A Couple Of Christmas Conundrums: Part Two

A hint was to Esk what a mosquito bite was to the average rhino because she was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

Terry Pratchett – Equal Rites

Remus Lupin Apparated into the field beside The Burrow. He had lunched with Alastor Moody in a grimy café in South London, several blocks from the Ministry, where they could converse quietly about Order business without fear of listening Death Eaters, and where the clientele were varied – and odd – enough for neither of them to stand out as long as they wore Muggle clothes. In fact, a slightly mad-looking veteran of some Muggle war or other in the Middle East had mistaken Alastor for a fellow-soldier, assuming he had lost his leg to an IED, whatever that was. Now he was going to spend the evening with Arthur and Molly and the kids, which would certainly be more enjoyable than the alternative of spending Christmas Eve alone. Assuming Molly hadn't invited Nymphadora, at least. Remus was certain that Molly was trying to get them together, and he knew that simply couldn't work. She liked him, and he certainly liked her, but his lycanthropy made him a dangerous associate, let alone partner – the events of his year teaching at Hogwarts had proved that conclusively – and his work as the Order's agent among Britain's outcast werewolves made him, and anyone close to him, a target in Fenrir Greyback's eyes. In short, being around Nymphadora – or rather Tonks, she was Tonks to her friends and that was what he was, a friend and nothing more – was more than a little awkward at the moment. On the other hand, Molly's cooking was delicious, and he always enjoyed seeing Harry, Ron, Hermione and the twins. Not to mention the fact that today was the day where he would get to meet Luna Lovegood, who might or might not be Harry's girlfriend, and who he vaguely remembered as a dreamy but studious twelve-year-old girl. Her father, Xeno, had been a rather eccentric student a couple years ahead of Remus in school, and her mother had been one of the Ravenclaw Prefects in his own year. Although he had been on quite friendly terms with her, she had frequently chided him for his failure to keep James and Sirius in line.

As he opened the garden gate and walked up the path to the Burrow's front door, Remus could already smell something baking. Molly had always been a remarkable cook, and with Fleur Delacour engaged to Bill and spending most of her free time in the Weasley household, Molly seemed to be considering it a point of passive-aggressive pride to outdo her own high standards and show the poor girl the kind of treatment Weasley men were used to. As far as Remus was concerned, this attitude was really rather old-fashioned, not to mention the fact that it suggested countless 'mollycoddling' puns to his mischievous side. If Sirius had still been alive, he would have already made them all. On the other hand, he wasn't going to object to having more opportunities to eat decent meals in a warm house, given how unpleasant his undercover work was.

The door was answered by a somewhat disgruntled-looking Fleur, who brightened up when she saw him.

"Ah, Remus," she said, kissing him on the cheek, "eet is good zat you came!"

He couldn't help but wonder whether she was genuinely happy to see him or just relieved at the prospect of having another non-Weasley in the house. He stuck his head into the kitchen to greet Molly, and then went straight to the living room, where Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the twins were already gathered.

"Budge up," he said to Fred, squashing himself into the corner of the sofa.

"Ah, just in time. We were about to discuss Harry's date today," smirked the latter, shunting along to make room.

Chuckling at the disgruntled expression on Harry's face, Remus put his feet up and surveyed the kids over steepled fingers.

"Come now, Harry," he said, adopting a mock-professorial tone, "being unmercifully ragged about one's girlfriend is a Marauder tradition. Surely you don't expect me to pass up on the opportunity to see it happen to a second Potter?"

Fred fell off the sofa.

"You… you mean, you're a Marauder?"

"I take it the word means something to you?" replied Remus with a small smile.

"They nicked the Map from Filtch's office in their first year, gave it to me in third year when I couldn't go to Hogsmeade," muttered Harry.

"YOU!" declaimed George melodramatically, rounding on Harry. "You've known for years and never told us!"

"Which one are you?" asked Fred eagerly.

"Moony", Remus replied, chuckling at the twins' comedic over-enthusiasm "in reference to my lycanthropy."

