Author's Note

Welcome to the first chapter of Total Drama Shuffled! For those who haven't read the Author's Note at the end of Chapter 6 of my other fanfic, Total Drama Rebirth, I'll go over the origins and premise of this fanfic again - and in greater detail.

Basically, this is an experiment of sorts. It's an AU of the first season written in a different style than I'm used to, being less a behind-the-scenes look and more of the sort of 'this is an episode of a t.v. series' style used in other fics. I originally came up with the idea way back when all we knew about the Pahkitew Island contestants were their names and silhouettes (and possibly the first few bits of storyboard, I'm unsure of when those were leaked), but due to the nature of the fic was unable to begin work until Pahkitew Island was over.

I, and probably you readers, have come across Total Drama fanfics that feature all of the contestants (at least all that existed when the fic was begun), or new/redone seasons with some subset of the cast who are typically all aware of each other as past contestants or something like that. 'Total Shuffled Island' has some similarities with such fics, but I've done what I hope is unique - restarted at the beginning, and randomized the contestants.

In short, I put every canon Total Drama contestant (Blaineley was excluded for what I hope should be obvious reasons) into a pool and randomly assigned them to TDI, TDWT, TDROTI, or TDPI, keeping the total contestant count and gender balance of each the same as the canon seasons. Thus, twenty-two became the season one contestants for this AU, two more will join the cast for 'Total Shuffled World Tour' or whatever I end up calling it, thirteen will make up the new 'second generation' campers, and the last fourteen were shunted to Pahkitew.

The result has been an interesting, if in some ways unbalanced, group of contestants. I have, of course, already assigned each camper a new season to debut in, and have more-or-less decided who will compete in Action, World Tour, and All-Stars.

Due to spoilers, I will refrain from mentioning potential pairings until the end of the chapter. Please note that I am intentionally mirroring the style and progression of events that were in the canon season, at least in the beginning - I want to create a sense of...diverging parallels, I suppose, between this universe and canon.

My apologies for the lengthy introduction, and if this story doesn't suit your tastes. To the rest, please enjoy!

- Fangren

Episode 1 – Not So Happy Campers, Part 1

The scene faded in to a lovely day on a picturesque body of water; in the background were rolling, pine-covered hills and scattered clouds. There were cliffs on the shore of several hills, serving as evidence of the action of wind, wave, and ice for the past several thousand years. In the foreground was a wooden dock, worn with use and a telltale sign of habitation.

A man popped onto camera from below. He was a handsome man, in his late twenties or early thirties, with well-styled hair and just the right amount of stubble. He dressed in a casual style suitable for the outdoors, but it was obvious that his clothes were of the highest quality nonetheless.

"Yo!" The man greeted. "We're comin' at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario!" He spoke with great enthusiasm and an appropriate level of gesticulation, and for good reason. "I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now!"

A drumline began the background music as the camera switched to a shot of Chris McLean walking down the dock, continuing his explanation of the show. "Here's the deal: twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp." He reached the end of the dock, stopping next to a sign with the camp's name on it, and appeared to be quite happy with the apparently low quality of Camp Wawanakwa. "They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers."

The music shifted into something more subdued, suitable for underscoring drama. "Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the 'Dock of Shame', take a ride on the 'Loser Boat'," Chris chuckled for a second as a signboard showing a picture of the boat dropped down on ropes, "and leave 'Total Drama Island' for good." The signboard was quickly raised, and Chris mimed a golf swing as the camera switched to a different part of the camp.

The new scene was of a clearing surrounded by large rocks. In the center was a fire pit, with a group of eleven stumps to serve as seating located towards the rocks. To the right was the entrance to the clearing, with a tall wooden entrance and an upright metal oil drum. There appeared to be a second entrance, a staircase carved into the stone in the foreground. "Their fate will be decided here," Chris popped back into view, pointing behind him with his thumb, "at the dramatic Campfire Ceremonies," the camera zoomed in on the campfire, and zoomed out to show Chris approaching from the right, "where each week, all but one camper will receive...a marshmallow." The shot changed to a close-up of untoasted marshmallows on sticks, lying on top of the metal drum-turned-podium. Chris picked one up and ate it. "In the end, only one will be left standing, and will be rewarded," he produced a number of magazines (all the same issue with his own face on the cover), "with cheesy tabloid fame. And!" Chris dropped the magazines off-camera, and held up a prop treasure chest filled with gold coins and other miscellaneous valuables. "A small fortune which, let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week!"

The music picked up again. "To survive, they'll have to battle black flies," the shot switched to a swarm of insects being swiped at by a bear, "grizzly bears," the same bear, now roaring menacingly at the camera, "disgusting camp food," a bowl of what appeared to be some sort of insect larvae, "and, each other." A close-up of Chris McLean, the smiling host once again at the edge of the dock.

The camera faded to more shots of camp, beginning with a picture of a bird feeding its hatchlings; in the nest was an obvious camera, pointed at the parent bird. "Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras," an out-of-place totem pole with another camera duct-taped haphazardly to the top, "situated all over the camp." The scene changed back to Chris at the dock. "Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here," he double-pointed at the camera, "right now, on," the point-of-view changed to a spot further back, and did so again to punctuate each of the host's last three word. "Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

You guys are on my mind!

