Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"Long day tomorrow." It's not. As long as we're not counting sleeping in until four in the afternoon or lying in bed with a magazine and a box of chocolates, she's not doing shit. "Let's get going."

Mary has excellent shorthand skills and works as a hansard reporter in parliament. :)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
The camera flashes, and I've had my mouth hanging open. My hands are, I don't even know where. My posture sucks. My dress sucks. Everything about me sucks.

Go away!. ;P;

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
I don't know where to look. I know even less about what he's saying. The only thing I can concentrate on behind all the lights is that man sitting by the door. I look to him for guidance. A nod. A smile. Any kind of direction.

You control your destiny. :P

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
Flash, and Clarence says, "This isn't enough."

Grammar is very complicated. :P

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"How are you going to be able to look at him with a straight face?"

The most important thing now is to launch direct dialogue, genuine, full-fledged dialogue between today's Kiev authorities and representatives of southeast Ukraine. T-T

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

Now onto the actual review:
Blue Eyes is looking at me, but Glasses is looking at Blue Eyes. Nobody says anything. All I can hear is the clock ticking. Ticking and ticking and ticking and ticking. It doesn't stop. "Alright then."

Wow!

And I thought I was one of the only Ramona fans out there.

This was insanely well-written, three-dimensional, and believable. A damn fine read.

While I don't read much fanfiction anymore, I do occasionally stop in and check out authors I used to read a lot to see if anything new has been posted. This one was certainly new to me, and I gave it a read.

As usual, good sir, excellent quality work. Not the blog-type deal, or with random thought or speech tangents messing up a potential story, if there was one to begin with; this story makes you see, makes you think, and most of all, makes you feel. This story puts the average reader in the middle of Ramona Linton's drug-hazed world, with all of the sensory images and thoughts to match - and with that very human sense of guilt that plagues the soul when something is just so wrong, and yet the reality of their lives.

I will definitely stop in and read anything else you post or update. As infrequent as they are, a quality piece is a gem to be treasured and enjoyed, and you provide the quality.

Wow just wow you got my attention this chapter made me want to read more. Update soon.

Fandom blind.

Wow, just really a big "WOW!" This story is quite incredible. There were a lot of grammatical errors, mostly involving commas, but I don't think its worth mentioning. I don't know if your character is an OC or a canon character but your characterization of her is phenomenal.

I wasn't so sure of what I was getting into in the beginning but as the story went on, it became so powerful, I was entranced into her world. My mind became her heart. I understood her.

The guilt is so well-played and so powerful. The narrative was strong, felt real; it felt as if I were reading a page in her diary and couldn't stop.

My favorite line was your final line: And for the first time I realize that my mother looks just like me.

I liked what it represented. It was more than physical appearance; she was saying that her actions resembled her mother's. She was running from her problem, er, at least, that's how I took it.

I would love to read an original story from you on , if you have an account or any stories.

I don't know if you have any stories of my fandom, but with your skill in presenting emotions, I'd be a fool to not follow you.

Good job,
Neo

You certainly succeed at grabbing the attention of the reader and putting them right in the thick of the action. The reader can relate, and if s/he doesn't s/he certainly wishes to have done these kinds of things in their youth. At least the starting action and the whole bit of sneaking out with Shannon.

The sad undertone throughout this story makes the reader feel sympathy for the characters. For Reese though Ramona is unaware why. For Shannon who considers her to be a friend though it is not reciprocated. For Ramona who is a trained parrot.

Family and friendship are a key part of this story, and Ramona has isolated herself from them. It's horrible the way she treats Shannon because of her own face value views and interpretation of being considered a mere "handbag," an accessory by her friend. It's even more horrible the way she views and treats her own father. The poor guy drinks himself to sleep worrying about his little girl, though he has the additional memory of reliving his wife walking out on him every time Ramona shuts a door. And worse yet, she feels guilt because she loves him. It's the familial relationship that makes this story prime, and affected me the most deeply. This relationship, in relation to Flashpoint leaves a real bitter taste.

This is a really great, enthralling and emotional read.

My goodness, Ramona Linton is a bit of a moll, isn't she?

In our previous correspondence, you mentioned that the story 'Invisible Monsters' by Chuck Palahniuk was a big inspiration for for the character of Ramona, and its not hard to see how Palahniuk has influenced this story in particular. He is certainly not shy about exploring the causes and consequences of self destructive behaviour in people. But also Palahniuk seems to take a delight in creating details and expectations about the characters and settings of his stories and then turning them on their head. Though I don't know a whole lot about the modelling world, my understanding is that underneath the glitz and glamour, it can be very ruthless and cut-throat. Ramona, with her background as a model, seems am ideal character to explore some of the ugliness that can be part of that profession and play with the assumptions and expectations of what means to be a model.