Remus and Harry glanced at each other. Remus nodded.

"Peter Pettigrew is Wormtail," began Harry with a frown. "Sirius was Padfoot, my dad was Prongs."

"So… because they were Animagi, right?" said Fred, thinking. "Pettigrew's a rat and Sirius was a dog… so your dad was…"

George's eyes widened.

"A stag!" he cried. "Like your Patronus!"

"Nice detective work," grinned Remus, applauding.

"You know what this means?" said George in a tone of mock-outrage. "Ickle Harrikins never told us he was the son of a Marauder! Slipped his mind, I suppose."

"I bet he told the delightful Miss Lovegood, though," added Fred with an evil grin.

Harry, blushing deeply, muttered something about how "it might have come up at some point". The twins practically exploded with glee.

Remus was impressed with how quickly Harry managed to turn the teasing directed at him into jokes at the expense of Ron's girlfriend Lavender Brown, and amused at how annoyed Hermione got at any reminder of the girl. Why was it that everyone bar those two could see that they had feelings for each other?

The rest of the morning passed in a blur of teenage banter. It was the most relaxed social setting Remus had been in for a while, partly because it reminded him of his schooldays and partly because nobody was talking about politics or Order business. Even Harry, who had spent most of his fifth year getting incredibly intense and moody about Ministry incompetence and Voldemort's return, seemed to be having fun. Remus had honestly expected him to have been even more angst-ridden this year, given the circumstances surrounding Sirius' death, but instead he was acting like a normal teenager for once. Long may it last, the former Marauder reflected, long may it last.

It seemed like hardly any time had passed, although in reality it had been nearly an hour, when there was a knock on the door followed by a male voice calling "Hello!". Remus heard Molly bustling down the hall to answer it and saw Harry jump to his feet and walk out to join her. Curious to see what Xeno was like after so many years, Remus elected to follow them. He found Molly at the door talking to a straggly-haired, cross-eyed man in bright blue-and-yellow robes, while Harry hung back awkwardly. The man saw Remus over Molly's shoulder and gave a yelp of surprise.

"Remus Lupin! That's you, isn't it! Potter's friend!"

He held out his hand and Remus shook it.

"I haven't seen you in years, not since I graduated… although I believe you taught my Luna when she was in second year," he said with a wide, slightly manic smile.

"Hmmm… yes, I think that's right," nodded Lupin, thinking. "I was very sorry to hear of your loss, by the way. Pandora was a friend of mine in school. I know it's six years too late to say it, but I regret missing the funeral."

"Yes, well, bad time of the month for you, wasn't it?" said Xeno bluntly, although there was no trace of rancour in his voice. "Besides, from what I've heard you must have had a hard enough time of it after poor Potter and Evans were killed. Three friends dead, one in Azkaban…"

"I would hardly count Peter as a friend," muttered Remus darkly, his composure slipping for a moment.

"Ah, yes, Luna mentioned. Disgraceful carry-on on the Ministry's part. A posthumous exoneration didn't do Black any good!"

Remus nodded wryly.

"Where is Luna, by the way?" interjected Molly.

"She's talking to some gnomes she found in your front garden," replied Xeno airily. "It is always worthwhile to try to gain some of the wisdom of the Gernumbies!"

Remus began to chuckle and hastily turned it into a cough. Xeno hadn't changed since his schooldays, that was certain. Molly looked momentarily nonplussed but quickly switched back into hostess mode, inviting Xeno to join them for lunch.

"No, no, can't stay, alas!" he demurred, his gaze focused on a point somewhere above Molly's left shoulder. "I have to go and interview a man about a Grim sighting, I'm meeting him in the village. Good to see you again, Lupin, my dear fellow. And is that my star interviewee lurking behind you, Molly?" he added, waving vaguely at Harry.

