Doing It Right

She comes over to mine right after her shift. I told her I had a headache and wouldn't be great company but she insisted on coming over anyway. I rarely have a lot of choice in these matters.

She lets herself into my apartment and finds me curled up in bed with the lights off, having already popped a few Aspirin. When I see her at the doorway, I lift the blanket as an invitation and Gail moves to join me under the quilt without a seconds hesitation. She wraps herself around me and we lay there for a long time in silence, which my head is beyond grateful for.

The pain is just beginning to subside when Gail speaks, quietly. "Holly?"

"Yes, Gail?" A lot of our conversations begin exactly like that, I realise off handedly.

"Life is hard, Holly." She states, seriously.

"Mm" I answer non committally. My eyes are still closed and my mind still half set on falling to sleep.

"I mean it, Holly. Life is just generally hard and some people.. a lot of people.. just go around making it harder on others and I see a lot of those types of people in my line of work."

I wonder if something happened on her shift in particular to make her say this now but I know she will elaborate if she wants to. "Mm, Sucks" I offer consolingly.

"Yea, sometimes." She agrees simply and is quiet for another long moment. "But you're not like that. You make life easier. Just being you." She states sincerely. "Life is easy with you."

I open one eye and watch her carefully. Sincere compliments are not usually Gail's style so this throws me a little.

"You make me really happy, Holly." She says factually as if she's just reporting that it's sunny today. Almost as if it is the source of some curiosity.

I let my cautious smile turn into a genuine one. "You make me happy too, Gail." I am more awake now. I lean forward and kiss her slowly. "Most of the time." I can't help myself from adding, with another peck on her lips.

Gail smirks at this but her eyes again grow serious. She bites her lip and seems to be debating something before she opens her mouth once more. "I love you." She says, as though reaching a conclusion.

I'm kind of speechless, I wasn't expecting that. Of all the firsts in our relationship, I thought for sure I'd get this one. Gail is constantly surprising me like this. For someone who insists she never knows what to do in relationships and is always creating emergency situations to get out of them (her words, not mine) she sure has been taking the lead in this one. She was the first one to give me her number, the first one to initiate getting together outside of work, the first one to kiss me. Well, I suppose I did kiss her at the wedding but that was more of a peck on the lips, I don't think that really counts as our first kiss. I guess that can be debated later.

I focus back on Gail and the current moment. In all the time I've been processing this Gail has just been watching me. Not expectantly, just.. lovingly. She's not becoming all self conscious and she's not waiting for me to say it back. She has this look on her face like she just... wanted me to know. And I do. That in itself is enough for me to want to tell her I love her too. But I don't want my first time saying it to just be a reply, to seem like it's out of obligation. I want it to happen when I feel it overwhelm me, like it often does. I know I won't be waiting long but for some reason I do want to wait. So, instead of echoing her words back to her I simply say "I know." and beam at her, making it plain how happy that fact makes me.

"Good." She lets out a contented sigh and lays her head back down on my shoulder, tightening her arms around me. "Then I've been doing it right."