[Author's note: My story veers rather wildly AU here. Thanks go to chai4anne for some suggestions for this and subsequent chapters, for her betaing, and for being someone to bounce ideas off of. Part of the exchange in the second scene was cribbed directly from Episode 7.09 - "The Wedding" - written by John Singer.]

September 23, 2006

The knives were sharpening, and Josh knew it.

He'd had people second-guessing him for weeks. Not just the usual armchair strategists, but increasingly important members of the Democratic Party. He was used to this, of course. Josh had had his detractors his whole career, and it had only gotten worse since he left the White House to run Matt Santos' long-shot campaign for the presidency.

The victory at the convention didn't seem to help things, and Lou's comment before the Congressmen hired her as Communications Director about the whole campaign being a "Josh Lyman Vanity Exercise" showed that his naysayers hadn't stopped. Josh knew there were powerful members of the party questioning his strategy and his management of the campaign. People who never thought Matt Santos had any chance of winning any of the primaries, let alone the party's nomination, and who never thought Josh would be able to take a virtually unknown three-term congressman as far as he had now thought Josh didn't have the skill to take Matt Santos through the final six-week stretch of the campaign.

And since the Illinois tracking poll came out yesterday showing an unexpected five-point bump, a poll confirmed by Joey Lucas this morning, they now had something concrete to point to. In a tremendous irony, the five-point increase in Matt Santos' polling numbers in Illinois had made Josh's position worse, for he had ordered the campaign to go dark in Illinois weeks ago, when Matt Santos' numbers were terrible there, to not spend any more money in that state. And people were questioning why on earth Josh would do such a thing, in a state that had twenty-one electoral votes, and in a state where they just increased five percent in voting intentions even without media exposure. Why, they thought, had Josh done that? They must have thought that they wouldn't do that, and that Josh was obviously wrong to pull out of Illinois earlier in the campaign.

Never mind that the price of not going dark in Illinois would have been going dark in Wisconsin and Washington – two states which were far more marginal than they should be, and never mind that he hadn't heard anyone suggesting this before the tracking poll came out; Josh knew that people were pointing to Illinois as proof that he was in over his head. After all, they would say, he was passed over for Chief of Staff. He was pulled from the China trip. He was washed up.

But until today, he hadn't thought his job was on the line. But despite his conversation with former Democratic National Committee Chair Barry Goodwin, and Goodwin's words of support, he didn't feel any safer than he had when he first became aware of the mutters against him this morning.

He'd confirmed the numbers today with Joey – they were probably safe in Washington State now, and the numbers in Wisconsin were favorable enough that Josh had ordered the campaign just an hour ago to switch resources from both those states to Illinois, to try and capitalize on the polling bump. He hoped the spillover effect from Wisconsin into Chicagoland (downstate Illinois was a write-off for the Democratic Party, even now) that he'd been hoping for, and that was probably responsible for most of the bump they'd gotten in the Prairie State, would work in reverse, and have some effect in Milwaukee and southern Wisconsin. He trusted liberal Madison would vote for Matt Santos even without a continuing media presence.

As he thought of Madison, his eyes automatically sought out a former resident of the Wisconsin capital. Donna was across the room, talking animatedly to Ed and Larry. She was wearing a dress he hadn't seen before, one he couldn't quite decide whether was brown or olive. It wasn't his favorite color on her, whatever it was – he always preferred her in red or blue – but it looked great on her. Of course, he thought pretty much everything looked great on her.

God, he missed her.

Larry must have seen his staring, and gave him a friendly wave. That naturally made Ed look up and wave at him, and Donna look as well.

The smile she gave him was almost – almost – one of those high-wattage ones she used to bestow on her all the time. Back before she left. Before Gaza.

Josh smiled and waved back. Donna looked at him, as if inviting him to come over, but before he could go to her, he was interrupted.

"Hey, Josh."

