*Sorry, I had to re-upload this to the site. I had no idea what went wrong before. Now enjoy!*

It was the end of another day at Day Care. Like every other day before it in the previous month, the four workers spent the day entertaining the patrons and maybe even taught them something new. However, today was different in the way that could only be expressed through Dave's thought at the end of that specific day.

"Another successful Character Day," Dave sighed after Peter and Ty left the building with their guardian. Dave. At the moment, was dressed as Steve from Blue's Clues. He didn't bother dying his hair but he wore a green striped shirt, tan pants, brown shoes, and was carrying around a Handy Dandy Notebook.

"Why do you even have this day?" John asked Dave. John was dressed as a young Obi Wan Kenobi, a costume he had lying around from the previous Halloween. John also didn't wear a wig, and he sadly did not have the Padiwan braid. Dave also told him he couldn't bring his lightsaber that glowed and made lightsaber noises.

"So kids have a chance to dress-up. Halloween isn't until later in the year and dressing up is fun," Dave replied.

"Everything's clean," Vriska proclaimed stepping out of the play room. She was wearing a pirate outfit, more elaborate than the one she was usually handed when the kids wanted to play pirates. She had pirate coat, pirate boots, pirate hat, eye-patch, hook hand, and John fashioned to her shoulder with a parrot that squawked when you pressed a button. "Some of them actually cleaned up."

"That's new," Dave said surprised.

"Annie probably told them too," John laughed. "She's pretty smart for her age."

"Yep," Dave agreed before looking to the Mayor who instead as dressing up at the Red Power Ranger. "You hangin' in buddy?"

The Mayor gave Dave a thumbs up before returning to spinning around in the desk chair.

"So is that it?" Vriska asked. "Can we go?"

"Actually, I wanted to give you something Vriska," Dave declared as he went around the front desk. "If you didn't know, you've been working here for one month."

"Really? Time then really flies by, huh," Vriska commented. "So what?"

"Well, within this one month you haven't killed anyone which is a means for celebration," Dave stated as he pulled a gift wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper from under the desk.

"Is this for me?" Vriska asked.

"Yeah," Dave pushed it towards Vriska.

"Why is it wrapped in Christmas paper?" John asked.

"It's ironic," Dave stated.

John looked at Dave and sighed before walking over to the white board labeled 'Days Dave Have Gone Without Mentioning Irony'. It was at five, about to break the record, but John wiped it clean and replaced the '5' with a '0'.

John then turned back to Vriska who began to open the gift. When she was done, she discarded the wrapping paper which revealed a shitty plastic pirate sword.

"What's this?" Vriska asked.

"A shitty plastic pirate sword," Dave declared. "It even makes shitty plastic pirate sword noises."

Vriska pressed the button on the hilt and the sword echoed a clanging noises that would be made when sword crash into each other.

"This is actually pretty cool," Vriska realized.

"I know," Dave agreed.

"Do I get something?" John asked.

"No," Dave answered. "I can trust you not to kill anyone."

John stuck his tongue out at Dave as Vriska ripped the plastic pirate sword of the cardboard back. The sword was pretty small because it was meant for a six-year old but Vriska began to swing it around like an expert.

"I like it," Vriska proclaimed.

"Good," Dave laughed. "I'll let you use during the day."

"Really?" Vriska asked surprised.

"Oh come on!" John groaned. "You wouldn't let me bring my lightsaber today!"

"That's because your lightsaber is life-sized while the pirate sword it kid-sized," Dave proclaimed. "But enough about that. Time to wrap it up. Don't you two have to go on a date?"

"Yes," John and Vriska answered at the same time. Vriska answered as though it wasn't a big deal while John began to blush and scratch his neck awkwardly.

"Where are you two going?" Dave began to ask noticing how uncomfortable John was when talking about the date planned.

"John's insisting that I try this human food called 'Chinese' and then we're going to watch National Treasure," Vriska answered.

"Hhm, Chinese and a movie. That sounds nice," Dave declared as the four workers left the building. Dave locked the door before they began to walk to the back where the cars were parked.

"What are you doing Dave?" John asked Dave to move off the subject.

"Karkat, Terezi, the Mayor and I are having dinner with Rose and Kanaya," Dave answered.

"So it's a Meteor dinner?" John asked.

"Yep," Dave replied as he walked towards his car. "How mad do you think Kanaya would be if I wore my present get-up to dinner?"

