AN: God, I can't even remember when I wrote this. Had to have been at least two months ago, but I finally finished typing it up today! I just have a weakness for dumb, pointless DaveKat sex I guess, because I have another fic (haha, DaveKat smut, what else would it be?) to type up too. This was all written in school (such a badass :P), so that's probably why it's so long. Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck, it belongs to Andrew Hussie! Cover art belongs to blimpcat!

"Hey Karkat," Dave greets the troll. It's fairly early in the morning, and neither of them are early risers, but it's more evident in Karkat. He's sitting at the table in the kitchen on the meteor, head laid in his arms. He barely grunts in return. He's just waiting for the coffee to brew.

"Someone's tired. Stay up all night making love to your hand? Don't think I didn't hear that," Dave teases Karkat, who just buries his face deeper into the sleeves of his sweater.

"Shut up," he mumbles. He couldn't help it that their respiteblocks were in such close quarters.

"You aren't exactly the quietest either."

"At least I don't do it when people are trying to sleep."

That shuts Karkat up. The smell of coffee is getting stronger. Dave busies himself with a bowl of cereal and a glass of AJ, but he'll probably have coffee too.

"You know, if you're that desperate, you could just come to me. Striders are basically sex gods and I'm willing to help a bro in need," Dave suggests, accompanied with a lewd facial expression.

Karkat shifts in his chair and sighs, staring at Dave with a dirty "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit" look. The bags under his eyes are much more prominent than usual, and this concerns the Strider. Karkat is his best bro after, John aside, and he worries for the troll's well being.

"Yo, seriously. Is something wrong?" The human asks. Karkat doesn't reply right away, instead standing to retrieve the freshly brewed shitty coffee. He wasn't about to tell Dave that he'd been having explicit dreams about the other, and was avoiding sleep to preserve his dignity. So he lied,

"No. I'm fine."

"Says the walking dead. What's up?" Dave presses.

Karkat growls, taking a sip of the scalding coffee. The heat doesn't seem to bother him.

"I told you, it's nothing. I just can't sleep at night, I'm nocturnal," Karkat uses as his excuse. It usually works. Not this time.

"You and I both know damned well that you've already adjusted to the new sleep schedule. We all have. Are you having nightmares? I mean, I'm sure we could find some way to alchemize the super slime or whatever the fuck it is. Or something like it, I dunno."

"No, it's not th-" Karkat began to deny it, but then just decided to go along with it instead. "Yeah, I guess you could say it's something like that."

There. He wasn't lying completely.

"I'll get on Rose's case about it then, We'll get you that slime shit n' put it in a 'coon and you'll stop looking like a zombie."

"Yay," Karkat replies sarcastically. The thought of sleeping in sopor again sounded nice, but Karkat knows it won't actually help with the dreams-about-Strider situation.

"Well don't you want the slime?" Dave asks, quickly catching onto the sarcasm in Karkat's voice.

"Well...yeah," Karkat's reply is barely more than a mumble.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing. Just don't lose sleep over this. It's not a big deal, it's not like I get nightmares every night."

"With the way you're looking? Doubtful. It's an issue that needs to be fixed," Dave says through a mouth full of cereal, making gestures with his spoon. Karkat sits back down at the table, having put sugar and cream into his coffee already. He sort of sighs, and his mug hits the table with a little more force than necessary.

"What if I'm perfectly fine like this? It's not like it's anything new."

"It isn't healthy!" Dave argues. "How you're waving this off like it's nothing I have no fucking idea, but you can't do this forever."

"But it is nothing! It's not a big deal, Dave!"

Dave shakes his head, standing with his now empty dishes. He rinses them in the sink and then turns back to Karkat, flicking the water on his hands at the troll.

"It's a big deal to me, Karkat. I don't need to see my best friend die from lack of sleep. I'm fucking done with death."

Karkat's face burns with shame. He's getting Dave all hyped up over nothing. He wonders if it's too late to tell Dave the truth. He'd really rather not, but he doesn't want Dave to worry about shit that has long stopped bothering him. Sure, he still has terrible nightmares, but he's used to them now. Besides, dreambubbles are a more common occurrence than the nightmares anyways.