It was Will Bailey. Josh hadn't seen him since he brought beer and watched Matt Santos and Leo accept the nomination of the Democratic National Convention with Donna and him. Josh had always liked Will, and didn't like how running opposing primary campaigns set the two against one another.

"Will. How are you liking being Communications Director?"

"It's like I'm the runt of the schoolyard, being pelted with snowballs from every direction. Occasionally an iceball gets through and beans me."

"You guys going to hire a Press Secretary?"

Will should his head. "Apparently CJ likes seeing me dodge, weave, and then get punched in the head."

"Yeah, well if you get feeling too bad, dig out my one and only press briefing. I think CJ had it transferred to DVD, she liked it so much."

"Crashed and burned, did you?"

"You mean you've never heard of the my secret plan to fight inflation debacle?"

Will laughed. "No, but it sounds like I should have. What happened?"

"I would have thought that Don... someone would have told you."

Will looked at Josh seriously. "No. No one ever did. Donna didn't really ever talk about you on the campaign, Josh."

Josh felt uncomfortable. It had been a rough year for them, but he would have at least thought she'd mention him sometimes.

Will continued. "Even right at the end when the Vice President wanted to get Santos on his ticket, and we were trying to get her to tell us what she thought you might do or what your strategies were, she didn't tell us anything we could us against you. She was completely loyal to us, but she was still loyal to you, too. I was impressed."

Josh didn't know what to say. "Was Russell?"

"Not quite as much." There was some silence for a moment. "Hey, you guys are doing great. Only seven points behind Arnold Vinick. That's not too bad especially for a candidate no had ever heard of a year ago."

"Yeah, we're pretty happy," Josh said.

"I'm hearing some rumors, though. Senator Montgomery was saying you should have been in Illinois all along. He's not happy. And I was speaking to the deputy chair of the D-Triple-C, who said the same thing."

"Everyone's a Monday-morning quarterback," Josh said, trying to show more confidence than he felt.

"Tell me about it. Montgomery did the same thing to me all through the primaries, telling me how I should have been running the VP. Of course, seeing as we lost, he might have had a point."

"Yeah, maybe."

"But Santos is doing much better than anyone expected. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Oh, there's Kate. Gotta go. Best of luck, Josh," Will said, heading off in the direction of Kate Harper.

It was gratifying to hear, even obliquely, that he had been right that Will tried to use Donna against him during the campaign. It was even more gratifying, of course, to hear that even in the middle of their estrangement, Donna was still loyal. Will didn't have to tell him that, and Josh was glad he had.

He shook his head. He really screwed everything with Donna up. He had so much to talk to her about, about why they had ended up where they had, about Germany and afterwards, about how he felt after she left, about his many regrets about how he'd never told her how much he appreciated her, how much he cared about her and for her, about how much he...

Well, he had a lot to talk to her about, and a lot of regrets to make up for when it came to Donna. If, God willing, he wasn't tossed off the campaign, he promised himself he would take the time to do that whenever he could. Starting tonight. She had promised him a dance after all.

Time to go talk to her.

Josh looked back to where Donna had been, but she wasn't there anymore.

Josh sat on the stairs, staring at the electoral map. He could stop looking at it, thinking about what he could do differently with moving money around, thinking about what he could have done differently if only he'd made different choices.

He'd had a three congressmen and two members of the party brass come up to him so far, telling him that the campaign had to get back into Illinois, but whatever happened, not to pull out of whatever state they were from. One of the PR flaks for the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee had asked him point-blank what he was thinking abandoning Illinois so early in the campaign, and hinted that Josh wouldn't be making those mistakes for long if he were in charge. The fact that he would never be qualified to run for dogcatcher, let along president, was little consolation.

He wished they would hurry up and start the wedding, but it was being delayed for some reason. Something was happening – he had seen CJ, Kate Harper and Nancy McNally rushing about, and the President was nowhere to be found. But Josh had no idea what was going on. He was out of the loop now, had been since the minute he had told Jed Bartlet that he was resigning to try and get Matt Santos elected as his replacement.

