I'll be honest, I forgot about this story. Until it started getting a lot of follows. So I decided I should probably update it sooner or later. This idea was submitted to me by the lovely EverFarAway. Sorry it took me so long to write. Hope you like what I did with your idea!

The Milano had docked on an unfamiliar planet which the Guardians (mostly at Rocket's insistence) were eager to explore. As usual, Groot had been left behind, though he was a bit bigger now. But only a little. He had a long way to go before he was his old self again.

Looking out the window, he saw that this planet had a similar atmosphere to Knowhere. It was rough, and loud, and raucous. In general, it was a place he was glad he didn't have to be. He remembered his brief time on Knowhere, pulling Drax out of a vat of thick yellow fluid and draining his lungs, only to have Rocket come back and curse out their companion, having absolutely no sympathy for the man's murdered family. Groot only hoped he'd never have to do something like that again. He couldn't believe he'd once been that tall or that strong, or that he ever would be again.

He was lost in thought when he heard someone board the ship. Were his companions back? Had someone else gotten in? This was the worst part of being so small. He couldn't protect the ship or defend himself if someone attacked. He felt so useless stuck in one place, unable to take care of himself and having to be almost entirely dependent on the others in order not to die. One time, Peter had stuffed him in a closet…for two days. That had not been fun.

Someone was definitely aboard the ship. And they were giggling.

"You're gonna love this place," Peter's voice assured his giddy mystery companion. It was a woman, but definitely not Gamora. Gamora didn't giggle. "Big comfy bed, lots of space…of course, the others are gone, so it's just us."

"Oh, I'm sure I will," replied the woman. "Love this place, I mean."

Groot saw them both as they made their way downstairs to the sleeping quarters. Quill was with a strange yellow-skinned woman he'd never seen before. Who was she? Did they know each other? Why was she here? They walked right past him without even noticing and Quill opened the door to his room. Why were they going in there? Was he going to let her sleep in his bed?

There were some rustling noises, and then some giggling from the woman and some strange sounds from Peter and then…squeaking. What were they doing? The woman moaned, and then she screamed. That was enough for Groot to worry. Was Peter hurting her? He was usually a kind person; he and Groot himself were the gentlest of the Guardians.

Not wanting an innocent person to be hurt at his friend's hands—though he didn't know what he could do about it—he leaned forward, trying to see through the slightly cracked-open door. In doing so, the roots attached to his newly-formed feet broke and he toppled out of his pot onto the table with a thud.

"What was that?" came a timid voice, so unlike the happy tone he had heard minutes before.

"Probably just Groot," explained Peter.

"I thought you said we were alone."

"Groot is our…houseplant. Don't worry about him. He's dumb as a rock. Doesn't say anything more than 'I am Groot.'"

Groot was certainly not dumb as a rock. He said a great many things, as much as the others did, in fact. But they didn't understand his language (except for Rocket, somehow), and so everything he said, they heard as 'I am Groot.' Was that really what Peter thought of him? He had thought they were friends.

Nevertheless, he had to make sure Quill's 'guest' was okay. He hopped from the table to a chair, wincing at the pain in his new feet, and then down to the floor, tumbling a little before righting himself and making his way quietly to the crack in the doorway that was just big enough for him to fit through.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw next. If trees could blush, he certainly would have.

Try as he might, Groot couldn't get back onto the table. His legs were still weak, and he had fallen flat on the floor in his effort. His legs ached; he shouldn't have gotten out of his pot. He tried to sit up one more time, but only fell flat on his face again. Finally giving up, frustrated and in pain beyond measure, he flopped down on the floor and wailed.

The door slid open, and Peter stepped out in just his boxers and t-shirt, his strange companion on his heels, pulling on her clothes.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I am Groot," Groot explained to the floor, his face still flat against it.

"So this is your houseplant?" asked the woman.

"Yeah," Peter sighed, picking Groot up gently and placing him back in his pot, packing the dirt around him. "He's usually about ten feet tall, but he's growing back at the moment."

"Aww, he's adorable." she cooed, looking over his shoulder at the little sprout.

"I am Groot?" Did he hurt you?

Peter and his companion looked at each other in confusion, and then in the next moment he shrugged and turned around to retrieve his pants.

"I think they'll be back soon." He said awkwardly, scratching his neck. "We should go."

And then, just as quickly as they had come, they were gone, leaving Groot more than a little confused.

"What d'you mean, Quill has a branch?" Rocket demanded of the quivering Groot when the group had returned. "And he…what the hell?! Hey, Quill!"

"Jeez, Rocket, what is it?" Peter asked, coming down from the cockpit.

"What the hell were you doing while we…." Rocket began, and then it dawned on him. "So that's where you went! You came back here with some broad while we were out?"

"And so what if I did?"

"Groot saw you, you idiot!" the raccoon fumed. "Guess what I have to explain to him now?"

"I'm guessing by just how pissed you are that trees have no concept of sex, do they?" Peter asked.

"They pollinate, you moron! It's not like Groot has a…" Rocket began, but stopped when he noticed his companion staring at him in amusement. "Peter?"

Quill erupted in laughter. "Of all the times you had to call me by my first name, and it had to be now." His face was purple and he was in tears, fighting his guffaws in order to breathe. "Y'know what, I'll explain it to him. Don't worry. You've earned your 'get out of jail free' card with that one."

"What the hell is a get out of jail free card?" Rocket asked. Peter didn't answer. Still cackling, he went over and sat down at the table where Groot was looking utterly bewildered. Rocket turned to go below deck, but not before he heard Quill launching into the age-old spiel:

"See, Groot, when a man and a woman love each other very much…"

Rocket wouldn't bother to tell him that, in Quill's case, love had nothing to do with it.

Ah, euphemisms. Aren't they fun?

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