Oh this was just too cute!

Goodnight HP Slash Luv,
I things is very cute. I had difficulties to read because I'm French, I had to search many words. But I appreciated this fiction. Though, I can't do a good critical. (Sorry if I did mistakes or I'm wrong words.) Thanks,
Enellet

that was cute

so cute! you should definitely write more about them, if you want to

awesomeness

Hi,

Okay I'm not really a fan of the pairing, but I'd like to review all the stories for this challenge.

So, I think it was quite well-written, if there were any grammer mistakes they weren't bad enough to disrupt the flow of the story. I enjoyed the use of the prompts and the way you weaved them into the story...

As for Harry and Neville, I understand that the story was meant to be short, but I would have liked to see a bit more regarding Harry's feelings towards Neville... Things like when the attraction started or what drove him to the decision to act upon his feelings... This is al simply me of course, and not something you had to do.

Overall its well-written and an interesting idea! Thanks for a lovely story.

Be Blessed

cute! :3

sequel please let there be more thank you

Thanks so much for taking up the time to complete my challenge!

First off, the story is a lovely length - short and sweet, and captures a brief (albeit important) moment in time. I like how you didn't try to over-do the nervousness, but gave Harry that typical, unease when it comes to his love interests, which is surprisingly canon (given the non-canon pairing). On the other hand, I found Neville a little OOC, simply because he is very sure of himself, whereas canon has shown him to lack courage in some social situations. I don't think this detracts at all from the story, however. I think it is just preference, and again, given that the story follows a non-canon pairing, obviously characters would develop differently than is strictly JK written.

One thing I will note is that you tend to use a lot of periods. Although your grammar is quite good (and lord knows, mine is most often horrible, so I feel very hypocritical saying this), I think the flow of the text could be improved by incorporating more commas to avoid the stop-and-start feeling.

Overall, however, I did really enjoy the story, and I will definitely be looking through some of your other work! I really like your character development, and your use of the prompts to create romance.

Hope this was helpful!

xLola

I like the chapter very much