There are two things that leapt out at me after reading this story about Ramona. The first and most obvious thing is that she is that seems dreadfully unhappy with her life. The second thing is that she misreading the people around her, mainly because she seems content to accept what she sees at face value and not think too deeply about the implications of what she is seeing. For a model, I suppose this makes a certain amount of sense; appearance would definitely be at the forefront of her thoughts. This attitude, however, has created blindspots in her thinking.

Let's take Reese the stylist for example. When he gives her the news that her shoot has been cancelled in favour of a last minute contract, she seems to assume that his reluctance to tell her exactly what the shoot requires, and his attempts to sugar coat the contract after he reveals that she has to model a dress made by the department of corrections, effectively means that her career as a model is over. Now, Reese's reluctance here is understandable. He knows exactly how the game is played and he can guess how Ramona is going to react to this news. What makes this scene really interesting is Reese's behaviour with the handgun, the knowledge that he served in the trenches of the last war and the shoot involves modelling for the military. I can't help but think that while he is trying to handle Ramona, he is perhaps more preoccupied with memories of uniforms... and what tends to happen to people in uniforms. The fact that Ramona doesn't later reflect on Reese's behaviour says a lot about her . To me, it underlines the fact that while she might know intellectually about what it is to go to war, she lacks the context needed to truly understand what that means.

Then we have the scene with Clarence. Now, Ramona is probably correct in saying that he is a douchetastic ass clown most of the time. I suspect, however, that even he has something deeper going on with him. While Ramona is understandably confused about the directions he's giving her, I think that it very important to pay attention to what he is saying. He is talking of promises unkept by a country. Of promises a person has to keep, even if they die trying to keep them. Of things lost. Of people so close and yet cannot be touched. Of it all not being enough. What is it that is causing him to say these things while photographing a young woman in uniform while in the presence of a military officer? Though I could easily imagine that Clarence is so self-centred that he thinks the officer is just part of the scenery. Also, it's interesting that Ramona assumes that Clarence knows exactly it was her that pissed on his front door step, despite the fact this happened about 3 o'clock in the morning and he was either A: sound asleep or B: somewhere else entirely. Ramona, sweetie, you're pretty and all, but I don't think Clarence is sitting in his house thinking about you 24/7.

If there is someone in this story who could be considered as unhappy as Ramona, it would have to be Shannon (though Ramona's Dad would certainly get an honourable mention). What strikes me is the low grade contempt Ramona has for Shannon. Now, Shannon might not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree, but I feel that Ramona is doing her a disservice. I would say that Shannon has just had the misfortune of being a mirror to what Ramona dislikes about most about herself and Ramona is using her as convenient emotional punching bag to deny her own insecurities. Ramona keeps telling herself she's nothing like Shannon and Shannon is nothing like her, but to me it seems they share more similarities than Ramona would care to admit. Also, when Shannon confronts Ramona in the alleyway after Ramona dropped some poor bastard and essentially echoes what Ramona has been thinking about her, I do get the impression that can Shannon can read Ramona better than Ramona can read Shannon.

The fact that Shannon is carrying around anti-anxiety medication is also quite telling. Now, it's entirely possible and probable that Shannon just swiped her mother's pills just so she can get high later in the evening, but a question to consider is how often does she carry these pills around anyway? And it's possible that Shannon is spinning a story about her mother and the pills really belong to her...

I liked the little bits of foreshadowing sprinkled here and there regarding what happens later to Ramona in Flashpoint. In the interest of not spoiling this part of that story I won't say what precisely these bits are, but they're easy to see if you're paying attention.

While most of this story is quite dark, I couldn't help but laugh when I got to the bit with the recruiting office and the image of this drop dead gorgeous model rocking up at six in the morning wanting to join up... and she's completely trashed. Blue Eyes and Glasses are initially somewhat bemused and nonplussed by this unexpected development, but they're more than willing to take advantage of both this modest entertainment early in the morning and the opportunity to get a head start on their recruitment quotas once they shift the appropriate mental gears. Bloody recruiters, they'll say anything to get someone to join up, won't they? This scene also, however, illustrates Ramona's tendency to judge by appearance. She's rather taken with Blue Eyes, but she dismisses Glasses as looking stupid because of his awful BCG's (Birth Control Glasses). Funny, then, that Glasses is the one who has to tell her what year she was born and how he's the one who starts to worry that perhaps this joke is going a little too far. Although, to be fair, she is trashed.

And a question involving chronology: This story take place before Ramona's birthday of September 9th in the year of 1934. She's 18 when the war begins in 1935 and she turns 19 before the wars' conclusion. Have I got this right?

That was beautiful.

Goddamn that was angsty. Good stuff.