This chapter though. I was reading through it, and the most recurring thought was, "What in the fuck did I just read?!" which is exactly the kind of reaction one would want from a piece of parody. On that count, this... this was brilliant.

Now, I'm not very big on Disney. I never was, for some reason. So I don't know the characters well enough to actually feel them. Except Mickey being a damn mafia boss. And being shot. Holy crap that one got me.

As for errors, other than the random Bob, I found a few. Mind, I've just returned from college and don't have enough energy to go full scrutiny mode. As such, here's what I found:

if they try to do anything, just come to me alright, I'll rough 'em up a bit eh?" - add a question mark after alright instead of a comma. It ought to be a question.

that hug proudly on the wall - hung on the wall.

I'll get to the other chapters soon-ish.

I'm glad Death wanted Tina. Now she can be in her rightful home. Haha I know everytime I review I make fun of Tina but it is just so easy.

I'm so glad Tina is gone. She was so annoying. I hated her.

Sweet! Panchito and Jose need more credibilityand screen time!

Omg! I can't breathe right now from laughing so hard

Haahahaha! I love the part where José drove off in terror of his fear and I love the part where Panchito's stuck in his trance and americo and the others were doing weird things when all they had to say was that his uncle vido was dead and the part where Panchito was slapping you and finally the don rosa reference
This was an amazing chapter!

This chapter made me laugh

Hi! Since you requested feedback in the critique thread, I decided to check your story out. Hopefully some of my comments will be helpful for you.

Your grammar is a little rough in some places, and there were a few grammar and formatting errors. However, I think the biggest formatting mistake in this chapter is that you don’t start a new paragraph every time you have a different speaker for dialogue. (Check any published work and you will see what I mean) This can make reading challenging for a reader, since you have giant paragraphs that include dialogue from several speakers, and it’s very easy to get lost. On the upside, this is a very easy error to fix. :)

/All wanting the same thing, a yearly bonus, everyone was expecting a raise, or about the same amount, and weren't asking for much, except for one. / This sentence is awkward as written. You might want to consider restructuring it. Maybe as: /They all wanted the same thing: a yearly bonus and a raise. They weren’t asking for much, except for one of them./

/"Yeah me too," it was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, a slowly rising but fallen star, "do you know what it's like, living in your brother's shadow for eighty-four years?" / “Yeah, me too.” It was Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, a slowly rising but fallen star. “Do you know what it’s like, living in your brother’s shadow for eighty-four years?” I noticed you have a tendency to comma splice your dialogue when it could easily be formatted as two separate sentences instead. Here you don’t need a comma after the first part of dialogue since you don't have a dialogue tag.

/"No idea." Panchito said. / Since you’ve correctly formatted some of your other sentences with dialogue tags, I’m assuming this is a typo.

/senor / señor. I realize ffn sometimes messes up special characters, but if you’re going to include random Spanish as a character trait, you should try to get it right, verdad? ;) I’d also recommend italicizing the Spanish to set it apart, since the main language of the text is in English.

/Eres Bienvenido amigo / There is no need to capitalize bienvenido. And you should probably put a comma between bienvenido and amigo.

/ "Muy buen amigo." / I think you mean: “Muy bien, amigo.”

/ "Gracias Panchito" / “Gracías, Panchito.”

Panchito’s exchange with Mr. Summers needs a lot of work.

/ Panchito stood there patiently waiting for Mr. Summers to hang up the phone with the secretary before he spoke, "Ahola Senor Summers, " he said, taking a seat in the soft cushiony chair, "I was wondering if I could-" (I’m assuming you mean “Hola.” “Oiga” or “Oye” might work better in context for trying to get someone’s attention in Spanish.)

Mr. Summers cut him off, "Mr. Pistoles," he said, clasping his hands and looking at the rooster as if (he) were prey, "where are the fireworks?"

Panchito watched as Jesse tapped his fingers on the desk, patiently waiting for an answer, "Por que?" He said twiddling his thumbs becoming nervous and sweaty, ((¿Por qué? he asked) Again, if you are going to have a character speak in Spanish, it’s a good idea to use correct grammar and punctuation! Especially since "¿Por qué?" means "Why?" and "Porque." means "because"!))

"Because," Mr. Summers said, "we need them for tonight's shows and I noticed that there seems to be a shortage."

"A shortage?" Panchito asked, "I'm still not following you senor." / (señor)

/ "Si senor, adios jeffe." He said, / “Sí, señor. Adiós jefe,” he said

/ "No se," / “No sé” – again, you really need the accent mark here, otherwise it’s a completely different word!

I think once you go through and fix some of the formatting and grammar errors, your story will be a lot easier to read. If you have a hard time catching the mistakes yourself, you might want to consider getting a beta , maybe one who knows a little Spanish.

It seems like you have an interesting set-up for a story though. Panchito is down on his luck and out of a job. He’d probably make an amusing roommate. Good luck with your writing!

I loved this chapter so funny especially when panchito turned the TV on to judge Judy and said i would just shoot him that'swhat I'd do. Rotfl!

This story is seriously fucked up dont try to make this a tv series please save us the trouble. You change the characters way to much. Mickey an arsonist, Panchito a crazy Mexican who will kill on sight and shoots things when he is mad. Minnie willing to sleep with any man who is willing to sleep with her. I'm sorry to say that this is seriously fucked up and should never be read by anyone because you lost me at Mickey, a crazy arsonist who gets shot by the CEO and then you lost me when Panchito shot and killed that old lady. Who need therapy sweetie. Sorry to be honest

I really like the part where Jose drove off cuz he doesnt like banjos. I wonder why though?
Anyway, I imagine the sceletons like from the old didney cartoon -

The joke at the end was funny. But it could've been drawn out more. I liked the part where Donald and Daisy sang over the phone, it was heart melting in it's own way. You've could've done more with Dodger, made him a little more sarcastic, but that's just my opinion. Good job.

NIce

This is a cool and very, very detailed chapter... I liked it though! A lot of good visuals and the ending was really funny. XD

This is awesome. I like how you nodded to yourself to make it more personal. The whoopee at the end, really made the train go at super...slow...speeds. This is easily one of the best stories I've ever read on this. Keep this up please. Can't wait for Season Two. (Hey if you want to collaborate on that let me know. We can work something out, I'd be happy to help.)