are you going to continue?

It is challenging to write a fair review at times.

The reviewer has to put a distinction between evaluating an author's choices within the story and personal bias. Your story blurs the lines quite a bit, so I'm reviewing a certain time after the read, with notes at hand.

Your readers pointed out the story deserves more attention. They were right. Three things were to blame: a summary promising static ('charactery study'), the large notice on the top and a static chapter one, mostly involving scientists.

The first chapter stood out from the rest, which made the read intriguing by itself. Natural character interaction and believable dialogue piqued my interest further. You don't see grey characters come alive that often. They are normally used as nameless cannon fodder, scientist 5 of block b. Not to mention, intellectuals doing science requires a bit of research on the author's behalf. It is blindingly obvious and personalised, compared to the part with Shadow's blood sacrifice. The poor dear would have been clueless even in a fully conscious state.

Maria's entry was a nice choice to intensify the emotional tone. Science chatter between people who are, like it or not, huge geeks, is fun to a niche audience. Their interaction with Maria's unbridled innocence brought a smile to my face. I wasn't as amazed when Cream was used for an identical purpose, but I'll get to it later.

Chapters with Rouge and Eggman delivered the most content, however. It's like you said in the summary, their knowledge is not free. Rouge had a mission of her own, which spilled genuine suspense into the mix. The reader should have been confused by her more than once. Thankfully, the narrative offered clues that her facade could be fake. With Eggman, I could never tell. It looked like he was trying to plunk his manipulative ways into Shadow's head. The hedgehog's state let me draw a parallel with Knuckles. An opposing force prevented that. It was amusing to watch a bit of mental ping pong, with Shadow acting as the unwitting ball.

Without a doubt, the readers had to bounce a few times to get to the bottom of this. You were eager to provide clues and obfuscate them with the antagonists' help. To make sense of the full picture, you need to hold a lot of context in your head as a reader. It allows pinpointing the seemingly unimportant details that make sense in the end. The potentially meaningless conversation in chapter three, for example. On the outside, it is regular small talk between two rogue friends. I could not believe my eyes when you stuffed plotted reason into it. Good show!

A few paragraphs below, the chatter in part three turned into a plot drive. I couldn't help noticing how varied the story has been. Despite its bleak emotional colours, flashed by rare but highly accentuated moments of humour, it is as exciting as a western. Stuff happens all the time. This isn't just some idle brooding Shadow is accustomed to.

Chapter four offered insight. We don't normally imagine what is Eggman doing before Sonic arrives to bust his guts. Shadow's unexpected entry, only challenged by the sign language quote, was a star of the show. I didn't even know if I should continue to take the situation seriously. Reading Eggman felt like talking to an addict. Oddly enough, I haven't seen him in such a light before. Both Shadow and Eggman looked desperate, albeit for different reasons. On a better day, you could expect them to bid their greetings and the doctor would pencil him in for an appointment. Nothing like a bit of Chaos Control to make the old genius approachable.

The same chapter drew another line of parity between Shadow and an overloading robot. Conflicting orders, indeed. And it only took you a whole chapter to alleviate the android scare.

Here's where all the loose ends come together, the finale. You kept us wondering, shaking and worrying over Shadow's state. Chapter one was to blame. I didn't know how the equation between the events at the start and the end would survive, but that was my expectation. I was ready to tolerate Cream acting as an obvious plot device in exchange for something tragic. She was merely interrupting his thoughts to add colour to the chapter, like Maria only more repetitive. From a technical standpoint, awesome. Just that you've done that before with more juice. Speaking of juice, you may notice paragraphs slimming down from chapter three onwards. Might have had to do with you writing faster.

That is easy to spot in the final chapter, which is shorter and less contentious than the rest. It is also a huge let-down. Shadow being in a coma doesn't make sense due to the amount of hinting you've done throughout the text and title, stressing the other alternative. The alternative, for all the tension, is something that would have fit a one-shot or a story with three chapters max. Readers want catharsis to follow the dread. Not a happy ending, but fulfilment.

You've chosen to end it on an outside perspective, the way the story began. If we were to draw a graph, you'd notice the amount of insight is an upside-down parabola, reaching max towards the middle. My preference would be an upwards line. Then again, the longer the story, the more challenging it is to suit such a shape, given the amount of activity, which takes place outside of Shadow's mind.

The areas to improve on the technical level would be missing articles (Computer between them was buzzing quietly in ch 1, Metal surface was pierced in several places in ch2) and overly complicated expressions (Quietness occurred again. ch 1, From a more close distance ch2, Alas, though, but postponing ch4). You used passive voice a lot AKA passive voice was used a lot. Try to make it active whenever possible, although the part with the gloves, when the 'was plus past tense verb' had passive on both instances separated by multiple sentences looked oddly fitting. That really turned the gloves into an object of his will.

