This is actually really well written for a fanfiction. the paragraphs are nice, the dialogue is amazing (from what I've seen so far), and I love the way you portray the canon characters. There is room for improvement though. Mainly with character development, your oc, and the pacing. I'm only on chapter 22 and I'm already tired of this mainly because of how fast the story goes. There is a lot going on at all times and very little reprieve from the action. Your oc may also be a part of that though, since she is very op in general. She is supposed to be a genin -not even that for the first few chapters- and already she has the power of a jonin. Any time there is a fight, she miraculously kills most everyone and wins. Even with her chakra condition, her healing is used more often than not which is rather over powered for an 11 year old girl who can't even use chakra, hasn't had ANY kind of training in her kekkei genkai since she was 3 or four, and isn't even sure how to use it in general.
All in all I really liked the first 22 or so chapters of this and I encourage you to keep writing and developing your character, but I'm going to have to stop reading here for now. I might pick it back up in a month or two, but not before then.

Uh... Mary Sue Alert...Maybe you should...I dunno...put that in your summary too...

But then again...the first chapter made it... really obvious...

Uh...good luck?

Yeah...luck... You'll need it...

Ah! I finally caught up after DAYS of binge reading! I just want to say: Whah! I KNEW that Obi was going to 'die' and I still cried...(T-T) YOU MADE ME CRY, MEANIE! *Sigh* BUT! I just wanted you to know that I have fallen for your 'fun-sized' spitfire, really I think she's just adorable. To be honest I've been waiting for ANYONE to just beg the Hokage to just STOP LETTING HER OUT OF THE VILLAGE! Ever since the blood lake...I mean...really. Or for someone to point out that it's emotionally exausting to be her friend 'coz I'm pretty sure she's died or has been brutally torchered (iz dat how u speil it? Eh I'm tired.) at least once each time she goes out. Has no one else noticed this? I mean, if I was her friend I would be in hysterics, if I'm not witnessing her be impaled, getting her throat slit, getting her ****ing LEG CHOPPED OFF-it's when she's NAKED and being ****ing experimented on by ****ing Orochimaru that this girl is going to kill me with anxiety...though by now I'm pretty sure that someone like Kakashi will not believe she's dead, short of seeing her lobbed off head. Oh right...she reattached her leg...that...that was pretty much as everyone else put it: bullshit. This girl...man. I love her. ( ) Your squirt is going to need more loved ones soon, as it is, she can count all of her precious people on four fingers, and there are a BUNCH of interesting characters in this timeline to use like Asuma, Kurenai, Anko, Genma, bunch. *CoughGaiCough* Sorry that was my inner Garasu acting up. Oh. not to mention the Uchiha's I wuv little Itachi-chan! But besides Obi there was another oddball Uchiha by the name of Shisui, who isn't s'pose to die for quite a while. I don't know, maybe squirt doesn't want to let people in? Oh well. ( ) HAHA Tatakau's 'Materials!' I was waiting for Niku to bring up the fact that his MOM was there, and to ask why Shogai knew. Hilarious, can't wait for when Bakashi turns into a pervert, after the 'It's for my boobs!' I knew Niku would be MERCILESS! I can just see it now...I'm going to miss Shisou but I couldn't help but think of Anko Mitrashi every 'Nude Glory' was mentioned...Anyways, I wanted to thank you for making me laugh and making me cry. (I know, 'weirdo' right?) I've become emotionally invested in this this (slightly immortal) girl, so again thank you, for the past few days I've been able to get NO WORK DONE! I hope you're happy with yourself.

this is a very interesting story keep it up!

Wow...she just screams Mary Sue right from the get go

It's been so long! I'm happy for the update XD
Hope team Moyasu wins!

Nice

I love this story so much

Update soo

Obito is adorable.

Great job!

Shogai and Tatakau were a bit more injured then I though they were, but at least it's nothing that won't heal over a bit of time. Niku of course seems like she is already healed, Moya was the unluckiest of the four. I do admire Moya's determination though, that missing his one arm won't slow him down, I just hope it doesn't get him killed at some point.

I'm not sure how to feel about Niku's entries into two bingo books, I can't bring myself to take them seriously. It's just that their description of her and her profile image being drawings instead of pictures threw me off, especially one not being so good. Also, I don't know if being in the bingo book is something to actual be proud of considering it puts a bounty over your head, hopefully it won't cause problems for her in the future.

The bad news, wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, it's not really good but I don't think it's anything that Niku, Tatakau and Shogai can't handle if they work as a team to get through the first two exams. I also feel that their abilities will make it so they can get through the exhibition matches too. Then Minato makes his entrance and lightens up the mood some.

Ki, Korosu and Suna seem like an interesting trio, not so sure how I feel about Ki though, reminds me of Gaara as a kid and pre-teen. My guess is that in the exhibition matches, those three are who will fight our three, just have to see how it goes. Moya's squad just better get some training in if they want a better chance in making it through the Chuunin exams.

Anyway, I look forward to reading the chapter with your next update!

-Jennku

Great job!

I'm just glad that Orochimaru didn't seriously harm Shogai or Tatakau. Tatakau's pride might have been hurt but nothing an Uchiha can't get over. I've never liked Orochimaru and I never will, I've always hated him in every way. I can't image how helpless the two boys feel, not being to escape and being tormented. Orochimaru was cruel to show them a picture of Niku knowing that they wouldn't be able to do anything to help. At least he wasn't able to go back to Shogai and Tatakau and have his way with them.

I'm rather confused about Niku's Kekkei Genkai, there's just so much to it. What happened at the lake a bit earlier in the story is the same thing that happened when she was with her clan? Since she has a weaker seal, she has a stronger Kekkei Genkai and it cause her to lose control at times? I understand it to a point, but just not fully. I also do understand that it seems like anyone else's blood is like poison to her unless I'm missing something there as well.

Luckily Niku is able to handle torture fairly well or she would have been broken long ago. The last thing she needs is to become Orochimaru's test subject, horrible things will entail if that happens for longer than it did this time. Just in the period of time he test on her, she went through severe pain and torture, but that's just part of who Orochimaru is, a sick bastard. I'm assuming that what Orochimaru left her as a parting gift was a curse mark. It would make sense considering he is very curious able her Kekkei Genkai and loves planting that thing on any ninja that catches his interest.

I feel like Moya is going through just about as much as Niku is at this point, even if it's not nearly as much physical pain. He lost his love, his unborn child and everyone time he turns his back to Niku, she is taken captive and tortured. I can't imagine what missing an arm does to a ninja, but knowing Moya, he will figure something out and move forward with his career as a shinobi. I do appreciate the end of the chapter, was an amusing moment, just like Moya too.

Anyway, I look forward to reading the next chapter!

-Jennku

Sorry I didn't review the last chapter, I just didn't see it in my update list.
I really wonder what will happen in the Chunin exams and how you will do them. I don't have much to say about the chapters though.
Focus on school, fanfics only comes after that
Keep it up,
Kragh50

Wow, i had some catching up to do! It gets more intense every chapter it seems...
Moyasu sure doesn't have it easy, i just hope he won't die as well (Please don't let him die!)
As always, i'm looking forward to the next update :)

I'm so glad you've updated! I truly can't wait for the next one!