So You're Dating A Superhero…

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Foreword By Raven Kent

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Dating a superhero is not the easy life that many people think. It comes with its own challenges, its own threats and, hopefully, many new rewards.

Normal relationships may be fraught with drama and strife, having a relationship with a Superhero can be even moreso.

I was lucky in that I landed Clark Kent.

Trust me when I say that he is indeed a Superman and I thank all the deities that exist that he loves me as much as I love him.

But enough about me. What about you?

If you are dating a Superhero, then there are several rules that need to be followed. I will expand on these rules and the reasoning behind them, but they are rules that must be followed if you are to have a chance at settling down (and living long enough to do so).

Here, in no particular order, are the rules.

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1 – If he keeps his civilian identity secret, do not tell anyone you are dating a Superhero.

2 – Saving the city/world does take priority over the romantic meal that you had been planning for months.

3 – Prepare for long, bedside vigils.

4 – Take up martial arts.

5 – Pay attention to his stories about the supervillains that he fights.

6 – Do not feel jealous about the female team-mates he has.

7 – If he tells you to run, RUN!

8 – Work out alibis with him ahead of time.

9 – Don't be demanding when he returns from a mission.

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In general, you must remember that being a Superhero doesn't pay well. If your Superhero boyfriend (or girlfriend, I'm rather open minded on that score) is a member of a Superhero team, be prepared to see a blizzard of promotional material such as posters, action figures, cartoons, games and so on, some of which may seem rather embarrasing in hindsight.

However, only a small portion of the profits makes its way to the one the action figures (etc) are based on. Superheroes in teams generally have enough money for a comfortable home, but not anywhere near enough for a penthouse flat or similar. Many actually choose to room at their headquarters, in which case you may want to brush up on your cooking skills or find other ways to make yourself useful.

Secretarial, accountancy or medical skills are always useful and will endear you to the team in question.

Superhero humour tends to be somewhat less refined than many people expect. This is because the path of a Superhero is one fraught with danger and peril. Many Superheroes are borderline adrenaline junkies, whether they admit it or not.

I have yet to meet a Superhero who doesn't enjoy roller-coasters, for example.

The near-constant peril they face and the danger they find themselves in can wear away at them, so many use humour to cope. Some of them (like Spider-man) actually use their humour as part of their fighting style, dodging enemy attacks while flinging witty repartee back at the increasingly-irritated villain. Others relax by pranking (I'm looking at you, Iron Man), science (Banner), art (Colossus) or other hobbies.

Do not mock them for their hobbies. It is almost literally a matter of life and death for them as it lets them release the tensions of fighting crime. Without their hobbies… well, you really don't want to go there.

Although what I have written may worry you, I feel that in general, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Of course, I married Clark Kent, so I may be somewhat biased.

The following pages will explain the Rules listed earlier.

Read them carefully.

Trust me on that.

Raven Kent nee Darkholme.

Mystique

(Leader of the Brotherhood)