Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, suicide, and alcohol are used in this story. If you are sensitive to any of these subjects, please refrain from reading. You have been warned in advanced.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or any part of Hetalia in any way shape or form.

With that out of the way, enjoy!

Everything had been just fine before this whole turn of events came crashing down. Everything seemed perfect, in fact. Who knew one little slip up could change his life forever?

"Lovino? Are you alright? You're rather quiet back there."

"Shut up."

To think that his whole world could change for the worse in one day... Well, he thought it was impossible. Unfortunately, he was proved wrong.

It started in the morning, and, as usual, Lovino Vargas slipped out of bed later than the rest of his family. His brown hair was askew and knotted, and his shirt was slipping off of his shoulders. He didn't even bother to clean up, because there was no one to impress.

"Good morning Lovi!" A voice chimed much too cheerfully in Lovino's opinion as his eyes scrunched up in disgust. Another voice followed, this one quieter and belonging to his grandfather. "Good morning."

"Yeah, whatever." Lovino spat as a response, plopping himself down in one of the old wooden chairs that creaked beneath him. "What's for breakfast?"

"I made pastries Fratello~" Amber eyes belonging to his younger brother, Feliciano, wandered towards Lovino's as he stared into them excitedly. "Will you try them?"

"Well, since there's nothing else, yeah."

"Yay~! I'll get one for you!" Feliciano squeaked happily, jumping out of his seat and practically slipping on the wood flooring before he made it to the counter and pulled out a plate for his older sibling to use. His grandfather ruffled the youngest one's hair with a soft chuckle as he enthusiastically gave Lovino his breakfast. "Grazie." He muttered through a mouthful, looking upwards towards the expectant Feliciano who obviously wanted more than just a 'thank you'. He swallowed what he had in his mouth and wiped the corner of his crumb-covered lips, sitting back into his chair. "It's good, alright? Now stop staring at me idiot."

"Ah! You like it~? Ve~!" And soon enough he was right back at the table where he had started - his leg bouncing up and down rapidly as if he was waiting for something to happen.

"What's up with you?" Lovino asked with his eyebrows raised in question, continuing to munch on his small breakfast. His grandfather even came over to give him a cup of coffee, and Lovino silently thanked him. Feliciano, on the other hand, looked down into the table's surface, running a finger down one of the cracks in the wood.

"W-Well... Ludwig is coming over." He whispered, face turning a rosy color, and Lovino stopped eating to stare at his brother coldly. Suddenly he was no longer hungry, no longer thirsty, and wanted to just curl back into his bed and never wake up. He always hated it when Feliciano's, dare he say it, lover came over. That meant no one paid attention to him. It was all about Feliciano and Ludwig. Lovino was shoved in a corner and forgotten for the day.

Not that he had anything else to do. No, Feliciano was given all of the talents to marvel at while all Lovino could do was sleep and curse. That's all he was good for, in his own opinion. He realized that he was being much too quiet as Feliciano called his name, so he shook his head to clear all of the gathering thoughts.

"So the bastard is coming?"

"Si.."

"Then I'm leaving."

"Wait-..!"

Lovino didn't listen as Feliciano clung to his wrist, and instead he jerked away, throwing his plate into the sink with a loud clang. He didn't bother apologizing for it, even if the plate did break. He just didn't care. The only thing he wanted right now was to go to his safe haven - which was the bathroom. He would sit on the tiled floor for hours when he was upset, and no one would question it. He was always so quiet that his family assumed he was just crying. Which, in some cases, was true. But in most, he was doing something else which he had kept secret for several years now. Especially when Ludwig came into the picture.

Having Ludwig there meant his brother would ignore him.

Having Ludwig there meant his grandfather pampering him like he was his own son.

Having Ludwig there meant no more dealing with Lovino, because he's good for nothing anyway.

The fuming Italian was already halfway up the stairs when a knock at the door echoed throughout the house, and Lovino sped up his pace so that he could reach the bathroom in time before he had to see that German's disgusting face.

"Lovino.." His grandfather called, but he slammed the door much too loudly and locked it shut before he could even try to come after Lovino. He didn't turn on the lights, he didn't stop to look in the mirror; he just sat straight on the floor, curling his knees up to his chest.

He could hear his brother greeting Ludwig at the door, and could only assume he had already forgotten about him. By now they were probably in the living room, talking and laughing, and not giving a second thought to where Lovino was.

"I hate them all." He muttered to himself, his arm extending towards a cabinet beneath the sink, "I hate every one of them."