He missed it.

Sometimes he wondered whether he should have simply stuck it out at the White House, endured the ongoing low-grade humiliation of CJ being promoted three full grades to be his boss and then using Charlie to issue commands to him, endured being sidelined from the China trip and who knows what else. He wondered sometimes what his life would have like had he never convinced Matt Santos to run for president, and had Josh stuck with being Deputy Chief of Staff.

And sometimes he wondered if Sam hadn't had the right idea after all, if Josh should have left on Election Day 2002 on a high note, and done something else – ran for Congress, worked for someone else, gotten a position at the Democratic National Committee, or even left politics altogether. Of course, he never would have considered it then, but now...

Now with Josh certain there was going to be a move to dump him, it didn't seem like either would have been such a bad move in hindsight.

A part of him couldn't believe they would consider shuffling the campaign this late in the game. Another part wondered what took them so long.

Josh was interrupted from his brooding by a shadow descending the stairs. He knew from seven long years of practice, even despite the last year of estrangement, that it was Donna.

"Fried wonton?" she asked, brandishing a plate with the aforementioned appetizers on them.

"Hey," he said, looking up at her.

She sat down next to him. They weren't quite touching, but Josh thought he could feel the heat radiating from her. It was probably just his imagination, he thought, or his own awareness that they were sitting closer to one another than they had been since before she left for Gaza.

"Really, they're pretty good," she said, tiling her head to the plate.

"Yeah?" he said, not really looking at her. The last thing he wanted to think when his career was on the line was food.

"They're out of champagne, though. The First Lady just gave me twenty bucks and told me to pick up a bottle of Cold Duck," Donna said. Josh didn't respond. "Josh," she said.

"I'm sorry. Have you seen Leo?" Josh asked. Leo would know what was going on.

"I'm bored," she said, looking at him. "I'm an attractive woman waiting to be entertained."

That drew his attention. He turned to look at her in the dress which he was now pretty certain was olive. "I'm sorry, Donna. You really are," he said softly.

She gave him her shy little smile. "You clean up nicely yourself," she said quietly. "What do you have there?"

He showed the map to her. "I'm trying to figured out what I can do – how I'm going to get money in Illinois. I've told Lou that we're going to go dark in Washington and Wisconsin. We're safe enough in both... I hope. You're parents are going to vote the right way?"

"They voted for the President last time," she said.

"More than you can say yourself," he teased.

She lightly slapped his arm, her smile belying the gesture. "Like you've never made a mistake yourself, buster."

She hadn't used a teasing name for him in so long, it almost made him not think about the impact of what she said. He looked down at the map and away from her. "Yeah, not so much."

"You can't predict the polls, Josh. It wasn't a mistake."

"I should have known. Leo would have known."

"Like Leo's never made a mistake himself. It'll be fine, Josh."

"Will it? Are you still hearing rumors? Because I've been facing the discontent of the party all afternoon."

"I am. But it's just the usual grumbling, I'm sure. Worried people letting off a little steam. We're getting back into Illinois, we'll do great. It will blow over."

Josh wished she sounded more confident.

"Now have a wonton," she said, holding one up to his mouth. "You're looking malnourished."

"You don't have to do that, Donna," he said, taking a bite of the wonton.

"Yeah, but why make you get your own when I have an extra right here?"

"That's not what I mean. Comforting me, reassuring me, bringing me food... it's not your job anymore."

"It never really was, Josh," she said, a hint of annoyance creeping into her voice. "It's not about that. It's about looking out for a friend."

"Thanks."

"You've done the same for me, too, Josh, and that was never remotely your job, either. You and me, we're more than the jobs, aren't we?"

Josh let out a harsh, bitter laugh and shook his head. "I don't even remember what it's like to be about more than the job, Donna."