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

I wanna be...famous!

I wanna live close to the sun!

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

I'll get there one day.

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

"Welcome back to 'Total Drama Island'!" Chris said as the camera faded back to him standing at the dock. "Alright! It's time to meet our first eleven campers." The shot changed to a closer view of Chris. "We told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort, so, if they seem a little TO'd, that's probably why."

A boat was shown at the end of the dock briefly, before it sped off and revealed the first camper. It was a white girl; short, slightly pudgy, and not an ounce of coolness between her side ponytail and braces. "Beth! What's up!" Chris called from off-screen as the girl ran to him, arms outstretched, leaving her lone piece of luggage where she'd first set it down.

"It's so incredulous to meet you!" Beth lisped as she hugged the host. She dropped after a second, and didn't notice the man brush off his shirt. "Wow, you're much shorter in real life." 'The Wannabe' waved at the camera, blissfully unaware of her faux pas.

"Uhh...thanks." Chris said. The scene cut to the next camper's arrival. This time, the departing boat revealed a tall, muscular young black man. "DJ!" Chris greeted as the skullcap-wearing teen carried his two duffel bags up the dock.

"Yo, Chris McLean!" DJ shared a high-five with the host. "How's it goin'? Hey you sure you got the right place here?" he asked, looking around the camp uncertainly. "Where's the hot tub at?"

"Yo dawg, this is it, Camp Wawanakwa!" It was hard to tell if DJ was more annoyed by the camp or by Chris' attitude and mannerisms.

"Hmm. Looked a lot different on the application form..." 'The Brickhouse With Heart' mumbled as he carried his luggage up to where Beth was already standing. The scene cut to the next arrival.

"Hey, Dakota!" Chris called to a tall, blonde, white girl dressed almost entirely in pink.

"Dakota here," she told the camera, lifting up her sunglasses as she walked towards the host and other campers. "And I'm here to...win...?" She was distracted from her lines when she noticed the non-luxury campgrounds. "Uhh, excuse me? Chris? You can't be expecting us to stay here, right? I mean, I've been to five-star resorts, and, like, this isn't even worth one star."

"Technically," Chris countered, "you'll be staying here. My crib is an Airstream with AC." He gestured behind him with his thumb. "And if you'd read your contract, you'd know that we didn't say anything about a resort, five-star or otherwise."

"Hrrm," Dakota pouted, whipping out a cellphone. "I'm gonna tell Daddy about this..."

"No," Chris countered again, quickly snatching away the girl's phone. "you won't. No outside communication until the end of the season, so I'll be confiscating this."

'The Fame-Monger' could only manage a shocked "What?! No fair!" before being forced to stand with DJ and Beth.

The fourth camper could be seen hanging out the top of the boat, dancing to music. Dressed in a cowboy hat and an unbuttoned pink shirt, the white boy seemed to be having quite a good time. When the boat stopped, he jumped off and landed flawlessly, his suitcase being thrown after him. He gave a thumbs up to the boat, then turned to the host. "Chris McLean! 'Sup, man! It's an honor to meet you, man!" He fist-bumped with the host.

"The Geoff-ster!" Chris greeted back. "Welcome to the island, man!"

"Thanks, man!" Geoff replied. 'The Funnest Guy Around' high-fived the host, and went to join the others.

"Hey, you don't have a cellphone, do you?" Dakota asked, sidling up to the party boy and batting her eyelashes.

"Uhh, no, sorry, guess I forgot to bring one." Geoff told the pouting girl, scratching his head and looking genuinely sorry he couldn't help.

"Hey everyone!" Chris called, putting the attention of both the campers and the camera back on him as he announced the next competitor. "It's Sierra!"

The tall, brown-skinned girl that stepped off the boat paused at the end of the dock, leering at the host. She looked like she was about to hyperventilate for a few moments before she suddenly charged, magenta-dyed braid trailing behind her.

"Oh. Em. GEE!" Sierra squealed, tackle-hugging the host. "You're the Chris McLean! This is the greatest day of my life!" As she quickly spoke, the music shifted to something more hectic to underline the extreme disease on Chris' face. "I'm like your biggest fan! I've watched all your movies, own all your albums, and I'm even the President of the 'Chris McLean Junior Fan Club'!"

"Uhh, great." Chris said, trying to push the girl off of him. "Can you, ya know, get off me please?"

"Oh, yeah, huhuhuh." 'The Obsessive Uber-Fan' nodded, giggling as she let go of the host. She quickly grabbed her bags and joined the other campers, giggling and leering the entire time. The other four teens gave her a wide berth.

The sixth camper arrived without an announcement from the host. A tall and handsome young latino man, he looked out over his shades and flashed a smile. "Alejandro!" Chris greeted as the contestant approached. "Good to have you!"

"Not as good as it is to be here, I assure you." Alejandro answered, bumping fists with the host and continuing on to the already-arrived campers. "Greetings, amigos! I greatly look forward to getting to know you all." 'The Arch Villain' high-fived Geoff and DJ, and took his place among the group. Beth, Dakota, and even Sierra were still swooning from his smile.

