Nice story! And your grammar was not that bad.

I have seen a few of these cliches but I haven't ever come across the rest of them. Severus smoking also seems to be a popular cliche. I see it in some stories that are otherwise good.

can't stop laughing

YAS!

I found this wonderfully hilarious! Although, I'm quite guilty with a couple of these with my own fic-unrepentant. Thank you so much for sharing! 3

Haha, those were brilliant! Possibly one or two of these I can possibly see vaguely working out, but Pureblood? Rich? Manor? Animagus? I guess I haven't read enough crappy Snape fanfic because I haven't seen those before - that's ridiculous. Comparative to sparkly vampires (almost). Make Snape a rich Pureblood and his overall character will suddenly greatly resemble Lucius, heartbreaking tragedies aside (that will also become a lot more petty).
You are brilliant, however, not to mention hilarious. 'The monopoly of S.N.O.R.T...'

This is complete and utter crack... Which is why I love it ;P also cliche #5 and #9 kind of coexist... In conclusion snape is edward. AAahhahahahahh xD

Yah know, you're right! Shockingly, I hadn't noticed until you pointed it out, but "the emotionless mask," and the "excellent cook" are practically universal in fanfiction, but never mentioned in canon.

Snape's eyes are described as being like cold, black tunnels if memory serves me right. This (and the Occlumency) probably helped spawn the "mask" idea, but I don't recall it ever being connected with his emotions. At least, not in canon! Now, you've made me want to go re-read the books to verify the facts...

And many of the others are very common in fanfiction (but not canon) as well. Heh, I enjoyed this. Thanks for posting!

wrong. Many people do.

If that was so, I would have many more reviews on my stories