Too much eastbridge... shouldve made it more original... take Vexmaster or NOOBZILLA for example... that was some serious imagination

I hate this lord and savior crap when hector walks into town and allows the Town's 'justice'. What the fuck? They wiped his village out of greed and through retribution he is 'sorry' enough to ignore that fact and let them assault him? Hector must be a pussy.

Alexander B.

Honestly, he was an idiot if he thought that attack could have been more favorable for the villagers. The pity party and letting them hit him was you just copying the other story. Absolutely no reason for it when he knew the impact his forces would have before he ordered them forward.

i dont want to be that guy but what a crapy ending for this chapter

Nice story but familiar to another story though

Interesting. Why the hell didn't she just tell him her dream!? Why didn't she tell him about the reinforcements to buy time for his battle lust to calm? Why didn't she tell the rest of her family about her revelations? Why is the brother who listened to everything his sister said and was quick to trust her and make promises to her in the past just dismissing her out of hand? It is pretty crazy and uncharacteristic of the characters as you have portrayed them so far... I hope that the next chapter shows that Hector has been mind controlled by that zerg entity from the meteorite or something like that, as the end of this chapter made almost no sense at all. Otherwise a good story with a lot of promise, if you don't count the last chapter.

Shouldn't this be impossible due to the fact that Hector is the OVERMIND? Sara might be powerful but there should still be the whole subconscious "Obey the OVERMIND no matter what" thing floating around her head. Shouldn't be solved by a simple fact of Zerg hierarchy?

Coul you please type a bit faster I need good reading material cause I read fast and so I go through stuff quickly so I never have enough things to read and it's hard to find good fanfiction for Starcraft nowadays

Honestly, that's a really good ending. I mean, it totally came out of the left field and I wasn't expecting it at all.

The only (major) problem I can see with this story is that it was too short!

So, this is looking good but I see a slight problem. Actually, a really big one.

"Notice how I'm a new paragraph?" Creepy doll number one said.

"AND ME TOO!" Cried the ecstatic creepy doll number two as it stared into your eyes with all the love of a sadistic murderer.

See my point? Any time there's a new, or rather, different, speaker, you make a new paragraph. This is to help readers avoid confusion. Also, you can have a single person speak multiple times in a single paragraph but otherwise...More than one paragraph please.

Huh...First there were fifteen zerglings...Then twenty-five and then thirty (I assume thirty five actually, because five stayed behind) so...What gives? I am confuse...

honestly i always thought east bridge inspired fics were a little bit meh but boy, you proved me wrong! that ending is pure gold!

damn...

The end of this brings tears forth as the full effects of vengeance are made clear. No winners, only survivors and lost hopes.

I will look forward to the next tale and hope she will be able to bring forth a better world for herself, the swarm, an others. The endig this time does make a fellow think, afterall.

Also sorry to see Hector gone, that is a major move, but definitely want to see what comes from all of this.

VERY similar to East Bridge's story. My thought is that your trying to complete the dropped story in East Bridge's place. Let's hope your story is original in some traits. A copy is discerning so don't disappoint the readers!
Good Luck! _