The background music turned harsh as the next contestant arrived, standing at the bow of the ship and scowling. She was a rather masculine white girl dressed in sweats, who tossed down her luggage first and herself second. "Welcome to the island, Jo!" Chris told the scowling young woman.

Jo snorted. "This place is more of a dump than I expected, but it's not like it'll slow me down."

"Yeah, I thought as much." Chris replied with a grin. "Don't worry though, we'll make sure to make things challenging for you."

Jo rolled her eyes, and focused on her competition. Alejandro had already stepped forward to greet her, but 'The Take-No-Prisoners Jock-ette' was having none of it. "Just stay out of my way if you value your kiwis, got it?" She kept her bag close, and said nothing else.

The sound of the ship's horn told those at the dock that the next camper would be arriving in an unusual manner. Trailing behind the vehicle on water skis was a tall young black man in a jersey. "May I present, Lightning!" Chris announced as the athlete was towed closer to the dock.

In one fluid move, Lightning jumped from water to wood, and struck a pose. "Sha-YEAH!" he crowed, kissing his biceps and catching a duffel bag tossed from the ship. "Now that this piece of gorgeous is here, the rest of you might as well just go home now!" Both Jo and Alejandro narrowed their eyes at 'The Athletic Overachiever', who didn't appear to notice.

The ship came and went, dropping off the next camper. Another white girl, with a personal style similar to a stereotypical librarian. Her orange hair had been secured into a large bun, and skeptical eyes observed every facet of the camp from behind a pair of glasses. "Welcome to camp, Scarlett!" the host said, frowning just a bit when the young woman before him didn't immediately meet his eye.

"Thank you." Scarlett began after a moment, still looking somewhat hesitant about her surroundings. "Am I to assume that the filming location implied during the application process was deliberately misleading? Because while I'm not familiar with the criteria used for rating, these facilities don't appear to be of a particularly high quality, and thus do not fit my preconceived notions of a 'five-star resort'."

"Pretty much!" Chris grinned.

"I see..." Scarlett said, taking another scrutinizing look at both the island and the campers. "It's still within the parameters I predicted for this competition, so I shouldn't have any problems adapting to this environment."

"Uh...right..." Chris said, giving 'The Brainiac' an odd look as she walked away. The next camper arrived, and he quickly went back to hosting. "Contestant #9 is Topher!"

"Umm, actually, unless you deliberately didn't count someone, he's the tenth contestant to arrive, not the ninth!" Scarlett called from her spot with the other teens.

"Right." Chris deadpanned. "Thanks, Scarlett. Now as I was saying, this is Topher!" He motioned to the white boy looking at him in a way similar to Sierra. The attractive young man's style of dress was quite like that of the host's, if only in color scheme.

"I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you Chris!" Topher said, extending a hand and causing the host to ease up a little. "You're a personal idol of mine, and I've always wanted to watch you work live. You totally aced that figure skating show by the way."

"Thanks man, I knew I rocked that!" Chris, ego boosted, gladly accepted the handshake. "Good to see the producers picked such an intelligent young man for the competition."

"I saw that!" Beth whispered to the other campers. "One of the guys dropped his partner on her head! Though they got immunity that week."

"Pfft, how bad were the other contestants if the clumsy guy actually won?" Jo scoffed.

"Hey, nice camp by the way!" Topher said, looking around a bit. "I bet you're just gonna put us through the wringer, am I right?"

"Oh, you know it!" Chris smiled, finally sending 'The Junior Chris' on his way. He got to the end of the dock, and immediately locked eyes with a glaring Sierra.

The next camper to arrive, standing on the bow of the boat with a surfboard in hand, was a casually-dressed white girl, blonde hair pulled back into a long ponytail. "Hey! What's up!? She asked as she approached the host, leaning against her board once she came to a stop.

"Alright!" Chris answered, beginning his introduction of the young woman. "Our surfer chick, Bridgette, is here!"

"Hey, nice board!" Jo taunted. "Where do you think we are, Malibu?"

"I thought we were gonna be on a beach!" Bridgette defended.

"We are!" Chris said as the camera cut to a shot of a seagull on one of the camp's garbage-infested beaches.

Bridgette sighed. "Great."

"Alright! That makes-" Chris started to say before he was hit on the head by Bridgette's surfboard as she bent over to grab her bag. "Oww! Darn it, that hurt!" he groaned, rubbing his head as 'The Surfer Girl' walked on obliviously.

"Hey guys." she said once she'd reached the other campers.

"Hey!" answered one young man in particular, purposely separating himself from the rest of the group. "I'm Geoff!"

"What's up?" Bridgette said, turning around and nearly knocking over several campers with her surfboard.

"Jeez, watch the face!" Topher said, having just ducked in time.

"Hi, I'm Beth!" the shorter young woman greeted with a smile and a wave.

Bridgette answered with a "Hey!" and another round of near-misses with her board.

"Hello!" Alejandro said quickly, stepping close enough to make the surfer blush. "You may want to stand your board up before you accidentally hurt anybody with it. It would be a shame if anything were to happen to it – or you – would it not?"

