Dirk woke up hot. He usually ran cold, but as he blinked away the last remnants of sleep, he became increasingly aware of the stifling heat enveloping his side. He almost pulled away, but when he finally processed what he was looking at he froze. Jake. His boyfriend. His boyfriend, oh Jegus. Jake was lying on his side, face pressed into the pillow, mouth open and drooling like an idiot. One of his legs was intertwined with Dirk's and his chest was pressed up against Dirk's arm. He was radiating heat like a furnace, shifting even closer as Dirk watched him breathlessly. His pajama shirt was riding up his stomach, revealing the taut, tanned skin underneath. So maybe Dirk was hot in more ways than one.

Dirk didn't dare move. He wanted to stay like this forever. He could feel Jake's gentle breathing against his side. He watched his full lips open slightly with each breath and remembered the soft kisses of the night before. Jake was fucking adorable. It was bordering on becoming a problem. When they were alone together, all of Dirk's calculated cool-guy façade melted away. He couldn't stop his cheeks from flushing, words he didn't plan on saying tumbled out, his signature deadpan was almost impossible to maintain. He felt like a kid again, his emotions became messy and unpredictable. He needed to work on that.

Dirk could feel himself start to sweat as his blanket trapped the heat of Jake's leg against his own. He also needed a shower. He peeled himself away from Jake slowly, picking up Jake's arm and placing it back in its original position gingerly. Jake's eyes fluttered as if he was about to wake up, but he only sighed and rolled onto his other side. Dirk's breath hitched. Fuck, he was obsessed with this kid. He wanted to lie back down, curl around him, and never let him go. Deep breaths. Stop being weird.

Dirk grabbed his shades and a change of clothes before making his way out into the hall. He glanced around the apartment. It was pretty clean, considering. John was still sprawled over the couch, snoring. Dave was nowhere to be seen, so he was probably still asleep. Good.

He went into the bathroom, put his shades down on the counter, and pressed a small button on the corner that activated a flashing projector. Hal organized his pesterlogs and projected them up on the wall. Dirk scanned them as he brushed his teeth.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: yoyoyo

TG: stridizzle

TG: mah nizzle

TG: foshizzle

TG: thx for hosting the party

TG: ur as rad as ever

TG: i gave Jakey a mssge fr ya

TG: i could just tell ya but this is mor fun xD

TG: now u can be all like

TG: "yoo hot stuff i hear u gotta msage fr me"

TG: and he'll be all demure n shit an be like "idk wut ur talkin bout"

TG: n then you can like interrdogoeate

TG: inflerrogate

TG: inflarrogash

TG: u no wut im tryna say

TG: do it

TG: rose is bein all lame

TG: "rox ur 2 drunk to be texting"

TG: "ru not lookin where ur goin"

TG: "roxee u almost got hit by a car ur mental facsililties r too impaired for dis"

TG: shes so cute

TG: xxxxxx das my sis

TG: but imma go cuz shes got her mean face on

TG: ask jake about da messge!

TG: and then tlak to janey

TG: xoxo gossip girl

TG: lol jk that shows for losers

TG: LIKE U

TG: BURSFNNNN *self 5*

TG: adios brochacho

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

That sounded like trouble. But Rose was a smart girl, and Dirk was sure Roxy got home alright. Whatever "message" she was talking about could wait until after his shower.

He only skimmed the next few messages. One was from Equius apologizing about the table again. Another was from Dave, just rambling some new raps mixed with pictures from his comic. There were a few from people thanking him for having them yesterday.

As he finished up at the sink and moved to shut off the projection, a new conversation jumped to the top of his feed. It was a familiar dark grey, making Dirk grimace in distaste. This asshole.

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

uu: HELLO DIRK

uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME

TT: Fuck off

uu: HAA HAA DIRK, SO QUICK TO ANGER

uu: I AM A MASTER MANIPuLATOR OF YOuR FEELINGS

uu: WHAT I KNOW, AND YOU DO NOT

uu: IS THAT "FuCK OFF" IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED YOu TO SAY

uu: HAA HAA HAA

TT: Wow. Truly, your skills are dizzying

TT: I'm surprised my feeble human mind can even understand your astronomical levels of douchebaggery

uu: I HAVE A FEELING THAT IS YOu PRACTICING AGGRIVATING STRIDER SARCASM

uu: IS THAT WHAT IS HAPPENING?