"Listen, you really don't need to get worked up over this. They aren't even nightmares. Just dumb unrealistic dreams that I'm trying to avoid. That's literally it," Karkat finally tells Dave with a sigh. The red of shame on his face has become red with embarrassment, but Dave can't tell the difference.

"Dumb and unrealistic?"

"Yeah."

"How so?"

Karkat deadpans. Dave will never let him live this down if he tells him, but it's too late to back out.

"They're...about us," Karkat replies slowly.

Dave doesn't get it at first. "And?"

Karkat shakes his head, his face growing even hotter. Dave's face contorts between several different emotions and expressions as he understands.

"Oh. OH..."

"Y-yeah..." Karkat mumbles.

Dave doesn't say anything, instead letting silence lie between them as he pours himself a cup of coffee. Black, he'll have it black today. He sits back down at the table, watching Karkat with calculating eyes behind his shades. Karkat refuses to look at Dave.

"Look man, it's no big deal. Not like you can help it, right?" I mean I'll put my Lalonde side into this. It's probably the result of some dumb sexual frustration, and I'm the only one left on the meteor besides the Mayor and yourself who isn't mindlessly fucking someone else," the human finally offers in an effort to make Karkat feel better. Because shit, this is embarrassing, it must have taken everything in him for Karkat to be able to admit that.

"It's only natural for you to dream of me, yeah? Besides, I'm good looking. Everyone dreams of me," Dave chuckles.

Karkat sighs, giving Dave a small, tired smile. "Yeah, yeah. I guess so."

Each male drinks from their respective mugs in silence, but Dave's thoughts are racing.

Karkat is having erotic dreams about Dave, so explicit that they're keeping the troll from sleeping properly.

"What's the worst of these dreams?" Dave blurts before he's actually aware of talking. Damn his curiosity.

Karkat looks bewildered. "Worst?"

"Well by worst, I mean best."

"You don't want to know," Karkat tells Dave, a wary look in his eyes.

"Tell me anyways. If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't be asking.

Karkat looks down into his coffee, no longer hot, but lukewarm. "Well," he begins, tapping his fingers on the table. He has a lot to choose from. He doesn't choose "the best", only the most clear.

"We were watching movies in my respiteblock, right? Yeah, but then it kind of twisted. Our hands touched in the popcorn bowl and suddenly we were each fighting for it and it spilled everywhere, so we had a food fight. Rather, you threw the food at me first so I lunged at you. Anyways, that ended with me straddling you, and I took your shades off and then you grabbed me by the horns kind of..."

Karkat pauses, shivering. "Harshly. Anyways. Then we were kissing."

Karkat pauses again, this time to take a breath. "It got more heated from there, sloppy makeouts and all, and fuck, we were grinding all up on each other. Our shirts came off first, and you carried me to the dumb human bed you alchemized for me. My legs were wrapped around your waist. Classy."

Remembering all of this was not putting Karkat in a good situation, but he did his best to retain his composure anyways.

"So anyways, we were kissing and the rest of the clothes came off, because that's what happens when people pail. You decided to tie my hands to the headboard with your cape, and then you sucked my bulge and nook and stuff, damn Dave you were one thirsty ass mother fucker, and you ended up touching my horns a lot. Yeah, and then we had sex. The fucking end," Karkat finally finishes rambling.

He had no idea how his description was affecting Dave, and Dave would rather keep it that way.

"Damn," the Strider comments with a smirk. "Sounds hot."

Karkat simply blushes, rolling his eyes. "Obviously."

"So you're into it?" Dave questions, raising an eyebrow.

"My sub-conscience is. The idea of it is nice," Karkat replies quietly.

Dave nods in agreement, taking another sip of coffee. Once he's swallowed, he asks,

"Wanna know a fun fact?"

"Sure."

"Now that we don't have dreamselves, whenever we aren't in a dreambubble, most of whatever we dream is actually something that's happening or has happened in another timeline."

Karkat raises his eyebrows in surprise, mildly astonished. "So you're saying that you and I are fucking in another timeline?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"So you would actually do all that stuff?"

"Hell yeah," Dave replies. He has to exaggerate his bravado a bit, because admitting that actually makes his heart race. "That and more. That really sounds like it's only the beginning of it."

Karkat blushes, admitting, "Yeah, there's definitely more where that came from..."

