now. I'm cutting the chapter before their weekend getaway because I'm still thinking of changing something there and I didn't want to make you wait while I think about it since I promised I'd post the update today. I'm behind on answering reviews at FF, but I'll get back to answering any questions you've asked tomorrow. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the update!