"Oh..." Bridgette's blush deepened as she looked into the handsome young man's eyes. "Yeah. Sorry about that, guys!" She caught herself before she turned around again.

Another person was dropped off – a short, pudgy white girl with a ribbon in her hair. "Our..." Chris rubbed his head, still recovering from his knock, "next camper is Staci!"

"Oh, wow!" She said, looking around the camp with wide eyes. "This is just like the summer camps my Great-Aunt Mable used to run, yah. She was named 'Best Camp Counselor' in the province seventeen years in a row."

"Sure..." Chris told her with an eyebrow raised high.

"And then there was my Great-Great-Great-Great-Uncle Milton," Staci continued as she walked by, "who created the first summer camp. Before him, the only thing kids had to do during the summer was throw rocks at each other, yah."

"Umm...I may not be an expert on the history of seasonal youth activities," Scarlett objected, "but I'm certain her statements are incorrect." She looked to the other campers to back her up, but they just gave her indifferent shrugs. Regardless, 'The Compulsive Liar' hadn't noticed Scarlett's comment.

The next camper's arrival was heralded by the sound of his beatboxing. Standing on board the ship was a young black man with a large belly and an even larger amount of hair. His pants were held up by suspenders, and his shirt was slightly dirty.

"Yo, Beardo!" Chris said as the teen stepped off the boat.

As Beardo walked up the dock, he imitated the sound of a trumpet fanfare. "Yo!" he said back, giving the host a high five before continuing his own music. 'The Human Soundboard' ended the fanfare once he reached the other campers. He gave them a shy sort of smile and wave, but didn't receive any immediate reply. He lost his smile and started to walk to the side, imitating a chirping cricket as he went.

"Wow, you're really good at that!" an amazed Beth told him.

"Yeah man, you should totally, like, do that at parties!" Geoff added.

Beardo smiled again. "Thanks."

The boat came and went, this time dropping off two contestants – a pair of near-identical white girls in cheerleader uniforms. The one who had stepped off the boat first had a small beauty mark on her right cheek and a scowl on her face; the second twin looked rather dejected and seemed to be carrying both of their luggage.

"Ladies!" Chris greeted as he approached the pair. "Amy, Samey! Welcome to your new home for eight weeks!"

"Uhhh, it's Sammy!" The luggage-toting twin corrected meekly.

"Amy says everyone calls you Samey." The host countered. "What with you being the second twin and all."

"Well, yes, but my real-" Sammy tried to explain, earning her both a glare from her sister and annoyance from the host.

"You're officially Samey." Chris said, putting his metaphorical foot down.

"Try not to embarrass me anymore than you already have, Samey." Amy hissed at her sister as she set off down the dock. "It's bad enough that I have to live in this disgusting summer camp without you making everything worse." Sammy sighed, and 'The Cheerleader Twins' joined the rest of the cast.

The next camper to be dropped off was a scruffy white boy who looked to be dressed for colder weather, between his jeans, hoodie sweatshirt, and toque.

"Ezekiel!" Chris said, having regained his pleasantness and extended a hand for a high five. "What's up, man?"

The scruffy boy looked up. "I think I see a bird?" A few of the other contestants chuckled at his obliviousness.

"You know, it was my Uncle Larry who first asked 'What's up?'" Staci said unsolicited. "Before him, people didn't have an easy way to ask each other how things were going in their lives, yah."

Chris put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Look, dude. I know you don't get out much," he counseled. "Been homeschooled your whole life", Ezekiel nodded happily, "raised by freaky prairie people. Just don't say much, and try not to get kicked off too early. Okay?" He finally allowed Ezekiel to pass.

"Yes, sir!" 'The Home Schooled Guy' answered, walking awkwardly to join his fellow campers. He was met by a series of odd looks.

The young man who arrived next was easily the largest contestant in the group, if not in height then definitely in weight. The black teen wore a long trenchcoat over a hoodie and shorts, complemented by a backwards baseball cap and pierced ears.

"B!" Chris greeted. "The B-man! Silent B!" The two exchanged a few friendly points and a fist bump before 'The Strong Silent Genius' went on his way. True to his moniker he said nothing, merely giving the other campers a smirk, or a high five, or similar.

The boat lingered for longer than usual as the next contestant was apparently slow to get off. Like many others he'd been standing on the bow of the ship, and the large curly-haired white boy's attention seemed to be solely on the portable console between his hands. "Yeah!" he said in a gruff voice amidst the various sound effects of his game. "Finally got that super speed! Better get moving before it runs out..."

"Ahem?" Chris called from the end of the dock; he was acknowledged by the gamer. "Sam! You can come down now!" The host's raised voice finally got the young man's attention.

"Oh, heheh, sorry about that." Sam said as he finally disembarked. "Good to be here though, it looks great!"

"Yeah, I'm sure it is." Chris said with a rekindled smile. "But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to confiscate that game thing you've got." The host snatched the device as swiftly as he'd taken Dakota's cellphone.

"Hey!" Sam protested. "I was just about to reach a save point!"

"Too bad." Chris replied, tucking the console into a pocket. "The rules clearly state that no electronic gaming devices are allowed on the island."

