Chapter Six – OUTCOME (Part 3)

The battered cargo plane with the Engineers Without Borders logo landed and taxied to the hanger and the waiting crowd of worried families. When the plane opened and the weary passengers disembarked, families came together in relief and gratitude that their loved ones were alive.

Jeff Tracy, standing back, craned his neck to see if he could spot Alan. He was surprised not to be able to find him. It wasn't until the unloading began, that he saw his son in the back of the cargo portion of the utilitarian jet, helping to unload onto the carts that had come out of the EWB hanger. Even from the distance, he could see the exhaustion haunting the young man's face. Alan hadn't even looked in his direction. Clearly he didn't expect to see anybody meeting the plane. And why would he? He hadn't spoken to his family since the rescue, three days ago.

As the crowds emptied out, leaving only those helping the crew to unload, Nathan looked up and whistled softly. Alan looked at him with tired curiosity. "What?"

"Look who's over there!" Nathan nodded towards the parked town car. "It's Jefferson Tracy, the astronaut. I wonder what he's doing here. Huh. I wonder if I could get his autograph, if he's still here when were done," Nathan muttered.

Alan looked at him blankly for a second, then looked in the direction he'd indicated. It was indeed his father. He was leaning casually against the large town car, hands in the pockets of his leather bomber jacket, waiting patiently. Alan stared for a second, then turned back to Nathan.

"Hang on a sec," he said, hopping down off the cargo bay ramp. "I'll be right back, I need to talk to my dad." He began to trot towards the car.

All work at the plane ceased suddenly at that statement. Nathan, Beth, Gwen and Brody all looked at each other, stunned. Nathan recovered the quickest. "Wait," he called after Alan. "You mean your 'that' Alan Tracy?!"

Alan just waved a hand vaguely back towards his friends, and trotted towards the car and his father.

Jeff watched the interplay, bemused. He could hear the ' . . . . you're that Alan Tracy?" comment clearly, and saw Alan essentially blow it off. Now that was interesting. All of his sons had been raised to be wary of publicity, but with Alan especially, it had been a fact of his life from the beginning. The others could remember a time when Jeff wasn't famous, or wealthy, but not Alan.

The family had done their best to shelter Alan from the kind of attention fame brought, and had succeeded very well. But at Alan's age, and on his own without the umbrella of family protection for essentially the first time, and trying to get doors to open for him, it would have made sense that he would have used his name to his advantage. But very clearly, he hadn't. Dr. Airee had known, that was obvious, but based on the conversations at the rescue, neither he, nor Alan apparently, had made that fact of hims famous father widely known.

Interesting. One more piece of Alan's character that he hadn't been aware of. John was correct. They all had really 'stopped' Alan's maturity in their minds at age sixteen. Jeff clearly hadn't been the only one who wasn't ready to let Alan grow up, and end that part of their lives.

"Dad? Is everything all right?" Alan came to a stop in front of him, a concerned expression on his face.

Jeff realized that Alan didn't realize that his father was just here to see him, not for any other reason. Why hadn't any of them made more of an effort to just go visit Alan, not to be the bearer of news, good or bad? But just to visit and enjoy his company. Alan's past words did bear a trace of bitter fruit, Jeff was sorry to realize. But the future could be changed, and memories of the past be made to be just memories, with no more power.

"Fine, fine," Jeff assured Alan hastily, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and basically reassure myself that you were still in one piece." Shaking his head, Jeff stepped up and hugged his son tightly.

After a moments' surprised hesitation, Alan was hugging his father just as tightly, Jeff was glad to realize. Jeff sighed and whispered into his son's ear, "I"ve missed you so much, Alan, and I. Am. So. Proud. Of you!" And with a last squeeze, he reluctantly released him.

Alan had an almost poleaxed expression on his face, and once again, Jeff felt the stir of sorrow. He really hadn't done right by Alan in the past few years. He should have made sure his son knew just how proud of him he always was, even will he had tried to curb the erratic behavior than had plagued Alan's teenaged years. But parenting wasn't an exact science, even though most children liked to think so.

"Really?" Alan finally whispered, almost afraid to ask, eyes huge.

"Really." This wasn't the place to talk, and they both knew it. The airport was public, and any Tracy in any place could have a microphone on them that they didn't know about, and circumspection was always the word of the day. But still, Jeff smiled easily at his son. "And I'd like to take you to dinner. I bet you haven't had a decent meal in four months!"

