Chapter Two

"So let me get this straight," Shego said. Kim could hear her voice clearly through her earpiece, thanks to the transmitter planted in the little box of sugar packets on Shego's table, as she gradually moved towards their location. "You used DNA from the Acceptable clones to make new ones, because you didn't have any of the DNA from their actual bodies. And over time, they've been, what, regressing because of that DNA?"

"Not . . . exactly."

It was when Drakken grew vague that he became truly scary.

"Care to be exact then?" Shego asked.

"Yes, they've been regressing, but no, it's not because of that DNA. It's because of some . . . other DNA."

"I swear to God, Drakken," Shego snarled, "if the next words out of your mouth are I've been splicing their DNA with Kim Possible's, I will club you to death with your own leg!"

"I wasn't going to say that!"

"I don't like that gleam in your eyes, Dr. D. Don't make me pluck them out."

"Right, yes, erm, well, as I was saying," he stammered, "it's not because of THAT DNA because THAT DNA no longer exists. You see, when I first began working with the Acceptables, they'd all been cloned once from their original DNA. But I cloned them the second time using DNA from their cloned bodies. And when I cloned them the third time, I used DNA from THOSE cloned bodies."

"Bu-bu-buh, slow down there," Shego said. Kim was moving slowly herself; the karaoke bar had become densely packed, everyone seemed to be leafing through three-ring binders, and she didn't want to create a commotion. "Through that unusually confusing bit of lunacy you just spouted, I think I caught something along the lines of the Acceptables being clones of clones of clones?"

"Essentially, yes, Shego."

There was nothing for a moment, and then Kim heard a whap! followed by an "Ow!" from Drakken.

"Oh, quit whining. Be glad I didn't hit you with anything worse than a menu," Shego snapped. "And what the hell is the matter with you?! Anybody knows you don't fax something that's already been faxed!"

"I am perfectly aware – "

"Then why didn't you just take extra DNA from them when they first started working for you? You had to know this was going to happen!"

"That wasn't an option, Shego! Tell me, in your years of imprisonment, did any of the Acceptables ever strike you as a bit paranoid?"

"All three struck me, period," Shego muttered. "But to answer your question, yes, of course, they were all incredibly paranoid. Their father liked to electrocute them when they did something wrong, their mother liked to TELL their father when they did something wrong, and THEY were all exceptionally good at throwing each other under the bus if they thought it would save their sorry hides from another shocking. So yeah, paranoia ran rampant back then."

"Well, Shego, that sounds exactly like the three people I met in GJ custody all those years ago," Drakken replied. "Their parents might have been gone, but old habits die hard, I suppose. They were, let's say, 'highly attuned' to any perceived attempt by a sibling to control or manipulate each other. So when I suggested that they each give me a batch of their DNA in case I needed to make more clones in the future, what do you think they said?"

"They said no," Shego said. Grudgingly, by the sound of it. "They wouldn't have trusted you with it. Figured you'd just make more of them when you felt like it, in case any of them got out of line?"

"There was that," Drakken agreed. "However, I think they were more concerned about each other getting hold of their DNA. For what reason, I can't say, but there doesn't need to be a reason because – "

"Because they were all intensely, irrationally paranoid," Shego finished for him. "If that's the case, how did you clone John when DNAmy killed him? Did you steal some beforehand?"

"Yes, there was a good way to get myself put in a body cast," Drakken retorted. "No, they had a rather simple system. They cloned themselves before every mission. If any of them was killed, or was taken into custody and couldn't free themselves and make it back to where the clones were kept in seventy-two hours, then the clone became active and, for all practical intents and purposes, the new Acceptable."

That didn't make any sense to Kim. The Acceptables, individually or as a group, had been taken into custody multiple times. If that were the case, there'd be a dozen of them in prison alone.

"What do you mean by, for all intents and purposes?" Shego asked.

"Well, there was still the matter of the Acceptable in custody," Drakken replied. "They were all firmly opposed to the notion of co-existing with their copies. After the seventy-two hours was up, that Acceptable was expected to dispose of himself or herself."

Kim froze. Wait, what?

"You mean kill themselves," Shego said flatly.

