The Loki-Tom-Twitterfiction

A/N: Okay, this is totally stupid and senseless, but I found it hilarious and amazing while it happened. So basically, this is the story of a tweet gone wrong. A special thanks to my co-twittereress, Jessica Maher, jessintheIRL. We started writing back and forth and somehow we ended up developing this story. Oh yeah, this is also a hint that we are on twitter (for those who, for some weird reason feel the need to read the original) ;)

So for your understanding, I just put together what we tweeted, decorating it a bit and stretch it beyond the 140 signs mark. Most of the dialog you are about to read actually happened that way on Twitter. I just added a bit more narrative to this not too normal plot.

This is perfectly random. The various references are there for you to discover – they are perfectly random also, and just out of context, as is this story, as am I... as is Jessica, for she joined me in my madness.

Since we make accounts of fangirling, or rather I do... most of the time... fangirls out there, don't feel offended, please. I'm not making fun of you, coz that would mean I'd make fun of myself, and even if I like doing that, too... we're such a rare species, we have to stand together and I love you all from the bottom of my not-existent heart. Don't burn it out of me!

We don't own anything. We are poor little fangirls who have nothing but the mindpalace – yeah, I just made that reference in the intro, muhaha!

Anyways... I lost the thread... if I ever had it... upon second thought, nope, never had it. So you are bound to deal with a story that makes no sense, that perhaps only we find funny, but that you clicked on, so you are bound to read at least the first few lines, haha!

Have fun!

It all started as a normal day, well, normal according to how normal 'normal' can be. Because I don't give myself credit for being very normal. I'm a fangirl. We are borderline cases by definition, at least so in my opinion. And as a good fangirl I think I am, or at least imagine to be (imagination is the nicest mindpalace after all) I focus on what is really important in life: Loki.

And so I stumble over this magical place called 'Twitter' again, and I see this picture a fellow of the HiddlesArmy has tweeted, a wonderfully executed dress design in Loki style. I immediate favorite and retweet in one swift motion before I go on flailing and squealing at my screen.

And so we start to talk about this dress and how beautiful it is and I can feel my fingertips itching in anticipation. All plans for the day shall be damned, I am to be drawing for the day. And so I set forth, get out my pencil and paper and start to draw relentlessly until I finish my Loki-style dress that just kept dancing in front of my eyes, trying hard not to think of the Snakehips, or I won't make it through the day. Then I tweet it, where I also tweeted all my other dresses and drawings, craving attention.

Curiously, some Twitterpeople actually favorite my work and I'm giddy like a five-year old again. Also, my dear fellow, Milady Jessica... upon second glance... the only one.

Anyway...

Suddenly a comment pops up on my screen, as though illuminated by it even more than it is anyways because it's an electronic device that's supposed to shine "I must find this person and hug them. TH".

I tilt my head at the screen, my eyes briefly brushing over the author of this comment, but before I can get to it...

And then there is the twist...

Suddenly the doorbell rings. I get up from my sofa, leaving the other drawings scattered everywhere. I open the door and BAM, Tom Hiddleston is standing in my friggin' doorway, flashing his perfect smile with the friggin' cheekbones, in his friggin' vest, with the friggin' never-ending legs, and oh, by the Gods, that hair, "Shit, how do you draw such masterpieces, darling?"

And I, ever so cool and calm about this situation... scream like a guineapig on acid before ungracefully flopping to the ground, fainting and convulsing, drooling all over the floor, giving a perfect fish-out-of-the-water-impersonation.

So much about how to make a first good impression...

Suddenly, against all odds and laws of physics and logic, my dear Jessica is running up to Tom and me, shocked, but obviously positively surprised at the sight of Tom-friggin'-Hiddleston (who could blame her)? She bites her lower lip nervously.

"Erm, can we help her?" she asks, pointing at my still convulsing form on the ground, to which Tom simply shrugs, flashing a reassuring smile, "It's best to just leave her, dear."