TT: I don't know, man

TT: You're the master here

uu: YES. YES YOu ARE RIGHT

uu: OF COURSE YOu WERE BEING SARCASTIC

uu: I KNEW THAT ALL ALONG

uu: YOu ARE NO MATCH FOR ME

uu: AND YOu NEVER WILL BE

TT: Well, now that's settled I'm going to go

TT: Great chat, as always

uu: WAIT!

uu: YOu SIDETRACKED ME FROM MY ORIGINAL PURPOSE IN JEERING YOU

TT: Ugh why do you even use that lame messaging program

TT: Get a pesterchum, this isn't the 90's

uu: IT IS VERY uP TO DATE THANK YOu VERY MuCH

uu: JuST ANOTHER AWESOME THING YOuR FEEBLE MIND CANNOT COMPREHEND

uu: ANYWAY

uu: I WANT YOU TO GAZE uPON THIS IMAGE

uu: myart1 .jpeg

TT: Wow, that's pretty shitty

uu: LIAR!

uu: WHY WOuLD YOu EVEN LIE ABOuT SOMETHING LIKE THAT

uu: YOu RuDE PERSON

TT: Usually I have a taste for shitty art, as it is one of the highest rungs on the noble ladder to reach ironic enlightenment

TT: But that's just bad

uu: YOu ARE LYING, THAT PIECE WAS ONE OF MY BEST

uu: TRY THIS ONE

uu: myart2 .jpeg

TT: Wow

uu: YOu LIKE IT?

TT: No, I'm honestly shocked you can make art even shittier than that first one

TT: What a feat

TT: I didn't think it was possible

uu: uGH!

TT: Did you use some sort of online Etch-a-sketch?

TT: How did you even create such shit

uu: YOu ARE A DuMB PERSON, DIRK

TT: Truly, I am hurt

uu: YOu ARE DUMB, JuST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

uu: JuST LIKE MY DuMB SISTER

TT: How is she doing?

uu: SHE IS WEAK, AND SOON TO BE DEAD

uu: AND ON THAT DAY I WILL REJOICE

uu: FOR THE WORLD IS BETTER OFF WITHOuT HER

TT: You are one sick fuck

uu: HAA HAA I HAVE RILED YOu uP

uu: I CAN SEE THAT, NOW

uu: I HAVE BROKEN YOuR COOL EXTERIOR

uu: AND BEGuN TO CRuSH THE SOFT INSIDES BENEATH

TT: calibornsuckingmydick .jpeg

uu: uGH!

uu: GET THAT DISGuSTING TRASH OuT OF MY SIGHT

uu: THAT IS HORRIBLE

TT: I've taken the liberty of setting it as your background and icon on all accounts on your phone and computer

TT: You'll find that it's impossible to remove or change

TT: Fuck you

uu: YOu WILL PAY FOR THIS

uu: SOONER THEN YOu THINK

TT: Fucking try me

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

Caliborn. What a shit human. Dirk messed around with a few settings to make sure his threat was carried out. He watched Hal expand on his plan, hacking into Caliborn's computer and threading the picture into every file. He smirked. Rest in fucking pieces, asshole.

As satisfying as that had been, he'd wasted a little too much time talking to Caliborn. He showered quickly, accelerating his usual routine and changing into a t-shirt and jeans. He styled his hair with a few different products, twisting at the ends lightly to achieve his signature seemingly effortless style. He grabbed his shades but didn't put them on, walking back to his bedroom.

Jake was still blissfully asleep, spreading all four limbs to take up the whole bed in Dirk's absence. He had kicked off the comforter, mouth still hanging open. Dirk grinned. He set his shades down on the bedside table, sliding back into the spot he had vacated. Jake stirred as the bed compressed under Dirk's weight, rolling over towards him. Dirk pulled him close, leaving a hand on Jake's hip and placing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

A few moments passed before he heard Jake's voice, groggy and quiet, "Dirk?"

His heart jumped, "Yeah?"

Jake blinked a few times, craning his head to look up at Dirk. His eyes were unfocused but he smiled when he saw Dirk's face. He moved back slightly so he could see better, but he put a hand on Dirk's arm to keep it where it was. "Hi."

"Hey." They stared at each other for a few moments, grinning like idiots.

Then Jake's brows furrowed and he squinted almost accusingly, "You smell clean." He burrowed his face into Dirk's clean t-shirt. "And I liked what you were wearing before."

Dirk flushed, "I took a shower."

"Then why are you back in bed, you weirdo." Jake noticed Dirk's jeans and shook his head.

