A.N. In this little fic, Bella didn't get pregnant, Jake never imprinted...

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It was never the same hotel.

Never even the same city.

But he always felt the same way afterwards.

Broken and whole all at the same time.

Jake stood nude in the empty room. He could still feel the marks her hands left all over him. His taut, copper hued flesh was dotted with faint bruises at the curve between his neck and shoulder where she'd sucked his skin as she came. Jake's body tightened at the vivid memory just hours old.

More bruises painted his skin in bluish splotches at the sides of his torso where she'd held him as he rocked into her. He could feel another one slightly throbbing at his hip.

He never wanted them to heal.

But they always did, disappearing from his skin as easily as she left.

He stared at the pristine bed, the sheets unruffled, the bed frame fully intact. A rueful smile tugged at his full lips as he remembered their first escapade. They'd learned then that the floor was a better option.

Sighing deeply, he flopped onto the unused bed, stretching out his body on the clean sheets. Somehow he ended up with his feet facing the headboard, his head hanging from the edge of the bed. He suddenly felt tired though his resilient body hummed with energy.
Images of her flit through the darkness behind his closed lids. He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling as if it was a screen for the visions of their time together that were still running through his head.

It had begun innocently enough. They'd met up to see each other in Seattle after she'd managed to slip away. After that initial awkwardness of catching up, they'd laughed and talked as if they were still blissful teenagers. As if their friendship had never been broken.

The boy he'd been back then had always imagined how their first time together would be. But he'd never imagined it would be miles away from everyone and everything they knew. An endlessly fleeting moment that brought full vibrant color to the dim black and white moments that was his life since she'd left.

She'd watched as he downed the drinks that did nothing to inebriate him. She'd looked so beautiful as she always did, no longer possessing the innocent beauty of a girl but the sensual sophistication of a woman. It was in the way she carried herself, no longer shy and hesitant. But confident and self-assured.

As they sat there, the memories had taken hold of him again even if she'd been presently right there with him. She'd been appalled when he'd ordered bottle after bottle of hard liquor. He'd been determined to dissolve himself in a stupor if only to deal with that inevitable moment; the moment when she had to leave.
He'd tried to brush off her assistance when she insisted on helping him from the hotel lobby to his room. Of course, his Bells could easily maneuver him now, Jake thought with bitter amusement, his gaze still fixated on the ceiling. But he didn't see the generic white ceiling of the hotel room.

He only saw that familiar cascade of mahogany hair that swept over him as she gently helped him onto the bed. He remembered gripping her hand, pitifully telling her not to go. She'd soothed him as she murmured his name softly, slipping next to him, her body feeling oddly comforting against his.

She'd ended up missing her flight.

He'd held himself still, a hot flash of shock giving him sharp clarity from his drunkenness as she pressed her lips to his.

"Please forgive me, Jake." She'd whispered. "I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep pretending that I don't love you. I can't keep pretending that I'm happy when I feel really dead inside... I was just so stupid, Jake, so naïve and blind. Too stubborn to admit that you were the only choice for me..."

He'd heard the sob in her perfect voice, feeling her pain as sharply as his own. He'd gathered her into his arms.

"Shh, you'll always be my Bells. That will never change." He'd whispered, trailing warm kisses, soothing her in his own way. He'd only wanted to comfort her with words and chaste kisses. He'd never planned to pull her intimately against him. Never expected her to respond to him the way she had.

It just happened.

He hated to see the guilty look on her flawless face whenever she left him. She'd never have had to feel that way if she'd been in his house, in his bed, if she was his wife. If she'd chosen him.

They could have had everything. But he'd take their fleeting moments together over nothing at all. No matter how many years passed, he would still feel the same. It was like his own heart had been frozen from the moment he'd first seen her walk out of that forest...

They'd moved on from Forks ten years ago. Leaving him behind like an abandoned pet according to the pack's view. In the years since she'd left, he'd never imprinted. And he sure as hell didn't want to.

Her scent wafted to him again. Sighing sadly, he supposed it was a remnant of her she'd left in this room. This hotel room he didn't want to leave just yet until the scent of her had faded away like his lost dreams. He always remained for hours afterwards, relishing her scent...

He felt his eyes widen to extraordinary proportions when the door slammed open then closed again.

Flipping onto his stomach, he watched, stunned as she leaned against the door taking in deep breaths of air. As if she needed the oxygen.

"Bella?" He choked out. She seemed like an apparition to him.

"Is everything alright?" He asked becoming tensed wondering if she was in some sort of danger.

"Thank God, you're still here." She whispered her eyes locked with his.

He agilely leapt off the bed striding closer to her. She craned her neck to look up at him, her face blossoming into that smile he remembered from the times when her cheeks still flushed with pink heat. When they'd been happy together before they returned. But that smile melted from her smooth, stunning face.

"I can't Jake. I can't go back to them." She said. She blinked her golden eyes rapidly as if she wanted to shed the tears that wouldn't come.

Hope, long turned to ashes, flamed hot and bright inside him again. Too choked up to even speak, he pulled her against his warm chest, tenderly rubbing her back.

"I just thought you should know." She murmured against his chest then looked up at him again. "But I don't expect you to be with me now. I'm always hurting you, always being so selfish… That clueless human girl that I was didn't deserve you. And I surely don't deserve you now.."

"I don't care that your heart's not beating Bella." Jake said distinctly."I do wish things would have worked out differently, that somehow our circumstances and choices could have been easier for the both of us. But you're here with me now. And that's all that matters."

"No Jake." Bella said firmly. "I'm not letting you give up your life for me. You could still be happy, you could forget me…"

"Never!" Jake hissed, slamming her gruffly against the door with his hard, bare body. He molded his lips hotly against hers relishing the vibration of her throaty moan thrumming his plundering tongue. She gripped his shoulders with strong but soft hands moving her hips against him.

"Jake, I'm not alive anymore." She whispered when he trailed his heated lips down her neck.

"I beg to differ…" He mumbled, hoisting her skirt up so he could glide hot fingers up her silky thighs…

"You can't…we can't…they'll come after me…" she murmured as he ripped the new pair of panties that she'd slipped into after he'd destroyed the other one just a few hours before.

"I. Don't. Care." Jake enunciated each word harshly. He lifted her easily against him. She hooked her long, luscious legs around his hips. Without hesitation, he thrust deeply into her where she was always still so warm. And so wet...

"Jake…" She gasped, gripping him to her, loving the way they fit together even with their differences. Even if she was a frozen rose, he 'd always be her own personal sun. And she couldn't continue to exist without him...