"Really?" she asks, not fully convinced, but Tom goes on to explain nonchalantly, "Yeah, no, that's the reaction I usually get."

The two stand there as I go on convulsing and drooling like a dying whale.

"Yeah, I know... this is... awkward...," she grimaces, nervously hopping from one foot to the other, but then he reassures her that it's going to be okay and that he knows what he is doing. And yes, he knows what he is doing to us...

Tom politely asks her for a cup of tea. After all, he is thirsty after the long ride to the house (however that happened, plotline shall be damned). Jessica, ever so confidently, enters my house, leaving me there on the ground, and goes ahead to boil the kettle – and I wouldn't have it any other way. So proud of my little fangirl-sister.

I slowly come round, groggily glancing at the ceiling. What the Hel?!

"Gosh, it must be annoying having girls faint all the time," Jessica tells Tom as she brews the tea. If I were halfway coherent, I would probably agree with her. I hate myself for the Hiddlefeels sometimes, but then I don't. We're just so ambiguous. Like Loki. Hehe. No, focus. Focus on breathing. Then we can think about getting up. Because Tom Hiddleston is in my house, Oh my God of Mischief! I slump back down at the thought, almost going back into fangirl-stasis, but snap out of it, thinking about Odin and how his attitude pissed me off. Poor Loki. That always works as a mood-kill.

"Useless mortals," Tom mutters under his breath. Jessica blinks for a second, but that is when he smiles at her ever so sweetly as she hands him the cup of tea, "Thank you, dear."

"I heard that," Jessica mutters to herself as she hands me a cup of tea, too, to bring me back around. While Jessica is occupied with me, Tom suddenly stands up from his seat, and oh, those legs again, just to be engulfed in a green shimmer of translucent light, golden horns growing out of his head, a green cloak replacing the tight-fitting vest.

Loki.

I would totally ship this, if I had the brains for it at this moment.

The God of Mischief flashes his signature smirk before he runs into my room, the coat flapping in the air mysteriously, almost in a Sherlockian fashion. The two of us exchange a glance, a mixture between absolute awe and confusion, which eventually results in both of us tilting our heads to the right at the same time.

However, that is when realization dawns on me, "The Tesseract!"

How could I forget that I have the Tesseract in my closet?!

We both mean to get up and run into the room, but that is when Loki already emerges from it, holding the Tesseract above his head triumphantly, laughing mischievously, "MUHAHAHA!"

We peak around the corner to my room to see the mess he made of it. Jessica, her eyes still fixed on the mess of a room, whispers, "I told you you should've put it in your sock drawer".

I nod my head in agreement and shame, "Next time, I will just let Thor put Mjölnir in front of the door."

We continue in silence for a while, but that is when we both start to comprehend that Loki took off with the Tesseract, which is surely no good omen, at least it wasn't in the movies. Jessica therefore asks the one-million-dollar-question, "So... how do we... erm... stop him?"

We immediately run outside, where she adds, "And where's the real Tom?"

We both look around, confused. Generally, a state of mind befitting most of us fangirls, I think to myself.

So many questions, so few answers. And so many Loki/Tom-feels at this moment... I shake my head, I have to focus, we have to focus.

"We could call the Avengers so they avenge my poor closet," I suggest. "... or we mention his daddy issues. That usually works according to the fandom. He'll just go on pouting and crying, right?"

Jessica contemplates, but then offers a much more reasonable alternative, "I suggest we make a trail of pudding to a remote area where the Avengers can... Let's say... kick his ass... while we go looking for Tom."

"PUDDING!" I cry atop of my voice. Supernatural spoiled me. I shake my head to regain calm and focus *ommmm*

"Anyways, yeah, let's do that and search for Tom. Maybe we should start reciting Shakespeare while we run around? It might lure him out?" I add.

"And carry a cup of tea with us?" Jessica asks with a flash of excitement in her voice. We both jump up and down at the idea of luring Tom out, but then focus again, the Hiddlefeels will have to wait until later.

