Good News, i've already finished this fic so no waiting around for me to get my act together. One chapter a day is the plan.

Jake never intended to disclose the full details of how he wound up buying the crap mobile, as Amy affectionately likes to call it. Buying the crap mobile wasn't initially a celebratory action, more like one of self-preservation, one story he'd desperately hoped to take with him to the grave.

Simply put, there was no way he was going to make it another block with a cuffed perp in his custody whilst wearing a girl's thong. It was one thing to admit to buying the crap mobile on a stupid whim to celebrate his first arrest. It was another thing entirely to tell a girl he was in love with that he had in the past worn the underwear of a woman whose last name he didn't remember to get her back into his bed.

Sadly for Jake, he discovers that withholding the complete truth may have been a worse decision than agreeing to wear the underwear in the first place. The chafing was definitely not sexy, even if he really did rock the red lace. But that was nothing compared to the sinking feeling in his gut when he and Amy run into the owner of the thong years later whilst out on their second date.

Jake's a seasoned undercover operative, so he resists the urge to dive over the bar and hide until either his current date or the past one vacates the premises. Instead he turns and tries his best to hide his face from the past one as Amy watches him, utterly perplexed.

He manages to avoid catching her eye at the bar, but unsurprisingly she and her date get seated at the table next to theirs twenty minutes later. She recognises Jake immediately.

'Oh my god, Jake Peralta. I hardly recognised you without the bleached tips.' She gasps, smiling like a shark. A very smug shark who still looks insanely hot, Jake whimpers and reaches for his beer as Amy turns and sets eyes on her.

'Carly, you haven't changed a bit.' Jake mutters as he drains his beer.

'Not true, I'm a fan of black silk these days, red lace hasn't done it for me in years. I wonder why.' Carly replies, Jake desperately tries to avoid meeting Amy's very confused gaze. He may not be able to recall Carly's last name, but their very terrible breakup is all coming back to him, he is in so much trouble.

'Carly, I know you hate my guts for a lot of really good reasons, but can you possibly find it in you to hate me quietly…' Jake's voice trails off as Carly glares at him like he's rodent droppings.

'Oh, you'd love that wouldn't you? You'd love me to keep my mouth shut so you can trick this poor sweet girl into thinking that you're not a total man whore.'

'Oh no, I definitely know that he's a man whore.' Amy interjects, smirking at Jake. 'I've heard all his stories.'

'Thanks for the support.' Jake mutters, Amy rolls her eyes.

'Oh honey, I know for a fact that's not true. There's no way you'd be here if you knew the complete truth about Jakey and what he's prepared to do to get laid.' Carly retorts, 'Girl, I only hope I got to you in time.'

When Carly reaches into her handbag and pulls out her phone, Jake is once again struck by the urge to dive for cover. Instead he watches in horror as Carly brings up a picture on her phone, she flashes it at Jake before handing the phone to Amy.

Jake watches as Amy's eyes widen and her jaw drops, so Jake can't help being flippant, 'I know, the lighting was terrible and the angles were all wrong to capture my best side.'

'I don't know, she pretty much got the whole you in the frame from what I can see.' Amy replies, staring at the photo, Jake can't read her expression and that worries him greatly. He knows what Amy looks like when she's pissed off, disgusted, horrified and scared. What could be worse than those he doesn't know, but it can't bode well for him.

At that moment the maître d arrives and tells them all that they're creating a disturbance and he's kicking them all out. Carly of course blames Jake, she spends the time it takes them all to settle their drinks tab and collect their coats abusing Jake at the top of her lungs. Jake manages to spare a thought for her poor date, who trails after her like a whipped little puppy. But mostly he pities himself, because there's no way Amy's going to want to date him after seeing that picture of him in a red lace thong.

Outside the restaurant Jake and Amy dive into the crap mobile and Amy urges him to floor it so they can escape Carly and her very loud and frank opinions on Jake's junk.

Jake pulls the car to a stop outside Amy's building. The drive from the restaurant had been unspeakably awkward, Amy had sat there with a hand covering her mouth as Jake tried to come up with something to say. He almost wishes Gina were there, she'd inevitably make the whole situation worse with her truth bombs, but at least the car wouldn't be as silent as a grave.