"Very," Vriska replied.

"Good," Dave got in his car with the Mayor and drove away.

"I hope he's alive tomorrow," John stated before he and Vriska climbed in his car and drove away.

Later in the evening, dinner plans were coming along nicely as Dave parked his car into the driveway of Lalonde Mansion. Karkat was in shotgun while Terezi and the Mayor were in the back. The Mayor had changed out of his Power Ranger costume but Dave was still dressed as Steve.

"Kanaya is going to kill you," Karkat stated as he looked at Dave again.

"She can try," Dave argued.

"What is it with you aggravating Kanaya?" Terezi asked.

"She's my sister-in-law," Dave stated.

"That makes no sense," Karkat sighed.

"It isn't supposed to," Dave answered.

"Let's just head inside," Terezi reminded everyone. "Kanaya and Rose are probably looking through the window wondering why we're taking so long to get out of the car."

"I will let them have that liberty Terezi," Dave answered.

"Let's just go in," Karkat sighed. They all filed out of the car and walked up to the door. Kanaya opened the front door just as Karkat set one foot on the front step.

"Welcome," Kanaya said through the doorway.

"You were watching from the window, weren't you?" Karkat asked as he removed his coat and entered the house.

"Nonsense," Kanaya dismissed it as Terezi and the Mayor came in. they exchanged greetings and Dave was the last one through. Kanaya then asked slightly appalled, "Dave, what are you wearing?"

Dave smirked as he entered the house but did not happen to answer.

"Clothes," Dave answered back. "It's not like I can own a Day Care and walk around in my birthday suit Kanaya. Scandalous."

"Are you thinking about pursuing a career in children entertainment Dave?" Rose teased her brother as he entered the dinning room.

"Don't diss the threads Rose," Dave began. "I paid high price for these on EBay. Authentically worn by Steve Burns himself."

"Have you ever tried stalking Dave? I think that you would be good at it," Rose retorted.

"If you're trying to say that it's ridiculous, it's not," Dave answered. "After all I've been wearing these shades my whole life and they were worn by Ben Stiller. Why haven't you called me a stalker up until now?"

"Because John bought those shades you love as a birthday present. You yourself bought the clothes," Rose explained. "And Steve Burns was the host of an interactive children's show that had to do with a magical blue puppy, talking inanimate objects, and a scavenger hunt."

"Don't you dare talk about Blue's Clues like that," Dave threatened Rose taking a seat across from her at the table.

"Why, must I ask, are you wearing those clothes?" Kanaya asked Dave studying the clothes he had bought.

"It was character day at preschool," Dave explained. "So I was Steve from Blue's Clues."

"Why are you still wearing the clothes if it was just a costume?" Kanaya continued the interrogation.

"They make me feel good about myself so don't judge me," Dave lied.

"They are still completely ridiculous," Kanaya began to give her synopsis on Dave's clothing choice. "The tan pants and the striped green shirt do not exactly compliment each other and it was not fit for you. I would be a bit lenient if you had removed your shades because the green shirt would have complimented your eyes but you always refused to take off your sunglasses so that would be futile."

"And I don't want to walk around looking like a fucking Charlie Brown Christmas tree," Dave also added. "There's only a skinny pathetic tree and a couple red ornaments on it."

"So are you calling yourself pathetic?" Rose asked Dave.

"No where the fuck did that come from Rose?" Dave replied.

"Well you just compared yourself to a Charlie Brown Christmas tree in the case that you were walking around with that shirt on and your sunglasses off. As you elaborated on the image you explained yourself as a 'skinny pathetic tree'. That means that you think yourself as pathetic," Rose explained.

"Well I am not pathetic I was trying to make people image the Charlie Brown Christmas tree," Dave began. "Because if I do say so myself, I am pretty fucking awesome."

"Have I heard this conversation before?" Terezi asked Karkat on the sidelines.

"Probably," Karkat sighed because in just about every conversation Dave and Rose had. Rose would pull so physiological bullshit on Dave and Dave would deny every saying anything that Rose was able to turn on him even though he said it just a few seconds ago. "So are we eating or just watching Dave and Rose argue amongst themselves like a couple of douchecrumpet flying pathetic fucks?"

"So Karkat do you think that your boyfriend is pathetic?" Rose then asked Karkat.