Some word forms can be attributed to acceptable grammatical oddness, but a few typos appeared: no dot required after the ml sign, ch1. 'There must be another ways to find out' in ch3, 'The roomed used to be…' ch5.

In terms of canon, the right boxes were ticked. Sonic's minute appearance had meticulous character representation. Rouge leeching off others, albeit sidelined, also brought forward a trait few people choose to disclose.

Readers should be thankful for the double ending. I would have been content with just one, but you threw an extra cookie to the table. The possibilities of Shadow being manipulated into GUN's hands are frightening as much as Rouge's collusion towards the result. There's a thought calling for a sleepless night.

Have a nice, abuse-free day.

A great update.

The best trait about your story is your portrayal of the characters, though the plot is nothing to put down either. I enjoyed getting a seat inside Shadow's mind; the pain being like a chainsaw for the unprepared mind, seeing how he questions himself and others, how his trust wavers, how he longs for answers and does not know what internetz is. Then there's Rouge, and a well-written batgirl always intrigues me. I enjoy her companionship with Shadow. His cold directness contrasts nicely with her sense of humour. Also, body language! I love body language so much. What's the saying? 'Actions speak louder than words' I believe. You've deftly combined actions with words, so everything's so rich.

Anyhow, I eagerly read on.

ACK! Shadow is not getting better he's getting worse. Poor Sonic doesn't know what to do with him. Please keep updating. Um Was Shadow sleepwalking. I think he has nightmares and he sleepwaks. In my stories he did at first. Now he's more aware of his problems and is working to find solutions and yes he's learned to ask for help.

I played Sonic Heroes! I enjoyed it even if the plot was a little... childish... for me. And the final boss was a bit of a mood whiplash. Also, the Chaotix collected hermit crabs. That was, um, not the most excitement I've ever had. But anyway...

Love the interaction between Shadow, Rouge and Eggman. Especially between the hedgehog and bat. The professionalism mixed with only a faint hint of friendliness was enjoyable to read. Also, I like the usage of actions as well as words; body language adds so much colour to a story. Your writing has varying tones of mood, enhanced by the characters themselves. This is great.

'"Oh, bugger," she said in a flat voice.' Do you know this made me laugh out loud? Quotable, that is. I can appreciate a snarky Rouge.

I don't really have any real concrit for this chapter, since I enjoyed the quality of it so much. Chapter 3, here I come.

Hey there.

Well, I've just started Insomnia, and you know what? It's awesome. No, no, scratch that. Better than awesome. I absolutely love it so far.

The interaction between Professor Gerald Robotnik and his granddaughter, Maria, is utterly touching (you used the word 'nuzzling' - how could I not squee at that?) and a pleasure to imagine in my mind's eye. The way you describe her, angelic and sweet in her mannerisms, paints a precious picture of this adorable little girl, which in turns causes a conflict within me; I want a cure for her, but I know that the price may be high. I also like how you describe the scientists' fatigue, and how desolate the Ark can be at times.

Now, for the concrit stuff:

'Nothing like nighttime on the Earth it was, though.'
-The wording comes across as a little awkward in this text, mainly due to 'it was, though' being placed at the end, whereas it would have sounded better swapped around and inserted at the start of this segment. I know what you intended, but the grace of your text is hampered a little. I feel this sounds more easygoing and smooth; "Though it was nothing like night-time on the Earth."

'Maria drew her clenched fists up under her chip - an involuntary gesture of nervousness of a high degree.'
-What a cute description, but don't you mean "chin"?

Anyway, I am hooked. Going over to Chapter 2.

More please

Wow, I don't even know how to describe why I like this story! The characters are pretty spot on, good job. And Shadow acting crazy is pretty silly to me, but I don't know if I should be giggling.

Hi there! This is Jewel from Critics United here to take your request!

First thing I pick up on is your sentences are a bit long winded. I would suggest reading them out loud to see when you can break them into more than one sentence.

You've got a good grasp on the technical parts of writing such as sentence structure, grammar, spelling, etc. I will say that it lacks in description. There is no characterization on the characters, no surrounding details, no visual aspect. The story is pretty black and white right now because of it. Especially with an OC, you need to give us description on them as we don't know what they look like. Alles is like a naked mannequin with nothing to help us picture what he looks lie.

It's a bit dry right now, as in kind of boring. Spice it up a bit and honestly more detail can probably make it seem less bland. Hope this helps.

Signed,
DarkSacredJewelXoX
[Founder of Critics United]

This story is amazing and written so well. I think I can guess what this virus is, judging by the title and all that. ;)

I love this story, one of a very few decent stories on this site these days.

This storys great!

It is off to a good start I suppose, but since this story is mainly about Shadow, I expect to see a bit more of him yes? Other than that, it was well written. A tad bit ashaming not a lot have read it already though, but other than that I find the story to be quite a tire to read since well you really don't have Shadow himself in here too much. Overall, I give it a C.