"I do. I remember you dropping the job once to comfort and reassure me. An ocean away even." She reached out and squeezed his hand. "I never told you how much that meant to me, Josh. You didn't have to do that, but you were there when I needed you."

"I did have to do, that, Donna. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't not be there," he said, squeezing her hand back. "I had to make sure you were okay. If you weren't okay, I don't know what I'd have done."

"Grieved and moved on," she said.

"Grieved and never moved on, more like it."

She smiled. "The Lyman Guilt."

"No, well, yes, I suppose, but not just that. I couldn't have gone on without you."

Donna opened her mouth, but quickly shut it again.

After a moment, Josh went on. "You were there when I needed you, too, by the way. So many times. I never thanked you for that. Or, you know, for anything, really. For everything you did for me, or for the Administration. I should have, I should have let you know... how much I appreciated it. Both back then and since then."

Tears appeared in Donna's eyes.

"Oh, damn... I'm sor – "

She cut him off by squeezing his hand again. "Don't you dare apologize for that, Josh," she said, smiling at him.

They sat in silence for a minute or so.

"It's been a while since we've been dressed up together," Josh said. "The Presidential Library thing, right?"

"I think so. Some time when I was hobbling around on crutches. It'll be easier to dance tonight. Remember you owe me one."

Josh was just about to respond when Representative Larry Inboden walked up the stairs. "Josh! Only seven points down, I see. Hell of a thing," he said, holding out his hand to be shaken.

"Congressman," Josh said warmly, taking it.

"And Donna, I understand you're the one to thank for Matt Santos coming to Mississippi," Inboden said.

"It was the Congressman's decision, sir," Donna said.

"Please. I know how it goes. We're getting a hell of a bump. Won't win us the state in the electoral college, but I know Hicks thinks he might win his district. Keep up the good work, you two," Inboden said before moving on.

"See, Josh? It'll be fine."

Just as she said it, though, Senator George Montgomery came up to them. "Josh? Do you have a moment?"

Josh got up and followed him, looking back one last time at Donna. After having so long apart, he couldn't tell anymore whether she was as worried as he felt just then.

This could only be bad.

George Montgomery had never liked Josh. He was one of the loudest voices on the Hill demanding Leo fire Josh after Chris Carrick's defection to the Republicans, he was a prominent backer of Bob Russell in the primaries, and his concern that Illinois was mishandled confirmed to Josh that Montgomery was among those calling for his replacement.

Montgomery led Josh into the East Room, where Matt Santos and Barry Goodwin were standing. "Josh, I'm sure your aware there have been some... concerns. About the direction the campaign is going," Montgomery said.

"Don't misunderstand, Josh," Goodwin said. "Where you've taken the Congressman so far, no one would have imagined it in January. And we've got a real shot in November, at the White House, and maybe the House of Representatives."

"But some of the decisions you've made, Josh... we could be leading in Illinois right now if you'd been in there from the beginning."

"It was a strategic decision, Senator. The campaign doesn't have enough money to be everywhere at once – " Josh said, before he was interrupted.

"I'm aware of that, Josh. But perhaps if you'd picked your media markets better, or made some harder choices, my home state wouldn't be tilting to Vinick right now!" Montgomery said.

"George," Goodwin said, calmly. Clearly he was the 'good cop'. "Josh, you've done a hell of a job, but it's six weeks out, we're still seven points back. We really have a chance to win this thing if we do this right. But I've been getting calls from the party elders for days demanding a shake-up in the campaign, and there's only so long I can put them off."

Matt Santos had so far said nothing.

"Look, Barry... Senator Montgomery..." Josh said. "Our strategy is working. We're gaining every week. Every day more Americans are learning what a great leader we have in the Congressman. We're going to catch Vinick."

"But are you making the right decisions, Josh?" Montgomery asked. "Hell, you had the Congressman wasting a day, wasting money in Mississippi and Alabama, for God's sake. States we don't have a hope in hell of winning. Why are you wasting time there?"

