Epilogue

This writing journey have been pretty interesting. Half a year to write and a hell of a great time. A good way to ease my Rookie Blue abstinences, for sure.

(when the hell is it going to start air again?)

104 and something thousand words, 50 chapters and swimmingly over 400 reviews! Thank you for ever kind and cheering word, every positive thought that kept me going for so long. You are the best!

No, I can use my time to develop my other story,

'A second Chance', and I can`t wait to share what`s coming next with all you fine people :)

'A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss... That's the trade-off. But I'll take it all'.

They wanted to grow up and grow old, become grey and know their way. They wanted to prove to the world that they could be better than their parents. Their crappy childhood was nothing to pass on, and they have gone to hell and back and over again to end up where they are.

We say life is not a fairytale. It`s nothing like sunshine and roses, and even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity. It`s pretty safe to say that they have had large amount of darkness to weigh in on the happiness they have fought so hard to live in. And once you make the sacrifices needed to get there, it really is the best thing. It`s worth ever tear, every disappointment. Every hard and loud fight and every sleepless night caused by all of that, because in the end, you`ll always get what you deserve, and what has been coming your way.

The afternoon sun that pushed through the window, gave the kitchen this reddish, warm, dimmed light. And by looking at the sun, it wasn`t too far from settling down for the night.

She felt warm, and calm.

Not only because the sun was touching her olive skin, but also because of what she was watching outside trough the window. It made Andy think about how damn lucky she was. Almost eight years ago, she didn`t even know, that this - right in front of her brown, glowing eyes, was something that she would truly want. Yet, here she was. Happiest woman on earth, despite every close call hey had been through for the past eight years. Yet, they love, passion, equality, teamwork, support and strength of a partnership, got them trough the darkest sides of life. Every bump in the way, every obstacle thrown at them and every fight they landed in. They were here, together. Every blessing of kids, and the one time something precious was taken away. Because they are 'always there when it matters' .

It was the day before Olivia's sixth birthday. Andy was all over and back, knowing that tomorrow, the house would be filled with a bunch of giggling little girls, friends and family. She had though, managed to trick Oliver into letting her get the day off, to make the birthday actually happen, because let`s face it - after an eight hour shift, getting three kids fed, ready and in bed - the last thing she wanted to do was be up all night to bake. And she hated to bake.

Wanting to be effective on her day off, she had gotten up along with the rest of her pack, kissed Sam goodbye, and making sure her three monkeys was ready and about for school and daycare. She was just going to put in another pile of laundry while the chocolate cake that Olivia had insisted on having was in the oven.

Thing is - she forgot all about the stupid cake.

When she finally remembered it, it was too late. While hurrying down the stairs, she tripped and fell down the last seven steps. The fall landed her on her stomach - which at that point didn`t make her believe that something would go wrong. No, it wasn`t until she had gotten on her feet again and taken out the cake, that she felt something warm between her thighs. The minute she saw - she knew.

She had called Sam, who immediately rushed home to take her to the hospital. They already knew the fall out, but they really needed to hear it from someone else to believe it.

"Just say it. I won`t believe it until you say it`s gone", Andy sobbed while laying on the bed after an ultrasound - who did confirm the loss. Sam took her hand, and worked overtime to hold back the pressure behind his eyelids.

"Mrs. Swarek, I`m very sorry. There isn`t any heartbeat anymore. I`m really sorry".

'There, he said it. It`s out there. It`s real. And it`s gone. Could have been a he or a she. We`ll never know now', she thought as she tried to get a grip on herself. Knowing that this day needed to keep going because she still had to prepare for a six year olds birthday tomorrow.

The rest of the day had slowly drifted by, barely noticeable, leaving Andy and Sam in a zombie-like state, while taking care of the kids. He had, at some point suggested that they`d postpone the birthday, but Andy wouldn`t hear it. Good thing they hadn`t told anyone about the fourth adding to their pack, because now, they wouldn`t have to tell them it was gone.

At the end of the day - with three kids tucked in and sound asleep, the grown up Swarek's was finally able to climb down under the covers and let it out. Andy was the first to break down. Curled up in the strongest and safest place she knew, she let Sam`s calming voice sooth her. When she felt him sob too, her grip on him got a thousand times stronger, and it was her turn to tell him that "We`ll be okay Sam. We`ll try again".

She let him pull her even closer and when he kissed her hair, she couldn`t hold it back anymore. "I`m so sorry", she cried. "I didn`t mean to run and fall".

'Of course she blamed herself. She always did', he thought. "No. Don`t go there. This is not your fault Andy. Don`t ever think that. It was an accident. A horrible accident. Okay?"

"Okay. I love you", she said curling into a fetal position. "Love you too Andy".

It was mid-summer, and this July had been the warmest she could remember. Her thoughts were interrupted by the giggles and innocent laughs that was filling the backyard. The smile on her face was constant, as she watched her six and a half year old daughter tackle her daddy to the ground (hoping she wouldn`t make it a McNally tradition to tackle a cop) with four year old Noah and the youngest, two year old Amelia right behind.

She tossed the salad around in its bowl, while gazing out. Sam really was the most amazing husband. He was a devoted father and the best partner she could ever ask for. And three kids later, Boo - the German Sheppard - Rhodesian Ridgeback mix and a hell of a lot bumps on their way, the love they had for each other was still complete and utterly insane.

