Dumbledore's letter didn't sound like Dumbledore at all. You really missed the mark with his character.

Though I love the your idea and where this story seems to be headed (it’s very different than most stories here) you could really benefit from a bata as your sentence structure is awkward to read and has put me off finishing this story. Keep writing though Kidda that’s how you’ll improve.

Dearest, please get a beta reader?
Your story is well thought out, but us grammar nazis are not too enamoured with all the spelling errors.

Book has a great plot... I've read it before but decided to let you know that the prophecy tells us what's happening and when, the idea behind it is great but its a spoiler...

Honestly, i really want to readthis story, but the writing is just horrible. I'd love to clean it up for you, if you're willing.

Needs work.

Hi Dear, also I like the plot and storyline of this, I recommend on writing complete sentences and try to keep the timeline. i.e. in one sentence it is just early in the morning5 am and in the next sentence the lessons start:

"Harry, Are you nuts? This five in the morning! Most people have not wake up yet."

"Wait."

The portrait of Fat Lady open and Minerva McGonagall have just stepped in. "Ah...Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger, do you mind telling everyone to go down to the Great Hall the annual announcement by Professor Dumbledore?"

"That is no problem at all Professor."

"Good, I have to be off for your next lesson," when she finished, she walked out for the common room. The trio walked up the stairs and started to arouse every one.

I quoted some sentences from this chapter to illustrate my feedback.
But just go on with this story.

All the best for you
k

I felt the prophesy was a little to straightforward, but the ideas here are good and seem unique.

I am sorry, but the use of English in this story is appalling. I really did try to read it. I think that I managed to get about halfway through chapter 6, but it is almost impossible to read. Sorry, but unless you can get someone who can speak English fluently to beta this story, and then have it updated, I cannot read this. It has potential, but the heinous grammar is ridiculous.

When writing dialogue, keep in mind how real people talk. If you can't impart the information you want to that way, find another way to do it, because having your characters give expositions just sounds fake.

this story is soo cool well done ! i hope to read more of ur stuff soon

I tried, really I did. I actually made it through a dozen or so paragraphs till I gave up. Your writing style just screams "I was written by a 12 year old".

Ha!

Sorta amused by the names of the mystical creatures, reminded me of power rangers.

Usually authors make prophesies much more complicated and confusing, so that people can be surprised when something special happens.

all in all, pretty cool story, just a little blunt

thanks

anger with the power of a thousand suns

Sorry, I realy tried to read this... but there are just 2 much grammar errors, 2 read it...

try 2 fix it ;

have a nice day

great story and please post the sequel soon this is great and please keep writing.