Dave smirks. "Care to enlighten me?" He is genuinely curious.

Karkat quickly shakes his head. "Not really. Have you ever had those dreams?"

"I have all kinds of dreams. Death, sex, murder, lame random dreams with nothing eventful. I get more of a variety since my aspect is Time. Don't even get me started on all the weird relationships I've seen."

"Give me an example," Karkat demands.

"You and Equius. Me and Vriska. John and Tavros."

Karkat shudders. "I prefer you and I."

"Funnily enough, I do too."

Karkat brushes off the fact that they're basically admitting flushed feelings towards each other, instead asking, "Why are our alternate selves having sex so often? Seriously these dreams are non-stop."

"Why aren't we?" Dave counters, quirking an eyebrow over his shades.

In a split second, Karkat stands, grabbing Dave by the collar of his shirt and pulling him forward into a sloppy kiss. It wasn't well thought out, their noses bumping together awkwardly and knocking Dave's shades askew, but neither boy minded.

Dave tilts his head to fix the angle, kissing Karkat back. His hand moves to fix his shades, but he ends up just taking them off altogether, and setting them on the table. It wasn't as if the troll had never seen his eyes before anyways.

Karkat releases Dave's shirt, threading his fingers through the human's pale blond locks instead. Dave's hands find themselves moving to Karkat's ass, pulling the troll forward into the Strider's lap. Karkat lets out a small yelp as he is re-positioned, and Dave only chuckles.

"Mmm, I like this position, Karkat," Dave mumbles.

Karkat growls at the comment, but it's only half-hearted, muffled by the other male's mouth on his anyways.

Dave begins testing the waters, coaxing Karkat's mouth open with his tongue. He doesn't exactly expect the so-called "fight for dominance" he receives, but wins nonetheless. With a soft groan, Karkat allows Dave's tongue to mingle with his own, his hips rocking ever so slightly against Dave's instinctively. This pulls an audible gasp out of Dave, and Karkat appreciates the fact that the human doesn't try to hid it at all. He thinks it's better that way, when they can both let go.

Dave moves his hands to Karkat's horns, rubbing the bases of the horns as he knows they're sensitive from accidental experience. That's a story for another time. This draws a light purr out of the troll, and Karkat has to break their kiss to catch his breath, only to move to Dave's neck, biting the sensitive skin there lightly. Dave moans in appreciation, tilting his head to give Karkat more room to work with.

Karkat grinds down harder as he marks Dave's neck, moaning into the human's skin as his bulge unsheathes. He can feel Dave's own hard arousal beneath him, and he's sure Dave can feel the way his bulge writhes because of the way Dave's moans increase in volume.

Dave moves his hands from the troll's horns to the hem of his shirt, pulling upwards. Karkat parts from Dave reluctantly, raising his arms to allow the shirt to come off. Karkat manages to return the favor, latching his lips to Dave's collarbone and making the boy beneath him squirm with pleasure as their bodies move together.

Karkat continuously moves lower on Dave's chest, having to move off of the human's lap, kneeling on the floor in front of him instead. Dave bites his lip as he feels a surge in his groin.

"You look good down there," he mumbles to Karkat, who looks up at Dave with red, lust filled eyes. The Strider buries a hand in Karkat's hair, rubbing as Karkat mouths around the straining erection in Dave's God Tier pants. letting out a soft groan, Dave goes back to stroking the base of Karkat's horn as the troll dips his fingers beneath elastic, pulling the fabric down a few inches.

Dave takes the hint, lifting his hips as Karkat slides the pants down along with the other male's boxers, revealing Dave's cock, flushed with precum beading at the head. It was exactly as Karkat's dreams had predicted it to be, so Karkat still had a pretty good idea of what to do next.

Dave tilts his head back, letting out a groan of as Karkat first dips his tongue into the slit of Dave's cock, licking up the precum, then taking the head into his mouth and sucking lightly. It was more of a tease than anything, but god was Dave relishing the feeling of it. His fingers dug more firmly into Karkat's horn, causing the troll to let out a moan that sent vibrations throughout Dave's dick.