"Aww man..." 'The Nice-Guy Gamer' groaned, slumping off with luggage in hand.

As Chris watched the dejected teen walk off, he completely missed the next arrival until she tapped on his shoulder. "Gah!" Chris started, whipping around to see who had surprised him. It was a pale and petite white girl, with long blonde hair and an odd look in her eyes. "Oh. Right. Dawn." Chris said, his introduction tinged with annoyance.

"Greetings!" Dawn replied with a small wave of her fingers. She began to edge around the host, keeping her distance for reasons known only to her. "You, uh, you may want to schedule an appointment with a therapist. I can tell you have a lot of unresolved childhood issues."

"Excuse me?" Chris said in barely-contained outrage. "Hey, I don't care what you've heard, it isn't true, got it?" Dawn neither flinched nor changed her odd, piercing gaze. "Just...just go stand with the other campers, okay?" The host finally ordered.

'The Moonchild' gave most of the campers as wide a berth as she'd given the host, eventually taking a spot near B and Sam. She didn't seem to notice the odd looks several campers gave her.

"That aside," Chris said, getting back into his groove, "here comes Scott!" The young man in question was a redheaded white boy wearing a grungy tank top. He sneered as he jumped off the boat, and spit into the lake. He ignored Chris' look of disgust and walked right past him.

"Hmph." Scott snorted once he'd gotten a look at the other contestants. "None of you look too tough."

"You wanna say that again?" Jo said harshly, stepping up to the freckled young man and brandishing a fist.

"Whoa, chill out!" Geoff said quickly as he and DJ held the aggressive young woman back.

'The Devious' snorted again, and joined the crowd.

A country tune was played over the next competitor's arrival. She was a large white girl whose hair rivaled her hips in girth and as she walked up the docks she smiled and waved, first to the camera, then to the host. "This," Chris introduced, "is Sugar."

"Howdy y'all!" Sugar said in an accent hailing from the southern United States. "I sure am excited to be on this here island! I just can't wait to see what everyone here can do!"

"Glad to hear it Sugar!" Chris smiled as 'The Pageant Queen' took her place amongst the others. She shot Dakota a dirty look as soon as she noticed the pretty rich girl.

"And last but not least, Shawn!" The host announced the final camper, a shaggy-haired, vest-wearing white boy who looked unnecessarily on-edge. His eyes quickly darted about the area before he took a leap off the bow of the ship, doing a complete flip before landing in a crouch on the edge of the dock.

"Hey man, you seen any zombies around here lately?" he rolled forward and asked the host, still scanning the unfamiliar surroundings.

"...no?" Chris answered, taken just a bit off his guard by the teen's question.

"Hmm..." Shawn said, peering first off into the distance, and then into the depths of the lake. "Well, zombies can't swim, so we should be safe here for now. I'm not gonna let my guard down though. No way am I gonna let my brain get eaten!"

"Umm, yeah." Chris told 'The Zombie Conspiracy Nut', for lack of a better answer.

"Speakin' of eatin'," Sugar piped up, "when are we gonna have lunch?"

"First thing's first!" Chris explained, happy to get back on track. "We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone, on the end of the dock!" He waved the twenty-two campers over before taking out a camera and jumping up to the bow of the ship.

The teens arranged themselves into three loose rows facing the camera. At the very center of the group was the largest camper, B. He was flanked on his right by a grinning Sugar, confident Scarlett, and a smirking Scott leaning on an annoyed Jo's shoulder. To B's left, towards the water, were a posing Topher, waving Staci, uneasy Dawn, and Shawn who seemed to have become somewhat comfortable.

The front row had Amy and Sammy kneeling in the middle, the older twin already looking like she wanted to leave while the younger twin actually smiled. To Sammy's right, on the inland side, were a lounging Dakota and a chill Bridgette. Past Amy were Ezekiel and Beth, leaning against each other and smiling happily.

The last seven campers stood in the back row, all of them large enough to be seen over the rest. Closest to the lake was Sam, hands noticeably empty but smiling anyway. Next to the gamer was a grinning Geoff, followed by a waving DJ. Leaning forward with an arm around B was Alejandro, showing his charm, followed by a flexing Lightning. Next to the jock was Sierra, who was giving the host a creepy look. At the end stood Beardo, who had grabbed a large pair of headphones from his bags and was pressing them against his ear, shooting the world a confident smile.

"Okay!" Chris called out. "One! Two! Thre-," he paused a moment, "oops!" The group's smiles faded. "Okay, forgot the lens cap!" the host explained, pressing the button to remove said cap. "Okay, hold that pose! One, tw-" The campers kept their smiles on through the second interruption. "Oh! No wait! Card's full! Hang on..."

"Hurry up already!" Amy shouted. "My knees are getting sore."

"Got it!" Chris announced at last. "Okay! Everyone say, Wawanakwa!"

"Wawanakwa!" The campers cried as one, before the planks of the dock cracked and fell apart. The camera cut to a series of photo showing the campers in the lake, trying not to drown.

"Okay guys, dry off and meet at the campfire pit in ten!" Chris said, perfectly dry on top of the boat. The scene faded to black and back again.

