So, this is kind of a birthday gift to myself. Sort of. I found this within the depths of my documents and decided to finish and polish it a little. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, though! I didn't really proof read. I just . . . skimmed. A lot.

Also, this may or may not be inspired by Zilleniose's shotastuck on tumblr. Not that I'm, like, stalking her page or anything. Nope. Not me.

Sorry if the lack of this common place line bothers you; I kind of just used my own line break.

"Look at them," John cooed softly, peering down into the crib with a goofy grin, the hood of his sky blue jacket threatening to fall off his head. "Aren't they so cute? Cuddling and looking all adorable like that."

"Shut up, ****ass. You'll wake them up," Karkat snapped lowly, forcefully pulling John by the front of his shirt out of the nursery, where one baby and one grub slept soundly in their shared crib, cuddled close together and making cute sleeping noises.

"Aw, but Karkitty! They were so . . . so . . . so cute! How can you resist doting on them?" the human male asked, sneaking a peek back into the babys' room and smiling tenderly when he saw the two had snuggled even closer.

Truth be told, Karkat was only able to just resist the urge to pick both children up and coo over them like John kept trying to do; the main reason he wasn't was because he wanted to keep John away from them so they could rest in peace. Heavens knows if either of them woke up now, they wouldn't stop crying for a good hour or more.

But instead of admitting any of this, Karkat simply crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at his matesprit. "Because they're us, dumbass. Our younger alternate selves, and unlike you, I'm not vain enough to hang all over my wriggler-self and make stupid noises in a failed attempt at communication with the tiny creatures."

"I'm just playing with them!" John cried defensively, "Nothing wrong with that, thank you very much!"

Karkat was going to reply, but at that moment, one of the wrigglers, apparently having heard their low shouts, woke up and began wailing loud enough to wake their bed partner, causing a symphony of shrieking cries the like that made his ears ring and eye twitch.

"Oh no!" Egderp exclaimed, immediately rushing back into the nursery, where he scooped both of the screaming children up into his soft arms, rocking them gently and humming soothingly under his breath.

Grub-Karkat instantly began settling down, but baby Egbert was having none of it. It wasn't until an angry Karkat stomped in and snatched the child away that John was able to start calming down, cuddling close to the troll's chest before he fell into a quiet sleep once more.

Grown-up John wiped at his forehead in a mock-relief sort of way, grinning like the moronic nooksniffer he was. "Saved it just in time!"

Karkat scowled at him, trying to swallow the raging blush that threatened to light up his face as his wriggler-self purred and chewed sleepily on Egbert's hoodie, looking like the large, content little bug it was. Or at least, that was what John thought baby-Karkat looked like.

"Let's just get these guys back to bed so we can relax," Karkat said with a sigh, gently setting the younger John into the crib.

Grown-up John followed suit with little Karkat, and soon the two were leaving the room again, quietly closing the door behind them, ready to cuddle on the couch and watch terrible and sappy movies together.

Mrrrrrr. Mrrrrrrrrrrr.

"Oh my gog, this can't get any more embarrassing, can it?" Karkat yelled, burying his burning face in his hands as John laughed.

"I think it's kind of adorable! Look at him, all happy. That's right, that's right. I'll have to start calling you Karkitty number two from now on." John cooed, rubbing his nose against the purring grub, grinning happily when the little "wriggler" tried to snuggle even closer to him. "Awwww!"

"Shut up. Just shut your damn word hole, you ****ing grub-lover."

"Karkles! Don't curse around the children!" John cried, covering Kargrub's ears, holding him protectively to his chest.

"They're wrigglers. It's not like they can understand what I'm saying," the troll said, rolling his large eyes and waving dismissively.

"Still! That's a very bad habit to have around youngin's such as these!"

Karkat just grumbled incoherently, threading long fingers through baby John's hair, who was gurgling and making all sorts of cute but odd noises as he was cradled protectively in the other's arms, one of his tiny fists balled up in Karkat's shirt as he giggled and drooled.

"Ow!" John yelled, jerking his head back in surprise. Kargrub had just bitten him! What a little traitor!

The grown-up version of the little guy smirked, obviously pleased as John rubbed at his throbbing nose, frowning down at alternate Karkat. "You had that coming, you wriggler."

Egbert pouted, but it quickly transformed back into his usual smile as Kargrub began rubbing against him again, purring like a little kitty cat, loud enough to cause its alternate older self to blush madly again and duck his head while the human adult laughed.

"John."

Little three-year-old John didn't move from his spot, his back to his caller and his attention currently gripped by the old, tattered stuffed bunny in his hands, naked eyes wide and enthralled with his toy.

"John human."

Still, child Egbert paid no attention to the one calling him, despite the irritation creeping into the other's voice, and even knowing the other would throw a tantrum if he didn't eventually give the troll kid his full and undivided attention. Though he wasn't intentionally trying to ignore his friend, he was in much too much awe over Liv (his bunny) to really concentrate on anything else.

After all, the bunny was the definition of exotic perfection. What with its shiny, beady black eyes, two small buttons used for its sight-seers, and the large patches of different colors of purple sewed into its originally tan body, it was the oddest and most beautiful thing he'd yet encountered, except for maybe his grown-up troll buddy, Karkitty.

"JOHN!"

He could already hear the tale-tell stomping and not-so-intimidating roars from the kid begging for his attention behind him, and he finally ripped his attention from Liv in order to look upon little Karkat, who stood with a face flushed red with anger, small hands balling up the hem of his sweater and little feet banging as loudly as he could against the wooden flooring as he tried to snatch his playmate's attention. As soon as the troll child saw it had worked, he immediately dropped his shirt and stood still, crossing his arms and pouting down at his human friend. "You haven't played with me at all today."

John frowned, knowing for certain that this was not true. In fact, it had only been an hour or two since Karkat and Egbert had finished up a game of Troll Gold Fish, which both little Karkat and grown-up Karkitty insisted was better than human Gold Fish, though big and little John had yet to spot the difference between the two.

"We just played Troll cards a while ago!" he exclaimed, pursing his lips.

Karkat shifted on his feet, huffing indignantly, "That was forever ago, you idiot! I'm bored now, and you won't play with me!"

