Hey-hi!

My second attempt on Rolleigns and I hope you'll like it.

For those who don't like Dean that much (or not at all), please give it a try nevertheless ;)

Enjoy and tell me what you think, guys!

Dean's POV

Quietness. The unsteady, tiny movements of the bus as it rolls down the streets. The dimmed lights in here, calming. The night is arriving outside. It could have been nice, all this, but it isn't. Instead it is heavily loaded with gloom.

Lately it is like this. Too often. Always. Almost. Out of various reasons.

One of them is the actual story-line. We are three massive egos, packed up into a group that works because we are so different and we have become friends over it. Good friends. I love them like my brothers and maybe it's just as things are between siblings. One day your love them, the next day you hate them but in the end, no matter what happens, your love for them grows a little every day.

But at the moment the story-line causes a tension between the three of us and it is a very strained one, so strained that if you only listen close enough, you can hear it sing under the strain. We all don't want it to happen, yet it happens nevertheless. And one day it will snap. Sure, we're playing a tailor-made role out there in the ring, but to be honest it isn't only acting when we step into the arena. In a way we are what we play, and so the fights we have with one another on screen follow us when we step out of the spotlight and back into the real life.

And a while ago I thought it is the only reason why it feels that way, like you're waiting for a reason to bare your teeth and snap at those men you call your brothers. Why you keep a certain safe distance from them most of the time. But it isn't. It only took me some time to understand it.

The view I have from the back of the bus is perfect. Two meters away from me to the left there is Roman, sitting on his bunk with his legs stretched out and his arms crossed over his chest. He's watching... Seth. Who is lying on his own bunk further up in the front on the right. I know Seth has dozed off a while ago. I can hear him snore. Maybe an hour ago it had been the other way around. Seth watching Roman in depressed silence.

And they are so caught up in watching the other when they think it's safe, that they don't even notice me watching them. It's a bit like my own personal daily soap.

Those two are the other reason why the mood between us has become... precarious. I'm not blind, I see things. And this, gosh, even if I closed my eyes I would see it. And the very moment I became aware if what I actually see there I had to sit down.

My two male, straight best friends who could have every girl they'd want... have a thing for one another.

And suddenly I realized that all the being worried and the caring about the other, the clinging, patting, touching, cheering and looking had changed, had reached another level with a different quality. But only with each other.

When it comes to me nothing has changed.

I admit I had been shocked. I mean, I never would have guessed that something like that could happen. Ever. For days I hadn't been sure what to think and how to feel about it. And at the beginning I thought that it would only be a temporary thing. But I was so goddamn wrong.

Over half a year now and they still haven't acted on it. It's getting stronger, that thing between them. Even I can feel it. More than obvious is, that they both suffer under the situation and they both can't handle the weight it puts on their shoulders, though if I had been in their situation, I know I would have broken down already. Huh, I can't really imagine how they must feel. I only can guess by what I see...

Instead of talking about it... with me at least, to get it off their chests... they hide their misery, trying to act as if everything is fine and withdraw from the other. It's almost ridiculous, the picture of two grown, strong and courageous men being afraid of their own feelings.

I feel sorry for them, really. It shouldn't be like that. Okay, at the beginning I thought that it wasn't that serious, that it would be a thing of the past sooner or later and maybe I even hoped it, but now I wished they could be together. Be happy.

The expression on Roman's face is grave and melacholic, yet soulful. And heavy with sadness and affection. There is a sigh as he draws his knees up and braces his elbows against them, hiding his face in his hands. And my fingers itch to go over there and do something. I don't even know what, but something.

There are moments when I see him with Seth... touches to infinitely gentle that it tugs at my heart and that deep fondness in those eyes... the pure love lying underneath, carefully guarded... and I think that if God is merciful, that he'll send me someone like him.

And Seth... when they were close, he was practically glowing with... love... but not anymore, not like he used to. He holds back now. Still in every possible, safe moment he tries to be close to him. Tries to get his fill. Somehow. He had looked so goddamn sad while watching Roman...

Shit.

Scrubbing my hands through my face I groan quietly, shifting on my bunk and as my hands drop, my eyes show me something I rather wouldn't want to see.

Roman... wipes a tear away.

I want to move, turn around and away from the sight but I'm frozen to the spot for a long moment.

It pains me to see them like this, hurting, depressed, but this now... Roman? Crying?

Eventually I can move again and do it, turn around and lying with my back to them.

The group will break apart in the near future. Fucking storyline... Yet maybe it will help to ease the tension between us if the group splits and we can go back to just being friends. But it is how it is and it will be me on my own and Rome and Seth going on as a team. The only question is: how will they go on together if they try so very hard to hide away from the other? Won't work. Nope.

If someone granted me a wish right now, I guess I would wish for them having the guts to finally talk to one another, because they only hurt themselves and each other and call me an egoist, but it would take the extra and unnecessary pressure this adds to our already strained friendship away. And I would feel better, too, because I have reached the point of not knowing what to do anymore. Being quiet and watch the misery? Because it's not possible to simply ignore it, not to mention that I don't want to ignore it. They are my friends, my brothers and I friggin' love them, so no, ignoring is not an option. But acting on it for them...? For weeks, months even, I feel like walking on eggshells.

There is a soft sound behind me and I feel a touch on my side and when I look over my shoulder there is Seth, giving me a smile that is much too exhausted for my taste. I sit up and make room for him. He immediately climbs onto the bunk, scooting back into the corner of the left side of the bunk, where Roman can't see him and rubbing his eyes he exhales audibly, leaning his head back against the wall.

Maybe they can't see each other the way they sit now, but I can see them and I have to close my eyes.

And a tiny and naive part of me hopes that when I open them again... everyhing will be alright...