"Because it's America, Senator! Matt Santos isn't just going to be president of the blue states, and we need to show people that the Congressman is going to be there working for all Americans. Even ones who might not vote for him. Because when people see that, the ones who might otherwise not might just pull our lever in November."

"And how much money did you waste on those 'mights', Josh?"

"The state parties footed the bill."

"And you wasted a day in the Republican Solid South when the campaign could have been in Illinois if you hadn't gone dark!"

"It wasn't a waste, Senator!" Josh was now straining not to raise his voice. "We have a chance to win house seats we haven't won since President Newman! And if it takes foregoing a couple afternoon events in Jacksonville, where the Congressman was still going to speaking anyway, then why not? Are we a national party or not? Are we running for every American or not?" Josh stopped, and said quietly, "It wasn't a waste."

Montgomery and Goodwin looked at one another, and looked at Santos.

Matt Santos put his hand on Josh's shoulder. "Josh, you know I never could have got this far without you."

Oh, God...

"If you hadn't come down to Houston, I never would have thought about running. If it weren't for you, I never would have won the nomination, and gotten this far, but I think what I'm hearing is right. I think the campaign needs a shake-up. I still want your counsel, Josh – you're invaluable – but I think we need to change what we're doing, and I think I need to signal to the party that we're serious about it."

"Congressman..." Josh said quietly.

"I'm going to move you to a new position – Executive Director for Political Strategy. I want your advice – hell, Josh, I need your advice – but we're going to be getting someone else to manage the campaign on a day-to-day basis," Santos said.

"Who?"

"Leo McGarry."

"But he's... he's running for VP! He can't do both!"

Goodwin spoke up. "He's going to be with the campaign anyway. He's the architect of Jed Bartlet's win. There's no one else better than him."

"No, there isn't," Josh couldn't help but agree.

"So it's not like we're replacing you with someone untried," Goodwin said.

"Just kicking me upstairs?"

"Josh, it's not like that," Montgomery said.

"It's not? Because it sure – "

Josh was interrupted by Ginger poking her head in. "They're going to be ready to start in about ten minutes. Hey, Josh! Great to see you!" Josh feebly returned her warm and friendly smile, before she left the room.

"Enjoy the ceremony, and take the evening off of the campaign, Josh. We'll talk tomorrow," Santos said.

Santos, Goodwin and Montgomery exited the room, leaving Josh just standing there, wondering what to do now.

What he really wanted to do was just leave, get out of the White House, find some place away from the stares and mutterings of those people who he knew were gloating. Avoid the whispers and snickering, just get out and be someplace where no one knew him, where they'd never heard of Josh Lyman. Get away from everyone who was happy at his latest downfall, and get away from the pitying looks he knew were coming.

But as he left the room, he saw people heading towards the ceremony. Much as he wanted to get away, he knew he owed it to Jed Bartlet to watch his middle daughter get married. He owed it to Abbey. He owed it to Ellie. And he owed it to himself, to watch a young woman he'd always liked on the happiest day of her life.

Someone should be happy today.

Tempting as it was to just leave, he wanted to see the ceremony. He'd get away afterwards.

Donna sat watching the ceremony from the middle of the guests, looking between Ellie and groom and the empty chair next to her that she put her purse on.

Where the hell was Josh? She hoped he would sit next to her – keep the Santos contingent together at least, although she was honest enough with herself to know that wasn't the real reason her purse was there – but looking around the pews as unobtrusively as she could, she didn't see him at all.

She looked around to the back, and there by the doorway, saw him standing there.

He looked terrible. She'd gotten out of practice about judging Josh's moods by a glance, but something had happened. Some breaking news that would hurt the campaign, perhaps, or perhaps he was just letting the rumors about Illinois get to him. He tried to catch his eye, but didn't want to look away from the ceremony for too long.

She'd talk to him at dinner. Find out what was wrong. And try to cheer him up.

She smiled to herself. They might be out of practice, but she knew she could always cheer him up.