"I never said that!" John responded, bewildered, "We can play now if you want, but only if Liv can play too!" He emphasized his point by holding up his new bunny toy, shaking it slightly so his friend knew exactly what he was talking about.

The kid troll squinted suspiciously at the bunny, looking it over like he didn't really want it to play with them at all. "Are you going to be too distracted by her to play with me?"

"Of course not! I can play with both of you!"

This made Karkat frown, "I don't want you to play with both of us! Why do I have to share my friend? I want you to play with me, dummy! Not that stupid bunny!"

"She's not stupid! Grown-up me gave it to me! He said she was smart and cool!"

The troll opened his mouth to reply, but they both paused, allowing the silence between them to continue as they heard the familiar sound of their two caretakers (A.K.A., their older selves) talking louder than normal in the adjacent room. Curious, the two exchanged looks of silent agreement before creeping closer to the closed door of the play room, pressing their ears to the crack in the door and listening as hard as they could. However, even with Karkat's better hearing, they couldn't tell what their elders were saying, only that as the conversation continued, their voices became louder and louder until they were shouting, their words filled with enough anger to make both of the children quake.

Even though they were both young, being the tender age of two Earth years, they had never heard or seen their older selves fight before, or even get angry at one another, and so the two kids couldn't help but feel frightened by this unfamiliar anger and hollering.

Karkat, unable to take anymore, pushed open the door roughly, rushing through at a brisk waddle, mouth a tight little line and hands balled back up into fists. "STOP!"

John followed suit, worried and scared as he scrambled after his young friend, stopping close behind and taking the troll's small hand in his own for comfort. He was glad Karkat was the one to end the angry yelling; he, himself, had never been brave enough to break up a fight—even one only involving words.

"Karkitty . . . Johnny . . ." Grown-up John said in surprise, blinking down at the two children.

When they had entered the room, the older alternates had frozen, both impossibly close to one another and with faces flushed with rage and indignation. They had their fists hooked into each other's shirt collars, and quickly released each other, feeling guilty for allowing the kids to see them fighting.

"Are you two going to stop being friends?" Little John whimpered behind Karkat, who tensed. He hadn't even realized people could stop being friends!

The two adults looked at each other, at a loss for words, before they both looked away, shaking their heads. "No, we're not going to stop being friends. John and I are just having a bit of a . . . we just need to cool off for a little bit." Adult Karkat held out his hands toward the little ones, smiling kindly, "Why don't we take you out to Aunt Kanaya's and Aunt Rose's?"

The children glanced between the two elders warily, as if worried they'd immediately launch a brawl as soon as the kids were out of sight. But eventually, the little ones nodded their assent, and taking them by the hand, Karkat and John led them outside and helped them into car seats. Thankfully, the toddlers were still too young to pick up on the tense silence that lay between the two adults, electric and thick, too busy warbling along to the kid's music John played through the car radio.

Child Karkat and John ended up going to spend the day at their Aunts' quite a bit as the year progressed, though again; the two were much too young to notice such things. By the time John, who was slightly younger than Karkat, had his third birthday and the two came close to having their fourth, grown-up Karkat and adult John would leave them at the girls' shared home for two to three days, supposedly off on a vacation to "renew their love."

Unfortunately, this was also the time when that day came.

It had seemed fairly normal to everyone; Rose and Kanaya played with the toddling kids happily, with Kanaya frequently taking breaks to sew them new clothes or blankets, and Rose occasionally putting on cartoons for the two to watch so she could sneak back to her matesprit without worrying about the kids' innocent eyes watching on.

It was on one of these days that it had begun to sprinkle, not a full-fledged downpour, nor even a normal amount of rain. No, it was simply the barest of sprinkles of water droplets, the clouds a pale, but thick, gray.

The slamming open of the door was so unexpected and startling that the children actually shrieked in alarm, causing Rose and Kanaya to hurry to the front room, concern evident on their faces, and becoming all the more so when they saw who stood in their living room.

"John?" Rose called, brow furrowing, "What are you doing here? You and Karkat weren't supposed to come back until—"

"It's over." John cut in, his physical state and voice miserable.

Despite the light rain, grown-up John was fairly wet, his dark hair dripping, glasses barely hanging on his nose, pastel clothes glued to his lithe body. He looked like a drowned cat who decided it had no right to live, sulking in dim alleyways and making its home behind dumpsters and trashcans.

Kanaya spoke slowly, as if he were some sort of frightened animal, "What do you mean, 'it's over'?"

"I mean Karkat and me. We're over. We got into a—a quarrel—" he said, deciding not to use the word "fight," as there was wide-eyed children in the room who knew that word, "—and things just sort of blew up, and, well. We simply aren't . . . it's just over."

Rose and Kanaya exchanged worried glances before venturing closer to John, Kanaya disappearing momentarily into a short hallway before coming back with a towel, which she handed silently to the miserable man.

"Where's Karkat?" she asked softly, watching him carefully.

"He's still on the cruise ship," John said with a rueful smile, blue eyes distant, "Didn't feel like leaving with me, I guess. I—I just came to see the kids. I'm not cruel enough to take them away from him, but—but I don't think I could survive never seeing them again." His voice broke multiple times as he said this, and everyone, even the small children, could see he was struggling not to cry.

Rose shot him a sympathetic look, rubbing a hand across his wet back as he scrubbed vigorously at his hair, face hidden in his towel. "There, there. You won't be cast away from the children, I can promise you that."

"Th-then what? I'm not just going to take them from him! He needs them as much as I do, even if we—" John appeared too choked up to continue his thought, shaking his head and burying his face more completely into the towel brought to him, body trembling.

"We'll make sure to solve this, John," Kanaya promised in her soothing voice, "Do not fret over such things."

"Th-thank you. You have no idea what this means to me."

The troll girl just smiled at him, took the now-wet towel, and went off in search of a fresh one, disappearing into the dimness of that short hall, leaving Rose and the children to comfort a damp and depressed John Egbert.

John stayed for a few days with the girls, as did the children. It was eventually decided, as a court of law would not be able to understand the strange case of these younger selves, and no one wanted them to be completely separated from either parent, that only one person could be called upon to solve a judicial issue such as this.

