Author's Note: The 365 Project is an experimental multi-fandom project to write and post at least one short every day for the next year, not including my semi-regular bi-weekly updates. For more details, see the relevent section in my profile. This is The 365 Project, 19 June.

In the immortal words of Samuel L. Clemens... "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR."

Disclaimer: Harry Potter... J.K. Rowling... thank God she finally came to her senses... Yeah, all of that.

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"An Ancient Method of Torturing Males"
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

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Hot needles under the fingernails, boiling oil being poured on unprotected flesh, literal salt rubbed into wounds, prolonged exposure to whiney teeny-bopper pop music; these were all things that he'd rather be going through at the moment than the torture he was now experiencing. No fully-sane red-blooded male could ever consider going clothes shopping with their best female friend as anything other than torture, especially in this situation.

After all, what kind of a 'best friend' drags a guy into the foundation department? And then treated it like some kind of fashion show? Evil, that's what kind, he'd decided, especially with that fact that she'd just picked up something that definitely wasn't designed for modesty and concealment...

"What do you think of this set?" She asked, holding the underwear up to her body.

"They're a two," he mumbled as something began to bend inside of him...

"A two?"

"Yeah," he finally answered with complete honesty as that thing inside him snapped completely - causing him to pin her in place with green eyes that now smouldered, "Two seconds before I ripped them off and had my way with you."

"What did you just say?"

"If I saw you in that, as soon as my brain rebooted I'd be doing my best to get you out of it," he elaborated, eyes lingering on parts of her body they had distinctly avoided before, causing her to grow warm.

Slowly, deliberately, she made a show of carefully putting the underwear set in the shopping cart as he watched her. The 'Smartest Witch of Her Generation' then turned her brown eyes on the 'Boy-Who-Lived' and said one word, a simple question...

"Promise?"