The camera zoomed outward from a shot of Chris standing behind the campfire pit facing away until all twenty-two campers were in the shot. Amy, Sammy, Ezekiel, Dawn, and Scarlett sat on the front row of stumps with DJ, Beth, and Jo standing amongst them. The back row of seats were taken by Dakota, Bridgette, Scott, Sugar, Topher, and Staci. The rest of the campers – Geoff, Sierra, Lightning, Shawn, Sam, Beardo, Alejandro, and B – stood behind the stumps.

"This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks!" Chris began. "The campers sitting around you will be your cabinmates, your competition, and maybe even your friends, ya dig?" The camera cut to shots of a few groups of campers during the exposition. "The camper who manages to stay on 'Total Drama Island' the longest, without getting voted off, will win one-hundred-thousand dollars!" The music became triumphant for just a moment while the prize was announced.

"Umm, Chris?" Topher asked. "What's the sleeping situation gonna be?"

"Eww, they're not gonna be co-ed are they?" Amy added, shooting sideways glances towards some of the less attractive young men around her.

"Nope!" Chris answered. "Girls get one side of each cabin, and dudes get the other."

"So, like, I'm gonna get my own room, right?" Dakota interrupted. "Because, I mean, I am the cutest one here."

"Sorry," Chris said with an unapologetic shake of his head, "but that's not really how it works here."

Sammy looked ready to say something before she caught her sister's glare.

"Heehee, I hope I get the cabin closest to Chris..." Sierra said, not taking her eyes off the host.

"That's pretty messed up." DJ told Geoff under his breath.

"Here's the deal!" Chris said, drawing the attention of both camera and cast. "We're gonna split you into two teams. If I call your name out, go stand over there." He pointed to a spot off-camera, and the view switched to show each contestant's reaction to their name being called and moving to the assigned spot.

"Jo, Shawn, DJ, Topher, Staci, Beth, Dawn, Amy, Beardo, Alejandro, and, Samey!" The camera cut back to the host, who tossed a rolled-up green banner to Beardo. "From this moment on, you are officially known as," a guitar riff was played as the banner unfurled, revealing the silhouette of a gopher in a fighting stance. "The 'Screaming Gophers'!"

Beardo looked down at the image and smiled. He thought for a second, then imitated the squeaks and chirps of a gopher – as close to screaming as they ever got.

Sammy, next to her thoroughly unimpressed twin, let loose a sigh of resignation.

"The rest of you, over here!" Chris beckoned the remaining campers. Once again, the camera cut to each camper as they were named. "Geoff, Bridgette, Lightning, Sierra, B, Scott, Scarlett, Ezekiel, Dakota, Sam, and Sugar!" he listed. "Move! Move move move!"

As the camera focused on the new team, Chris threw a salmon-colored banner to Lightning. "You guys will officially be known as," a more orchestral riff was played for the second unveiling, showing the emblem of an angry fish. "The 'Killer Bass'!"

"Sa-weet!" Lightning exclaimed.

"Alright campers!" The music picked up as the camera switch back to the host. "You and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition." The scene transitioned via static to Chris sitting in what appeared to be a large outhouse. There was a skull and crossbones carved into the back wall, and a few flies buzzing around. "You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries, anytime you want. Let the audience know what you're really thinking." He winked. "Or, just get something off your chest!" Another bout of static signaled the transition to the first confessionals of the series.

Scott was first, arms folded as he looked around the small room. He snorted. "Please, this place ain't so bad! Bunch a' babies we've got here." He smirked. "Just makes it easier for me to win."

More static, then another brief confessional – Dakota this time, and the blonde was smiling. "Hey everyone! Just wanted to say th-" She noticed a fly on her arm, and shrieked. Another cut to static.

The third 'confessional' was of a common loon that had somehow made its way into the outhouse. Inexplicably, it was applying pink lipstick to the end of its bill.

Sugar's confessional was shown fourth. "I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm playin' this game to win," she smiled. "And since I got both beauty, talent, and brains, there's no way I can lose!"

One final bit of static preceded the cut back to a shot of Chris from between the campers' legs. "Alright! Any questions?" The host didn't bother to pause for very long. "Cool! Let's find your cabins!"

The scene changed to a shot of two cabins sitting roughly perpendicular to each other, each with two doors and a railed-in porch in front. Chris entered view from the lower left with his back turned, and arm extended towards the cabins. "Gophers, you're in the east cabin," he turned around and pointed a thumb over his shoulder, "and Bass, you're in the west."

The viewpoint switched again to a close-up of a cabin door as it was opened from the outside, showing the layout of the room. A large circular rug lay in the center of the room, and on the back wall was a window and small stool. Both the rug and the curtains lining the window looked shabby and moth-eaten.

On either side of the room were bunk beds; two sets along the right wall, one on the left next to a potbellied stove. "Uggh, bunk beds? Figures. How much more summer camp could they get?" The camera switch to a side view of Amy entering the girls' side of the Gophers' cabin. A pile of wood sat below a small front window, and between the stove and a few coat hooks in the corner was a dresser and large mirror. An oil lamp rested on top of the dresser, unlit.