With that, Terezi Pyro entered the scene, grinning her impish smile and sashaying in with her familiar swagger. A while ago John and Terezi weren't the best of buddies, since John was constantly getting jealous over Karkat's old love for the blind girl, but that envy and resentment had been put to rest long, long ago, and so it was with a sincere thank you and a tired smile that adult Egbert greeted the female troll.

"Someone call for a legal decision on the fate of these two wrigglers?" Terezi asked, sniffing loudly as she prowled the room, probably looking for the so-called wrigglers.

He continued to smile, nodding despite the fact that she couldn't see it, "We did. I was hoping you could solve our problem. Did Kanaya explain the situation to you?"

"In great detail," she affirmed, dipping her head into a single nod.

She'd finally found the two children, who were currently under a wool blanket, sitting crisscross in front of the television, watching the Saturday morning cartoons avidly. Terezi placed a hand on young Karkat's head, grinning as she found little John's shoulder, leaning forward to sniff the two almost oblivious kids before she straightened up again and dropped her hands, turning back to look at the adults on the other side of the room. "Yup, those two are definitely your alternate selves. I could smell your intermingling scents a mile away."

John decided not to point out that it had not only taken her a few minutes to locate the children, but had to lean forward to smell them as well, instead keeping his mouth firmly shut.

"So what are your plans?" Rose asked, cocking her fair head to one side thoughtfully.

"Glad you asked!" the blind girl exclaimed, setting her hands on her hips and laughing mirthlessly, "As it stands, you don't want to completely give the grubs over to either one of you. You also don't want to give them away. With this in mind, I have decided—" she made a dramatic pose, going down on one knee and placing a fist in front of her face, "—that we'll split the wrigglers between the two of you!"

"Wha—? But that doesn't solve anything!" Adult John exclaimed, face twisting in anger and disbelief.

"Wrong you are, my dear sir! You see, not only is it very dangerous to raise one's own alternate self, but it also increases the chances of one of you ending up evil and/or psychologically unwell in the future! Meaning, it would not only be more convenient, but safer for you two to separate the copies between you! Karkitty will go with you, John, and your grub self will go with the original Karkat! It's the perfect solution!" Terezi seemed quite proud of her decision, and Rose and Kanaya glanced warily between each other, before looking up at John's haggard face.

"I agree with her," Rose said quietly to him, placing a hand on his forearm, "This is the best option right now."

John said nothing, but continued to stare straight ahead at the wall, his usually lively eyes dead. After a moment, he swallowed, and the girls (except for Terezi, of course) couldn't help but notice he was shaking. " . . . I hate this. I hate being torn apart from—from everything."

"I know," Rose replied, rubbing his arm comfortingly.

He said nothing, but just stood there mutely. The children hadn't been listening to their conversation at all, but he was pretty sure that once they broke the news to the two, he wouldn't hear the end of it.

He was honestly dreading the goodbye tears.

Luckily for adult John, after the heartbreaking cries from the children, with screams of, "You said you wouldn't stop being friends!" and "I don't want to leave Karkat/John!" things went more smoothly. He left before the adult Karkat could get to the house, though he made sure to have Kanaya check on the troll, and only left once he was just a few minutes away, saying many a tearful apology and showering little John with kisses before he forced himself to leave, dragging a sobbing child Karkat behind him.

Though the kid troll was depressed for a while after that, and often rebelled against him in anger in the first few weeks, he eventually settled down, going back to an almost-normal state.

It was a relief, but also greatly concerning as the young boy grew up, as he never made many friends. John tried to make up for it by taking Karkat out frequently to do all sorts of family-bonding fun things, such as taking him to the park to play baseball and catch, playing board games at home, making random and wacky arts-and-crafts projects at home such as troll sock puppets, and basically spending as much time with the growing child as he could.

However, in the long run, John simply wasn't emotionally prepared for Karkat to grow into an independent young man, and so tried to do as much kid-friendly things with the boy as he could.

Unfortunately, the day he feared more and more finally came about.

Karkat Vantas was officially a very grumpy, but very (and deniably) affectionate seven-year-old, one who still enjoyed watching SpongeBob in his underwear and parading in John's favorite blue shirt, and though he was still considered quite young, it appeared there were some things he had grown out of, as he walked into the living room, small face grave.

"What's up, Karkitty?" John asked in surprise as the troll plopped down next to him on the couch, comically solemn as he threaded his fingers together in front of him and looked up at his caretaker with a serious expression.

"We need to have a serious freaking discussion. So if you please, I would like you to keep your word hole shut and listen to what I have to say. You won't like it," he admitted, squirming a bit uncomfortably under John's startled blue gaze, "But I think we both know I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm older now."

Right. Because a seven-year-old is considered so mature, he thought sarcastically, though he made sure his "word hole" remained respectfully shut.

"As the big kid I now am, I would like to ask that you leave me alone and in peace during bath time. I can wash myself."

For a minute, all John could do was stare at the little boy next to him, mind completely blank. However, then the words began to finally sink into his brain, as well as their implications, and he found his eyes widening, jaw dropping in horror and disbelief. Because this couldn't really be happening to him, could it? It might not have seemed like a big deal to anyone else, but this was John and his practical kid. He wasn't ready for his little Karkles to grow up. He wasn't ready for the little grub he once cradled in his arms as it purred contently to be independent and no longer in need of him or his care.

It jabbed at his heart painfully, but he knew he couldn't smother him. Sure, he'd probably do that anyways, and though his immediate reaction was to deny little Kar's request, tell him he wasn't quite old enough yet, he knew that the boy was. After all, he was already a big and bad seven-year-old, and he didn't want to make Karkat any more resentful of him or his overprotective care as absolutely necessary.

" . . . Alright," he answered slowly, releasing a breath tiredly.

"Look, I just want—what?" Karkat asked, obviously thrown by how easy he'd gotten what he wanted.

"Alright. You can bathe alone if you really want to. You are perfectly right in that you are old enough to take care of yourself during tub time, if you really want it." John said, nodding.

"R . . . Really?" Apparently the boy couldn't quite believe that it was that simple.

"Yup. Really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"Positive?"

"Karkat, buddy, do you want to be able to bath alone or not?"

"But . . . I thought you were going to put up more of a fight over this! You're supposed to make me argue and fight and make a puppy dog face in order to get what I want! Not just say, 'alright,' or 'okay,' you stupid idiot!" The troll yelled; face flushing red in his irritation.