Alan laughed. A real laugh, free of constraint. "You're right. Food in the field isn't the best." He then turned serious, as he gazed at his father. "And we need to talk."

Another surprise. Alan initiating a discussion. "Yes, we do. We can go to the apartment, or the Tower. But if you aren't comfortable with either, I'll get us a private dining room at the Plaza."

To Jeff's brief disappointment, Alan opted for the Plaza. Then he consoled himself to take one step at a time. His own insistence on doing things his way was part of what had gotten them into this situation in the first place.

Alan asked if Jeff could wait until he was finished unloading, and Jeff agreed immediately.

Alan nodded, and started to turn away, then quickly wheeled back, and surprised his father by giving him another brief hug. As he stepped back, he added causally, "And by the way, Nathan wants your autograph. You know, the great Jeff Tracy."

Jeff laughed. "Let's do one better than that. I'll understand if you don't want to stay at the apartment, but," and he looked Alan in the eye to make sure he knew this wasn't a casual comment, "I want you to know that your room is always open to you there." At Alan's nod of understanding, Jeff continued. "But please, let me host you and your friends at the apartment tomorrow night. I'll get a big, catered dinner, and we can all catch up. I'd like to get to know them. They seem like a great group."

Alan grinned. "They are, and I know they'd like that. You know, free food and all."

Jeff laughed. "Right. Okay, I'll be right here when you're ready to go."

Alan grinned back and then headed back to the plane.

Watching the interested questions that he couldn't hear, and the sidelong glances his way, Jeff hid a smile. Alan may have really grown up, but he and his friends were all still young, experiencing the world on their own for the first time, and very enthusiastic. It would be fun to have a houseful of young adults again. He'd been shut away on the island way too long.

TB TB TB TB TB

Serious conversation was put off until both Alan and Jeff were settled in the private dining room at the Plaza, and had ordered their meals. Talk had been light, mostly catching up on what all the various family members had been up too. But once the waiter had left, both men fell silent, and just gazed at each other seriously.

"I'm sorry, Dad, for all the worry I caused you and the guys," Alan said finally, again surprising Jeff with his willingness to begin what was sure to be a difficult conversation for them both. "I . . . just, well, had to get away for a while. I know it was childish to just leave like that." Alan looked down at his glass, then looked up again with a trace of the defiance that was so familiar to Jeff. "But honestly, I still don't know what else I could have done. If I came back at that point, we'd just fight more. I had to leave, get away," Alan struggled to put his feelings into words, and finally just shrugged.

Jeff waited patiently until Alan finished, really listening and hearing the desperation in his son's voice. That desperation made him shut his eyes in hurt for a brief moment, as he heard the pain in his son's voice.

"I'm so sorry, Alan," Jeff began softly, after a pause to make sure Alan was done speaking, "for not really listening to you. I've done a lot of thinking in the last several months, and have really realized that I haven't listened to you in quite some time."

Alan gave an uncomfortable shrug, and said quietly, "You've been busy. Work and International Rescue . . ."

Jeff stopped him before he could continue. "Excuses. And they ultimately don't matter. You are my son. Your needs should have taken priority over anything else."

The almost blank expression on Alan's face at that statement was yet another blow to Jeff's heart. Alan agreed, obviously. And just as clearly, he'd thought this for a very long time, and his ability to hide his emotions was very, very well practiced. Jeff wondered why he hadn't ever seen that expression for what it was. One more nail in his own coffin. It was time to stop counting.

"I think I've been too uninvolved in your life, and I'd like to change that. I'd also like to explain why, if I may." Jeff took Alan's nod as permission to continue.

"The gap in ages between you and your brothers mean that you were born at a very different place in our family's experiences. Your brother's all know what it meant to have a normal life. To play in a regular neighborhood, to go to public schools, to live a middle class life. By the time you were born, our lives were much, much different. Wealth, fame, and publicity had, by necessity, changed the way we were living. I was pulled in so many different directions. Then, after your mother's death, well, things changed even more. So, not only age, but circumstances, were different for you, as opposed to your brothers."

Jeff was lost in thought for a moment, thinking back to that turbulent time. Things had been so chaotic. And Alan, a newborn, was the only thing that was normal to him. He knew how to handle a baby. Feeding, changing, crawling, walking, all actual, all real, all tangible things he had experience with. Sighing, he continued to speak.