This was her life! A life she never believed she would have almost eight years ago. But with the man that was on his back in the grass in front of her eyes - everything was possible. This was the same man that once said 'he was not her boyfriend' and 'would not be holding her hand'. The same man that made her who she really was and allowed her to be just that.

Somehow - she had no idea how the hell they had pulled it off - but they had it all. They were beyond lucky, she thought to herself, thinking back at her own crappy childhood. A mother who didn`t want her anymore, and a father who buried his darkness in a cheap bottle of scotch. But besides the drinking, he was a great father, and now, 9 years sober, he was the best grandfather she could want for her kids. Her babies. The greatest thing they had ever made, together out of so much love. That, and this, she thought as she rubbed her belly.

Honest to god, she never thought they would have four kids. Four kids in seven years. What an accomplishment! Thinking back to the first time she accidentally got pregnant. Their very much unplanned surprise, but so much wanted and loved. And then when it happened again and again and again, they were so happy and blessed every single time.

She was brought back from her daydreaming when she felt a small tug at her dress. "Hi baby, you hungry?", she asked Noah, who held up his arms, wanting to get scooped up. She lifted her son up and put her arms around his small body. "You okay baby?"

Noah didn`t answer, but instead he buried himself further in the palm of her neck, tightening his grip on his mothers arm. He had been like this lately.

Every since an interrogation landed her in the hospital a few weeks ago. Thankfully she was okay, the baby was okay, but when the four year old understood that mommy was in the hospital and wouldn`t come home this day, he got different. And when she got home the next day, he wouldn`t leave her side. Clamped his hand on whatever part of her he could reach and cried whenever she tried to loosen his grip.

They even talked to a child psychologist about it, but she said this was sometimes normal. The most important thing they could do was to make Noah understand that Andy was okay, that she wasn`t going anywhere and it was okay for him to not hold on to mommy all the time.

It did seem to work, but it was like he needed to seek her out and see for himself that she was still there. Which she was.

"It`s okay for you to play and have fun Noah. Mommy is not going anywhere. I promise", she explained and placed a kiss to his hair. She let her hand move up and down the small back of him and whispered to his ear "I will never leave you baby. I love you so much. You don`t need to worry anymore. Okay?"

She felt him loosen his grip, and smiled at her son when he made a gap between them and kissed her nose. "Thank you baby". Noah pulled out his dimples. I can't believe how much he looks like his dad!, she thought as she looked at Noah. "I love you mommy", the four year old said. "Love you too Noah. Come on let`s tell the monkeys that dinner is ready".

She carried him outside and joined the rest of the pack down on the grass. Sam gave her that known smile when he saw them. The same smile he gave whenever he knew that Noah had searched Andy out, confirming his mommy was still around.

"We`re okay", she smiled. "Any hungry monkey here?"

"Yes, we are so hungry", Sam said putting his arm around Andy`s waist. "You okay buddy?", he asked his son. "Come here buddy, why don`t we go and make some lemonade huh?" When Noah held out his arms for his dad, he took him in his arms and went inside.

"Come on girls! Let`s eat huh?"

Once gather around the table, they fell in this calm silence. It didn't last long though. When Andy leaned into Sam for a kiss, she should have known that Olivia had something to say. She giggled and put her hand over her mouth.

"You think it`s funny I kiss your daddy?", Andy laughed, kissing him again.

"Yes! And uncle Ollie says that`s why there are so many of us little Swarek's. He says daddy can`t stay away from you".

"Uncle Ollie said that huh? I bet he did", Sam said back poking Andy`s belly. "Well, I love your mammy very much. That`s why princess", he smiled.

"Is that why we are going to have a new baby?"

Please don`t go there! Sam thought, having a small suspicion of where she was going with this.

"Uh, yeah, that`s right". When his girl didn`t seem to say anything else, his heart rate dropped from whatever highest possible to somewhat normal. Praying to god he was off the hook for this time.

"Mommy, how did the baby get in your tummy?", she asked not a minute later.

"Uh... I suppose Uncle Ollie didn`t tell you that?", Andy said nervously back.

"No, I asked him, but he said I should ask you...", she looked at her parents, waiting for an honest answer.

"You know what... Tomorrow, when we`re going to his house, you should ask him. Tell him I told you to ask him again. He owes me".

"You promise daddy?"

"I promise monkey. Now, eat your food baby!", he said firm but loving.

"Yes daddy".

When three out of three little Swarek's where tucked in and safe to sleep later that night, Sam found Andy in the kitchen, making a fruit salad for Oliver's barbeque tomorrow. He came up behind her and snuck his hand around her waist, letting them rest on her belly. "Why don`t I finish that thing, and you can crash for a while. I know you`re tired Andy", he said kissing her neck.

"Sam, I`m okay. Really. In fact... why don`t you help me instead, and we can head upstairs for the dessert I vividly remember promising you earlier?", she said with two raised eyebrows.

"That... " He started, as he kissed her neck again. "Sounds pretty good". I`m sure you understand that it didn`t take long to finish that fruit salad. A few minutes later Sam chased his wife upstairs and claimed his much wanted dessert.

Fin!

So, that was it! Thank you for your patience. You are the best!