John didn't understand what the problem was. He'd given the kid what he wanted, so why was he so obviously angry? "Do you not want to wash yourself?"

"No! I mean yes! I mean . . . agh! You're making this too hard for me, moron! Why can't you just follow the stupid parent rules and make me work for what I want? Jeez, you are the worst guardian ever!" Karkat shouted, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

As he panted, recovering from his explosion, John couldn't help but give a buck-toothed grin, asking ever so slyly, "You don't want to bathe by yourself, do you?"

"Shut up."

And with that, growing up was put off for a few more years.

When Karkat came out to John about being gay, it was the troll's sixth "sweep," or thirteenth Earth year.

Poor Karkles was obviously feeling very awkward and very much embarrassed, but in John's defense, he'd had no idea what it was that the young troll was trying to tell him, and so had teased and picked at the adolescent until he'd exploded, yelling that he "WAS GAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN **** OFF!"

Afterwards, John spent the entire day eating chocolate ice cream and watching romcoms with the teenager, assuring him over and over that he was perfectly fine with the troll's new romantic status. He'd even reminded him that John, himself, was gay as a rainbow. Surprisingly, Karkat didn't seem to remember John's romantic relationship with his older self, nor his young friend, John's younger alternate. It was slightly disconcerting, but John didn't push it, simply shrugging and turning back to the movie without too much worry. After all, they hadn't seen the other two in years. What harm would it do allowing Karkat to be blissfully ignorant of his past?

This was also the year that Karkat's few friends quickly multiplied, all the way until the little twerp was bringing eleven other trollian friends home after school every now and again, or was asking John to pick him up from one of the other's houses. Usually he simply wanted to hang out with his best friend, or "moirail," a gangly young troll named Gamzee, who had a freaky obsession with clowns and acted like he was permanently in a trance.

Though not John's first choice of best friends and group, he kept quiet, too happy about Karkat's new found happiness with his group, even if he denied it until he was red in the face.

It was a year later that young Karkat met young John again after so many years.

He still didn't remember his old playmate, nor his other caretaker, but what he did know was that as soon as he saw the other boy, an exact look-alike of his current guardian, but skinnier, paler, and somehow even more awkward, he felt a hate-crush prickling across his blood thumper.

Hate because, well, who did this other "John" think he was to look and act so much like Karkat's John? No one could or would ever take his caretaker's place in his heart, and just the thought of how similar they were made the fourteen-year-old shake with unbridled rage. No one was allowed to be as amazing as John Egbert! No one had the right to even attempt such a thing!

And yet, this other "John" did, and not only did he mostly succeed, but he didn't even seem to know he was impersonating someone else. Karkat honestly felt half his heart melt at the sight of that familiar, sincere smile, and the other half burned with righteous anger at the impersonation.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to confess his attraction or rip the guy's throat out, so he decided to get advice from the one person he knew wouldn't judge him: his drugged-out moirail, Gamzee.

Gamzee was in the process of slurping down one of his sober slime pies when Karkat found him, grinning like a maniac and with green slime slathered all across his face, the clown makeup he always wore running a bit as he licked sober off his lips. "Hey, mother****er! What're you doing up in here?"

"Well, I'm definitely not here for some advice over something serious and emotional-related, ****ass! Ever thought that I might just want to say hi for once? Gog." Karkat snapped, crossing his arms over his chest angrily.

"Woah, brother! Slow down and tell me what you're in to."

Karkat took a deep breath, already complying without a second thought, since it was what he came here to do in the first place. But he didn't want Gamzee thinking he actually needed him or something. That would just blow up the ****tard's stupid stoned brain, and the last thing they all needed was another accident caused by his moirail blowing up.

"Ah, a hate-crush." Gamzee said, nodding, a lazy smile crawling across his face as he licked sober off his slender fingers. "So my little man's growing up, huh?

"Shut it, you insufferable clown-loving shitface. Just tell me what to do about this."

"Alright, alright. Just make you up and listin' to this miraculous shit, and you'll have yourself a cute little kismesis in no ****in' time."

And that was how fourteen-year-old Karkat Vantas confessed his feelings to his second ever crush (his first one was on his friend Terezi when they were only acquaintances in elementary school), and also how he received his first ever rejection.

"John!" Karkat cried, slamming the front door behind him loudly, startling the poor middle-aged man in the kitchen.

"Woah!" he exclaimed in surprise, peeking out into the living room in concerned, feeling his alarm shoot up to all new heights when he found the adolescent standing alone in the middle of the living room, bright red dripping from his cheeks and eyes, slender body trembling in barely suppressed sobs.

Adult John immediately rounded the kitchen counter, throwing a dish rag over his shoulder as he rushed to the crying teenager in his home, quickly wrapping him in his arms and pulling the child troll close. "What happened, Karkitty?"

"I got rejected." His voice was muffled by John's chest, but it was still fairly easy to understand what he was saying. Small hands fisted in John's worn sweater as the boy finally broke down, letting his tears soak the older male's shirt and his sobs fill the space around them.

"That's terrible!" John cooed, stroking his black hair, "Are you sure you aren't just misunderstanding him?"

He let out a gasp of surprise when he felt Karkat shove him away, using more strength than he knew he had. John was forced to stumble back, accidentally releasing the troll as he did so, and was met with a pair of dark, angry eyes, the fire in them more intense and enraged than adult Egbert had seen in a long while. "Of course not, ****ass. I'm not a ****ing idiot! I told that derpy boy I was black for him, and he said he wasn't a homosexual!" The last part was screamed, Karkat's face flushing a brilliant, bright red.

John blinked once. Twice. A third time.

Strangely, it felt like something similar had once happened to him before, or he'd heard something similar that had happened to someone he once knew. Could it be . . . ? he wondered dazedly.

"Karkles," the human started gently, swallowing as the teen tried to calm himself, "What was this boy's name?"

Any progress the troll teenager had made was instantly erased as he flushed again, shoulders tensing and eyes staring dead at the carpet between his black sneakers. "I don't really see why it matters; I mean, it's not like you're going to get to meet him or anything."

"Please, just . . . tell me his name. Please."

Karkat mumbled something, toeing at the floor shyly, but John wasn't able to make out what he said. "What?"