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS THE QUESTION!" Jessica cries out atop of her voice, but receives no answer. "THOMAS WILLIAM HIDDLESTON!"

Perhaps mentioning his middle name will show him that we are serious and that he is supposed to come out? Nope. Of course not.

So, I join the chorus, "We, too, hath your Hollow Crown, our Prince! Now come hither!" Yet, I don't get an answer either, so I change the plan slightly, "... You can also have a cookie?!"

"And tea and pudding and lots of hugs! Reveal yourself scoundrel for we have grave and terrible news!" Jessica adds hopefully. However, we still don't receive anything for an answer.

But that is when I stop dead in my tracks, making a dramatic pause, "Wait... We have a tennis court nearby."

Jessica looks at me, stunned, her fangirling-senses kicking in. The two of us set out for an epic run to the tennis courts, smacking people out of the way with the help of our lightsabers, yeah, lightsabers, deal with it. We even knock those over who are not in our immediate path, after all, it's and epic run/ war and there are always casualties. And of course, since this moment is so epic, we run in slow motion, as it is in any halfway good movie.

The other people just look at the two of us as we run in slow motion while they just walk on, "Why the hell are they running in slow motion while we don't?"

Yet, we do not care. They won't destroy the moment for us.

Upon arriving at the tennis court... some time later, we start hitting balls around, shouting Shakespeare quotes and tennis talk. Of course we tell all the others to kneel as we go. If they don't listen, we throw balls at them, just the way we learned it in the Fangirl-Knigge. If we do it, we do it right.

That is when Jessica has an idea, "What if I quote Shakespeare wrong? That will surely make him come running."

I nod, the idea sounds really good. At least so in my opinion.

"But when he does, protect me," Jessica adds. We all know how serious dear Tom takes Shakespeare after all.

I nod resolutely, but that is when we hear muffled cries and what sounds like pouting coming from the storage rooms around the corner. Yes, we are getting closer!

Slamming the door open in action-movie-fashion, we find Tom gagged and tied up amongst the dusty rackets, his eyes teary, and oh, all the Hurt/Comfort-feels sweep my mind.

"Um, okay, we've found Tom," Jessica declares as she undoes his gag. And we both are honestly surprised how easy that was in the end, but who cares about the plot for as long as Tom Hiddleston is in there somewhere, right?

We note that he clutches one of the tennis rackets close to his chest. He needed a little comfort, the poor thing. I suppose that this would be the moment I should feel sorry for putting him through such a rough time, but then I remember that I'm a fangirl and that I ship Loki, which means that I do whatever I want. I don't own the characters or people, but I can use them and hurt them all I want, so that I may comfort them. How much I love fandom. It gives absolution for everything.

"It's okay, Tom, I do actually know Shakespeare and we have tea and cuddles for you," Jessica assures him as she carries him out of the storage room, hugging him closely, to which Tom purrs like a cat. Since Loki is still MIA, Tom will have to do for the cat meme that was going on for a while when everyone thought Loki was a cat-person.

Jessica has to try hard not to melt while comforting the veritable Sex God nuzzling into her neck while fuckin' purring, so she mutters instead the endless mantra, "Good Tom, good boy, you're okay..."

We walk on, muttering Shakespeare, feeding him tea and cookies, as promised. Here goes the comfort part of the story. Tom continues to purr and nuzzle us both, still clutching his tennis racket as we follow the trail of pudding to the Avengers. After all, the mission is not over yet. There is still a naughty God of Mischief who made a mess of my closet... well, more than it was anyways. New York was messy, too, but Loki definitely did some destruction there also, and he had to repent for that with the chains *drools at the memory*.

We eventually find them on an empty field. I always wonder how they always find these for the battle scenes... After all, they conveniently offer the best angles on those godly bodies... enough of that, back to the plot, if it was ever there.

We find the Hulk sitting on Loki, who is coated in masses of pudding, making him about the most delicious treat who ever walked the face of Earth, or Asgard, or Jotunheim... or any other Realm or Alternative Universe.