"Yes, Shego. As you no doubt remember, my first clones had an unfortunate vulnerability to carbonated beverages. When the Acceptables and I first escaped GJ custody, I learned that this weakness had been overcome. They permitted me to conduct supervised tests of their tissue – which was immediately destroyed afterwards, of course. I learned that they were in fact still vulnerable to carbonation, but only from within. You could drop one of them into a vat of Pepsi and they'd be perfectly fine, unless they accidentally ingested some. In that case, well, I wouldn't want to drink any of that Pepsi."

Shego didn't respond right away. "Let me guess," she finally said. "They had some kind of small vial inside their bodies, kind of like a cyanide pill in a hollow tooth. Except theirs contained a carbonated liquid."

"Precisely. It took very little to start the chain reaction that dissolved their bodies, and once the seventy-two hours were up, all the clone had to do was wait until no one was watching. Once that happened, only one of each Acceptable remained. And best of all, without a body, everyone would simply assume – "

"That they'd escaped. Son of a BITCH!"

Kim winced. The seeming inability of every prison and law enforcement agency to keep the Acceptables imprisoned for more than a couple days had bothered everyone greatly, but Shego most of all. She'd been furious when she realized they were escaping from prison faster and better than SHE ever had, and without plasma powers, and she'd become even angrier every time it happened again. And all this time they hadn't been escaping prison. They'd been escaping existence.

"Of course," Drakken continued, "you must realize what this means. You said earlier that the Acceptables were 'clones of clones of clones'."

"Yeah, I know," Shego growled angrily. "If that's what they've been doing all this time, then by now they're clones of clones of clones of clones of clones times infinity. And every time that happened, their DNA got a little bit – funkier."

"Are you getting all this?" Kim said into her wrist while Drakken went into more scientific gobbledy-gook.

I rather wish I wasn't, Betty Director responded. If this is true, I'm surprised they didn't start regressing sooner. Any idiot – except Doctor Drakken, evidently – could have seen this coming.

"I'm trying to get closer without being spotted," Kim told her. "But there's a lot of people in here and it's dark. What the hell? Not even the Planetarium has ever been this packed."

Don't make any sudden moves, Kim. Somehow I doubt Drakken has been patted down.

"So that's why you called this little meeting," Shego said in Kim's other ear. "They're turning into Morlocks or something, and you've been scared shitless."

"Shego, I . . . all right, yes, they're quite terrifying now."

"What about Oryx?" Shego asked. "I'm guessing you didn't shoot her out of some messed-up goodwill gesture."

"Well, I certainly didn't do it because I was afraid I might miss. Did you find the gun afterwards?"

"Yeah, the nerds were actually a little impressed. Said it was something like a high-tech shotgun combined with a black pepper mill."

"Hm, yes, the analogy is apt. The principle is similar to an ordinary shotgun loaded with buckshot, except the pellets are much smaller, much more numerous, and travel MUCH faster. Someone on the receiving end of that gun would look like an old pincushion with all the pins removed. You could have doubled the distance between us and the girl would still have been dead in minutes. I hoped Team Possible realized that it could have ended very differently for your Oryx."

"It could have ended very differently for you too," Shego retorted. "I would have stuck that gun up your ass before pulling the trigger."

"Erm, yes, I don't doubt you would have, Shego." No one spoke briefly. "Where's that waitress?" he then asked. "Frankly I'm parched."

"Again, focus, Drakken," Shego warned him.

"I'm trying to be. I'm just rather thirsty. For some reason my mouth becomes dry every time you say something to me."

Realizing she wasn't going to make much headway in these crowds, not without attracting Drakken's attention, Kim changed direction and began making her way to the bar.

"Anyway, Shego, there WAS another reason why I arranged this meeting."

"You found someone to sing 'Islands in the Stream' with you?"

"It's very hard finding a woman who can do that song justice, Shego. And no, it had nothing to do with karaoke. I wanted to . . . apologize."

Shego chuckled bitterly. "I hope you wrote it down, because you've got a lot to be sorry for."

"I suppose. But I thought I'd stick to an apology for what I did to you after you and Kim Possible dealt with the Acceptables."

"It's a little late to say you're sorry for having me chipped so you could order me to kill Kimmie, Drakken!"

"Please and thank you," Kim said quietly as she ordered three sodas from the bartender.