"I wanted to be here when you woke up." Dirk pulled jokingly at Jake's hip, pressing them closer.

"Oh." Dirk could see heat rising to Jake's cheeks too. He loved causing that. "I've got a message for you from Roxy." Jake changed topics clumsily.

Dirk pretended this was a surprise. "Oh?"

"She said you guys need to have an Alpha Kids meeting. Whatever that means."

"It's just a dumb name she came up with when we were kids." Dirk started to trace circles on Jake's back with his finger, talking absentmindedly. "Now that I think about it, you're an Alpha Kid too."

"What?" Jake tried not to let his voice go up an octave as he arched his back at the ticklish sensation.

"She considered us the 'first generation' or 'alpha' siblings. She would call meetings when she wanted to hang out without Rose and Dave." Dirk grinned, "It was petty, but it caught on. They started calling themselves the Betas to retaliate."

Jake smiled at the thought of kid Roxy and Dirk, having secret meetings in a tree house or something.

"When we met the Egberts and the Crockers she decided the rule applied to cousins too. Jane is one of us and John is one of them. You and Jade also fit the pattern." Dirk stopped tracing patterns to look down at Jake, who looked surprised.

"So do I get to come to this meeting?"

"I would have brought you anyway." Dirk couldn't resist Jake's eager face, planting a quick kiss on his nose.

"But it's more official this way!" Jake's excitement was growing, teeth showing from behind a wide smile.

"Don't get too excited. We're probably just going to go out to eat or something."

"How exclusive." Jake hummed, thinking. "What do I wear to a secret meeting?"

"Nothing." Dirk pounced on him suddenly, fingers dancing under Jake's shirt, tickling him until he was laughing loudly and kicking his legs in protest.

"You wish!" Jake choked out, trying to gain the upper hand but falling back as his stomach ached with giggles. It took him a minute but he finally restrained himself enough to throw his weight upwards, switching places with Dirk quickly so that he was on top. He straddled Dirk's waist and held his arms down onto the bed. "That's enough of that, mate."

He pressed a cheeky kiss to Dirk's lips, smiling. "That's Jake 2, Dirk 0"

Dirk hooked Jake's leg with a single fluid movement, throwing him off balance and pushing him to the side. They rolled to the other side of the bed, and he took advantage of the situation to regain his initial position easily. He held Jake down and pressed his lips lightly to his neck, feather light, breathing hotly on the area right under his jaw. Jake squirmed under his hold but stopped struggling as Dirk bit his ear. Jake's eyes fluttered closed.

"I'd say we're at 1-1." Dirk whispered, feeling the shiver run down Jake's spine.

"Dirk." Jake breathed heavily, looking up and meeting his eyes. They darkened as the mood shifted from playful to something else.

"DIRK!" The moment between them shattered as Dave's voice called out, muffled by the door. Dirk exhaled, annoyed. That little shit. He sat up as Jake blushed a furious shade of red.

"WHAT?" he called over his shoulder, tone clearly irritated.

"Oh! Never mind!" Dave called. Dirk rolled his eyes. He should have made him and John go home with Jane.

Jake wriggled up the bed until he was sitting up, reaching for his glasses. Dirk grabbed them and put them in his searching hands.

"Oh! Thanks." He settled them onto his face, looking up at Dirk more clearly. "Can I use your shower? Then I probably have to go. I promised Jade I'd hang out with her and Bec today."

"Of course." Dirk's voice was still a little gruff, leftover annoyance from Dave's interruption.

Jake crawled out of bed, grabbing his stuff off of the ground. "You'll pester me about that dinner, then?"

"Yeah." Dirk watched Jake's ass as he bent down to pick up his things. It made him feel a lot better.

"I'll see you then." Jake had an armful of clothes but he smiled widely, glasses askew and hair wild. Dirk couldn't resist the urge to stand up and kiss him, weaving his fingers through Jake's messy brown hair.

When he pulled away, Jake was panting a little, face bright red again. He looked shocked, like he didn't know what to do. "Right. I'll take that as a yes." He turned slowly to walk out the door, glancing behind him only once. Dirk sat back down on the bed. He tried to focus his mind. It tended to get a little foggier whenever Jake was around.

He needed to talk to Jane about whatever Roxy was up to. He somehow didn't have a good feeling about it. The end of Caliborn's message stuck out in his mind. "SOONER THEN YOu THINK." Caliborn wasn't smart enough to deceive him on purpose. That meant something. He would find out soon enough.

Thanks for reading! xx