AN: Hey guys! Guess who's alive and totally not dead!...I'm sorry. I got back into art, and when I did, I kind of went into a writing crisis for this story...and then went to live on Archive of Our Own. Have you guys been there? It's fucking awesome. And nobody can bitch because you know exactly what you're getting into when you read a story. The rape tag warning has saved me from many heart aches. ANYWAY, story.
Yeah, I've come to terms with a lot of shit about writing, if my character turns out fucked up and not as good of a person she could be because of the stuff I'm going to put her through, that's fine! I've learned that character development doesn't always have to be on the positive side. It can also fuck a person up and influence them in the future in negative ways.
Also, no more promises on this story. Has anyone ever noticed making promises gives you VERY little wiggle room? The whole entire direction of this story could shift if I feel it's necessary to bring out the best story I can. So disregard everything I said before in past Authors notes. Some stuff might be added, some might not. To be honest, I'm not even sure of the fucking pairings anymore. There could be different love interests along the way too if I feel like it.
Now here, the kind of short update.
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It was difficult to tell at first.
I had originally known it to be some type of phantom itch that brushed against my skin at odd moments, always with Gaara, but it wasn't really noticeable. I sometimes saw glimpses of movement, but otherwise I remained oblivious.
There was nothing big to showcase his abilities, nothing grand nor terrifying. It just became harder to ignore as time went by. I paid more attention to the touches, I remained wary of the raspy grains the skidded across the surface of my skin.
I didn't say anything.
Not to Yashamaru, not to the wet nurses, no one. Nobody else knew, or at least that's what I had thought at the time.
I didn't even say anything when eventually the sand gathered and snapped three of my fingers in a sickening crunch. A trip to the medic nin and a four day cast was enough to fix it. No one needed to know. It wasn't their problem to begin with. Whatever fucked up sand shit was going on, it wasn't Gaara's fault.
I could handle it.
-:-
I couldn't handle it.
Three wet nurses killed in under 5 months. It was a problem. A really big issue that was visibly weighing on the staff. The sand was violent and impulsive. It attacked randomly and almost always resulted in someone losing an appendage. One wet nurse had been too close and had lost an ear. Another nurse had lost an eye.
Luckily, I had only been injured in the beginnings of his attacks, when they weren't so deadly, but now I could barely go near him without being threatened by looming sand at my heels and on the ceiling.
Yashamaru was quick enough to care for Gaara and avoid the sand attacks aimed at him, so he was the one who spent most of the time with him. It was tense in the house, filled with infant screams and shifting eyes. The word "Monster" was whispered among the staff repeatedly.
I couldn't really bring myself to say anything about that.
I didn't agree, not completely, but there was a large part of me that was terrified about what was happening. Gaara didn't seem to have any control over it, and that meant it was a foreign force of intent that was trying it's damnedest to kill everything in sight.
I backed off.
There was nothing for me to do, and while that was frustrating, it was also a relief. Fear. I'd been having a healthy dose of fear in my system ever since the sand had taken hold of my fingers and pulled with an alarming strength that snapped them all at once.
It was awful, being afraid like that, but everything had to be pure self-preservation being around Gaara. If you let your guard down for even a second, it would mean death.
-:-
I waited silently for Yashamaru to walk into hallway, the way I usually did when someone was avoiding me, fiddling with the stray strings of my sleeves absentmindedly.
Audible shifts of sand could be heard within the room I stood outside of, and I took an unconscious step back. There were plenty of seals and security placed on the door to ensure the safety of everyone outside of the room, but I wasn't sure how the hell a bunch of inked pieces of paper was going to stop the onslaught of violent sand.
When Yashamaru finally stepped outside of the room, (looking like he hadn't slept in days) I immediately was on his case, asking questions that no one else seemed to want to answer.
"Alright, I would love to know what the hell is going on right now, Yashamaru, and why the frick fracking shit the sand is killing people left and right!?" I struggled to keep up with Yashamaru's fast pace walking down the hallway. "Yashamaru!" I yelled in frustration when he kept his pace and refused to look my way. God damn it, how could he move so fast while only walking?
"Yashamaru, please, just-answer me!" I stumbled backwards when he whipped around to face me at break neck speed. Tired eyes morphed into a hard look.
"This is not something a child has any business in." he said, solemn gaze disappearing from sight when he turned right back around and kept walking.
Okay, not expected at all.
It was the first time Yashamaru had spoken to me like that. He'd always been fussy or soft spoken in all of our conversations. This total 180 had me stunned enough not to continue to follow him. It was like he had reached inside and broken a bond of trust I hadn't even realized had formed over time.
Well...fine! If he was going to be that way, then fuck him! I kicked at the wall angrily, then jumped a little when a thin veil of sand dust rained down from the ceiling.
Seriously, what the hell was going on!?
-:-
"...Mikasa" was the softly spoken whisper into the room. I was instantly wide awake, upright in bed and staring at my open doorway. A cold chill went through my body when I saw a small shadowed figure standing there, features obscured by darkness.
"...I have to pee." was the eventual quiet follow-up. I relaxed my tense fear when I recognized the voice. Kankuro.
"What happened to the nanny's?" I asked, wiping blurry sleep out of my eyes now that I knew there wasn't any danger in the form of nightly ghost children.
"I can't find any and it's dark. Temari doesn't want to take me no more." was the sulky reply. He stayed in the doorway, probably because I had drilled it into him not to come in here to mess with things.
"Well, why not? She usually does that kind of stuff for you, right?" I asked, pulling my blankets to the side and turning to set my feet on the cold stone floor. Kankuro shrugged small shoulders and gripped at the edges of his night shirt. "Can you walk me to the bathroom please?" he asked.
Oh, shit, opportunity to be a better sister just arrived. "Um, yeah, sure. Let's go." I said, jumping out of bed over to his smaller side. He slipped a tiny hand into mine and stuck close to my side as we walked to the bathroom.
After we had made the short trip there, I was suddenly hit by a startling realization. "Um, Kankuro, You know how to, you know, go, right? By yourself?" It was a legitimate concern. I was not sure how to go about this if he needed assistance. Did I just, like, monitor him to make sure he didn't miss and pee on the floor or something?
Thankfully his answer was an indignant "I know how!"
"Alright then, in you go, I'll just be out here." I said, nudging him into the bathroom. He resisted though.
"But it's dark! And I can't reach the light switch!"
Oh. Right. I stretched to flick on the switch and quickly closed the door before Kankuro managed to accidentally pee himself.
'Okay, this is good. This is progress.' I thought to myself, settling onto the floor and leaning my head back against the wall. Maybe this wasn't so difficult after all? Maybe I just had to wait, and if an opportunity pops up to be a better sibling, I shouldn't shy away from it.
I could handle this.
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AN: See a spelling mistake, be a saint and point it out! (Also, to those of you asking...I do kind of ship Waru/Lottie, and I think it shows a little bit in my writing XD)