"You have to understand, Shego, I didn't fully grasp what had happened to you! I thought you were just, you know, in a secret prison somewhere. I mean, who among us hasn't spent more than a few weeks in prison? I never knew what they . . . did to you."

"Don't tell me, the Acceptables have been telling you stories," Shego said gloomily.

"Shego, if I had realized that John had sexually assaulted you – "

Time seemed to slow to a crawl for Kim. Suddenly it seemed like the singer was (weakly) holding that note for a really long time. If the bartender had already served her drinks by now, the glasses probably would have shattered in her hands. Shego, you never – you didn't – why didn't you –

Dimly she became aware of Shego spluttering in her ear in what sounded like outrage. "If John hadn't WHAT?! Are you out of your fucking mind? He sure as hell did NOT do that to me!"

The sense of relief that followed that statement, it almost felt like it would bring Kim to her knees.

"Shego, he bragged about it constantly, and – "

"That's because he was a shitty little limp dick who couldn't even get it up when he was torturing me! What was he going to say? 'I remember the time I showed Shego my tiny man-thing, and the twenty times after that, and that was basically it every single time'?"

"Oh . . . "

"What? Don't tell me those other two psychos said something like that?"

"Don never spoke of such things. Yvonne, well, she liked to reminisce about S – "

"I swear to fucking God, Drakken," Shego interrupted quickly. "Remember what I did to you when you brought up DNAmy a few minutes ago? Well, multiple that by a thousand, and that's what I'll do to you if you even say his name."

Thanks, Shego, Kim thought as she paid for the drinks and began carrying them to her table. But you think I don't think about SS Junior every day?

"It wasn't enough for you to steal my father, Kim Possible. You had to lose him too? Since you obviously care so little for a life lost . . . "

"Fine, Shego. But three years of being partners with those people has been hard enough. Being their prisoner for five . . . well, I felt like I understood why you did what you did, and I wish I'd done things differently."

" . . . I still hate you, Drakken. But I'll think about maybe accepting your apology some day."

"Um, thank you?"

"You're welcome," Kim said sweetly as she placed a diet soda in front of him. Why had she been trying to get to Shego and Drakken from behind? The crowds were much thinner in front. Maybe because - she groaned to herself. She'd been trying to fight her way through the line to the DJ.

Drakken gaped at her. "Kim Possible!" he said out loud, while Shego imitated him mockingly.

"Here you go, honey," Kim said, ignoring him as she offered Shego a drink.

"About time," Shego groused. "Can you believe some of the shit that's been coming out of his mouth?"

"B-b-but, I said to come alone!" Drakken whined.

"And you actually thought she would?" Kim asked incredulously.

He looked down at his soda. "I preferred to," he mumbled.

"Look, Drakken, you're coming with us tonight, and we'll keep you safe from the Acceptables – IF you tell us where all your cloning facilities are," Kim said.

"There's just the one," Drakken said. "Did you not hear me say 'paranoid' ten times? Those three wanted to be able to witness every part of the cloning process. I certainly wasn't going to build a second cloning lab, just so they could draw and quarter me when they found out about it."

"Dr. D, if they're so paranoid, then how the hell did YOU get away from them for the night?" Shego asked.

Drakken slid a folded piece of paper toward Kim. "Those are the co-ordinates," he said somberly. "You'll find them there. And as for how I got away from them . . . "

"I didn't."

Then Drakken took a sip from his soda.

The singers had been terribly loud, and loudly terrible all night, but Drakken's screams cut through their vocals easily. Shego and Kim both stumbled backward out of their chairs as Drakken began convulsing violently.

"Drakken!" Shego gasped.

"No," Kim realized as he began to melt while people around them started screaming and running for the fire exits. "Not really. He was a clone, Shego, just like he described to you. That was the only way he could get away from them – send a copy in his place."

Shego looked down at the body, which was rapidly turning into nothing more than a large, frothy puddle, and said nothing.

"You might not want to hear this," Kim added, "but this isn't just about shutting the Acceptables down now. This is – "

"Don't say it."

"A rescue."

"I goddamn told you – " Shego sighed. "I have to rescue Drakken. Again. What the hell is this, Groundhog Day?"

Kim thought they were looking for a different type of rodent. Three of them, to be precise.

To be continued . . .