Amy gets out of the car, and Jake's half expecting her to disappear into her building without sparing him a backwards glance. Instead she bends down and looks at him through the windows that won't close. 'Are you coming up?'

Jake thinks about it for a moment before he sighs in resignation and climbs out of the car, following Amy into the building and into the elevator. Amy leans against the wall next to the doors, it doesn't escape Jake's notice that her eyes keep drifting down his body. Just an hour ago it would have made Jake's night to know that Amy couldn't keep her eyes off him. He hopes this one of the times that Amy manages to find her words, because if he has to listen to her butcher this breakup in her awkwardly adorable way, he might just jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Inside the apartment Jake shuffles after Amy as she hangs her coat up by the door and enters the kitchen. Amy pulls out half a bottle of white wine from the fridge, it's just about the only thing in there from what Jake could see. He's pulled from his thoughts when Amy presses the phone into his hands, he looks up at her for guidance.

'Can you order a pizza or something? I'm still hungry.'

Jake nods and dials Sal's Pizza on autopilot. Through his brilliant powers of deduction he's beginning to suspect that maybe Amy didn't invite him up to her place to dump him like yesterday's news. Amy hands him a glass of wine and moves past him into the lounge, he drains the wine glass and follows her, flopping onto the opposite end of the couch.

'I'm so sorry about that. I didn't think she still hated me that much.' Jake begins, breaking the silence. Amy sits back and sips at her wine.

'I just got kicked out of my favourite steakhouse Jake. Keep talking.'

'So you remember the story of how I bought my car? Well I might have left a couple of things out.' Jake meets Amy's impassive stare, her couch feels more like the precinct's interview room all of a sudden.

'After my first day out of the Academy, Rosa and I went out for drinks to celebrate surviving our first day on the job. Only Rosa sucks at celebrating, so instead we cruised for dates. She managed to score one of the Mets, and I hooked up with Carly. And well, you know what they say about crazy people in the sack… too much information? Anyway, in the morning I asked Carly if she wanted to hook up again sometime. Carly says she'll be my booty call any night of the week if I agree to wear her thong all day at work. Obviously I said yes, because I was young and really dumb. She took the pictures before I left for work, at the time I was thinking that it would be kinda fun, as long as no one at the precinct found out. But that lace was really itchy, especially after running eleven blocks. So yeah, the true story behind my car is that I bought it because my balls were on fire and I couldn't walk any further.' Jake says it all in a rush, when he's done he looks down at his empty wine glass, wishing it was filled with something, preferably hard liquor.

'And Carly hates you because?'

'Well that night I may have gone over to her place and called her crazy and then tried to give back her underwear…' Jake mutters. Amy giggles and Jake's head darts up, she's got a hand pressed over her mouth.

'I've been spending way too much time with you, there's no way I should be finding any of this funny.' Amy mutters from behind her hand. 'Tonight's definitely going down on the bad date list.'

'But you still think this is funny.' Jake announces, equal parts amazed and happy. He shuffles into the middle of the couch, Amy reciprocates by moving the rest of the way, climbing onto his lap. Jake loses track of his train of thought as her dress rides up her thighs, his hands following her hemline as hers grip at his shoulders. 'I have to say I'm impressed, Santiago. Didn't think you had it in you to willingly date a cross dressing cop.'

'Oh, no. I can't ever risk Javier and Mama ever seeing that photo. In the morning we're going to destroy that photograph. For your own safety we can't allow that photo to continue to exist.' Amy tells him as he leans forward to kiss at her jaw.

'But you still want to date me?'

'I knew what you were before I said yes, Jake. Anyway, who hasn't done dumb things as a kid?' Amy gasps as he finds the spot below her ear that makes her heart jump in her chest.

Jake's eyes widen. 'Does this mean you really have a sex tape? Is that what you're trying to tell me?'

'For the thousandth time, I have no sex tape.'

They never end up getting round to the pizza, Amy's place actually gets blacklisted by Sal's because they fail to answer the bell when the delivery boy arrives. Months later when Jake asks her to get a place together with him, he adds this to the list of reasons she should say yes.