"Well," Sammy answered, entering the room carrying both twins' suitcases, "you know, it is a summer camp."

"Nobody cares, Samey!" Amy yelled back.

"Hello, ladies!" Alejandro greeted from the doorway. He flashed a smile at the twins and the recently-arrived Staci, all of whom swooned. "I just wanted to make sure none of you needed help with anything."

He was forcefully shoved aside by Jo. "Get back on your own side, Alejandro!"

"Very well then, I apologize for the intrusion." The camera cut to the young man exiting to the cabin's porch, while Chris approached the cabin. "Excuse me, but where are the electrical outlets?" Alejandro asked. "I have a few things that need to be plugged in, as do the others no doubt."

The camera zoomed in on Chris's smiling face. "There are some in the communal bathrooms, just across the way." It cut again to an exterior of the bathroom building.

"Communal?" Alejandro said from off-camera. "You can't be serious!"

"'Fraid so, man!" Chris said, the camera showing his close-up again. "Have fun sharing!"

"Wait, what?" Topher said, sticking his head out of the cabin door and dashing out to the porch. "You're not even giving us private toilets? How am I supposed to sculpt this beautiful face and hair each morning if I have to do it around everyone else?" He gripped his face in panic.

"I feel your pain." Alejandro told him, putting a hand on his shoulder as the handsome pair mourned for their bathroom privacy.

The view shifted to Beardo, DJ, and Shawn taking a look outside of their door at the commotion outside and the sounds of a growing argument in the girls' side. Beardo smirked and imitated the sound of two cats fighting.

"Hah, you said it dude." DJ chuckled. "I'm glad at least the three of us are cool with the sleepin' arrangements."

"Are you kidding?" Shawn objected. "No way am I sleeping in a cabin with a bunch of other people! I mean sure, I'll keep all my non-essential stuff in here, but I'm not gonna leave myself open to a zombie attack by sleeping indoors."

The two black teens shared a look of confusion. "So, uh, where are you gonna sleep?" DJ asked.

"In a tree, obviously." Shawn answered, stepping out into the common area and looking at the forest. "I mean, everyone knows that zombies can't climb, sheesh!" His roommates shared another look.

The camera went back to the host, who was also giving Shawn an odd look. "Excuse me, Chris?" Geoff asked from off-camera. Chris turned his head, and the camera cut to the party boy standing on the porch of the Bass' cabin, just as Bridgette was entering the girls' side. "Is there a...chaperone of any kind in this facility?"

"You're all sixteen years old," the host said as the camera showed a close-up of him looking around, "as old as a councilor-in-training at a regular summer camp!" He shrugged. "So, other than myself, you'll be unsupervised. You've got a half-an-hour to unpack and meet me at the Main Lodge! Starting..." he looked at his watch, "Now!"

"Nice!" Geoff exclaimed. The view switched from him to Alejandro and Topher outside the Gopher cabin, then to Bridgette, Lightning, and Scott outside the Bass cabin as a piercing shriek filled the air, and finally to a shot from inside the cabin as Alejandro, Topher, Jo, Lightning, DJ, Dawn, and Beth peered inside.

"Is there a problem, chicas?" Alejandro asked as the camera switched to show Amy standing on the stool, cowering from a single cockroach.

"Kill it, Samey, hurry up!" she shouted to her sister, who sat on one of the top bunks. DJ gasped at the sight of the tiny insect, then shrieked and jumped onto the bed below Sammy – the impact caused it to break, and the nice twin to sigh.

The viewpoint shifted to floor-level as the cockroach scurried around the room, deftly dodging several feet and sending campers screaming. "Oh, no!" Dawn cried, quickly darting between the other campers and scooping up the cockroach just before Jo's foot came stomping down. The commotion stopped once the teens realized the roach had disappeared.

"It's okay, little one." Dawn whispered to the insect cupped in her hands. "I know you meant no harm. I'll take you somewhere safer, okay?" The blonde, oblivious to the looks she was getting, left the cabin.

"Well, that was sha-weird!" Lightning said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Eww," Amy shuddered as she finally stepped down from the stool, "she'd better not think that's her pet or something." She looked over at the broken bunk and sheepish DJ still on it. "Oh, and Samey? I changed my mind, I'll let you have the bottom bunk."

"Sorry about that." DJ told the girl on the bed above him.

Sammy sighed. "It's fine..."

The scene transitioned via flash to the outside of another building. A military drumline started up as the camera cut to inside the building, where the queued-up campers were being addressed by a hulking black man in a chef's hat and apron. "Listen up! I serve it three times a day, and you will eat it three times a day! Grab your tray, get your food, and sit your butts down NOW!" The dishes behind him rattled when he finished.

"Excuse me," Beth asked from the front of the line, "will we be getting all the major food groups?" The camera switched to a view of the Chef putting a scoop of some manner of reddish-brown meat-like substance onto a bun on Beth's tray. She and Scarlett took their filled trays, and the shot changed to an extreme close-up of the Chef's left eye.