Karkat just looked at Rose with narrow eyes as Rose smirked and flipped her off.

"Well Karkat has a point," Dave began.

"That you're pathetic?" Rose questioned.

"Low," Dave replied. "But I'm hungry. Are we going to eat?"

As dinner was finally set out at the Lalonde-Maryam Household, over at John's house a serious conversation was perspiring during John and Vriska's first date.

"Sticks?" Vriska questioned holding the chopsticks in her hands. "You're supposed to eat 'Chinese' with sticks?"

"Yeah," John answered laughing at Vriska's confusion. "You have to hold them a certain way so you can pick up the food."

"But," Vriska tried to comprehend the two small wooden sticks she was holding in her hands. "They aren't sharp."

"That's not the point, you just squeeze the food in between the two sticks using one hand to hold both of them," John explained. "It takes a long time to master."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I have had to work with some of the stupidest people in the whole world!" Vriska exclaimed in exasperation. Vriska stood up and threw the chopsticks away to get a fork from the kitchen, "Why can't you eat Chinese with a normal utensil!?"

"Because the Chinese used chopsticks way back then," John tried to explain as Vriska sat down.

"So you mean the food used chopsticks to eat themselves?" Vriska interpreted.

"No the Chinese are a race of people," John informed Vriska.

"We're eating people?" Vriska asked.

"No the food is called Chinese because the people called Chinese made this food," John fully explained.

"So are you Chinese?" Vriska questioned John.

"No I'm American," John corrected Vriska. "So are Rose, Jade, Dave and anyone who lives here."

"Then why are they called Chinese?" Vriska became confused again.

"Because they live in China," John added.

"Where's China?" Vriska asked.

"Asia," John answered.

"Where are we?" Vriska questioned.

"America," John replied.

"And where is America?" Vriska continued.

"North America," John tried to finish up the explanation. "That is on the planet earth."

"So are there an East, South and West America too?" Vriska asked.

"There's only a South America," John answered.

"Why?" Vriska asked.

"Because to the west of North America is Europe, and to the east is Asia," John explained.

"But why is it called South America?" Vriska was thoroughly confused.

"I don't know," John protested. "I'm not the history buff! Next time we see Dave, ask him. He had the degree in History."

"Why does he have a college degree in history if he runs a Day Care?" Vriska asked.

"Because he's Dave," John replied getting tired of all the questions. He now knew how Rose and Dave felt when the trolls were first introduced to human culture when they came back to Earth.

"Good enough," Vriska shrugged and finally began to eat her Chinese food with a fork. John looked down at the chopsticks in his hand and got up to throw them away and grab a fork as well. Chopsticks were stupid.

After dinner, John and Vriska began to watch National Treasure for the umpteenth time in their lives. It was an overall successful first date. Any reader may think that it would have been interesting but they were really just fangirling over Nic Cage for the rest of the date.

Back at the Meteor Dinner, dinner was over. Kanaya, Karkat and Terezi had gone into a different room to talk about troll things.

"I always wonder what Kanaya, Karkat and Terezi have to talk about," Rose wondered out loud to Dave.

"Let the trolls talk about troll things," Dave stated as he poured himself some apple juice. "And we can talk about human things."

"What human thinks are there to talk about?" Rose asked her brother.

"Things like how I'm thinking about growing a beard," Dave proclaimed.

"My, bold move for your future," Rose answered. "And what made you think about growing a whimsical beard?"

"Nothin' too long, short and clean, kinda like Kris Kringle had in Santa Claus is Coming To Town when his hair was still red," Dave proclaimed rubbing his stubbly chin with one hand. "I'm not thinking about growing a wizard beard here Rose, no matter what you think."

"Dave I would never tell you what to do with your face," Rose answered. "But while we're on the subject of hair."

"Please tell me you're not planning on growing a wizard beard," Dave groaned.

Rose smirked and asked, "What made you think that I had the capability of growing facial hair David? I was simply going to say that I was thinking about growing my hair out."

"Kanaya gonna like that?" Dave asked taking another sip of apple juice.

"I would think that she would be more upset about your plans for facial hair," Rose informed Dave. "Considering what she said about your shirt today."

"I don't care what the fashion police have to say," Dave stated. "And besides, my shirt is awesome. 100% authentically worn by Steve himself. Paid a lot of money on eBay to buy this beauty."