Karkat continues licking and sucking Dave off, taking more of him in until he gags. He pulls off, catching his breath as he plants kisses along Dave's shaft as Dave encourages him, praising him with mumbled words and stroking his horn. From the look on Dave's face and the praise, Karkat knew he was a fucking boss at human blowjobs. Sure, the mildly salty, musky taste wasn't the greatest, but it was Dave, and seeing the reactions he got, Karkat believed it was totally worth it.

"Nnng, god Karkat fuck yes, so good," Dave moans as Karkat manages to take the entire length of his cock, ignoring his gag reflex. As soon as he swallows around Dave, the human releases a string of incoherent curses, turning his flushed face away. Karkat finds that he likes Dave when he's loud like this, completely stripped of his cool and opening up with an abundance of pleasure instead.

Dave finds that he's barely able to keep from thrusting, instead gently rocking his hips as Karkat continues assaulting his cock with his tongue, sucking firmly at this point. Dave feels himself fast approaching the "point of no return", and blurts out a warning to the troll.

"Oh god, Karkat... I'm close."

That's when Karkat pulls off, ignoring Dave's dismayed protests. He didn't want to end this quite yet, not with his own need wriggling almost violently in his pants, demanding attention.

"Dave," Karkat mutters, moving upwards again and kissing Dave's neck, straddling him once again.

"Hmm?" Dave asks, his hands casually undoing Karkat's pants, having gained the mind to do so along with partially regaining his composure.

Karkat pushes against his hand, chocking on a small intake of breath. He can't concentrate when Dave pulls the remaining clothing off of the troll, grasping his bulge with his hand.

The troll's head hangs low, burying into Dave's shoulder, only moving as he kisses up his fellow knight's neck and nibbles on his ear lobe. He takes a moment to breathe before gasping out as Dave grips him, barely whispering,

"I want to fuck you.."

Dave's breath hitches as he hears those words, and his back arches as he rolls his hips, rutting his cock against Karkat's thigh.

He moans out a soft, "Oh god..." which Karkat takes as encouragement.

Karkat threads his fingers into Dave's hair, tugging him into a kiss and shoving his tongue past the other's lips. There's no fight this time, Dave gives in easily. He's practically putty beneath Karkat, too lost in the feeling of Karkat, the prospect of what was yet to come.

Karkat further asserts his dominance over the human by grasping Dave by the hair, pulling him off of the chair and pressing him against the table. Dave slides items out of the way in a sloppy manner and sits on the edge. Karkat nuzzles Dave's thigh and pulls the chair closer to the table, sitting in it so that his face is aligned with Dave's crotch. He looks up at the human, his voice husky as he speaks.

"I am 99% positive that you have lube somewhere in your sylladex."

He's right, and Dave can't scramble fast enough to get it out. Karkat takes it, popping the cap off and pouring it out onto his fingers.

"You'd better be clean down here," he grumbles.

"Gimme some credit. I'm a douchebag, not a barbarian," Dave quips. Karkat shrugs, tracing the entrance to Ass de Strider with his cool fingertips, and the human almost flinches back. Almost.

Karkat has never been the most patient of trolls, so his movements are slightly more rushed than they should be as he slides his first finger in, and then the second. Dave actually grits his teeth, a hiss escaping him. Karkat doesn't pay him much mind, but does ease the mild pain by kissing along Dave's shaft, bringing back an edge of pleasure. His free hand cups Dave's "shame gloves", kneading them gently in his hand as he adds a third finger.

He tests the waters, thrusting once, then a few times more before he decides hat the human is prepared enough. Dave doesn't really agree, but he's reassured by the fact that Karkat's bulge is soft, malleable, and self lubricating, and will definitely be much easier and gradual on his ass than any human dick.

"I can't believe we're doing this in the nutrition block of all places," Karkat grumbles as he stands, always needing to have something to complain about. Dave is about to snark back, but Karkat pushes forward against Dave, engaging him in a heated passionate kiss. His bulge moves of it's own accord, sliding against Dave's ass until it finds the entrance.

The tip presses in quickly, then slowly pulses along. It catches Dave in mild surprise, the human arching his back as Karkat groans into his mouth. It's all Karkat can do not to push his bulge in further, but he knows Dave will be able to handle a gradual stretch to the base. Despite popular believe, he really doesn't want to hurt the human.