"I'll second that question." Scarlett added off-camera. "A deficiency in any of the essential nutrients could impact our health, and thus our ability to compete. Therefore, we should prioritize getting a balanced diet." The Chef's eye twitched.

"You'll be getting' a load of SHUT THE HECK UP!" The Chef yelled, and the two young women backed away quickly.

"Huhuh, that guy needs to find a chill pill upgrade, right?" Sam chuckled to Ezekiel.

"What was that, tubby?" The Chef called out, beckoning the pair forward with one finger. "I didn't hear you."

"Uh, nothing, sir!" Sam panicked, taking his food and leaving.

"I'm sure," the Chef glared as Ezekiel stepped forward and grabbed a tray of food. "You! Homeschooled kid! Gimme your plate!" Ezekiel stopped and allowed the Chef to dole out another scoop of the mystery meat-like substance onto his plate; it somehow clung back to the scoop, and the Chef had to throw it down a second time with more force.

"You know, it was my Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Hector who invented camp food." Staci blathered as she and Jo, the next two in line, went to get their meals. "Before him, campers had to forage in the woods for nuts and berries, yah. And then there was my Great-Great-Great-Great-Aunt Becky, who came up with the idea of lunch lines. Before that, people had to eat from one giant bowl."

"Would you shut up already!" Jo barked as she stormed past her teammate.

"NEXT!" the Chef yelled.

A flash marked the transition to a close-up of the meat-like-substance-on-a-bun on Dakota's tray. "Umm, excuse me, but what is this? My nutritionist has me on a very strict diet, and I want to know if I can actually eat this or not."

"That's probably not the best thing to ask." Shawn told her as the camera showed a glaring Chef catch and kill a fly with one hand.

"Right..." Dakota agreed, scampering off and leaving Shawn as the sole camper left in line.

"Sorry, but has this food been tested for any viruses? I don't want my first meal here to turn me into a brain-eating monster or get up and try to eat me," the scruffy teen asked. The Chef just stared at him and smashed the wiggling product with a meat hammer, not so much as blinking at it splattered both of them. "Right. I'll just go now." Shawn quivered.

Another flash and the scene changed to a slow pan over the campers eating their lunches; the Bass sitting at the table closer to the kitchen, and the Gophers nearer to the door. One of the meat-like-substances-on-a-bun was shown crawling across the floor between tables, though nobody commented on it.

The pan ended as Chris entered the lodge by the main door. "Welcome the the Main Lodge!" he announced.

"Yo, my man! Can we order a pizza?" an unimpressed Geoff asked from the Bass table. The camera showed a cleaver flying through the air and imbedding itself into the wall near Chris.

"Whoa! It's cool, G! Brown slop is cool, heh heh." Geoff quickly apologized to a knife-wielding Chef. "Rights guys?"

The other campers nodded nervously.

"Your first challenge begins," Chris announced, the camera back on his face. He turned around to exit, and held up a single finger. "In one hour!"

"I wonder what we'll have to do?" Sammy asked.

"It's our first challenge," DJ answered from the seat next to her, "how hard can it be?"

The scene cut to roughly an hour later via a quick-pan to the top of a cliff. The campers were standing at the edge in their swimsuits, looking over the edge; DJ was prominent among them. The camera zoomed out twice, each transition punctuated by suitably dramatic spike in the music. The cliff the campers were standing on was incredibly large, easily the tallest in the area.

"Oh, shit." DJ said, now just part of a blurry haze at the very top.

xxx

(Fade to Preview)

"Next time, on Total Drama Island!" Chris said in a zoomed-out shot from the dock.

The camera cut to the full view of the cliff with the host providing a voice-over. "Your first task is to jump off this one-thousand-foot-high cliff, in to the lake." The scene cut to the confessional with the standard static in-between.

"I'm lookin' at this guy and thinkin'," Geoff said, "there's no way he's gonna make it."

"For a moment there I thought," Jo said in the next confessional, "if he does this? He's gonna frickin' die!"

The scene cut to a bare-chested Sam walking away from the camera. "Ohhh man I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die, and I haven't even reached the final level of 'Cave Conquerors 2'," he lamented. The camera cut to two sharks swimming along the surface of the lake, teeth bared, and then to a view beneath Sam's screaming plunge off the cliff. Geoff, Bridgette, and Sugar winced at the sound of a large splash.

(Fade to Credits)

Author's Note - Post Script

So yes, this should be an interesting season. I can already sense the gambits about to pile up.

Regarding the pairings, the only one I will guarantee is Gidgette. I will say that Samkota has a good chance of happening as well, but anything else verges into non-canon territory and I'd prefer to keep my plans a secret. There will almost certainly be non-straight pairings, though, so if that bothers you...well, you can get out, as I don't particularly care for homophobes.

Because these chapters are shorter and based around the canon episodes, expect this fic to be updated much more quickly than Total Drama Rebirth (which I will still be working on alongside this). My current aim is to get a chapter finished every week, although I will probably end up slowing down the pace later on. As with Rebirth, I will be keeping a buffer of chapters - Chapter 2 will not be posted until Chapter 3 is finished, and so on.

I hope you all enjoy this story. Please let me know if you have a problem with my characterization and such.

- Fangren