It's looking like a Shepard/Miri story, which is cool. Not nearly enough of those.

You writing is clean and easy to read, although I would note to watch the adverbs and be verbs, as they can and should be substituted with stronger verbs.

My overall comment on this chapter is that is a lot of backstory. I started skimming because you were telling me all sorts of stuff that will never stick with me any way. People can only store a little bit in their short term memory, the rest just gets lost. And how important are the details of he and Ash at this point? Even most of the details of he and Miranda. This is all back story. It doesn't move us forward into your story. So my suggestion would be to weave the important bits of back story into the current narrative. Something happens, he thinks of Miranda's smile. Something else happens, he recalls something else.

Once you got started on getting him rescued ... I was all over it. Glad he could signal out and that people were so quick to get there. I'm eager to see how Shepard comes out of the crucible firing, and how everything comes back together. :) Some good clean writing, I look forward to reading more.

I think I can physically hear the sound of the Bechdel Test breaking as I read this chapter...

Man this chapter brought back memories of playing the whole trilogy. Glad the gang are able to get together like this and best part that Shepard prove the haters wrong on the dance floor lol.

Nice chapter, I'm wondering what will come next.

I got giddy at the end of ch. 13.
This is so satisfying, its happy and everything is working out. It's how the game should have ended- peace and happiness for the main people.
Thanks. :)

Don't have a lot of time to write a big elaborate review. All I have to say is... I'm still loving it. Everything has been great so far and I can't wait for more.
As usual, I'm excited and interested in seeing where you're going from here and where you want to take this.

I do like how you are "pairing the spares" so to speak, and how you're handling it. I'm all for that.

Happy Early N7 Day!

-Infamous

Nice story.

Hey, You gave me the link to you story on a Facebook comment. This story has been the one I was searching for, especially plans for a child with Miri and Shep (I'm only at ch. 3, I read the AN). But thank you for this.

That was amazing! I loves the Tali and Garrus scene so much.

This story deserve all the success that it is getting. Very great update and i enjoy the garrus version of the sing along vid.

Nice chapter

Well this chapter had some surprises in it. I didn't expect Brooks nor Kai leng to come back which make sense for the cerberus attack. Shepard being on the side lines was surprising since I'm so used to him taking charge and fighting but the way you did it was well done plus what better way to end the invasion then having Jack (who was experimented by them) and Miranda (who used to work for them) work together for the common good. Also I enjoy the Ashley/James romance scene. Overall great chapter as usual.

YES! UPDATED!
Nice chapter. Loved the action segments. Good work on writing those. I find a lot of writers struggle with those at times or sometimes they just drag on and on and on. I spotted a small handful of spelling/grammar errors here and there, but completely forgivable nonetheless.

Loved the inclusion of Jack. I liked that you gave Jack and Miranda some common ground, and I like that you're moving ahead with the Ash/James pairing. Good momentum on that. I didn't mind you putting Shep on the sidelines and letting the others duke it out. I think it emphasizes how Shepard isn't used to sitting out and letting someone else do the heavy lifting.

I'm really digging the nods to the Foundation comics. It fits well. I'm interested in seeing where you go from here and where you're taking this. Going down the Shepard retirement route and keeping it interesting and believable could be tricky. Unless some sort of new conflict arises...

Now, as for a tip (which you can totally choose to take or ignore, it's your personal choice), I think you should cut down on your author's notes. I do enjoying reading your opinions and POVs and reasonings, but try to keep it less detailed. Let the reader do a little leg work and let their imagination wander. Don't tell me what'll happen in the next chapter, let me think on it. You know what I mean? It makes the anticipation for an update even better.

As for the chapter title? ... Der Untergang sounds German. Quick Google translate says it means "The Sunset". Fitting indeed.

Update soon. Take care.
-Infamous

Very good, loving the political intrigue. One thing, using the author's notes to tell me what's going to happen not only eliminates the possibility of being surprised, but locks you into one outcome. Who says the students have to be rescued? Not everything can have a happy ending. And you could be in the middle of writing their rescue, and suddenly have a great idea, but can't use it because you promised their rescue. But now, not only will they survive, I know ahead of time that they will. Not criticizing, just saying. Maybe leave a teaser hint rather than a distinct promise. Just a suggestion. Otherwise, great story.

Loving it so far. Really digging Ashley's struggle and discussion with Samara. Just really digging this story as a whole and I like what you're doing with it. As I've said before, I can't see Ash and Miranda ever actually getting along well. They're basically fire and ice. Though an understanding could always be possible, a good friendship could never really stick.

I have picked up the first two collected editions of the Foundation comic, and I do see where you're making nods to it. I'd rather that than making something up since the lore is there already. So kudos to keeping with the "canon". If anyone reading this hasn't read the comics, I don't think it'll be a big deal anyway.

And as to who I think the guy Miranda and Shepard encounter at the end, I'm going to say Kai Leng...? Maybe?

As I sit and try to pen my own Miranda/Shepard story (on my crappy laptop that continues to give me so much grief), I can't help but look at yours and feel somewhat inspired (not only to write my story, but to get a new computer so I can write like I want to). Always grateful that there are people out there who appreciate the Miranda/Shepard dynamic and that they can actually write worth a damn. Take care. Can't wait for more.
-Infamous