"You stated that earlier," Rose stated eyeing Dave's shirt. "Good to know that you are spending your retirement money wisely."

"But anyway, Kanaya can't catch both of us if we're both growing out our hair," Dave proclaimed.

"Contrary to the popular belief, she can," Rose gave Dave an important piece of information. "Kanaya's fashion sense equals the power of a hurricane."

"Puh-shaw!" Dave loudly stated as the trolls entered the kitchen.

"What are we talking about?" Kanaya asked.

"Nothing interesting dear," Rose replied.

"If it was about Dave's interesting eBay purchases then it's something interesting," Terezi informed Rose. "You should see what came in the mail yesterday."

"I would rather not know," Kanaya stated looking at the eBay purchase Dave was wearing.

"It was moon shoes," Dave announced. "Moon shoes!"

"Please don't tell me you're trying to relive the nineties brother or else I will personally have to step in and delete your eBay account," Rose told Dave.

"Naw I just wanted some moon shoes," Dave replied. "And they are awesome."

"They smelled like pieces of shit," Terezi added.

"I still don't know what moon shoes are," Karkat grumbled. "But they looked awful."

"Are you sure that you can't intervene with Dave's eBay purchases now Rose?" Kanaya asked her wife.

"When he buys something even more ridiculous than the stuffed unicorn head hanging in Can Town then I will step in and do something," Rose set a limit.

"There's what in Can Town?" Karkat asked.

"Stuffed unicorn head," Dave explained. "I put it there because you wouldn't be able to see it."

"Well what is it first off?" Karkat asked.

"A horrible fake head of a unicorn," Rose explained so Dave didn't have. "It is made of dirty white felt, wire, googily eyes, and a paper cone. It looks like it was a horrible taxidermy gone wrong and was attacked by a five year-old."

"And it smells like rotten eggs mixed with a dead cow covered in manure," Terezi explained further. "And I'm pretty sure that the Mayor hates it. He hasn't been in that corner of Can Town ever since Dave put it up. And he threw a can at it once."

Over at the other end of the table, the Mayor nodded his head in agreement.

"It was two dollars on eBay," Dave added.

Karkat didn't say anything but he was secretly plotting to burn the fake unicorn head as soon as he got home.

"Eh but now that the secret's out that I bought the creepiest fucking thing on the internet," Dave began seeming to know what Karkat was thinking. "I'll just help Karkat burn it when we get home."

"Just make sure you don't light the house on fire," Kanaya reminded Dave.

"You're just angry from last July when I accidentally set your bushes on fire with a rouge firework," Dave told Kanaya.

"It's more like I'm still angry from two Halloween's ago when you purposely set my bushes on fire," Kanaya informed Dave.

"Close enough," Dave shrugged.

"Having to call the fire department on holidays really puts a damper on parties," Terezi commented.

"Yeah but the fire department's cool with us now," Dave tried to expose the good side of the situation. "We know all the names of the firefighters and they're all on our Christmas card list. I even get a fruitcake or two from the guys for Christmas."

"I wouldn't say that getting a fruitcake for Christmas is a tiding of friendship," Rose informed Dave.

"Yeah but I still use the fruitcakes for fire pit bricks," Dave added.

"I still have no idea why humans exchange lumps of food bricks on Christmas or why those lumps of food bricks aren't flammable," Karkat expressed his confusion.

"And no one notices that I use them for bricks in the fire pit because I paint the black," Dave explained. "Bob the Builder would be proud of me. Or at least him in the newest series where they all talk about 'Reduce, Reuse, Recycle' all the time."

"Either way we'd better get going if we're going to burn the fake unicorn head," Karkat looked at his watch. "Thanks for the dinner."

"You're welcome," Kanaya replied.

Everyone exchanged goodbyes and then Dave, Karkat, Terezi and the Mayor were on their way home. Once at home, Dave revealed the fake unicorn head to Karkat, and Karkat almost threw up. They went outside, threw the head into the fruitcake firepit and burned it. It was a joyous occasion. Everyone was happy that it was gone, because even if Dave didn't want to admit it, the unicorn was starting to get on him to.

Later when the sky was completely black and the coals from the fire lost their glow, Dave was just stepping out of the bathroom and went into the master bedroom, the largest bedroom on the first floor.

"Watcha doin'?" Dave asked Karkat who was sitting on the bed typing on his laptop.