"I said, his stupid frickin' name is John Egbert!" he exclaimed, blushing a brilliant candy red from his throat upwards. He sounded angry, embarrassed, and depressed all at once, but all the adult John could do was gap at him, despite having suspected as much.

"You met . . . ?" It seemed so impossible. So improbable. Maybe he was just dreaming all of this.

"Yes, yes, I know already, you stupid human! He has your name! It's such a coincidence! But that's not why I'm black for him, okay?! I have my own ****ing reasons for the things I do, you know." The young troll said, scowling up at the completely befawled guardian.

"You actually met John . . ." the human male murmured, looking entranced, eyes glazed and unfocused like Gamzee's.

"Uh . . . are you okay?" Young Karkat asked somewhat nervously, brows furrowing as he stared at his guardian, waiting for some sort of response. All he got was more nonsensical muttering though, making the troll seriously worried that he was high on some sort of shit that his friend Gamzee probably would have killed for. "John, quit it. You're starting to freak me out. Do you still possess a thinkpan in that soft human head of yours?"

"Yeah, sorry," Older Egbert mumbled, snapping himself out of it and shaking his head. It was probably just a freak coincidence. There was literally no way it could be who he thought it was. "How do you feel about a movie night?"

Karkat had to forcibly swallow his grin, crossing his arms and making a big show of reluctantly agreeing, though on the inside, he was as happy and excited about a movie night as he was back when he was only seven and still prancing about in one of his caretaker's many blue shirts.

"Only if we can watch Troll Chase Crawford," he grumbled.

John just grinned, "Sure thing, Karkitty."

As it turned out, teen Egbert felt pretty bad about rejecting Karkat, and so to the original John's delight and surprise, his younger self began to hang out with the flustered troll more and more, and soon Karkat was happily crushing on the human kid again, constantly talking about the fantasy hate-relationship he dreamed of with the young derpy adolescent.

Though John had never wanted to be Karkles' kismesis, he remembered that even his Karkat had wanted to have a blackrom between them at one point, but had eventually gone flushed, which was what he hoped the alternate Karkat and John would end up in. But even if they didn't, he was just happy to see them so happy, and by the time the moody troll had officially turned five sweeps or fifteen Earth years, alternate Egbert and his human accomplices began hanging out with Karkat's, even going so far as to follow him to his house with the older John.

Of course, the kids oohed and ahed over how alike the two John's looked, but both just laughed it off, younger John because he didn't realize nor remember he was simply an alternate life form, and older Egbert because he felt like he had a secret inside joke no one else could understand but the original Karkat.

While thinking of his own ex-matesprit made him a tad depressed, he was mostly over it by now, and was able to cheer up much easier and very much faster than he used to, even if seeing the rapidly-growing troll teen made him feel lonely and nostalgic at times. He hoped things would go much better for the alternates and their temporarily imaginary relationship than it did for the originals.

It was one of these days John came out of the kitchen for a split second to find the two boys alone in the living room after all their friends had left, leaning their shoulders against each other's lazily as they watched terrible movies, fingers entwined in each other's and both looking a tad pink in the face but otherwise content.

He was quick to back out of the room to allow them their private moment.

Gosh, if only he was still in the thralls of young love!

A few months later, John and Karkat had built up a steady flushed relationship, though according to Kar, they still weren't "official" yet.

Apparently, they were taking it much slower than the older John remembered his relationship going, and still had yet to kiss one another. That talk had literally made the original Egbert's jaw drop open, but he'd been pretty quick to shut it and congratulate the two on their happy journey to romance.

Unfortunately, that's also when John and Karkat asked him to attend the "date night" play their school was throwing in order to raise more money for the Drama club the two had joined together with their friends.

And the worse was only yet to come.

Of course, John being John, he immediately asked Rose and Jade to accompany him, as Kanaya and Dave were busy fighting off a horde of some beasts or another, or perhaps doing another modeling thing where Kanaya tailored an outfit to her Strider model. Egbert didn't know the details, but he knew the two were busy, and so asked his loyal chick friends to go with him and watch his little man's play.

They agreed, of course, though that may have been more due to a curiosity to see their own younger selves than to actually watch John's supposed "son," especially when that "son" wasn't really his. At all.

But the important thing was that they went with him, and John made sure to pay all three of their tickets, escorting both of them inside with his forearms held out so they could loop their pale arms around his elbows. They walked like that to one of the tables, draped in a cheap white tablecloth and topped with a lit candle, the play itself taking place in the gym, where all the bleachers and sports equipment had been moved to make room for all the tables.

They took their seats, looking around themselves at all the gathered parents talking amongst each other in hushed voices and soft, trilling laughs, curious and excited for what was to come.

That's when the proverbial "shit hit the fan" for the older John.

"Egbert?" a familiar and all-too-irritable voice called in surprise.

He felt himself freeze up, fists clenching the tablecloth and blood draining from his face. He hadn't heard that aggravated voice in years, and too his dismay, he found that husky, grumpy tone still turned him on every bit as much as it did when he was only twenty.

Oh, the memories.

"Karkat," he tried to say it as brightly as he could muster, but his smile felt wrong on his face, his voice strained, and sweat was beginning to collect on the back of his neck and forehead, hands clammy and shaking ever so slightly.

The original Vantas was squinting as him through the darkness, lithe body frozen mid-step and expression twisted into a look John surprisingly couldn't identify. He guessed that after roughly thirteen years, you no longer really knew a person, no matter how much you once loved them. At least he wasn't surprised to see a curious Gamzee hovering behind him, looking as laid-back and stoned as he always did. "It's been awhile!"

"No shit, asswipe." John winced slightly at the undiluted anger in his voice, noticing a couple of the parents were turning in their seats to look over at them. "Leaving me to raise you all by myself for thirteen years—what kind of ****ed-up individual does that? You left your kid, you filthy piece of shit. You left our kid."

More people were beginning to turn and watch them, including the large teacher-coaches acting as security guards. "Karkat, I understand you're angry—I would be too—but here is not the place for this talk, nor is now a really good time." John said, eyeing the watching security guys nervously.

The adult troll sneered, snatching the back of his collar hard enough to joke to poor man, forcibly dragging him out of his seat and towards the door, forcing him to walk backwards. "Hey! What are you—? Stop! Let go of me! I can walk!"