"You were something normal, and something I was familiar with, in a time of big changes. Raising a son. But I raised you, with significant help from your brothers, especially Scott," Jeff and Alan shared a grin, "because I was at work so often. But I neglected to see that circumstances had changed as well. I was a suddenly a single parent for a change, I wasn't home as much, our early experiences with publicity weren't all that great, and it wasn't until we moved to the island that I felt normal again. But, as you grew, your temper and impulsiveness grew as well."

As Jeff was speaking, he was impressed all over again at Alan's patience with his narrative. Even 6 months ago, Alan would have been jumping in to protest his last statement. But Alan just sat quietly, listening carefully and attentively. So much had changed, yet again, Jeff reflected.

"I dealt with your temper in the same way I'd dealt with your brothers in their teenaged years, not taking into consideration that the reasons for your attitudes may be very different from the others. And that your needs might also be very different. I'd seen each of your brothers as an individual, and reacted accordingly. But somehow, with you, I didn't. And that explained why you were so much more volatile than your brother's had ever been, and why I came down on you so much harder. If I'd looked at the circumstances more carefully, I'd like to think I'd have dealt with you differently."

Jeff thought a moment, then continued. "I'm now realizing that I didn't take any of this into consideration, not because I didn't want to, or didn't care, but that raising a child was one thing that was consistent and familiar to me. And I needed that familiarity right then. Especially then, with everything changing." Jeff looked Alan in the eye. "This is not an excuse, but something I've just been realizing since you've been gone.

Alan nodded slowly, clearly absorbing this.

"Then there was International Rescue." Jeff sighed. "That really changed everything again. It was my dream, after your mother died. What could I do with the blessings bestowed on me – money, fame, and all that entailed. We had so much. And there was such a need. And your brothers all wanted to be part of it. And they were ready to be. They were of an age to understand, and truly know what that choice to be involved meant. You weren't. And it was important that you understood that there were other choices. All you'd know was IR. You didn't know what life was like without it."

Jeff looked very seriously at his son. "And you were so impulsive, and reckless. The thought of you on a rescue was incredibly frightening."

Alan's eyes flashed, and Jeff was afraid that they were heading back to the same type of interaction that had so epitomized their relationship for the last half of Alan's life. He waited for a second to see what would happen, and saw Alan visibly take a deep breath and get hold of himself. Then Alan just waited for his father to continue, without saying a word. Grateful beyond measure at this evidence of his son's growing maturity, he continued.

"You don't know this, but when Gordon joined, we had a lot of problems. And he'd grown up being in on the planning of International Rescue. He was a lot like you are now. Enthusiastic, bright, ready to take on the world. He'd also been to the Olympics, and through that whole training process, had seen a lot more of life than you have. Even so, he was almost killed in at least two separate incidents because he went off on his own instead of listening to his mobile commander – Scott. He'd reacted like a brother, rather than an operative. It was sobering, and he was grounded for a while until we could work through it."

Alan looked stunned. "I didn't know. I mean, I didn't even guess . . ."

Jeff laughed slightly. "Of course not. We didn't want you too. The whole situation would have scared you to death. It was bad enough that we were all risking our lives. But for Gordon to have almost killed himself, not once, but twice, just because he was mad at his brother, and felt himself invincible, was almost unthinkable. And to saddle you with the ramifications of that when you were barely 14, and away at boarding school? No. You needed more stability that than, and besides, you were the one thing that was normal in all of our lives, especially at that time."

Jeff shuddered at the remembered time. "It was pretty bad. There was practically war around here, while we worked things out. Why do you think we run IR like a branch of the military? We are family, but in the field, it's all about command structure. And in reality, the thought of going through that with you, was well, ten times worse. You were far more impulsive than Gordon had ever been!"

Alan nodded slowly, clearly trying to digest this version that was so different from what he himself remembered. The cheerful video calls from his brothers, during that time, and the stories from the rescues. He'd clearly gotten a sanitized version. Then suddenly, he remembered.

"Gordon's broken wrist," he said suddenly. "I wondered why something that was such a simple break took him out of the field for so long."

Jeff nodded. "A convenient excuse. It was easier than trying to explain what was really happening, and we didn't want you to have to take sides, or even have your family support structure undermined."

"Then there was one other reason to keep you out of IR. Something that I've only just recently realized," Jeff said, taking a deep breath. Once Alan's attention was back on him, and out of his memories of the past, he continued. "I didn't want you to grow up," Jeff said simply.