Carefully he opened the door to the cabinet, fumbling around in the dust for what he needed. It was the thing that gave him relief; a way to deal with all of the emotions he kept inside. Something to give himself the pain he thought he deserved. It was an addiction, but he didn't want to be cured of it. It was the only thing he thought he had left.

The blade was beginning to dull, and was even starting to rust, but he didn't mind. All he could focus on was the negativity rushing through his mind; causing him to break down inside and out. Routinely he placed the edge of the weapon on his hip so that he could hide the wounds beneath clothing, and just as he was about to break the skin, footsteps began to creep upstairs. At first he panicked, but soon relaxed and went back to what he was doing when he realized the door was locked tight.

His shaky fingers just sat there, unmoving, and when he finally had the courage to do something, his weapon went flying out of his hand at a knock on the door.

"Lovi? Are you alright Fratello?" Came Feliciano's voice just outside the door, and Lovino scrambled to his feet, shoving the blade beneath the carpet in the bathroom in order for it to be hidden.

"F-Fine, bastard."

"Are you sure?"

"I said I'm fine!"

More footsteps followed and Lovino's head was starting to pound with anxiety as his grandfather's voice neared the door. "Lovino, please come out. We don't want you to be angry."

"Shut up!"

"Lov-"

"Shut the hell up!"

Silence lingered, and all that could be heard was the sound of Lovino's breathing as he hesitantly unlocked the door, turning the knob and pulling it open. He expected everything to be fine and to go on as normal as he hissed an apology to his brother and grandfather... But what he didn't expect was when he opened the door, the rug pulled back beneath it, and out in the open was the blade; shining like new. Ludwig noticed it as his blue eyes wandered towards the floor, "What is that?" He asked, and immediately Lovino's patience was drained.

He roughly opened the door so that it slammed into the wall, his face started to turn a deep shade of red, and with his fists clenched he stomped towards the German who was about a head taller than him. "I hate you." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and without warning, his fist connected with Ludwig's jaw. He could hear a crack, a grunt, and the German stumbled near the wall, clutching onto it for support. Lovino felt his ego rise, and he started to love the rush he felt afterwards. He went towards him again, wanting to get another punch at him, but hands tugging him from behind hindered him from fighting the person he hated most.

"Let me go! Y-You bastard..!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, noticing Ludwig backing away from him as his anger raged on. Lovino managed to rip away from his grandfather's hold and turned around to glare at him, but something in the background caught his eye before he could say another word. Feliciano had picked the blade up, noticing the dried blood on its edges, and now his amber eyes were full of hot tears.

"F-Fratello...?"

Lovino's heart seemed to stop, and a lump formed in his throat.

"Why...? Why L-Lovino..?" The youngest sibling cried, tears rolling down his cheeks and Ludwig went over to comfort him.

"Don't lay your filthy hands on my brother! This is all your fault! I fucking hate all of you..!"

"Lovino," His grandfather's voice was stern, but warm, "Why?"

"What?!"

"Why didn't you tell me or your brother? About how you felt? About hurting yourself?"

"B-Because-"

"Because why, Lovino?"

He stopped, anger beginning to subside, but his heart was still racing wildly inside of his chest.

"We need to talk."

"About what?! How much you hate me? How much I hate myself?"

"I'm worried, Lovino. These sudden outbursts have been happening for months."

"S-So?! Obviously you don't fucking care!"

"But," Feliciano chimed in, running up to his brother with Ludwig right by his side, "We do care! We love you so much Lovi!"

"You're lying."

"I'm not..!"

"Stop lying to me."

His grandfather sighed, looking at the ground as if he was trying to think something through. He didn't want it to come to this, but after these several occurrences lately... He knew this was for the better.

"Come on. Follow me."

"Grandpa..? Where are you taking Fratello?"

"Don't you worry Feliciano. He's going to a place where many people will take care of him."

"You aren't taking me anywhere!"

"Lovino.."

"No! I refuse! Don't come near me or I'll hurt you..!" Lovino froze at what he said, eyes widening in shock as he repeated what he had shouted in his head. "N-No, Grandpa, I didn't mean that... I.."

"It's alright. Just come with me."

"B-But-" His grandfather wouldn't take no for an answer as he dragged him down the stairs by the wrist; Lovino looking behind him to get help from his younger brother.

"Feliciano! Tell him to stop!"

Feliciano shook his head, wiping away some of his tears, "Lovi... I just want you to get better."

And now Lovino Vargas was forced in the back of his grandfather's car, being taken to who knows where to be treated like shit. Tears welled up in his eyes and he laid down on the old, leather seats, closing his eyes and hoping that this was all a nightmare and that he would wake up soon.

But, somehow, he knew that wasn't the case.