"Puny God had to try again...," Hulk smirks cheekily, twisting around on his violet-clothed behind, earning another squeal from the God of Mischief - just like in the movies.

"Afraid so, Dr. Banner," Jessica shrugs as she steps up to kneel next to him. The Hulk gets up and walks over to the rest of the Avengers, who are eagerly digging into the pudding. If there is no Shawarma, then the pudding will have to do, supposedly. Jessica wipes smears of pudding off Loki's cheek with her finger and tastes it, "Mhm, chocolate!"

As he catches sight of the pudding-smeared God, Tom hisses like a cat, the hairs on his crane-like neck stand up. Loki's gaze fixes on him also – and hisses back. Tom, suddenly, runs forward, his Snakehips ever so elegantly shaking along, and lunges at the God of Mischief, pudding flying everywhere. What follows is an epic fight of good and evil, or of sexy and sexy.

Either way, it's a pudding-wrestling-catfight, quite literally so. Jessica and I watch, squealing something along the lines of "Oh my God, this is happening".

The two move their slender bodies over the pudding, but that is when Tom, under severe hissing, hits Loki with the racket he used for comfort before. Loki is bedazzled for a moment, but then hisses back again, wielding his spear around.

Jessica and I decide to step in, not that we don't ship this, but we are afraid that they end up hitting their faces and leaving marks on either one's face would be a crime to the world, or all Realms.

"Boys, behave! Don't make us take out our riding crops!" Jessica yells, taking on a motherly tone, though not to Frigga-ly, or else Loki will just be a crying mess again.

At her words, Tom pouts and hides behind Jessica while Loki, under more heavy hissing, runs behind me - and we both try not to melt at that. Once they have taken their stance, seeking a little comfort, and perhaps seizing a bit more power again, both cry out simultaneously, "But he's started!"

"I don't care who started it. I'm finishing it!" Jessica tells them confidently, but then goes on petting Tom's oh-so soft curls. Feeling the urge to support my friend, I agree, "Me neither! Now the two of you, act like good children and apologize to each other and hug it out."

Both of them shuffle towards each other, staring defiantly, before Loki sticks out his tongue at Tom, who immediately launches himself at Loki, "I'll give him death by inches!"

Both of us roll our eyes in unison.

"You grab Loki, I'll take Tom," Jessica says, before doing the countdown. "3, 2, 1, GO!"

We tear the two apart, even it breaks our hearts, holding on to both of them, feeling so much better as a result.

"Do we have to make the Hulk sit on the both of you, hm?" I threaten, to which both squeal, "Nooo!"

They clutch on to us and if Hel can't be like Heaven during moments such as these...

"I'll be good," Tom whines, rubbing his stubbled jaw against Jessica's cheek. Jessica melts to his touch, which proves my point that you should be careful exposing fangirls to the flame of Hiddleston. They melt too easily in his presence.

Unimpressed, I turn to Loki, narrowing my eyes at him angrily. Without meeting my gaze, Loki reluctantly hands me the still pudding-smudged Tesseract he had hidden his coat, puckering his lips.

"That fuckin' image," Jessica thinks to herself. Tom hides behind her, still, smiling smugly at the God of Mischief who mumbles, "Stupid mortals" as I wipe the Tesseract off the pudding.

Chocolate is really good, a fangirl's fuel at times, as I like to say, well, not say, think... you know what I mean, it's all in our heads, I know it! So don't you judge me!

Upon the realization that Tom is making fun of him, Loki flings one of his daggers at him, though he is not using the Sharpe side, we don't want any scars. Tom pouts as Loki turns to me, "Now he's really started!"

I cuddle Loki to offer a bit of comfort, cooing, "It's okay," while Jessica slaps Tom lightly round the head (and oh, those curls again).

"Tom, darling, behave," she whines. Well, even if we had some epic moments, this is not bringing us anywhere near the happy ending that should be there if it is a Marvel. So I take the opportunity and try to negotiate another time, "Hey, you're like brothers. C'mon, put the argument to rest."