At Alan's surprise, he smiled. "If you grew up, then that part of my life was over. If you were making decisions on your own, I was done raising my sons."

The shocked look on Alan's face made him smile. "And I'll guarantee you that Scott feels exactly the same. Your other brothers as well, to some extent, although Scott had as much a hand in raising you as I did. None of us are ready to feel quite that old. And I'm pretty we're all still working our way through that one."

Alan just looked stunned. Jeff could see that although being treated like an adult, and this kind of frank conversation, was what he'd wanted, Alan was now getting more than he'd bargained for.

Jeff hid a smile, and calmly ate his dinner. He had lots of burning questions for his son, but they had all evening, and if he'd learned nothing else through his many business dealings, he'd learned to be patient. And one of those traits was to make the other person speak first. He'd never thought to use those particular techniques in a discussion with his son, but with stakes as high as those in this specific meeting, he'd use anything that gave him an advantage. He had no qualms about playing dirty here. He was in it to win. He wanted his son back. Oh, he had no doubts that the terms would be different, and he had no problems with that. But he wasn't going to settle for estrangement again, oh no. Not that, ever again. He'd blown things in a very big way four months ago, and he wasn't one to make the same mistake twice.

Silence reigned for a while, as both men worked on their meals. Alan was clearly thinking hard. When he did finally speak, it was to ask a question that Jeff really had never seen coming.

"I think I understand now why you didn't want me to join IR. And it even makes a kind of sense. I'm sure it will even make more sense the more I think about it. But what I don't understand is why you wanted to hide me away at Tracy Enterprises in a figure-head type of position instead."

The pain in Alan's voice was unmistakable, even through his, not immaterial, ability to hide what he was really thinking. And the quiet voice in which he spoke only magnified his pain to a point where it all but shouted to Jeff of his son's desperate hurt. Only then, for the very first time, did Jeff see the total of Alan's insecurities and his fear of disappointing his father and family, and of not being 'good enough', that had taken root in those volatile teenaged years.

The ripple of shock that went through Jefferson Tracy at this realization, absolutely rocked him to his core, and completely rearranged his view of the past, much as he knew his own words just now had rocked Alan.

"Alan . . . 'Figure head position'? What on earth . . .? How could you even think that?" Jeff was actually sputtering in shock, as he dropped his fork and sat back. "I would never . . ."

He took a deep breath to calm himself, then spoke carefully. "I had an engineering position for you in the Creative Engineering Group. The same one Brains had been part of. You'd be so perfect in that team. You're abilities to think outside of the box, and make the type of intuitive connections that you do, would be invaluable to them." Jeff found himself at a loss for words.

Alan himself was pale, sitting frozen, watching his father's uncharacteristically flummoxed reaction. That Jeff had been completely taken surprised by his words was clear. And the Creative Engineering Group? Alan was stunned. That was the most prestigious team in Tracy Enterprises. Most of the big innovations came out of that team. The positions there were highly coveted. But that brought up another question in his mind. And he really needed to clear it up. The answer would make all the difference to him, and to his future.

"Stan and Marcus's team? Because my last name is Tracy? Is that why I'd be assigned there?"

Jeff gaped for a moment, then got hold of himself. He leaned forward and spoke carefully and firmly. "No, Alan. I told you before that nothing is given in this family. Everything is fully earned. You weren't ready for IR. But even though you are my son, if you weren't suited for that group, you wouldn't be assigned there. And if you truly think I'm going to throw away gifts like yours, you don't know me very well! No, I want you there because that is the best place for you. And the best possible preparation for the time when you do join International Rescue."

Jeff let that hang there for a moment, in the dead, still silence. "If you want to still join International Rescue, that is. After your performance on the rescue in Cambodia? If you want to join, you're in. And that's unanimous, by the way. You impressed your brothers tremendously." And then, because Jeff was still reeling at the revelations of Alan's insecurities, and the knowledge that he needed to do a significantly better job at letting his son know how much he was appreciated, he added, "And me as well."

His new resolution for the future was to let Alan, and all of his sons, know exactly how much he admired, loved and appreciated them. Verbally, and as clearly as he knew how. He wasn't ever going to let something like this kind of misunderstanding happen ever again.

Alan nodded slowly. "I signed an 18 month commitment to Engineers Without Borders."