He heard a derisive snort, "Yeah, right. I'm not letting you go until I'm positive you won't run like the ****ing coward you are."

John went silent as he was dragged the rest of the way out of the gymnasium and out into the cool fall air, feeling his earlier sweat dry almost instantly.

When Karkat finally released him, he turned to face his former boyfriend, crossing his arms over his chest and marveling at how much taller Karkat was to him, unlike their younger, alternate selves, who were around the same height at the moment. John had always liked how much his matesprit towered over him, and while to some people it was only a few inches, to John, they were the sexiest few inches ever.

"We need to talk," the troll deadpanned, dark eyes focused on Egbert's face with an intensity that made him blush.

"Well, I was hoping you hadn't just dragged me out here to have your nasty troll way with me," he joked, shivering as a blast of frigid air hit him full-on from the side.

Vantas glowered, a slow-creeping pink crawling up his face, though he did an upstanding job of pretending he wasn't flustered in the least. "Listen here, nooksniffer. I know you don't actually have a mature bone in your body, but we need to have a serious talk here. Not only haven't I seen you in thirteen years, but John hasn't seen you in twelve. I haven't even had the chance to talk to past me since then! Even when I wanted to, I couldn't ever track you down because you made those low-life lesbian friends of ours keep your location a secret!"

John rubbed the back of his neck nervously, staring down at his shoes. "Well . . ."

"Well, what?! If you have a logical defense for this, you better speak the **** now, or so help me Gog I will slap you right here and now."

The human male took a deep breath, raking a hand through his dark hair, not noticing the way his ex-lover's eyes looked longingly at his dark locks before his eyes flickered back down to focus on his face. "After we broke up—"

"We didn't break up!" Karkat protested loudly, anger clear in his voice.

John locked eyes with him, no longer joking or nervous, but now dead serious. "After we broke up, I went to Kanaya and Rose's house and asked them what they thought I should do. They weren't sure how to settle our problem either, so we called down a . . . friend who offered up an idea, and explained that living with our alternate selves risks death or brain damage on both ends, so it was decided we'd split the kids up. I was going to come back and visit eventually . . . but . . ."

"But?" Karkat growled, his body language radiating rage now, bent over John like he was planning on ripping into him.

"I . . . Well, I just . . . chickened out. I know this is my fault and everything, but I just didn't want to face any of this . . . It was childish and unfair, I know."

"Because of you, our kids don't know each other!" Vantas boomed, "They don't know us! And unlike you, I've been alone this whole time too, waiting for your ugly pink face to come back around and beg me for forgiveness!"

"Er—well—"

"You know what it feels like to lust after your own kid as he grows older, just because you know he's an exact copy of your matesprit?! Gog, I feel like such a sick pervert every time I so much as look at John now, and all because of these stupid troll hormones—I haven't even done anything with him! Just gave him as human a parenting as I could! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be ****ing him up so badly! But no, you just have to be such a damn coward and make me raise the kid myself! You know I can't do anything without messing it up! What were you thinking, ****ton?" Karkat demanded, voice rising until he was yelling and flailing about angrily by the end of it.

"I—"

"Damn you, Egbert human! Damn you to your human Hell!"

And then he was shoving the original John hard into the brick wall of the gym, pinning his wrists above his head and kissing him so hard on the mouth he felt the troll's fangs cut into his lower lip, blood squishing between their chins as Karkat moved to go deeper, delving a hot tongue into John's eager mouth.

He tried to hold back his moan, but failed miserably, feeling Kar's fingers tightening around his wrists, most likely leaving bruises, but he didn't care. He just wanted more.

Just like that, the doors to the gym slammed open, and the two jumped apart, mouths shining with blood and panting hard as Jade glanced wide-eyed between them, ivory face slowly turning a deep crimson. "I-I'm so sorry! I had no idea you two were—uh, anyway, the show's starting, if you two wanted to actually watch it. Sorry, sorry."

She ducked back inside, and John hurried after her, too embarrassed to look back at Karkat as he dashed inside ahead of the troll, though he swore he could feel eyes burning into his back as he went back to his seat on the other side of Rose and Jade, turning his attention to the play. Still, though, he could feel Karkat's eyes, even though when he glanced over at the troll's table, Vantas had his attention fixed on the teen actors on the stage.

John decided to believe he was only imagining the feeling, and tried his very best to ignore his ex-matesprit's presence for the rest of the play, despite the feeling of fangs and hot mouths still burning into his flesh.

When the play ended and the alternate Karkat bounced up to him, boasting about how good he did, John agreed with the same lopsided grin as always, and though the troll teen couldn't tell anything was amiss, Rose and Jade swore he looked just a bit more dazed than usual.

A week later, teenage Karkat brought the alternate John over to their house on another date, where they played video games on the old Xbox that made Karkitty shout in anger and confusion and younger John giggle dorkily.

Older John mostly stayed out of their way, only intruding upon them to bring out a bowl full of snacks, setting it between the two with a good-natured grin before retreating to his bedroom, where he flopped down on the Queen-sized bed with an exhausted sigh.

But Karkat must have gone to use the bathroom or something after he set down the snacks, because to his surprise, a voice almost immediately spoke up from the doorway of his room.

"Mister Egbert?" a nervous pubescent voice called.

Original John lifted his head to see his alternate self shifting nervously at the door to the room, rubbing his arms uncomfortably as he looked around, blue eyes wide but worried.

"What's wrong, John?" The older human asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose as he slowly sat up on his bed.

"You . . . You're dating my dad, aren't you?" Young John asked awkwardly, shrinking away from his other-self's dumbfounded look, "Or, I mean, you two are . . . romantically involved, maybe? Either way, you're something with him, right? I don't mean to be creepy or intrude or anything but . . . do you think you could, um, go on a date with him or go see him some time?"

It was weird hearing these things coming from his younger self, even if he had now come to terms with being "gay," as he was now almost-officially dating the teenage Karkat. It felt like it took forever for his words to sink in John's brain, though, and when they did, they made no sense. How did this kid even know they had something like a relationship? He couldn't have seen them making out in front of the gym! He would have been inside, preparing for the play with his classmates. So how did he know? And why was he asking the older John this?

"What . . . are you talking about?" John asked slowly, wondering if he was missing some small and/or major detail somewhere.