"Hello, Mr Lovegood," said Harry, stepping forward. Remus suspected he was the only one present who could detect the trace of nervousness in the teen's voice, but then he noticed that Molly had a particularly motherly expression on her face. "So good to finally meet you. I never did get a chance to thank you for running that interview last year."

Xeno beamed.

"No need to thank me, Mr Potter!" he yelped, shaking Harry's hand. "Unlike certain Ministry-controlled rags I could mention, the Quibbler has always existed to serve the truth, and there are few truths more important than the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Anyway," he added, pulling a pocket-watch from inside his robes and squinting at it, "I'm afraid I must be off. I shall return for Luna this evening. Good day to you all!"

With that, he set off down the garden path in a great hurry. Harry stepped out of the door and looked around. His eyes alighted on something in the hedgerow and he darted over, disappearing behind a bush. He returned a moment later hand-in-hand with a distinctly odd-looking young woman. She had straggly dirty-blonde hair reaching almost to her waist, oddly protuberant silvery eyes that were focused on something in the middle-distance, and for some reason was wearing a necklace made of old Butterbeer corks. On top of this, the index finger of the hand not currently clasping Harry's was bleeding profusely. She was, in short, every inch the slightly-dotty girl Remus remembered from his time teaching in Hogwarts.

As she and Harry reached the doorway, she drew in closer to him, clearly shy. That didn't tally with Remus' memories of her at all, she had never been overly-shy; her quietness had seemed to stem from the fact that she spent a lot of time in her own head. Then he realised; as Harry's probable-girlfriend, this was the closest she would get to the traditional meet-the-parents experience. He chuckled wryly at the thought of what Prongs would say if he knew that a young woman in Harry's life viewed him as James Potter's substitute. Lily would probably approve, if she knew, but Prongs and Padfoot would insist it was the latter's duty to act the father-figure. He could practically hear Padfoot explaining mock-earnestly "But you're too serious, Moony! I mean, I'm Sirius, but you… you are really serious. You'll be too nice. The girl should have to run the gauntlet of Marauder wit!"

Now that he thought about it, the Weasley twins were terrifyingly like Sirius.

Harry gave Luna's hand a squeeze and stepped forward.

"Remus, Mrs Weasley, this is Luna Lovegood," he said, and Remus was amused to notice the sudden rush of confidence back into his voice. Harry probably didn't really care whether they approved of Luna or not. Another way in which he was remarkably like his father.

He reached out and shook Luna's hand.

"A pleasure to see you again, Miss Lovegood. It's been a while."

"Thank you, Professor Lupin," she replied, smiling at him weakly (of course she's nervous, he said to himself, not only am I Harry's 'family', I used to teach her!).

"I'm not a Professor anymore," he smiled. "Just call me Remus."

"And I'm Luna," she said, beaming.

"Well, let's not all stand around out here in the cold!" Molly interjected. "Come in, Luna, come in! I never did get to thank you properly for letting me know about Ginny's run-in with Severus. And let me see to that cut on your hand, you don't want it getting infected."

Like a mother hen herding its chicks, she bustled the two teens indoors and down the hallway to the kitchen.

"It's quite alright," Luna replied airily. "Daddy says that Gernumblie saliva has many beneficial properties. I'm happy to let it heal naturally."

Remus stifled a chuckle. This was certainly going to be an interesting afternoon.

A/N: Long time, no see! Personal stuff interfered with my ability to update, I got writer's block, yadda, yadda… Anyway, I'm back now and I'm going to start updating all my fics (and maybe starting one or two new ones I have ideas for). Endless Parade of Meaningless Clichés is going to be the next to get an update (hopefully tomorrow) and then I'll see how things go from there. The next chapter of The Biter Bit (coming soon) will be from Molly's perspective. And then there'll be two more chapters before 'A Couple of Christmas Conundrums' comes to an end (and then I'll still have Christmas day to do!). I know I promised this bit would be a lot shorter when I started it, but it expanded a lot as I wrote. I had wanted to upload it in time for Christmas, but there you go… maybe I'll have the timelines synched up in time for Valentine's Day :P