As always, and had been his want for his entire life, Alan's response was entirely unexpected. Jeff mentally snorted. Well, that shouldn't have been any great surprise. Alan had never been as simple as his four older boys, regardless of circumstances, so why should he be now? So, instead of just reacting, Jeff considered his son thoughtfully.

"I'm sure we can break that contract, if that's what you want," Jeff said slowly. Then, as part of his new resolve, he continued. "What do you want to do, Alan? I don't think I've ever asked you that question before. But as you said to me in our last 'meeting', you have options."

Alan smiled slightly, glad to be able to be amused at that memory. It wasn't that long ago, the hurt was still close, but the revelations his father had made this evening were eye opening, and were going to take some time to work through. Breathing deeply, he took his time before he answered, but when he did, he was decisive.

"I want to finish my contract with EWB. I made a commitment, and I'm going to keep it. I also still need the break. I like the group, I like their mission, and I need the time to think."

Jeff nodded. "Fair enough. Have you thought about after that?"

Again, to Jeff's surprise, Alan flushed slightly. "Yes, Sir, I have. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I know what I want to do. I've already started planning."

Jeff hid his disappointment. He was really hoping that Alan would jump to join IR. But again, as always, Alan marched to his own drum, and had actually had a chance to figure out what that was. He just waited.

"I want to go to through NASA's astronaut training program."

Jeff choked on the water he'd just sipped.

Alan grinned, then laughed out loud. "Seriously. I'd already decided to do that when my contract ended. I'd always loved talking with John about the stars, and space flight. I think it would even be better than car racing! I've read John's text books cover to cover several times, and talked to him about the mechanics of space flight. Not sure why it had never occurred to me before. Of course, I was looking at going into the International Space Station program as one of their astronauts when I'd finished."

Jeff managed to speak. "And now?"

"As an IR Operative, and trading rotations with John. If that's offered, of course," Alan added quickly.

Shaking his head in amazement, Jeff just nodded. "Alan, I think that is a wonderful idea. I can't think of anything better suited for you. And I'd love to have you in International Rescue flying Thunderbird 3. But I think it may give Scott gray hairs." He smiled at his grinning son. "Do you want help getting into the program? I could make some calls," He offered carefully.

Alan shook his head definitively. "No. I want to do this on my own."

Jeff nodded. "However, if any of my old friends in the program call me off the record, I'll tell you right now what I will tell them. I support this idea wholeheartedly, and that they won't get a better candidate." Then he added seriously, "And Alan, if you change your mind about any of this, know that whatever you choose to do, I'll support you completely. All I want is for you to be happy and successful in whatever you choose to do. Understood?"

"Understood," Alan said seriously. And smiled.

Jeff knew that they'd have more discussions, and that there would undoubtedly be more misunderstandings, but at least they had the underpinnings of solid communications for the first time. Alan had been his most difficult son to raise by far, and for the first time, Jeff was fully appreciating why. And that much of it had been his own lack of patience and understanding that had created the problems. But, as always, there were two sides to each story, and now they were both finally moving towards middle ground.

"Just do me one favor," Jeff sighed. At Alan's quizzical look, he continued. "Call your brothers. They're driving me crazy."

Alan laughed out loud. "Gladly."

"Where are you staying?" Jeff asked, as casually as he could. "The apartment's always available, you know." He would dearly love for Alan to stay at the apartment. No doubt it was his controlling personality, but It would ease his mind about his son's safety. However, clearly Alan was needed time to find himself and who he was. He seemed to have a great group of people around him, and hard as it was, Jeff really needed to let go. He may have to twist Scott's arm to get him to agree, but there it was.

"Thanks, but I'm sharing an apartment with Nathan and Jason. It's small, but it's functional, and it's a secured building in a decent part of town," Alan added matter-of-factly. "I'll text you the address and my phone number."

Jeff realized that he'd done at least something right in his raising of Alan. Alan understood the needs and restrictions of being a Tracy better than any of the rest of them. Security was a normal consideration for him, as it had been for him all of his life, so it was automatic. He felt himself relax somewhat. Alan really was grown up.

So Jeff just nodded. Then grinned. "One other thing. Why didn't you ever go out for baseball in high school or college? You've got one hell of a pitching arm."

At Alan's peal of laughter, Jeff realized that he just might get the hang of this father thing yet. Better late than never.

~finis~