"I know my dad," the teen male admitted with a shrug, "We talk sometimes, and we share stuff. Besides, he fell asleep on the couch the other day and said your name and, uh, some other . . . things I'm not really sure I'll ever be okay enough to talk about."

Well. That explained a lot. Poor Karkles, hopefully he'd never know of this moment, or he'd probably die from embarrassment. John knew he'd be sufficiently humiliated for the rest of his life if they'd traded places.

"John . . ." the older Egbert hesitated, thinking over his words before he said them, and even then, they came out slow, unsure. "Your father and I have a complicated set up. I'm not sure going over to see him or suddenly asking him out on a date would be a very good idea right now. Why would you want me to, anyways? Don't you think a relationship between you and your boyfriend's parents is . . . icky?"

"Kind of," the alternate version admitted, "But Karkat seems really lonely lately, and I want him to be as happy as Karkitty and I. He deserves it more than anyone else I know, and I'm sure you two would be great together!"

Woah. I'm so optimistic, he thought to himself in wonder, Is this what Karkat used to mean about me and my "bright, annoying, and completely illogical personality"? I think I can understand if it is. At least, as much as anyone can understand Karkat.

"I guess I could try something," the original John blurted before he realized what he was saying.

"Cool!" Young John cheered, beaming so brightly it was a wonder his future self wasn't blinded by the sheer happiness in that smile, "I hope you two work out and stay together forever!"

"Yo, John! Where the ever-loving **** are you?" A grumpy teen voice called from the other room.

"Coming!" Teen John yelled back, skipping out of his older self's bedroom and back to the living room his soon-to-be matesprit awaited. Original John had already flopped back on the bed, suddenly feeling much more tired than he did the night he left the high school gymnasium.

Looks like he had just agreed to a date with the original Vantas. He honestly wondered how that would go.

The original John Egbert could not believe he was actually standing where he was.

His poor, nerve-wracked brain barely comprehended that it was his alternate self who pointed out his and older Karkat's shared house, a cute brick one-story with many a looming tree that drenched the lawn in shade, a freshly coated picket fence surrounding the property in an almost cheerfully suspicious manner. It reminded him exactly of his Karkat: cute, warm, and overly cautious.

The younger John had pointed out the house to him as he'd driven young Karkitty and John back home after picking them up from the movies, though the two kept arguing over whether it was a "date" or not.

Karkles, of course, insisted that it was, only to curse and flail about in frustration when the teen Egbert disagreed. Still, it was worth listening to their squabble just for the hilarious but not-quite-witty comebacks, as well as the flustered look on poor Karkat's face when the adolescent not-boyfriend gave him a goodbye peck on the cheek.

Older John knew that standing in front of the unfamiliar house replaying cute scenes from yesterday was stupid and just another way for him to stall, but he was so incredibly nervous! Young John and Karkat were off somewhere else again today, most likely on yet another group outing, leaving the two adult's and their homes practically barren of living company. If there was ever a time to go on a . . . a date with the original Vantas, it was now.

But what if the troll rejected him? Sure, they'd kissed outside the gymnasium, but restarting a romantic relationship was something different altogether. What if Karkat didn't want to risk a repeat? Or what if he had moved on?

"Who the **** is standing at my front door?!" A familiar angry voice roared, accompanied by the sounds of stomped footsteps rapidly closing in on said door.

'I'm not ready yet!' A voice in John's head cried out in alarm, but he didn't even get time to lunge off the front porch before the door was swinging open in front of him, revealing an aggravated, messy Karkat Vantas in all of his beautiful glory.

Now that they were in proper lighting, John could see the wrinkles accumulating in the corners of the troll's eyes, the rare white hair lacing that unruly mane of black silk. His clothes were the same, as was most of his skin texture, but his horns looked softer, almost, more wrinkled, as if they had been worn down by the elements—or perhaps stress, knowing Karkles senior.

"H-hi," John swallowed, smiling nervously up at his ex-lover.

To his surprise, Karkat's jaw not only dropped comically, but his yellow-red eyes bulged, his body going rigid in shock. Obviously, he was not expecting the presence of one older Egbert today.

Suddenly taking an adolescent prankster's advice to come and see his ex-significant other felt like a very stupid idea.

"What—what are you doing here?" Karkat demanded, not bothering to hide just how astonished he was to see the human male, and making no move to allow him entry.

"Er . . ." He wished he'd rehearsed his words in the mirror like the actors in Karkitty's cheesy romance movies! "Would it be offensive if I said I have no idea?" He was given a look like one might expect when randomly visiting an ex's home and claiming not to know why one was there. ". . . This was a really stupid idea. Gosh, I'm sorry, Kitkat! I'll just leave—"

"The hell you will!" The troll shouted, grabbing the human by his sides and yanking him into the house, slamming the front door behind them and whirling around to shove John onto a nearby couch, which he promptly landed on face-first. "You're on my turf now, asswipe."

"I really hope you don't talk that way around the chil—OUCH! THAT WASN'T FRIENDLY!"

Karkat licked John's blood off his lips, flashing him a smile full of red-stained fangs as his partner clumsily put a hand to the new wound on his shoulder, wincing as he put a little too much pressure on it. "Gog, I've missed you."

He flushed and opened his mouth to say likewise, but before he could the dang troll was on the couch, slithering above him, pressing kisses and nips into John's neglected sweet spot, making sure to go back and lick any blood up as John writhed and moaned beneath him, mouth opening and closing furiously as he tried to form coherent words. Talking was important, they needed to talk—about them, their relationship, their somewhat "kids"—but this right now felt too good, and John found he couldn't make real words with his vocal chords.

The only thing he managed to say was a gasped, "Karkat!" Which must have excited the troll, because he began attacking John's oversensitive body with renewed vigor, rutting up against the panting man roughly, blissfully.

A lustful haze settled over the human's mind, making everything blurry and pleasant and good—but through it he was somehow managed to forced himself to spread the love to his partner, too, and so snaked his hands up behind the troll's head, grabbing the base of his nubby horns and massaging them where they connected to his scalp.

Immediately, Karkat let out a strange, throaty sound, tensing against John's body and pausing for only a second before he was going down on him with a feverish desperation, sinking his fangs into the juncture between John's neck and shoulder, causing him to cry out.