At this comment, Loki goes completely berserk, baring his teeth, "He is not my brother!"

I roll my eyes, "Not that again..."

I know I should have thought about that before I mentioned the "brother issue", but... c'mon, you have to give me some credit. I'm standing here with Tom Hiddleston and Loki and Loki is just inches from me and I'm not dead yet. That is more than could be estimated from a fangirl my level.

I wrestle with Loki to keep him from causing mischief again. Jessica has it better with Tom at the moment as he feeds her bits of pudding off his finger. A cat-like smile :3 flashes over her face.

"Loki, behave!" she whines over her shoulder, though her attention is soon back to the deliciously tasting finger... she means to say chocolate pudding.

Not knowing what else to do – and hoping that this is something neither Frigga nor Odin have done yet (after all, they don't watch our TV shows) – I order Loki to sit on the naughty step until he calmed down.

Gladly, the naughty step simply emerges out of nothing, it's fanfiction, people! We believe in magic and unicorns, so don't judge my naughty steps.

Loki trots over to the step and flops down, probably thinking back to the moment when his brother-not-his-brother had to flip over some random table in a tantrum and they sat on those steps and... well, you know the rest. If not, get out of here and watch the film again!

I let out a sigh, turning to Tom, "Tom, did you have to do that? He goes havoc so easily."

Loki is simply a very special child from Jotunheim. Very impulsive and so sensitive, Mama's boy.

To my comment, Tom goes on pouting again, but then walks on to take his stance in front of Loki, poking his shoulder.

"Don't poke real power," Loki grows at him as he then starts poking Tom, who hisses, "Then don't tie me up again."

Though I have to admit that I can't blame Loki for that one... Tom all tied up... too tempting.

Jessica and I shake our heads in unison, "This will never end..."

"Seriously, boys, we do have riding crops and we're not afraid to use them!" Jessica curses, but that is when suddenly both Loki and Tom start smirking at us. And oh gawd, those smirks, those lips...

They are the death of us, sweet death... and I just remind myself that I should have seen that coming, because Loki collaborates with anyone for as long as he has gain from this. The word being Chitauri.

I turn to Jessica in a whisper, "I think they got behind our plan..."

I gulp.

"Keep a straight face, they can smell the smutty feels," Jessica warns me, though we both know that this will probably be futile, which is proven right as Tom and Loki approach us, slowly. And even if we are being threatened by the God of Mischief and the God of Sexy, I thank the Gods for this slow motion moment, after all, they are still dripping pudding, pudding off these Adonis-like bodies...

EPIC! I ship it!

"I'm actually surprised he didn't tell us to kneel on the naughty step... yet," I whisper to Jessica.

Both Tom and Loki cross their arms over their chests, oh those chests... and wasn't there something about chesthair-memes? Anyways...

"Make us," Loki growls in that almost husky low voice which causes ovaries in over ten-thousand miles to explode, leaving "kppffff"-sounds in the distance.

Tom pouts smugly, the sass.

Jessica gulps, "What now?"

I slowly turn around on the back of my heel, "Maybe we can ask the Hulk for...," but the Avengers have already taken off, with all the pudding. "Darn, there goes Plan B."

"Err... maybe we should... Oh fuck it, maybe we should just hit them with the crops to shut them up," Jessica mutters, a dark glistening in her eyes.

"But what if they take them away from us?" I ask in a whisper, my voice squealy from the Hiddlefeels. After all, Loki took the Tesseract before, and see what he did with it!

"Then we run... FAST," Jessica answers, but then a wicked smile spreads over her face, her eyebrows forming a "V for Vicious" :)

"But they won't take them away because their bums will be too sore."

At the sound of that, I squeal, "Did you have to mention their bums!?"

What follows could be expected – I go into full fangirl-mode, following through the triage routine: *squeal* *faint* *convulse* - SQEAFAC for short.

I can hear myself making the whale again. What if I die from this? Then there might be Only Lovers Left Alive... but I want to witness this, so, by the Gods, please, make me see this. I would die a thousand deaths, just to come back from Hel if I missed this epic moment of s(ass).

