'You...Shall...Not...Passsssss!' yelled Gandalf dramatically. He then with even more drama brought his staff and sword together down upon the bridge of Khazad Dum.
The balrog seemed to laugh at his apparently futile attempt at big bad balrog annihilation, and stepped forward. The bridge crumbled beneath his feet, and he went tumbling to his death (...?) thousands of feet below.
Gandalf turned back to his companions with a smug smile. 'See?' he said. 'Nothing to it!'
The balrog, with split-second timing and while still in the process of falling to his untimely death, whipped out with a fiery lash and caught the Wizard's ankle. Gandalf fell, catching hold of the edge of the bridge.
'GANNNDAAALLLFFFF!' screamed someone (I won't mention any names).
Suddenly Gandalf's face lit up with inspiration.
'Fly, you fools!' he cried, and hurtled down into the deathly dark.
Once the fellowship had made it safely out of the mines, an important discussion began. And no, it was not about whether the balrog had wings or not.
'He clearly meant that he wanted us to get out of there as fast as possible,' said Aragorn.
'No he didn't,' objected the opposition, namely Boromir. 'He meant it in a more literal sense.'
'Well we can't exactly sprout wings,' said Gimli sarcastically.
'Don't be silly,' said Boromir. 'He meant that we are supposed to summon the eagles and have them carry us to Mordor.'
There was a short silence.
'Well, why didn't he say so before?' asked Merry, exasperated.
'Probably he had only thought of it just then,' said Frodo.
'Yes,' agreed Boromir. 'You may have observed that he had quite a look of enlightenment on his features at that particular moment.'
'Well what are we waiting for?' asked Sam. 'Are we going to summon the eagles or not?'
'Let the ring-bearer decide,' said Aragorn at last.
'We shall fly, by all means,' said Frodo decisively. 'This Ring is heavy, you know?'
'So how exactly do we summon them?' asked Pippin. Merry thunked him on the head.
'Stupid,' he said, 'we just find a butterfly.'
The interesting process of summoning eagles was soon accomplished. I will not go into detail on this procedure because you've seen it before. Besides, it's boring.
'The eagles are coming,' said Legolas, at last finding something obvious to say.
The fellowship gratefully mounted their transportation and took off towards Mount Doom. Boromir looked smug.
'At this rate we'll be there in no time,' he said, leaning back with his hands behind his head. 'Ahh, this is the way I like my adventures!'
They were nearing the volcano. Suddenly the eagle chief dude spoke up for the first time.
'You think you can get past Lord Sauron this way?' Here he laughed a very disturbing, maniacal laugh. 'You should be careful who you trust.' He jerked to the side, causing his passengers to fall shrieking towards a lava-y grave below.
'Thanks a lot, Boromir!' yelled Pippin.