Sharp nails racked down his back and sides, catching and ripping his shirt and jacket, puncturing through the fabric to shallowly cut into his skin, sending John into a frenzy of screams as Vantas continued thrusting roughly against his hips and biting harshly at his neck.

"B-bucket!" John sputtered.

Karkat growled, snapping his teeth loudly to show his displeasure at the suggestion. Ever since the beginning of John and Karkat's sexual relationship, when the clueless human wouldn't let his troll partner pull out to use the bucket, not knowing what he'd want to use it for, the Cancer had had a strange taste for using his lover's body as his personal troll bucket.

"Karkat! Please!" he cried, fingers fisting into the fabric of his lover's shirt, thighs clinging to the other's hips.

It wasn't much later that Karkat gave in and a bucket materialized seemingly out of nowhere. And it wasn't much longer after that when the couple needed another one.

Oh man. Oh man, oh man, oh. Frickin'. Man!

What had he been thinking?! Going over to Karkat's house like that, and—and doing it on the couch! What was he, a lovesick, horny teenager? Well, technically, his other self was, but that was against the point! The original John was a grown-ass man, and he needed to act like it! What would he have done if the children walked in on them? Or—or if this led to more relationship problems with adult Karkat?

He couldn't do this. This constant worrying and fretting was making him sick; even the alternate John and Karkat commented on this when they dropped back at the older Egbert's home after their maybe-date.

Of course, he just smiled and lied, saying he thought he was getting a small cold, which ended up being the exact wrong thing to say because younger John told older Karkat, who promptly rushed to the original John's house, kicked down the door (literally. Gosh, he thought he'd taught Kitkat door manners already!), and held up a small bag of medicines and other ill-likened things, demanding that Mr. Egbert lay his ass down on the couch and allow the troll to take care of him until he was healthy again.

It only made it worse because Karkat knew he hated being fussed and cooed over, and the elder Vantas probably realized his human maybe-ex-who-the-heck-knows-what-they-are-anymore wasn't sick as soon as he scented John, and he knew, he knew that Karkles was forcing him to take the sickeningly lovey-dovey actions to spite John's wishes, knowing his protests would be limited due to the concerned children hovering nearby, asking if he felt okay.

Damn his possibly-matesprit-again. Damn him to hell.

"Say ah," Karkat taunted above him, alien eyes flashing evilly as he wagged a spoon full of the classic chicken noodle soup in front of the human's face.

John narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, swallowing the urge to pout. "Ah."

Alternate John and Karkat were sitting on the couch on the other side of the room, pretending to watch one of Karkitty's terrible romcoms as they peeked over at the adults, teenage Karkat wearing an expression like the cat that got the cream, and younger John fidgeting and blushing nervously, like he wasn't sure whether to be happy about seeing his parental figure with the love of his life or extremely creeped out. The original thought he could understand his poor alternate's pain.

Original Karkat gently slid the spoon between his partner's lips, eyes locked with the other the entire time, somehow making the small, affectionate action in to something a bit more . . . intense.

John gulped loudly. Karkat grinned rather smugly in response.

Oh, man oh man oh man. Why had he thought lying to his kids about having a cold was a good idea? Why did he have to go and have sex with Vantas after all this time? He should have insisted on taking things easy, if they were taken at all, should have said, "No Karkat, I will not have sex with you in the middle of the living room after talking to you for only the second time since we broke up."

Oh gog. This was only the third time they'd seen each other since the fight. Somehow, knowing that only made everything so much worse. It made John's head feel dizzy and his gut churn. Maybe he really was sick after all.

Karkat must have noticed his nausea in his expression, frowning, brows creasing like they used to do when he became worried. "Are you feeling alright? You aren't going to throw up on me, are you? Tell me if you're about to vomit right now, Egbert, or I swear to gog I will hurt you to the point people will mistake us as kismesises."

"I . . . I think I need to rest a bit. I'm going to be—" he said, not looking at the troll as he began pushing himself up from the couch, moving to swing his legs off the side of the couch.

He was shoved back down before his toes could skim the carpet, Karkat staring down at his face, eyes narrowed in what could have easily been suspicious, annoyance, or a combination of the two. "If you need to sleep, do so right here. I don't want you to choke on your own bile and die slowly in your sleep."

Well. There went John's plan.

". . . Fine," he growled, turning over so his back was to the troll, only to be surprised by the brief feeling of warm lips against his forehead and the feeling of a blanket draping across his body.

"Sweet dreams," Karkat mumbled.

John didn't get much sleep after that. At all.

When he woke up again from only a few minutes of unconsciousness, it was to the feeling of warmth and vibrations rolling against his back, a deep, throaty rumbling in his ear and hot breath tickling his neck.

"Mmm?" he murmured dazedly, reaching a hand back to feel silky hair brush against his fingertips.

The rumbling became louder, a face nuzzling into the stretch of skin between John's shoulder and neck, clawed digits moving up under his shirt to spread across his age-softened stomach, staying there to trace patterns into the delicate flesh there.

"Karkat," he moaned, arching back into the familiar body.

"Just because you own the hive doesn't mean you have to **** right in front of us, you know," a familiar growl came, causing John's eyes to snap open in surprise, only to see Karkitty standing in front of the couch with John, looking utterly disgusted at the display before them.

The elder Egbert glanced over his shoulder at the defiantly-purring troll clinging to his shoulders, ignoring the children currently freaking out over their intimate scene of affection.

" . . . Does this mean you two are together now?" Teenage John asked, glancing between the two hopefully, though he did so while shifting from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable with everything he was seeing. Again, the original Egbert couldn't blame him.

"I—"

"Yes," Karkles cut him off, wrapping one of his legs around John's.

"Er, Kar, don't you think we should talk a bit more about—"

"No."

"But—"

"Just shut your seedflap and watch the damn TV, Egbert. You can figure out your own confusion later." With that said, Karkat adjusted his position behind John, wiggling about until he was laying half-under the human, making a satisfied noise at the new position and gesturing for the kids to either join them or leave.

With a wary glance at each other, almost as if they thought the adults might start doing something inappropriate again, they sat in front of the occupied loveseat, leaning their shoulders together and threading their fingers through one another's. It was both the cutest and most tear-jerking thing John had ever scene. His baby troll was all grown up now!