Oh-Oh.

Jessica looks at me in pure desperation as I make the whale again, "God damn it!"

Her eyes wander off to Loki and Tom who are now inches from reaching us. She quickly turns around to help me up and drag me away from the scene, by my feet if it has to be, but that is when Tom grabs her arm and Loki starts to tickle her, earning yelps and hysteric laughter from her.

At the sound of a fellow fangirl in trouble, my little damsel in distress, I come back around, groggily looking around, again. Darn it, that always happens to me when I get the Hiddlefeels-Overload. I'm truly a creature of habit...

My eyes finally regain focus and fall upon the source of the strange noises, just to see my dear Milady get tickle-assaulted. With my last powers I produce a tennis ball from my pocket (smart me took one to get it signed by Tom for later). I throw it as far away as I can (gladly, this is fanfiction, which means I actually throw it far, because I usually end up throwing it in the air so that it lands right on my head to knock me out).

"Go get it, Tom! Go get it!" I yell.

Tom immediately lets go of Jessica, his eyes solely focused on the yellow ball as he chases after it, leaving Jessica only with Loki, whom she manages to bat off. She probably muttered "Frigga" or "Odin" or "Thor" – that always serves as a good distraction. She crawls away to recover.

In the meantime, Tom returns with the tennis ball and drops it at my feet, doing the puppy eyes on me – and there I am again in Hel, but it's so heavenly in there. I pet him on the head, "Good boy. Such a good boy."

I then toss the ball at Loki. Tom runs after the ball and knocks Loki over in the process.

Haha! Loki is not the only one who can cause mischief!

"Ow, TOM!" Loki snarls before he starts chasing him under lots of hissing. Jessica gets back up and ends up catching the ball. Tom leaps on her, knocking her back down again. She lets him chew on the ball, which makes Tom purr so beautifully again that I can hear the ovaries exploding in the distance all over. Tom snuggles against her. She strokes his head affectionately, all anger forgotten. But that is when Loki jumps on top of them, squishing her and smacking Tom relentlessly.

"LOKI!" Jessica whines. I step closer to her, suddenly feeling apologetic for Loki for some reason...

"That's his way of showing affection, I guess," I offer with a shrug of my shoulders. At least that is what I took from the movies. And I won't let my POV be wavered on that one. I believe he is a bundle full of love that seeks to be loved so he can share it. Unicorns poop rainbows in the distance, I know, I know, I'm being cheesy again.

"But me and Tom were having a moment!" Jessica whines before she is overtaken by the love she feels and cuddles them both on the ground in a big puddle. "Can we keep them?"

I nod frantically – of course we can keep them – "Gawd, yes!"

Keep them in the closet, yessssss!

And that is when I feel an air of Shakespeare beneath my non-existent wings, and I go on to recite, "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon'em."

Loki – Tom – us. Shakespeare, kudos for this foresight.

Jessica looks at the two creatures of pure gorgeous sprawled all over her in fondness. And that is when it is decided. So she says with a voice full of devotion and affection, "I promise to feed and walk and cuddle them everyday!"

Tom nuzzles her neck while Loki clings to my leg with his signature smile.

I squeal uncontrollably... if anyone expected another reaction from me – reread the part on SQEAFAC.

"Best day ever!" Jessica cries out excitedly. Tom, happily, gets covered in pudding. Jessica squeals, too, as Tom kisses her cheek. She gets that cat-like smirk again :3

And that is when Shakespeare is literally forcing his way into my mind and takes over,

"From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

Jessica, overtaken by emotion and the pure Hiddle/Lokifeels, grabs both Loki and me, wrestling us to the ground and into the pudding so that we four cuddle... in the pudding... mhm... chocolate with Tom and Loki flavor.

And so we lived happily ever after... if Tom and Loki didn't start a catfight again... which would probably be... tomorrow...

Fin.

(followed by three hours of closing credits)