Dave leans back on his elbows, watching Karkat's expression as his bulge wriggles in further. Karkat's eyes are lidded, and he bites down on his lip to silence moans that are no longer stifled by Dave's mouth. Dave doesn't bother trying to be quiet. If someone hears, let them. It was bound to happen anyways, Dave and Karkat were the only two humanoids left on the meteor who weren't fucking someone else. Though that was changing now.

Once Karkat is all the way in, he stays still. Dave wonders why Karkat isn't fucking him already, but his thought disintegrates when- hOLY SHIT WHAT IS KARKAT'S BULGE EVEN DOING?! Dave gasps out, because holy shit Karkat's bulge is literally pulsing inside him. They're slow, wave-like motions much like a worm, slowly pulsing becoming shorter and longer and stretching Dave out in every way imaginable. But holy fuck does it feel good, for the both of them. Sure, it's nothing like Dave imagined, but it's also probably better than he imagined. It's better than he ever even dreamed, his dreams never prepared him for this feeling.

Dave's hangs his head back, and he softly gasps in pleasure as Karkat's bulge moves. Karkat on the other hand, is gripping Dave's thighs so hard that he'd probably puncture the skin if he were to press any harder. This is nothing like he's ever experienced, nothing like any of his dreams. No fuck, this was one million times better, this was the real thing.

Karkat presses closer, moving his hands to the table and leaning forward in an effort to get closer to Dave. He bites his lip again, stretching his bulge in a less patterned method. Incidentally, this is how Karkat manages to hit Dave's prostate, causing the human to let out a particularly long and loud moan, his back arching farther off the table. Dave struggles to catch his breath, his words barely heard in between gasps.

"Shit Karkat, fuck right there don't stop oh god."

Karkat complies, relentlessly pressing against the organ with his bulge. Dave is blinded by pleasure, incoherently moaning, mostly Karkat's name, and squirming around.

Karkat also doesn't fail to notice the way Dave clenches tightly around him whenever his prostate is hit, and it feels like fucking Heaven to him. Well not fucking Heaven, but- ... Actually, probably fucking Heaven too.

Dave can't be expected to last long, not in this state, and it's only a matter of time before he's choking out a warning. Karkat hushes him with his lips, biting gently into the flesh and releasing several moans of his own. The pitch of his moans increases as Karkat also closes in on his climax, his legs beginning to shake.

Dave is a screamer, that much is clear as he comes, Karkat's name flooding out of his mouth, chanted over and over like a prayer. Karkat follows closely behind him, but he has enough mind to pull out of Dave before coming, red genetic material making a mess on the tabletop and floor beneath him.

Dave is panting when he comes to his sense, and Karkat is still in a bit of a daze, his hands still, resting on the table to hold him up.

Karkat smiles lazily, patting Dave's face with his hand and mumbling,

"You make a pretty good bottom bitch, Strider."

Dave's face and ears go red in embarrassment, quickly replying, "I'm telling you, I'm much better on top."

"Sure you are."

Dave is quick to change the topic, instead commenting on the seemingly vast amount of translucent red liquid coating the floor.

"You think you've got enough jizz there, Vantas?"

"Well someone didn't think to grab a bucket to contain it. I could've been an ass and let it all inside you.

Dave makes a face at this, mostly to hide the fact that he kind of likes the thought of that, but Karkat knows he has won this round.

"Whatever man. Regardless, it's gross and needs to be cleaned up. 'm pretty sure no one is going to want to step foot in this place ever again if they figure out what went down in here."

"Cleaning won't do it. We need bleach."

Dave sighs as he redresses, cleaning his own cum off of himself with a tissue from his sylladex, which he promptly deposits in the trash can nearby.

"I'll alchemize some bleach, you just gotta start cleanin' this shit up and make sure no one comes in here."

Dave snickers to himself, muttering under his breath, "Haha, comes in here." It's just like him to laugh at his own joke.

Karkat hits him upside the head before pushing him out the door.

"Just go get the bleach, you heinous pan-fucked douchecanoe."

"My pan isn't the only thing that's fucked..." Dave mumbles, smirking.

Karkat hits him again, and Dave laughs it off.

"Alright, alright babe, I'm going," Dave chuckles, darting away before Karkat can hit him again. Gotta save all the hitting for next time. Karkat would probably enjoy that, that kinky fuck. ;)