"It's not your business, surprisingly," Karkat declared as Dave hopped onto the bed.

"Come on! I wanna know!" Dave pleaded as Gilbert walked into the room. The dog climbed up on the bed put could hop up because of the wheel on the wounded back leg.

"Gilbert needs your help dude," Dave informed Karkat. Karkat huffed as he climbed out of bed and placed his laptop on the nightstand to get Gilbert's hind legs onto the bed. As Karkat did that, Dave picked up his boyfriend's laptop off the nightstand to see what he was doing.

"Dave!" Karkat barked as he returned to his side of the bed. He pried the laptop out of Dave's hands and sat back down in his spot.

"So you're writing a novel?" Dave asked using what he saw in the writing.

"Yes," Karkat answered before he began to bang on the keys again in an activity he referred to as typing.

"Is it a romance novel?" Dave asked.

"It has romance," Karkat answered.

"Is it an action/adventure?" Dave questioned.

"It has action and adventure," Karkat replied.

"Is it fantasy?" Dave continued to question.

"It has fantasy elements," Karkat answered.

"Is it sy-fi?" Dave pestered.

"It has sy-fi elements," Karkat declared.

"Does it have tragedy elements?" Dave ended the questions. "Like death?"

"Yes," Karkat answered.

"Is it about your life?" Dave asked.

"Yes," Karkat replied. "You just beat me at 20 Question. Congratu-fucking-lations."

"I didn't even asked 20 questions," Dave informed Karkat. "How do you even know about 20 Questions?"

"John introduced me to it and I broke his by throwing it against a wall," Karkat explained. "How the fuck does a plastic sphere know who John Cusack is?"

Dave shrugged and turned the conversation back to the novel Karkat was writing, "So is it like an auto-biography?"

"If that is what humans call a story about a person written by the person the story is about then yes," Karkat replied.

"What is it called?" Dave continued the stream of questions.

"Guess," Karkat challenged Dave.

"Well it's you writing about your own life," Dave mused. "Is it called 'Fuck My Fucking Life'?"

"You looked at the title," Karkat stated.

"Yes," Dave confessed.

"That was a statement not a question," Karkat informed Dave.

"So it was," Dave muttered. "So it was."

They were silent for a moment with only the sound of Gilbert panting at the foot of the bed before Dave asked, "Can I read it?"

"No," Karkat replied.

"Why not?" Dave whined.

"Because," Karkat insisted. "Did Rose let anyone read her books until she was done?"

"So you're planning on blowing Rose's novels out of the water with your auto-biography?" Dave questioned.

"No! How did you even come to that conclusion?!" Karkat asked. "I was just using Rose as an example because she is an author! I'm writing because I feel like our story should be known!"

"Good point," Dave agreed as he leaned on Karkat's shoulder. "So can I read it?"

"No," Karkat settled on.

"Dammit," Dave cursed. "At least tell me how far you are in on your own life?"

"Still in the middle of Sgrub," Karkat gave Dave a straight answer.

They were silent again for a few moments before Dave began to chatter away again.

"Are you done for tonight?" Dave groaned.

"Almost done with this sentence," Karkat proclaimed.

"Hurry up," Dave complained.

"Why?" Karkat questioned.

"Because," Dave whined.

"We are not doing the do," Karkat informed Dave.

"You're a large meanie you know," Dave sat up and informed Karkat of his present status.

Karkat rolled his eyes and closed his laptop. He set it on the nightstand and turned off the light on his side of the room before lying down in bed. Karkat then found a comfortable position and pulled the sheets over his shoulders as Dave continued to pester him.

"Why not?" Dave poked Karkat in the shoulder trying to get an answer out of him.

"Because," Karkat replied ending the conversation.

"Fine, be Mr. Killjoy tonight," Dave sighed with a fake-anger tone in his voice and turned off the light on his nightstand. He lay down and wrapped his arms around Karkat's back before nuzzling his face into the small troll's neck. Dave kissed Karkat's neck luring the troll to twist around to kiss Dave's forehead. Karkat noticed that Dave was still wearing his shades, because Dave was a forgetful idiot. Karkat removed the shades and placed them on his own nightstand. Without his shades on, Dave's freckles were revealed.

"Goodnight Kitkat," Dave grumbled with a small smile on his face.

Karkat smiled and replied, "Goodnight."